Dear Insomniacs, please help me cope
June 26, 2013 6:01 AM Subscribe
I'm an advanced insomniac, so I'm not looking for tips on how to sleep. I just need some help coping emotionally. What do you do?
Last year, I came down with full-blown chronic insomnia for no apparent reason. I'm an otherwise healthy, happy mid-30s lady with no other medical issues, save for the occasional cold sore. My "insomniac period" lasted 8 months, during which time I tried medications, therapy, group therapy, and behavior modifications. Per week, I was living with 2-3 days of Ambien-induced sleeping (wonderful), 2-3 days of normal-person sleeping (even more wonderful), and 1-2 lost nights where I just dealt with the fact that I didn't sleep much, if at all. I worry about the Ambien mainly because my doctor hates prescribing it and I fear she'll eventually just say no, leaving me to suffer the consequences.
In February this year, I had an unrelated trauma that somehow kicked me right out of the insomnia cycle. I was thrilled, despite the unfortunate thing that happened. I thought it might be over for me at last. But 4 months later, it seems to be creeping back into my life.
I'm despondent. I can't do this again. I have an otherwise very good life - I'm with the man I hope to marry, I have a great career that I love and that pays well, I have wonderful friends and family. I worry I will lose almost all of this to insomnia. What's even worse is that during these dark nights I start to think "if I have to live with this for the rest of my life, the rest of my life doesn't seem worth living." I was thinking that during those previous 8 months, too.
So, other chronic insomniacs, what do you do to cope and keep going? Before I send myself back to therapy (which didn't really help, especially not group therapy, that was crap), I need some tips to help me feel like I'm going to be okay and that life is worth it even with insomnia and that I can handle this.
Last year, I came down with full-blown chronic insomnia for no apparent reason. I'm an otherwise healthy, happy mid-30s lady with no other medical issues, save for the occasional cold sore. My "insomniac period" lasted 8 months, during which time I tried medications, therapy, group therapy, and behavior modifications. Per week, I was living with 2-3 days of Ambien-induced sleeping (wonderful), 2-3 days of normal-person sleeping (even more wonderful), and 1-2 lost nights where I just dealt with the fact that I didn't sleep much, if at all. I worry about the Ambien mainly because my doctor hates prescribing it and I fear she'll eventually just say no, leaving me to suffer the consequences.
In February this year, I had an unrelated trauma that somehow kicked me right out of the insomnia cycle. I was thrilled, despite the unfortunate thing that happened. I thought it might be over for me at last. But 4 months later, it seems to be creeping back into my life.
I'm despondent. I can't do this again. I have an otherwise very good life - I'm with the man I hope to marry, I have a great career that I love and that pays well, I have wonderful friends and family. I worry I will lose almost all of this to insomnia. What's even worse is that during these dark nights I start to think "if I have to live with this for the rest of my life, the rest of my life doesn't seem worth living." I was thinking that during those previous 8 months, too.
So, other chronic insomniacs, what do you do to cope and keep going? Before I send myself back to therapy (which didn't really help, especially not group therapy, that was crap), I need some tips to help me feel like I'm going to be okay and that life is worth it even with insomnia and that I can handle this.
I get insomnia with anxiety. I am finding that diphenhydramine is a god-send. It's been marketed as Benedryl for 50 years, but just recently it's being marketed as Zzzzquil. Just buy the generic for $2.00 at the drug store.
This will make you drowsy and really relaxes me. Even if you don't sleep, you'll rest and that can be just as refreshing.
Now, if you find that you're up and awake and it's freaking you out, find something quiet and darkish to do. Watch a classic movie on TV, read a bit, meditate, pet the cat. Go with it. It sucks, but sometimes you make your peace with it.
Another thing to do is to hypnotize yourself. I really like Paul McKenna and he has a book called I Can Make You Sleep. It comes with a hypnosis CD, and it's really, really good.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:12 AM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]
This will make you drowsy and really relaxes me. Even if you don't sleep, you'll rest and that can be just as refreshing.
Now, if you find that you're up and awake and it's freaking you out, find something quiet and darkish to do. Watch a classic movie on TV, read a bit, meditate, pet the cat. Go with it. It sucks, but sometimes you make your peace with it.
Another thing to do is to hypnotize yourself. I really like Paul McKenna and he has a book called I Can Make You Sleep. It comes with a hypnosis CD, and it's really, really good.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:12 AM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]
Get out of bed, find something a little interesting but a bit boring on tv, or a book that's readable but not an enthralling page turner. A warm herb tea or warm cocoa and a comfortable spot that's relaxing and will work if you snooze off. Keep lights low and don't try to sleep.
posted by sammyo at 6:40 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by sammyo at 6:40 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]
Beating Insomnia (Chris Idzikowski) is like no other insomnia guide I've ever read. I really, really recommend it, as much for the practical expertise (your sleeping pattern is in there!) as the serious support for coping. Idzikowski is a sleep specialist who also works on anxiety.
posted by lokta at 6:46 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by lokta at 6:46 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm seconding something something's suggestions to read "Insomniac" by Gayle Greene. It was such a validating read for me, at least, who has been an insomniac for no known cause for my entire life. (I remember lying awake till the middle of the night as a kindergartener.)
I'm wondering if you've tried any other type of sleep med besides Ambien? Ambien worked wonderfully for me until it made me suicidal. It had a horribly depressing effect that crept up on me.
Honestly, the best thing I've tried has been Benadryl, as suggested by Ruthless Bunny. It didn't seem to have any major psychological side-effects (although it did dry out my gums and sinuses every night when I took it long-term, leading to tooth and allergy problems). I've read on Metafilter that Benadryl messes with your sleep architecture, so it's not ideal, but better than not sleeping at all, perhaps? A therapist I was seeing a couple of years ago also recommended it.
Another thing that seems to work for me is if I'm tossing and turning, getting up and going for a short, brisk walk or even jog (if you live in a place where you can do that). It seems to "reset" something and I often find myself falling asleep right after getting back in bed.
At any rate, I wanted to let you know that you're not alone--I've also gone through periods where the insomnia messed with my mental health. It can really alter your perception of reality, and it sucks. But when it gets so bad that I think I'm going to lose it, sometimes that is when it lifts and I can sleep again peacefully for a few nights or weeks.
I'm wishing you the best of luck in finding a treatment that works for you.
posted by whistle pig at 7:03 AM on June 26, 2013
I'm wondering if you've tried any other type of sleep med besides Ambien? Ambien worked wonderfully for me until it made me suicidal. It had a horribly depressing effect that crept up on me.
Honestly, the best thing I've tried has been Benadryl, as suggested by Ruthless Bunny. It didn't seem to have any major psychological side-effects (although it did dry out my gums and sinuses every night when I took it long-term, leading to tooth and allergy problems). I've read on Metafilter that Benadryl messes with your sleep architecture, so it's not ideal, but better than not sleeping at all, perhaps? A therapist I was seeing a couple of years ago also recommended it.
Another thing that seems to work for me is if I'm tossing and turning, getting up and going for a short, brisk walk or even jog (if you live in a place where you can do that). It seems to "reset" something and I often find myself falling asleep right after getting back in bed.
At any rate, I wanted to let you know that you're not alone--I've also gone through periods where the insomnia messed with my mental health. It can really alter your perception of reality, and it sucks. But when it gets so bad that I think I'm going to lose it, sometimes that is when it lifts and I can sleep again peacefully for a few nights or weeks.
I'm wishing you the best of luck in finding a treatment that works for you.
posted by whistle pig at 7:03 AM on June 26, 2013
Unisom sometimes works for me to break the worst vicious cycles of staying awakeness. I also like Valerian tea and have added that to my night-time arsenal, as well as the cat thing -- I know it might sound slightly insane but I can't toss and turn when I am trying not to wake up the cat. I can concentrate on relaxing with the cat and petting him and then . . . sleep.
It helps to have a cooperative cat, of course, but he's 10 and has three legs and a people addiction.
Good luck.
posted by Medieval Maven at 7:08 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]
It helps to have a cooperative cat, of course, but he's 10 and has three legs and a people addiction.
Good luck.
posted by Medieval Maven at 7:08 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: "I'm despondent. I can't do this again. I have an otherwise very good life - I'm with the man I hope to marry, I have a great career that I love and that pays well, I have wonderful friends and family. I worry I will lose almost all of this to insomnia. What's even worse is that during these dark nights I start to think "if I have to live with this for the rest of my life, the rest of my life doesn't seem worth living." I was thinking that during those previous 8 months, too."
Oh, honey.
First, you may need to find a doctor more open to medication intervention. You shouldn't have to be stressed about whether you'll be able to sleep; you should have medication available to you if you need it.
Second, as a chronic insomniac (some 15 years now, I'd guess), it's really not that bad! I mean, I know how you feel, but insomnia can be managed. On nights when I'm just not going to sleep, no matter what, instead of feeling stressed about how I can't sleep (which makes it worse), I enjoy the quiet feeling of being awake when no one else in the world is, which turns the experience into one that's really quite pleasant rather than stressful. I often get out of bed (trying to reserve the bed for sleeping) and go sit with a dim light in the living room. If I'm SUPER awake I'll do dishes or laundry or pay bills, because then when I'm tired and cranky the next day, hey, chores are already done! If I'm more gently awake I'll watch something soothing on TV or read a book or write. A kindle has been pretty life-changing for me because I can stay in bed and read my kindle if it's only a slight waking, without disturbing my husband.
When I had kids my insomnia became something of a benefit, since you have to be up all the time with an infant, and that was EASY for me. When they're sick, I wake up easily to take care of them in the night, and we never really have to set an alarm for nighttime medication because I'll wake up for it.
I mean, it'd be better if I slept well, but I've turned insomnia into part of my routine, where I can enjoy some time to myself (rare and precious with two small children!), read, get a few things done, and take care of sick kids. Shifting my attitude about it has been the biggest thing for me in terms of living with it. Instead of feeling rage/stress when I'm awake at 2 a.m., I think to myself, "Oh, it sounds windy out," and listen to the night weather for a while while I decide if I'm really awake or just a little awake. If I'm really awake, I go check on my kids and watch them sleep, go get myself a glass of water (and sometimes cookies), and settle down with a light novel*. If I'm still awake an hour later, I'll get up and do a little light cleaning since at that point I know I'll be tired in the morning, and it'll be nice for Future Tired Me if the dishes are done and the laundry is folded. Then I'll go lay back down and listen to my husband breathe and my cats snore and my kids talk in their sleep and stare at the ceiling and feel contented about my life. Turning insomnia into a precious time for myself where I do things I enjoy and feel grateful for the good things in my life has made it MUCH less stressful, which has given it much less impact on my life. I used to lie there and rage and stress about not being able to sleep; now I am content to listen to the night noises and my family sleeping peacefully and read a good book if I can't get back to sleep, and it seems nice, like a secret thing that only I know.
*An insomnia novel is a particular beast. It has to be something you enjoy and look forward to reading, but not so engrossing that you'll stay up reading it when you're tired. It's better if the chapters are relatively short so you can give up and lie down and go back to sleep when you hit the end of a chapter. For me they have to be light and happy sorts of novels, nothing with real dark themes.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:09 AM on June 26, 2013 [23 favorites]
Oh, honey.
First, you may need to find a doctor more open to medication intervention. You shouldn't have to be stressed about whether you'll be able to sleep; you should have medication available to you if you need it.
Second, as a chronic insomniac (some 15 years now, I'd guess), it's really not that bad! I mean, I know how you feel, but insomnia can be managed. On nights when I'm just not going to sleep, no matter what, instead of feeling stressed about how I can't sleep (which makes it worse), I enjoy the quiet feeling of being awake when no one else in the world is, which turns the experience into one that's really quite pleasant rather than stressful. I often get out of bed (trying to reserve the bed for sleeping) and go sit with a dim light in the living room. If I'm SUPER awake I'll do dishes or laundry or pay bills, because then when I'm tired and cranky the next day, hey, chores are already done! If I'm more gently awake I'll watch something soothing on TV or read a book or write. A kindle has been pretty life-changing for me because I can stay in bed and read my kindle if it's only a slight waking, without disturbing my husband.
When I had kids my insomnia became something of a benefit, since you have to be up all the time with an infant, and that was EASY for me. When they're sick, I wake up easily to take care of them in the night, and we never really have to set an alarm for nighttime medication because I'll wake up for it.
I mean, it'd be better if I slept well, but I've turned insomnia into part of my routine, where I can enjoy some time to myself (rare and precious with two small children!), read, get a few things done, and take care of sick kids. Shifting my attitude about it has been the biggest thing for me in terms of living with it. Instead of feeling rage/stress when I'm awake at 2 a.m., I think to myself, "Oh, it sounds windy out," and listen to the night weather for a while while I decide if I'm really awake or just a little awake. If I'm really awake, I go check on my kids and watch them sleep, go get myself a glass of water (and sometimes cookies), and settle down with a light novel*. If I'm still awake an hour later, I'll get up and do a little light cleaning since at that point I know I'll be tired in the morning, and it'll be nice for Future Tired Me if the dishes are done and the laundry is folded. Then I'll go lay back down and listen to my husband breathe and my cats snore and my kids talk in their sleep and stare at the ceiling and feel contented about my life. Turning insomnia into a precious time for myself where I do things I enjoy and feel grateful for the good things in my life has made it MUCH less stressful, which has given it much less impact on my life. I used to lie there and rage and stress about not being able to sleep; now I am content to listen to the night noises and my family sleeping peacefully and read a good book if I can't get back to sleep, and it seems nice, like a secret thing that only I know.
*An insomnia novel is a particular beast. It has to be something you enjoy and look forward to reading, but not so engrossing that you'll stay up reading it when you're tired. It's better if the chapters are relatively short so you can give up and lie down and go back to sleep when you hit the end of a chapter. For me they have to be light and happy sorts of novels, nothing with real dark themes.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:09 AM on June 26, 2013 [23 favorites]
Trazodone does not work for everyone: I tried it and it hyped me up and I did not sleep at all. Exercise more? And do it early in the day. Just read somewhere, and I can't remember where, that lifting weights helps more than walking or running. I'm going to try that myself. Benadryl works for me in a slightly higher dose than recommended, but I think it was affecting my blood pressure so I stopped it.
Music with comfortable earbuds works for me sometimes, it fills my head, I pay attention to the music and nothing else. It does not work as well with music on speakers.
posted by mareli at 7:11 AM on June 26, 2013
Music with comfortable earbuds works for me sometimes, it fills my head, I pay attention to the music and nothing else. It does not work as well with music on speakers.
posted by mareli at 7:11 AM on June 26, 2013
I treat myself to lazy time when I have insomnia. All the things that I would feel guilty doing during the day get done during that time, so it's almost a treat. FB, googling crushes, computer card games, anything non-productive, even a lousy movie. It still sucks but it does make it suck less. Back when farmtown was big, I kept the highest level out of all of my friends. :)
posted by myselfasme at 7:43 AM on June 26, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by myselfasme at 7:43 AM on June 26, 2013 [3 favorites]
One of the things that has helped me with insomnia is -- and forgive me if this is overly simplistic -- to stop worry about it so much. I read at some point that a lot of the value of sleep can be gotten just by laying still and relaxing for a similar amount of time, which ... well, it's not the same as actually sleeping, but it helped me stop being so damn anxious about it, which has been helpful.
I have also had great success with using provigil on the days after bad insomnia to increase my alertness and reduce the physical symptoms of lack of sleep (which, for me, include oversensitivity to light, sound, touch, as well as general crankiness and bleariness).
Sorry you're dealing with this; insomnia sucks so hard.
posted by spindrifter at 7:59 AM on June 26, 2013
I have also had great success with using provigil on the days after bad insomnia to increase my alertness and reduce the physical symptoms of lack of sleep (which, for me, include oversensitivity to light, sound, touch, as well as general crankiness and bleariness).
Sorry you're dealing with this; insomnia sucks so hard.
posted by spindrifter at 7:59 AM on June 26, 2013
Best answer: I am just now weaning from Ambien, so I've dealt with some insomnia. What struck me about your post is the anxiety/despondence level. My insomnia is really quite calm. So it seems to me that you really have two separable issues.
First, find another doctor from whom you won't absorb a negative attitude about medicine you need to function. Sleep is a non-negotiable human need, and your doc should be 100% about helping you get what you need. Maybe you'll need Ambien (or another med) long-term, maybe not, but -- sleep has to happen, and that's more important than judgment about meds.
Second, consider professional help to address the considerable anxiety you've expressed here. That anxiety is only compounding the sleep problem -- surely you don't expect yourself to fall asleep when you're so very big-picture anxious about it? I think calming yourself down around the idea of sleep is a prerequisite to solving the sleep issue itself.
posted by Dashy at 8:05 AM on June 26, 2013
First, find another doctor from whom you won't absorb a negative attitude about medicine you need to function. Sleep is a non-negotiable human need, and your doc should be 100% about helping you get what you need. Maybe you'll need Ambien (or another med) long-term, maybe not, but -- sleep has to happen, and that's more important than judgment about meds.
Second, consider professional help to address the considerable anxiety you've expressed here. That anxiety is only compounding the sleep problem -- surely you don't expect yourself to fall asleep when you're so very big-picture anxious about it? I think calming yourself down around the idea of sleep is a prerequisite to solving the sleep issue itself.
posted by Dashy at 8:05 AM on June 26, 2013
Coming in to agree on the ZzQuil. Love it.
posted by michellenoel at 8:27 AM on June 26, 2013
posted by michellenoel at 8:27 AM on June 26, 2013
I too go through periods of chronic insomnia and the best advice I got was from my sister-in-law who is also a chronic insomnia sufferer.
The advice is not easy to do but it does work (I promise): Stop worrying about the fact you are not sleeping.
You can and have coped with little sleep.
Nothing is going to go terribly wrong with not sleeping.
Accept the fact that you are not going to sleep well that night. As sammyo suggested, don't lie there wishing you were sleeping. Get out of bed, read a book, go watch TV. If you start to feel tired, trying going to sleep. If you don't, that's fine, nothing bad is going to happen if you don't sleep tonight other than tiredness the next day.
posted by Wysawyg at 8:40 AM on June 26, 2013 [5 favorites]
The advice is not easy to do but it does work (I promise): Stop worrying about the fact you are not sleeping.
You can and have coped with little sleep.
Nothing is going to go terribly wrong with not sleeping.
Accept the fact that you are not going to sleep well that night. As sammyo suggested, don't lie there wishing you were sleeping. Get out of bed, read a book, go watch TV. If you start to feel tired, trying going to sleep. If you don't, that's fine, nothing bad is going to happen if you don't sleep tonight other than tiredness the next day.
posted by Wysawyg at 8:40 AM on June 26, 2013 [5 favorites]
Response by poster: Eyebrows McGee, that sort of perspective is exactly what I'm looking for! If this is something I may have to live with, then I must find a way to make peace with it instead of freaking out. I think your approach is just what I need. Same goes for the folks who suggested something similar.
Dashy, you are right about the doctor. It sucks to feel shamed when you only need help.
I also have an old Trazodone prescription that my doctor gave me before the Ambien. I took it once and it kept me up with terrible dry mouth, but maybe it needs a second chance.
Thanks, everybody.
posted by MsMartian at 9:02 AM on June 26, 2013
Dashy, you are right about the doctor. It sucks to feel shamed when you only need help.
I also have an old Trazodone prescription that my doctor gave me before the Ambien. I took it once and it kept me up with terrible dry mouth, but maybe it needs a second chance.
Thanks, everybody.
posted by MsMartian at 9:02 AM on June 26, 2013
Sometimes I read. Sometimes it works, and the last thing I remember is the sound of my book hitting the floor. Sometimes I get up and take a long, hot shower. Sometimes I go off into my office and work out some licks on my guitar--I actually have found myself nodding off, thumb working on an alternating bass pattern, fingers locked on a chord. I can sleep sitting up, but it makes my neck stiff. I used to work at writing projects, but I found that this activity was too stimulating, and so I quit. Watching TV is the worst of the options I've tried. I have decided to just do things that are interesting without being too stimulating, and try to enjoy being awake as much as possible. No use in fussing over it, if it can't be helped. This is my own snowflakey version of insomnia, because experience has shown me that drugs aren't all that helpful.
I've had trouble sleeping for about 40 years. Off and on. Mostly it's on, now that I'm retired, and don't typically exhaust myself during the day. Back in the day I got up several times each night, checked my perimeter. Nowadays it's mostly to go to the bathroom. My alarm clocks are two: signals from my bladder and bone pain.
Every now and then I have a few days in a row where I go to sleep and stay that way all night. This is my preview of what heaven might be like.
Good luck with that.
posted by mule98J at 10:18 AM on June 26, 2013
I've had trouble sleeping for about 40 years. Off and on. Mostly it's on, now that I'm retired, and don't typically exhaust myself during the day. Back in the day I got up several times each night, checked my perimeter. Nowadays it's mostly to go to the bathroom. My alarm clocks are two: signals from my bladder and bone pain.
Every now and then I have a few days in a row where I go to sleep and stay that way all night. This is my preview of what heaven might be like.
Good luck with that.
posted by mule98J at 10:18 AM on June 26, 2013
I took it once and it kept me up with terrible dry mouth, but maybe it needs a second chance.
You want Biotene gel.
posted by desjardins at 10:24 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]
You want Biotene gel.
posted by desjardins at 10:24 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]
Different sleeping meds work for different people - don't feel like your only choice is Ambien. Trazodone did not work for me but it is a godsend for many people, and it's something docs are willing to prescribe long-term.
Melatonin does work for me. However, many over-the-counter melatonin tablets come in ridiculously high amounts. I get the liquid (Sundown Naturals in cherry flavor) and take 1 mg and that is sufficient. Most people need only 1 or even 0.5 mg, and Sundown Naturals liquid has a dropper with measurements that lets you titrate the amount.
Finally - I have to say this even if I get a reputation as Ask MeFi's Apnea Lady, but - you might want to consider getting a sleep test if the insomnia continues. I had intractable insomnia caused by severe sleep apnea. I now have a CPAP and a new lease on life - if I have trouble sleeping all I need is some Benadryl or 1 mg of melatonin and it's eight hours of blessed sleep and sweet dreams. (Yes, even the quality of my dreams has improved since the CPAP!) I wish I had the sleep test before my doctor grew reluctant to continue prescribing Ambien and put me on Seroquel, which messed with my metabolism. And no, you don't have to be fat, middle-aged, male, or even a snorer to have apnea.
A sleep lab visit can uncover treatable, physical causes like apnea or restless leg syndrome that can keep you up at night without your being aware of it.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 10:48 AM on June 26, 2013
Melatonin does work for me. However, many over-the-counter melatonin tablets come in ridiculously high amounts. I get the liquid (Sundown Naturals in cherry flavor) and take 1 mg and that is sufficient. Most people need only 1 or even 0.5 mg, and Sundown Naturals liquid has a dropper with measurements that lets you titrate the amount.
Finally - I have to say this even if I get a reputation as Ask MeFi's Apnea Lady, but - you might want to consider getting a sleep test if the insomnia continues. I had intractable insomnia caused by severe sleep apnea. I now have a CPAP and a new lease on life - if I have trouble sleeping all I need is some Benadryl or 1 mg of melatonin and it's eight hours of blessed sleep and sweet dreams. (Yes, even the quality of my dreams has improved since the CPAP!) I wish I had the sleep test before my doctor grew reluctant to continue prescribing Ambien and put me on Seroquel, which messed with my metabolism. And no, you don't have to be fat, middle-aged, male, or even a snorer to have apnea.
A sleep lab visit can uncover treatable, physical causes like apnea or restless leg syndrome that can keep you up at night without your being aware of it.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 10:48 AM on June 26, 2013
I'm with Rosie M. Banks on the sleep study. You might have a dopamine issue, sleep phase disorder, apnea, weird sinuses, or dozens of other treatable problems that aren't going to go away with a mindset change and therapy.
I'm a lifelong bad sleeper, and in my experience there is calm insomnia and then there is angry/anxious/rabbit-brain insomnia and they are not the same thing. When I am calm, it's really not a big deal, and when I am agitated there is no talking myself down. It's chemically very different. Get a sleep study, and see if you can get a referral to a sleep specialist. Medication is fine for getting you over a hump, but long-term use of amnesia-inducing medications like Ambien (where you may very well not be sleeping, you just don't remember that you didn't) isn't going to solve an actual biological/neurochemical problem.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:16 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm a lifelong bad sleeper, and in my experience there is calm insomnia and then there is angry/anxious/rabbit-brain insomnia and they are not the same thing. When I am calm, it's really not a big deal, and when I am agitated there is no talking myself down. It's chemically very different. Get a sleep study, and see if you can get a referral to a sleep specialist. Medication is fine for getting you over a hump, but long-term use of amnesia-inducing medications like Ambien (where you may very well not be sleeping, you just don't remember that you didn't) isn't going to solve an actual biological/neurochemical problem.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:16 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]
A popsicle helps me with the Trazadone dry mouth. The dry mouth side effect has diminished for me over time, too.
posted by gentian at 11:31 AM on June 26, 2013
posted by gentian at 11:31 AM on June 26, 2013
I should have mentioned this in my answer, but I honestly have a secret insomnia stash of Thin Mints. Which I only get out at 3 a.m. when I'm the only person awake, because if I get them out any other time then People Will See Them and they will Eat All My Cookies. So I have a super-secret hiding place for my insomnia Thin Mints and one of my secret insomnia pleasures is that now and then, I pull out my secret insomnia Thin Mints and eat them ALL BY MYSELF.
The trick is to lay in a secret insomnia stash that will last all year, and then privately gloat about it when the family's eaten all the of PUBLIC Girl Scout cookies and are mourning that they can't have any more until next year, but you still have secret insomnia cookies hidden away so you can eat Thin Mints ALL YEAR. I live in a house of sugar hounds so sweet treats never last a week around here, and I CONSTANTLY find my special treat for myself has been eaten by the ravening hoards, but not my secret insomnia cookies! Those are just for me. :)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:07 PM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]
The trick is to lay in a secret insomnia stash that will last all year, and then privately gloat about it when the family's eaten all the of PUBLIC Girl Scout cookies and are mourning that they can't have any more until next year, but you still have secret insomnia cookies hidden away so you can eat Thin Mints ALL YEAR. I live in a house of sugar hounds so sweet treats never last a week around here, and I CONSTANTLY find my special treat for myself has been eaten by the ravening hoards, but not my secret insomnia cookies! Those are just for me. :)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:07 PM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]
What kind of insomnia do you have? Do you have problems falling asleep, staying asleep, falling back to sleep after waking up at night, or some combination of those symptoms? Do your symptoms follow a particular pattern (e.g., can't fall asleep until 4 am no matter when bedtime is, or wake up at 4 am every night and then can't get back to sleep until 7 am)? Different treatments, both behavioral and medical, are recommended for different kinds of problems, so describing to us, and later to a sleep specialist doctor, the exact symptoms you're having will help narrow down your diagnostic and treatment options.
posted by decathecting at 5:11 PM on June 26, 2013
posted by decathecting at 5:11 PM on June 26, 2013
I've mentioned this before on other insomnia threads, but I'll mention it again, because no one seems to know about Remeron. I'm a chronic insomniac, but I just try to manage* it these days instead of freaking out like I used to. In the early days of my insomnia I used to take Remeron occasionally when I really needed to "reboot". It would put me out for 12 hours or more. There are some downsides to it, like being very groggy the next day, and wanting to eat every carb in sight upon awakening. But nothing else could get me to sleep like this medication (and believe me, I tried everything).
* By this I mean, I am getting a lot more exercise and trying to control my diet as well as my stress levels. I try to stick to a regular sleep schedule, and I use a blue-light filter on my computer (f.lux).
posted by jenh526 at 8:19 PM on June 26, 2013
* By this I mean, I am getting a lot more exercise and trying to control my diet as well as my stress levels. I try to stick to a regular sleep schedule, and I use a blue-light filter on my computer (f.lux).
posted by jenh526 at 8:19 PM on June 26, 2013
Second, as a chronic insomniac (some 15 years now, I'd guess), it's really not that bad!
I am with EyebrowsMcGee on this. As someone who used to be able to sleep like the dead from the moment my head hit the pillow until the alarm went off I was distressed when insomnia hit me, some sixteen years ago, and stayed with me. At that time I became the sort of insomniac who generally has no trouble getting to sleep but who then just keeps constantly waking up and struggling to get back to sleep. You mention you are in your mid-thirties. That's pretty much when it started with me. I wonder if this is a common age to develop the problem, actually.
It stressed me out for a few years. I was tired all the time during the day. I used to actually have to go to the bathroom at work and nod out for fifteen minutes or so, because I was dropping off at my desk. I refused to go down the drug route because I needed my brain to be sharp - at least during my non-narcoleptic moments at work - and I was determined that I would deal with this by managing it. I just wasn't sure how to do that.
Eventually I realised that the thing that was exhausting me the most was lying awake in those near-hourly periods of sleeplessness and fretting about it. I somehow got to a place where I would just be philosophical about it. I'd look at the clock in the darkness of my room and think "Which period of wakefulness is this? Ah. the 2:30 one. Excellent. Still four hours of night left. Hey ho." And a wonderful thing started happening: the number of nightly awakenings did not diminish but their extent did. I started dropping off again fairly quickly, and when I didn't I did what others here have suggested: I grinned to myself and thought "ah, this one's going to be one of those persistent ones." And then I'd get up, wander into the silent living room, make a cup of something hot and soothing, maybe surf idly for a while and wait to see what would happen. Sometimes I'd get drowsy and be able to go back to bed after an hour or so. Sometimes - and increasingly rarely, thankfully - I'd just accept that I wasn't going to get any more sleep and simply try to be as relaxed as possible while awake.
These days I have fully accepted my lot. I am and will probably remain an insomniac, but I'm a functioning one because I have accepted that this is how my sleep pattern is nowadays, and by becoming relaxed about it I am finding that most nights I get enough sleep. It seems also that I now need less sleep than I used to, and I think this is something that happens to many of us as we age. I could never understand why my father used to get up at 6:00 every morning even when he didn't have to. Now, when I am as old as he was then, I get it. It's actually rather pleasant. It's also a good thing that I have managed this without drugs because in my current job I'm simply not allowed to take anything that causes drowsiness. If I were to take Ambien or something similar one of our random drug tests would put me out of a job (I drive trains).
Final tip: take afternoon naps whenever you can. They're like little sleep boosters/catch-ups, and they can really set you up for the rest of the day, especially if you are planning a late evening. The Mediterranean folks with their siestas are really onto something here. Of course, it isn't always possible but on those days when it is? Highly recommended.
posted by Decani at 3:05 AM on June 27, 2013
I am with EyebrowsMcGee on this. As someone who used to be able to sleep like the dead from the moment my head hit the pillow until the alarm went off I was distressed when insomnia hit me, some sixteen years ago, and stayed with me. At that time I became the sort of insomniac who generally has no trouble getting to sleep but who then just keeps constantly waking up and struggling to get back to sleep. You mention you are in your mid-thirties. That's pretty much when it started with me. I wonder if this is a common age to develop the problem, actually.
It stressed me out for a few years. I was tired all the time during the day. I used to actually have to go to the bathroom at work and nod out for fifteen minutes or so, because I was dropping off at my desk. I refused to go down the drug route because I needed my brain to be sharp - at least during my non-narcoleptic moments at work - and I was determined that I would deal with this by managing it. I just wasn't sure how to do that.
Eventually I realised that the thing that was exhausting me the most was lying awake in those near-hourly periods of sleeplessness and fretting about it. I somehow got to a place where I would just be philosophical about it. I'd look at the clock in the darkness of my room and think "Which period of wakefulness is this? Ah. the 2:30 one. Excellent. Still four hours of night left. Hey ho." And a wonderful thing started happening: the number of nightly awakenings did not diminish but their extent did. I started dropping off again fairly quickly, and when I didn't I did what others here have suggested: I grinned to myself and thought "ah, this one's going to be one of those persistent ones." And then I'd get up, wander into the silent living room, make a cup of something hot and soothing, maybe surf idly for a while and wait to see what would happen. Sometimes I'd get drowsy and be able to go back to bed after an hour or so. Sometimes - and increasingly rarely, thankfully - I'd just accept that I wasn't going to get any more sleep and simply try to be as relaxed as possible while awake.
These days I have fully accepted my lot. I am and will probably remain an insomniac, but I'm a functioning one because I have accepted that this is how my sleep pattern is nowadays, and by becoming relaxed about it I am finding that most nights I get enough sleep. It seems also that I now need less sleep than I used to, and I think this is something that happens to many of us as we age. I could never understand why my father used to get up at 6:00 every morning even when he didn't have to. Now, when I am as old as he was then, I get it. It's actually rather pleasant. It's also a good thing that I have managed this without drugs because in my current job I'm simply not allowed to take anything that causes drowsiness. If I were to take Ambien or something similar one of our random drug tests would put me out of a job (I drive trains).
Final tip: take afternoon naps whenever you can. They're like little sleep boosters/catch-ups, and they can really set you up for the rest of the day, especially if you are planning a late evening. The Mediterranean folks with their siestas are really onto something here. Of course, it isn't always possible but on those days when it is? Highly recommended.
posted by Decani at 3:05 AM on June 27, 2013
I've been an off-and-on insomniac forever, and iodine drops really helped me... not with sleeping, but with handling the groggy day after. I started taking it for unrelated reasons, and about a month into daily doses, I had a really bad night and slept about 2 hours. Usually I'd be a zombie the next morning, but I was shockingly functional that day. As long as I take iodine regularly, I can handle low-sleep days, which makes insomnia less scary and frustrating. YMMV, obviously, but I use this one. In tea or juice, because it tastes awful.
posted by Nibbly Fang at 9:13 AM on June 27, 2013
posted by Nibbly Fang at 9:13 AM on June 27, 2013
I have been a chronic anxiety-induced insomniac for twenty-five years. Except, I kind of think I'm not one anymore, really.
For years, I was anxious about sleep, took over-the-counter drugs of various kinds until they didn't work anymore, freaked out, and finally went to the sleep doctor who put me on a very low dose of trazadone. Worked great, but it made me constipated and I felt very psychologically dependent on it.
Then I went to therapy, and quit the trazadone. I read a book called the Chemistry of Joy, and I jumped into its recommendations whole hog. First, I get up early now, usually around 6am. I go to bed and fall right to sleep no later than 10pm. I get exercise every day. I take a variety of supplements: fish oil, B-complex, D in winter, and most importantly, 5HTP. The 5HTP is to be taken twice a day. I find that if I take it right before bed, whoosh, asleep. This is entirely new.
However, I do still often wake up at around 2am or so. After reading about the fact that social scientists/historians think we humans always used to get up around that time for awhile, I am far less anxious about it. I sometimes turn on a dim light and read, or use the computer on a very dim setting. (I also use flux, and try to limit screen time at night.) It helps that I have my own room, and my sleep issues don't bother anyone else. Then I usually get back to sleep for a bit, and I'm fine the next day.
I think the attitude adjustment has helped enormously.
posted by RedEmma at 10:10 AM on June 27, 2013
For years, I was anxious about sleep, took over-the-counter drugs of various kinds until they didn't work anymore, freaked out, and finally went to the sleep doctor who put me on a very low dose of trazadone. Worked great, but it made me constipated and I felt very psychologically dependent on it.
Then I went to therapy, and quit the trazadone. I read a book called the Chemistry of Joy, and I jumped into its recommendations whole hog. First, I get up early now, usually around 6am. I go to bed and fall right to sleep no later than 10pm. I get exercise every day. I take a variety of supplements: fish oil, B-complex, D in winter, and most importantly, 5HTP. The 5HTP is to be taken twice a day. I find that if I take it right before bed, whoosh, asleep. This is entirely new.
However, I do still often wake up at around 2am or so. After reading about the fact that social scientists/historians think we humans always used to get up around that time for awhile, I am far less anxious about it. I sometimes turn on a dim light and read, or use the computer on a very dim setting. (I also use flux, and try to limit screen time at night.) It helps that I have my own room, and my sleep issues don't bother anyone else. Then I usually get back to sleep for a bit, and I'm fine the next day.
I think the attitude adjustment has helped enormously.
posted by RedEmma at 10:10 AM on June 27, 2013
Staring at the clock and freaking out that you are only going to get 6 hours of sleep if you fall asleep right now... okay, now it's 5 and a half... now 5... now 4 - that will not only make it worse, but it will drive you crazy the next day, because you'll fixate on "I only got 3 hours of sleep last night! I can't deal with this!"
Instead, count time that you spend in bed quietly resting as rest time, whether it's sleeping or awake. Turn off the light, close your eyes, and think about something nice. Add that time to your Hours Rested tally. Do not count the number of hours you sleep. Count the number of hours you rest.
posted by Addlepated at 8:47 PM on June 27, 2013
Instead, count time that you spend in bed quietly resting as rest time, whether it's sleeping or awake. Turn off the light, close your eyes, and think about something nice. Add that time to your Hours Rested tally. Do not count the number of hours you sleep. Count the number of hours you rest.
posted by Addlepated at 8:47 PM on June 27, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
I also always recommend Gayle Greene's book Insomniac. She is one herself. She goes into all the potential reasons, biological and otherwise, that people might not be able to sleep, and explores all the treatment options in both scholarly and personal ways. If nothing else that book made me realize that my insomnia was not my fault, which was a great relief in this age of the internet yelling at us about sleep hygiene all the time.
posted by something something at 6:06 AM on June 26, 2013 [4 favorites]