Toddler, sleep, blah

May 8, 2013 12:27 PM

I'm having trouble lately getting my two year old to sleep at night. Do we need to change the schedule?

Until lately she would be in bed by 8 and asleep quarter of an hour to half an hour later. She insists that one of us stays next to her bed until she falls asleep.
Suddenly she stays awake about an hour longer and pulls all the stops, there is a great wailing and gnashing of teeth and demanding to have her nose wiped and whatnot. This is seriously annoying and eating into our adult time.

She sleeps until 7.15 am, so about ten hours. During the day, she has a two hour nap around 2 pm.

I have considered skipping the nap (since she's fighting that as well), but then she tends to collapse around 5 pm.

Is it simply that she is already getting enough sleep, and if I want her to go to bed earlier I need to wake her up earlier?

Do I shorten her nap?

Note 1: She has had a cold as well, so maybe that is playing into it.
Note 2: We did sleep training some ages ago and I don't think I have the stomach for it again.

posted by Omnomnom to Health & Fitness (18 answers total)

When I was really little and had a cold, sleeping became a really scary part of my day because reclining against my pillows in the way I needed to sleep resulted in me not being able to breathe properly, and I didn't know what to do about it. Could little OmNom be super congested and not know how to articulate it to you?
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 12:37 PM on May 8, 2013 [2 favorites]

Put her in her room at a proscribed time. Do your good night ritual. After that, she's on her own.

"You don't have to go to sleep, but you can't come out." Then leave.

The first couple of nights don't do anything that your toddler would construe as fun. Read books quietly, clean the oven, do laundry.

If she comes out, take her back to bed. "You don't have to go to sleep, but you do have to stay in your room."

Perhaps you can give her a special toy or something to play with quietly in bed.

She may be cranky because of her cold, or she may just not want to go to bed, perfering to hang out with you and your husband with the kittens, circus and candy in the living room. Once she realizes that it's just boring adult stuff, she'll stop hassling you.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 12:38 PM on May 8, 2013

Disclaimer: I am not a parent, this is just something that I thought was a brilliant idea and worked beautifully for this one particular family.

I used to babysit regularly for a family with a little boy from when he was about 1.5 to 3.5. He had a bedtime, but it wasn't an in-bed-lights-off-go-to-sleep-now time.

The routine was that you put him in bed, tucked him in, dimmed the lights, read a story, then put on the soothing music tape. Then closed the door.

Then he (his bed was just a mattress on the floor) got up and just did stuff quietly by himself. He'd play with his train set (you could hear him making soft choo choo noises over the monitor, so cute), flip through books, whatever.

Checked in on him every 20 minutes or so, just peeked in (he never really seemed to notice), and eventually, if he had fallen asleep on the floor, gently move him back into bed and cover him up.


I imagine this is probably pretty dependent on the personality of the kid, but man, it was SO MUCH BETTER than all of the other families I sat for who had strict bedtimes with strict must-be-in-bed-and-going-to-sleep rules. It removed all of the stress from the bedtime situation.
posted by phunniemee at 12:42 PM on May 8, 2013 [4 favorites]

What time does her nap finish? She might be napping too late. I'd try pushing the nap forward a half hour at a time to see if it helps.
posted by sutel at 12:45 PM on May 8, 2013

I would wait until after the cold has gone to start trying to change anything. It might just be the cold.

FWIW, my 29-month-old hardly ever naps anymore. So maybe experiment with the nap (though I know you said she tends to fall apart around 5 without it, so maybe not). My kid does sometimes get a little cranky around 5-6, but generally I think it has more to do with being before dinnertime and thus low blood sugar, rather than being over-tired.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 12:49 PM on May 8, 2013

Response by poster: She might be napping too late.

Yeah, I had to move nap time to 2 pm (currently until 4 pm) because she had problems falling asleep earlier. When I put her to bed at 1 pm she stays awake (complaining and rolling about) until 2 pm. I don't know.

I like the ideas so far, the roadblocks being:
- We'd need to change to a mattress on the ground (because she falls out of bed / cries all night because she almost fell out of bed) if we open one side of her crib.
- She wears a sleeping bag (so moving around is difficult)
posted by Omnomnom at 12:50 PM on May 8, 2013

The wailing and complaining and being fussy/unreasonable/hellish is a sign to me that she's overtired and you missed an earlier window to fall asleep.

Perhaps shorten the nap and move bedtime earlier?
posted by JoeZydeco at 12:53 PM on May 8, 2013 [4 favorites]

2 years old is when we cancelled the regular nap. Otherwise the kids would stay up till 9 or beyond.
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 1:03 PM on May 8, 2013

Parent, here. (I am not a sleep training person.) Suggesting to move that nap earlier, incrementally. So don't go straight to one. Try 1:55, then 1:45, etc. Also, try to shorten the nap just a bit. Go into the room after she's been sleeping for 1:50, then 1:40, etc. I think you'll quickly hit a sweet spot of slightly earlier nap + slightly shorter nap = tired enough at bedtime but not too tired where it spirals into a mess.

Also, I'd pay particular attention to the hour before bedtime -- make sure it's quiet, everything's mellow in the household, TV/radio aren't on, any music playing is quiet, transitional, lights are low, etc. Help everything transition into relaxation and quiet.
posted by BlahLaLa at 1:04 PM on May 8, 2013

Response by poster: So don't go straight to one.
Sorry, I expressed myself badly. I meant to say that she used to nap at one. Now one is suddenly too early for her.
posted by Omnomnom at 1:07 PM on May 8, 2013

We cut out the naps at about that age for both kids. Occasionally they will still need a nap after a hugely active morning, but it's rare. Both kids are in bed and asleep by 7 and sleep till 6:30 or so (they are 4 and 2wks shy of 3). I won't lie, sometimes the younger one is ready for bed by 5 and really could've used a nap but I choose to skip because I prefer more adult time. It's an awkward stage but gets better by 3, 3 1/2.
posted by PorcineWithMe at 1:13 PM on May 8, 2013

I favor the idea of following the child's own natural sleep needs rather than trying to impose your own needs. Experiment to see what works best - earlier bed time, later bed time, mattress on the floor, earlier nap, later nap, earlier or later food, earlier or later drink, less covers or more covers (my daughter would be miserable in a sleeping bag because she would feel too hot), etc.
posted by Dansaman at 2:32 PM on May 8, 2013 [1 favorite]

Have you been keeping her inside more because of the cold? The lack of activity and sunlight could be causing her to not be sleepy at bed time. If she isn't into the nap, then don't force it. Switch it to quiet time instead. A little television won't hurt her. Some days she might fall asleep, some days she won't. The most important thing to remember is that she will have to go to sleep every night for the rest of her life. There is no need to make it traumatic. Keep things low-key and unemotional. It'll all smooth out on its own eventually.
posted by myselfasme at 4:58 PM on May 8, 2013

I think the cold could be messing with her still. Just curious, do you mean a sleep sack? She might be ready for some regular PJs and a blanket.
posted by checkitnice at 7:07 PM on May 8, 2013

When we dropped that nap, our kid was exhausted at 5... for about two weeks, and then adjusted. The unexpected bonus of the end of the naps was that he then magically grew the ability to sleep late in the morning if he was up late. (Before that, he'd wake up at the same time no matter what.)
posted by xo at 7:37 PM on May 8, 2013

When my kid was around this age, we moved her to sleeping on a futon on the floor--that really might help with the autonomous downtime-in-her-room option.

Also, I presume you've tried the super-classic assists of a night-light and cuddle-toy to provide security and company? I know a parent whose kid was especially troubled by the quiet of his room, so his parent gave him an old music player, with the volume knob duct taped in place to keep it low.
posted by DrMew at 9:44 PM on May 8, 2013

White noise is good too -- if she's stuffy, you have a good excuse to use a humidifier.

But really, just let her know that you're willing to sit quietly in her room for 20 minutes, and after that she's on her own. Nightlight, stuffed animal to guard the door, whatever, but no hours of parental hostages! Kiss her on the head and tell her you'll see her in the morning.

My kids is 5, but I seem to remember that there were sleep disruptions around 2 -- like the first time that certain reassurances were needed, a recurrance of bedtime games, etc. Cold definitely contributes, and there are 2-year-old molars that can be making things worse too. (Try some baby Tylenol at bedtime a couple of nights?) This too shall pass!
posted by acm at 7:17 AM on May 9, 2013

Response by poster: Thanks, those are all pretty good ideas. I'm going to wait until she stops having a cold and then trying out a few things. So far, have changed the napping routine with mixed but somewhat positive results.
posted by Omnomnom at 1:06 PM on May 12, 2013