We need clever things to write in chalk for a fun run.

July 1, 2013 5:24 AM

I do a regular 5km free, timed run every Saturday. It's called parkrun if any of you have heard of it. It's around the world, so there's likely one near you. But that's not what I'm writing about. This Saturday coming it's themed. I'm not single, but a gazillion single people run it and they're hoping to meet someone... so the event director has asked that people dress in the colours of traffic lights. Red if you're not interested/taken, orange if you're not sure, green if you're looking to meet someone.

We get new runners every week so the course has to be chalked out. And the usual chalker will be away. So my team of hapless friends and I will go and chalk the course... and write HILARIOUS things along the way to inspire and delight the runners.

And there's the rub. We're not that hilarious. And none of us are single. And...well... that's where we need your help.

Points of inspiration... there is a VERY nasty hill, a lake, a cricket pitch, a glade/copse, a long straight horrible boring roadside run... there will be a bit of cross country this week as there's park maintenance going on....

I guess we can't swear... but we can write whatever we want otherwise. Kids will be running the course so outright vulgarity might not be fabulous... but I'm happy to skate close to the edge with that, if it's clever enough.

So.... what can you all suggest? It can be obscure, funny, a double entendre, a pun (if you REALLY must), a lyric, a poem, a movie title, a quote, a limerick, a picture.... anything that's in the theme of stop lights, singledom, running, love, shagging, dating, excercise, sweat, lycra, wet patches....

We're in Australia, so you can be much more outrageous than North Americans would normally think socially acceptable. And it's the inner west of Sydney, so doesn't have to be, nor should it be, heteronormative.

So, my lovely Mefites, help us hilaire the parkrunners of Sydney Park... and maybe help a few folk find the loves of their lives, or at least their weekend.

posted by taff to Human Relations (11 answers total)

How long can each quote be? Obviously entire essays isn't practical.

I'm thinking things like:

"Does this view just take your breath away? Oh wait, that was the hill."

For the long straight horrible boring roadside run, something like:

"Don't worry. The end of this bit is just around the corner!"

Then a little further down

"Of course, the next corner is about 1 km (or however far) away"

Also:

"Now would be a good time to find the love of your life? You'll be bored off your tits otherwise."

"The light at the end of the tunnel is... Oh well, red shirt. Better luck next time"

Comic bits for each 1km, 2km, 3km, 4km are good:

"Yes, you've only run 1km so far."
"You aren't even halfway yet! 2km"
"This run has already lasted longer than most of my relationships. 3km."
Etcetera.
posted by Wysawyg at 5:40 AM on July 1, 2013 [3 favorites]

DON'T LOOK BEHIND YOU, THE ZOMBIES ARE COMING

inspired by Zombies, Run
posted by greenish at 5:53 AM on July 1, 2013 [2 favorites]

You could adapt any of the (hilarious to me) Burma Shave slogans. Some of them work as-is, like this one:

Why is it
When you
Try to pass
The guy in front
Goes twice as fast?
Burma-Shave
posted by jquinby at 6:16 AM on July 1, 2013 [4 favorites]

A color coded dialogue of a relationship that corresponds to the course (so the hill would deal with a rough patch, the long boring straight away the comfortable routine, etc). With different colors you can have different relationships (yellow/red, green/blue, etc) Come up with distinctive voices for the colors (yellow is flirty, blue is sarcastic and quippy) and have people at the end identify with each one as a nice ice breaker.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:18 AM on July 1, 2013 [2 favorites]

Near the end of the nasty hill:

Let's go for a run, they said.
It's good exercise, they said.
posted by ceribus peribus at 6:26 AM on July 1, 2013 [6 favorites]

No, wait!

Near the end of the nasty hill:
Write that near a park bench somewhere along the route.
posted by ceribus peribus at 6:36 AM on July 1, 2013 [1 favorite]

Stop!!! In the name of Love, before you break my heart.....
posted by pearlybob at 6:50 AM on July 1, 2013

Burma Shave is fantastic partially because it's in short bits with boring nothingness in between, and you start anticipating the next piece. You could break up phrases into short chunks and space them out. Cheesy pick up lines usually have the funny part at the end, which is ideal for Burma Shave-style.

Mark locations for breath-catching/socializing: "Ask for help massaging a cramp here"
posted by BigJen at 11:35 AM on July 1, 2013

DON'T

STOP

DREAMING ABOUT TOMORROW...
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 11:52 PM on July 1, 2013

I SAW YOU CHECK OUT THAT GUY IN FRONT OF YOU.

DON'T PRETEND LIKE IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 11:54 PM on July 1, 2013

Response by poster: All good so far. Burma Shave is American so I'm not sure if that would mean anything to Australians. I had to google what it was.

It can be as long as a limerick, I guess. Longer if it were worth it...

We need lots more though. And ideas for simple pictures too.

Thanks so much!
posted by taff at 2:14 AM on July 2, 2013