Examples of bad vision statements?
May 14, 2013 5:59 PM   Subscribe

I'm looking for a list of bland, lifeless, corporate mission statements and slogans. I remember seeing a list once where you were supposed to match the statement with some major companies, but they were all so generic that it was impossible. Things like "innovation for a new economy..."
posted by roaring beast to Work & Money (8 answers total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
Here are four of the worst, including Dell's lovely: “To be the most successful computer company in the world at delivering the best customer experience in markets we serve.”
posted by xingcat at 6:01 PM on May 14, 2013 [2 favorites]

Ironically, PR firms' mission statments are usually super vague and awful.

"We recalibrate brands to broaden awareness, reframe global positions and re-connect with core customers. Our business is to help you form relationships and effectively engage." -Edelman

"We turn innovation into impact" -Waggener Edstrom

"Pragmatic disruption of the status quo." W2O Group
posted by softlord at 6:22 PM on May 14, 2013

Years back I worked in the Advertising Production department of a Gannett newspaper. At one point an "Ad Quality" program was instituted, with a big slogan on a banner that read:

              . . . More Often

It wasn't very inspiring.
posted by tomboko at 6:45 PM on May 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

Not an exact answer to your question, but I feel like you would enjoy the book 'Boring Postcards'.
posted by Tandem Affinity at 7:03 PM on May 14, 2013

One of my all-time favorite Colbert Report segments was his evisceration of Nabisco's offer of brand placement for Wheat Thins, which was filled with incredibly lofty, quasi-philosophical musings on the meaning and identity of Wheat Thins in people's lives... along with highly restrictive rules and regs on what could and couldn't be done with the chips on-air.

Also good: The thinking behind Pepsi's recent rebranding.
And you thought Pepsi's redesign was just crappy. Well no. According to this ridiculous internal document (6MB, PDF), apparently leaked from their ad agency, the sugar-water's rebranding was 5,000 years in the making, and molded by the same elemental forces that shape the very cosmos.
Warning: Hilariously meaningless corporate drivel inside.
posted by Rhaomi at 12:20 AM on May 15, 2013

Best answer: Systems Thinking for Girls did a brilliant takedown of public-sector mission statements:

A-Z of Council Straplines: swapsies, drivel and cliches?
A-Z of Hospital Straplines: the sycophantic, the ridiculous and the banal
A-Z of UK Police Mottos: swapsies, drivel and gloating

And, for good measure, an automatic strapline generator. Creating transformational excellence for everyone!
posted by verstegan at 6:45 AM on May 15, 2013

Response by poster: Verstegan, that's exactly what I'm looking for, but with US/International companies.
posted by roaring beast at 11:53 AM on May 15, 2013

UBC, my alma mater, is especially bad at this, with taglines such as "from here" and "a place of mind." I see now that their website has a specific section devoted to the UBC brand. Ugh.
posted by tickingclock at 1:44 PM on May 16, 2013

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