Have you had to divorce your best friend?
May 7, 2013 6:48 PM   Subscribe

My husband of 8 years and I have come to an impasse: he wants a free-love, open relationship because he stifled his sexuality as a religious person before we were married, and I want...well, not that. How do I move forward when it means breaking the most important bond I have?

I understand his need for adventure and exploits. I have tried for the past 2 years to accommodate him by letting him go to sex parties and pick up women when he goes out of town for a conference. But, over time, I've found my self-image suffering, and I don't like the man he's becoming.

He LOVES his new identity. He thinks I'm a prude for not adopting the free-love lifestyle with him. I tried, but every time, I found myself calling on ex boyfriends that I knew still had a flame burning for me so I could feel a little bit of the love I wasn't getting from my husband, I was left empty and feeling bad about using those guys.

*sigh* I have a 7-year old daughter and at least a year to go on my PhD. I am not afraid of being a single mother. I am not afraid of being single. I just feel...hurt.

How could he choose casual sex over our friendship, family, and love?

What do I do with all of my extra time and energy, now that he's not around? How do I fill the empty hours? The hole in my heart?

I do NOT want a new relationship. I do NOT want a distraction from reality. I need real, experienced advice. What did you do to comfort yourself when you had to leave your best friend of 10 years behind? How did you cope with the feelings of failure and guilt?

-Aching
posted by SarahBellum to Human Relations (28 answers total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
 
I know it doesn't feel like this now, but the most important bond you have is with yourself. The next most important is with your daughter. Each of those will set the tone for the other.

It will take a lot of careful thought to drill down through your own mind and sort out how you deal with this betrayal. Therapy should be a given here, with someone you can trust to help guide you through this process.

(And if I were you, I'd remove your full name from your user profile.)
posted by Madamina at 6:54 PM on May 7, 2013 [13 favorites]


You have not failed anyone, period. Your husband has failed you by putting you in a position where your needs go unmet in favor of his. That's not okay. You need to get out, and you need to get yourself a support system so that you can move on and develop a strong home again for your daughter. Allow yourself to be angry, allow yourself to be sad, but do not allow yourself to believe that your husband is right to do what he's done. There's nothing wrong with wanting what each of you want. What's wrong is his belief that it's okay for him to get what he want at your expense.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 6:57 PM on May 7, 2013 [15 favorites]


If you aren't in individual therapy already, I would recommend that you run, do not walk to a really good therapist. This is a terrible situation that you have been thrust into and you need someone to give you the perspective that you can't get anywhere else. The whole situation is profoundly unfair and having someone who is neutral is key.
posted by Leezie at 7:00 PM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


You reacquaint yourself with yourself. 10 years means 10 years of thinking in terms of a pair, so you take time to think in terms of "what would I want to do?" You lean on your friends that have no flames for you so that you don't feel bad about using them. You talk to them about the pain and the feeling like part of your body is missing.

And you let that part come back - because it was never gone. Part of being in a pair is compromise. You let the part of you that was used to the constant little compromises made to smooth over the daily life fade, and you let you - the unadulterated, no compromise you take over.

You go to therapy if you need it, and you stay strong for you and your daughter's sake.

But most of all, you remember that you were a full and complete person before you met this man, and you exit this a full and complete person also.

Good luck, I came out the other side of a marriage where my husband decided he suddenly wanted polygamy (which is not my preference in life) and courted the woman he had chosen to be wife #2 behind my back. I was over *him* in an instant. It took time to grieve the life path I lost and to recognize that there was another one available, I just had to step onto it. Memail me if you'd like.
posted by skittlekicks at 7:02 PM on May 7, 2013 [62 favorites]


How did you cope with the feelings of failure and guilt?

This won't be popular with everyone, but I feel compelled to say it. You aren't wrong to feel bad about this, and you aren't wrong to feel as if your husband let you down. Guilt on your end shouldn't enter the equation at all. Some people might say that this is the way relationships go at times, and hey, you are at an impasse now, so someone needed to move onto something different if the couple can't meet all of the sexual desires of the partnership. I would respectfully disagree with anyone who might suggest this to you. Someone you love and care about has broken your heart and chosen sex as a higher priority, and it's a loss for you.

One of the things you should do primarily (if you are not able to resolve this with him or reconcile) is grieve over a genuine loss in your life and deal with the disappointment of someone having let you down. Part of your healing is not figuring out simply how to cope with the inevitable, as if these things just happen sometimes. Giving yourself permission to feel this will be big, I think, in a situation where you might be getting multiple messages about people needing to just do whatever works for them sexually.
posted by SpacemanStix at 7:20 PM on May 7, 2013 [14 favorites]


You are exactly where I was. Best friends, soul mates, but he wanted open, free sex from whomever, whenever. I really, really tried -- and it was the days of Open Marriage and No Hangups and Love The One You're With. But it was damaging me, bit by larger bit. But then he left, and in the midst of the pain and loss there were amazing discoveries. As if a flower bed had been covered with cardboard, and then the cardboard taken off: things started pushing up, and I discovered snowdrops and tulips and peonies I didn't even know I had. You won't have to do anything, I promise. Just pay attention to your daily life. The pain eases and joy returns. Especially if you have a 7 year old girl to share your life.

My only regret is that in the pain and confusion, I didn't make it clear enough to my two little ones that it was not because of them. I know people say that all the time, but somehow I didn't hear it and so much wish I had talked to them.

As to how he could choose sex over intimacy, well -- something is broken inside, he's too full of fear to have a real life. He may change, he may heal, but not with you.

And how do you fill your empty hours? Your empty heart? I'd guess a single Mom in a PhD program probably won't have a whole lot of empty hours. Do lots of things with your daughter, she'll be grown up so fast. Do what the rest of us do: read, listen to music, watch movies, take classes in car maintenance or astronomy, knit, garden, talk to friends, surf the net. All this provides a web, woven into a life.

AND ESPECIALLY, even if it seems awkward, find a regular volunteer activity. You will probably have to try several, but I promise you it will help you to heal in ways -- even therapy -- won't.

Good luck. In not too long, you'll look back and feel a sense of loss balanced by a sense of relief. And no guilt or failure at all, because he's the one who did it.
posted by kestralwing at 7:20 PM on May 7, 2013 [37 favorites]


He thinks I'm a prude for not adopting the free-love lifestyle with him.

For me, the having-sex-with-other-people would not be a dealbreaker, but this attitude aimed at me would be.

Try not to worry about your heart right now. Spend time with your kid; maybe you two can learn a new language together? (re)Decorate a space where you live. Go out with friends. Perfect a new finicky main course or dessert.

My mom was a new single mom in a PhD program starting when I was a little younger than your daughter. I know it was a hard time for her, but she survived it - and she traveled and studied and lectured and read and still had frequent potluck dinners with her cohort and other friends. You can do this.
posted by rtha at 7:29 PM on May 7, 2013 [18 favorites]


because he stifled his sexuality as a religious person before we were married

As a religious person who was "stifled" in probably a similar way until I got married, this is a bullshit reason to put the kind of pressure on you that you seem to be receiving, by the way.
posted by SpacemanStix at 7:31 PM on May 7, 2013 [42 favorites]


First, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Sending positive energy your way.

I'd like to echo the others who suggest therapy. Dealing with a difficult loss like this one takes a lot of processing and careful examination of your own feelings, and will help you stay away from negative, destructive patterns of thought.

You don't give too many details about the dissolution itself, but it sounds like it was relatively (?) amicable (the "prude" comment raised my hackles a bit, though). It might be helpful for you to avoid characterizing this as "a betrayal" or a "wrong" that your husband visited upon you. I don't say that to be hurtful or to minimize how awful this must feel to you; I say it because this past two years, as your husband has been opening a part of himself that he was previously unaware of or not ready to deal with, he has become a different person, and that's not right or wrong. It just is. People change, and sometimes changes are momentous.

Now, if your husband had lied to you? Forced you to do things or participate in things by using threats or other devices designed to circumvent your will? Then, absolutely, I'd be enraged at him. That is betrayal; that is being wronged. But it sounds like he has been open and honest with you throughout, which is also causing you pain, but pain of a different stripe. Pain without a scapegoat, or a thing to point to and say F*CK THAT. So I understand why you feel guilty; there's nowhere else for you to put your understandably intense emotions right now.

Repression of normal sexual urges is serious, serious business, and that's why I feel for your husband as well. He is off on what most likely will be a very unfulfilling track, as he's just now doing something that most well-adjusted people do in their late teens to mid-twenties. He'll make all the same terrible mistakes that usually happen during that time, but as a truly grown man. When you feel the urge to get really angry with him, I'd keep that in mind. He's like a sexual infant (remember how awful that was?), but now with all the trappings of adulthood that make everything more complicated.

You are to be commended for giving the lifestyle a shot. It doesn't work for you, and that's perfectly okay (it does NOT mean, for example, that you are a "prude"). But it does work for your husband, and there's nothing wrong with that either. Banish your feelings of guilt. This is really, really not about you.

You sound like a wonderful, caring human. You will find someone whose needs and desires match yours. You deserve that, and so does your husband.
posted by sevensnowflakes at 7:34 PM on May 7, 2013 [8 favorites]


It is OK not to want to be in an open marriage. It's doubly OK to enforce this boundary once you realize it's important to you - he doesn't have a right to your support in this situation. Unfortunately, you can't make him stop wanting this or behaving this way - he has to make that choice, and it's pretty clear, I think, that he won't make that choice.

I second taking a real opportunity to grieve - and help your child grieve, too. Family therapy for the two of you is probably a really good idea. And, if you are having trouble refraining from saying critical things about him in front of her, I really have to insist that you get yourself to individual therapy on the double, because that will mess her up for years, no matter how awful his behavior is right now. Therapy for you right this second may or may not be helpful, depending on how you're able to adjust over the coming weeks.

The healthiest thing to do in general is try to stay engaged with the outside world - volunteering, mentoring others in your academic program, joining other moms for a picnic with all the kids, etc. When my mom and dad divorced, my mom relied heavily on friends to keep her in the moment & making progress, and it really helped her get back on her feet (and actually become significantly more independent & confident than she'd been before the marriage; I think this period is a big part of why she's stayed married to my stepdad all these years.)
posted by SMPA at 7:37 PM on May 7, 2013 [3 favorites]


I did marry my best friend. He had long since stopped being that by the time we divorced. All I can say is that being "lonely" because I am alone is a million times better than being desperately lonely in a marriage. Yes, it would be nice to have a love interest. But, much to my shock, actually being alone is not the horrible pain I was in while lonely in a marriage. That was just soul sucking. This is ....well, not.
posted by Michele in California at 7:50 PM on May 7, 2013 [17 favorites]


How could he choose casual sex over our friendship, family, and love?

Exactly.

Screw this caricature of a man. Screw him right in his snivelly, free-love ear. DTMFA and leave behind only the skidmarks from your exit.

Stand up and show your daughter what it means to be an adult that doesn't choose casual sex over friendship, family and love.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 7:59 PM on May 7, 2013 [47 favorites]


How do I move forward when it means breaking the most important bond I have?

Me? I would let myself get white-hot angry, and let that anger drive my healing. This guy built a family with you -- fathered your daughter -- and then decides years later, "Oops, my bad...I'm into free love. And if you aren't, you're a prude."

Talk about a bait and switch.

He sounds childish and selfish.

Let him frolic to his heart's content. When his first major health scare hits, or he suffers a big job loss, or any other life-altering event where he would wish he had continuity and stability in his life...well, let's see if his free-love fuckbuddies are there to visit him in the hospital, or wipe his ass in the convalescent home.

Get mad. At him, not yourself.
posted by nacho fries at 8:02 PM on May 7, 2013 [28 favorites]


How could he choose casual sex over our friendship, family, and love?

Because he so, so wrong. He says that he was stifled by his past, but ironically now he wants to be imprisoned by his carnal passions. I am so sorry that this has happened. This is not your failure and you bear no guilt. This is not his emerging from a chrysalis as a new being - this is him betraying you.

I cannot offer you any experience from my life. However, you have your daughter. I imagine that you also have friends and family who can be a source of support. If you are a person of faith, you know have a particular need for it. You have been given a rather heavy cross to bear. I pray that you will turn it into a triumph.
posted by Tanizaki at 8:24 PM on May 7, 2013 [10 favorites]


What do I do with all of my extra time and energy

Anything and everything. And while it may be tempting to dismiss that as "a distraction from reality," it is in fact "real, experienced advice."

People say time heals, but that's not exactly right. It isn't time; it's experience. Specifically, new experiences. Think about it in terms of brain science, synapses and neurotransmitters and whatnot. The act of having new experiences and creating lush new memories (as opposed to repeating old habits) is what rewires your brain. "Time" doesn't really heal, because if you spend a year sitting on the couch in melancholy, you'll still be where you are today. But if those twelve months are filled with new experiences—concerts, sports games, books, a class, a new hobby, and lots and lots of meeting new people—then you most assuredly will not be where you are today. You will have forced your brain chemistry to form new connections.

I'm not suggesting there exists a cure that won't leave a scar. Wounds scar. You will continue to feel sadness, loss, grief, anger, betrayal, whatever emotions are attendant to your circumstance. Everybody's divorce is different. (Every break-up is different, really, but divorce is another creature.) But you asked how to fill your hours and your emotional "holes," and in my experience, that's the best solution that exists. Resolve to go do new things. If you don't want that to include dating, so be it, but my advice is to endeavor to do as many different things as you can. Take your daughter, take friends, fly solo. I know you're busy between being a newly single parent and working on your PhD, but make time for what's necessary and helpful for yourself.

How could he choose...

I don't suggest that you try to make sense of his decisions. That is something people are rarely able to do, and mostly it just causes or exacerbates pain. If you're a therapy person, okay, but outside that context it's a waste of your time and not helpful. Focus on today and tomorrow, and on yourself and your kid. Move forward.

I'm sorry you're hurting. Good luck.
posted by cribcage at 8:55 PM on May 7, 2013 [5 favorites]


Men who abandon their children so that they can put their willies somewhere new get no respect from me. Period. Don't know if this perspective helps you or not. This guy is an asshole, and you should get a good lawyer.
posted by Philemon at 8:55 PM on May 7, 2013 [35 favorites]


At least you found out what kind of weak material your husband was made of now, during what sounds like relative security, and not during some crisis situation that could have put you or your child in jeopardy.

That's probably not much of a consolation right now, I know. So, so sorry you're going through this!
posted by bunji at 9:28 PM on May 7, 2013 [3 favorites]


What did you do to comfort yourself when you had to leave your best friend of 10 years behind? How did you cope with the feelings of failure and guilt?

You realize that he (or in my case she) was not, in fact, your (or my) best friend. Friends don't do that sort of stuff to each other.

Coping with failure? By joining the crowd. Six out of ten marriages fail. This is something that happens to people. It's not failure. It's just the way it is.

Good for you for being honest with yourself about your feelings. Sorry, but your "best friend" is self-centered, immature, and totally unworthy of any sort of loving relationship. Especially yours.

You get a pass for maybe not admitting this to yourself because you were once in love with the guy, but now that you have your eyes open, it's on you to recognize this and act upon it.

You have no marriage to save, it's been over for a while and you just haven't come to terms with that. It's over. Move on. Lots of people manage to rebuild a broken life. Some even more than once. So will you.

What do I do with all of my extra time and energy, now that he's not around? How do I fill the empty hours? The hole in my heart?

Go and find a grown-up and a real friend to hang-out with. Sorry you have to go through this, but you have to go through this. You set an admirable example for your daughter in the process, by the way.
posted by three blind mice at 2:00 AM on May 8, 2013


Yes, your husband gets to be happy and stick his dick wherever he can. But --- and this is the big problem --- HIS happiness is not more important than YOURS, and can't come **at the expense** of your happiness. He doesn't get to insist you go screw people when you don't want to, he doesn't get to risk your health by having sex with everyone in town, and he 100% NEVER gets to call you names because you don't want what he wants.

This is equally true whether one spouse wants to have an open marriage or go cosplay at Comic Con every year, and the other spouse doesn't. Doesn''t matter WHAT it is: respecting your partner means treating them WITH respect, which is unfortunately something your husband has forgotten.

I'm sorry, but it sounds like the marriage is all over but the paperwork, and it'll hurt less for you (and your daughter!) if you call it quits now.
posted by easily confused at 3:16 AM on May 8, 2013 [12 favorites]


When I got a divorce from my "best friend," he had manipulated me to the point of thinking he wasn't just my best friend, but my only friend. He arranged and encouraged me to break off communication with my own mother so that she and I weren't speaking when I needed her the most (while he was leaving me for like, a year). THAT way, no one got in his way of stepping in, giving me courage and preventing him from getting everything he wanted (no debt, no guilt, new girlfriend, old best friend / wife sitting around ready to bail him out of anything).

It's called codependence. Read "Codependent No More" and "The Emotionally Abused Woman". Don't get freaked out by the subtitle on Codependent No More -- I'm not reading that you want to "control" him in a domineering sense, but that you feel responsibility for how he feels and you're subjugating your own valid feelings to his. (Maybe I'm wrong, but it's still a good read.)

Also, final thought: This dickweed is not your best friend, because best friends don't do this to each other. Re-read your question like your sister or your daughter wrote it, then follow exactly your advice to her. Also, get a lawyer to protect your material interests while you get yourself emotionally prepared to protect yourself.
posted by mibo at 5:33 AM on May 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


First of all friends are friends and lovers/spouses are spouses. These are different relationships. Your Partner should be just that, someone who, working with you, helps you both advance through life. Your sorry excuse for a husband decided that he wants what he wants with no thought for you, or your family. Not a friend and not a partner.

You didn't fail, your relationship did. It happens a lot, so you have lots of company. It's the new normal. Your concerns now are for you and your daughter.

See a lawyer and understand your current money situation. Then sort everything out so that you can easily afford housing and things until you finish your program. It may be tight for awhile, but you can do it!

Find a support group, therapist, parents without parners, whatever it is that will help you navigate your new status. If you've been thinking of yourself as a wife for 10 years, you may not shift gears so easily.

Give yourself a year of just getting through days. I think it's funny that you're worried about what you're going to be doing with all of your free time. You're a mother and a Ph.D. candidate, WHAT free time??

Journal like crazy. Be grateful for small things. Take the high road in every interaction with your soon-to-be-ex-husband. Love your daughter and help her through this transition.

And just to reiterate, it's your husband who fucked up here, not you. You did everything you could, he's just being a selfish jerk. All you can do is make the best of a bad situation.

In two years, you won't feel the pain, in two years, you'll be in a completely different place in life.

Your life will be so much better, you'll wonder why you didn't bail sooner.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:13 AM on May 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


There is a proverb in India, "you have to lose something, to gain something."

It does't sound like you are losing your best friend, it sounds like you lost him a long time ago. This new identity didn't appear overnight. It's been building for at least two years. The friendship probably starting decaying when... he decided that his interests were more important than your interests. That is not how a husband treats a wife. If you were a willing companion on this journey, that would have been one thing, but he really chose to end the friendship when he started and continued doing things that obviously hurt you.

So the first thing would be to stop romanticising it now. Look at him in this moment – as the person he is, that you do not like – and accept that as him. The man you knew is gone, relegated to history and memory. He was your best friend, you can cherish those memories, but it very much sounds like it is time to move on.

So that is what you have lost. And there is sadness and emptiness. And what you have gained is yourself and your life back. You have been doing things for two years that you did not want to do. Either seeking attention that you didn't want because it was all you felt you could have. Or allowing him to hurt you by sitting by whilst he broke his commitment to you. It sounds like that took over your life. Trapped. Alone.

You have also lost that – being trapped and alone. You are no longer as alone, for now you have yourself back. The most alone we feel is when we are even isolated from ourselves. When we stop listening to ourselves, instead hoping that our silence will reward us with the company of another. That rarely works. So you have lost your loneliness, and now you are in a state of being alone.

And now, anything is possible again. You are not hidebound to live in a situation that you do not agree with. You no longer have to sit and wait out his vagaries and new predilections. You have a child to take on her life journey. You are about to achieve a major life milestone with a PhD. I think you have already done the hardest work – first waiting, than accepting the end of the relationship. Now, you are in a wonderful position for the benefits, to invite new things into your life.

How do you get over the pain and suffering? Do not resist it. Allow it. There is no shortcut to grieving. There is no magic bullet to feel okay. You are probably going to feel a lot of mixed emotions, and they may be very confusing. You may simultaneously hate and miss him. You may feel both empowered and emotionally broken. It's a process that you have to go through to get to the other side. You have to learn how to be yourself again on your own terms.

You need to try things and rediscover what you enjoy. You need to focus on yourself and surround you with people who will help you heal, for grieving is a social process. It will be best if you embrace the anger and the hurt. Do not run from them, but allow them to be present. Give them a space and voice. Journalling helps. Discussion groups can help. Art projects can help. Something to allow yourself to literally dispel the energy and put your feelings out into the world in a physical way.

I wonder if this will be hard for you, since you have been sitting and accepting for so long. Stifling your feelings for the sake of harmony. It is no longer necessary or advisable to stifle your feelings. You must express yourself, and in that process, rediscover who you are. You will probably feel raw some days, and other days, exceptionally empowered. It is important to realise that those are moments, but overall it is a process. It is a journey, and some days will be better, some days will be worse.

The most important thing is to remember that you are not alone. You may feel very alone, but you are not alone. When you are ready, there is a new life that awaits you. When you are ready.
posted by nickrussell at 6:25 AM on May 8, 2013 [8 favorites]


I need real, experienced advice. What did you do to comfort yourself when you had to leave your best friend of 10 years behind?

Try to remember back to the person you were before you met your husband. Get back to that person. Pick up hobbies that you've been meaning to pick up.

Exercise.

Volunteer.

Your life is wide open now and there are tons of opportunities out there.

How did you cope with the feelings of failure and guilt?

What do you have to feel guilty for? For wanting/expecting a monogamous relationship with a caring partner?

Leave the guilt to your STBX husband when he realizes he gave his family away for nothing.
posted by PsuDab93 at 6:35 AM on May 8, 2013 [7 favorites]


Failure and guilt are how our brains try to make sense of a situation. Deep down, we know that we can only control our behaviors, so those go-to emotions try to prevent us from doing whatever it was that caused the pain. (Or something like that.) Like any emotion, it is very hard to intellectualize our way out of it.

You are mourning the end of the relationship as you knew it, while still having that person around.

Sometimes dynamics change. As much as you need to be true to yourself, he needs to be true to himself. There is no right or wrong, just paths that start to diverge. (Well, the right and the wrong are whether the people are honest with each other- it sounds like you are. You both know where the other stands, and the situation is unsolvable as it stands.)

However, I would recommend doing some couples therapy to try and see if there is still some way to salvage the relationship. Maybe he will realize that he risks losing the stability of a good marriage, and this will cause him to reevaluate his priorities.
posted by gjc at 7:00 AM on May 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


If you want to keep this relationship -- that's if, and I'm not necessarily saying that's a good idea -- it might not be too late to salvage it. Poly has a learning curve, and your husband is making some huge rookie mistakes. It can work, even if you don't want lovers of your own. But it requires a ton of communication and honesty about feelings from everyone involved.

The key is that he has to respect you and give you all the attention you need -- which is more than you needed before this experiment, not less. He needs to go out of his way to make you comfortable, and to put your well-being and your daughter's first. If he can't do that, you shouldn't wait around in the hopes that he will. Just take everyone else's advice, find yourself and rebuild your life. Good luck.
posted by squidlarkin at 6:54 PM on May 8, 2013


Thank you, everyone who has taken the time to comment here.

My grieving process is FAR from over, but I have found that first few hours of peaceful acceptance. Your words have played a large part in that.

Thank you.
posted by SarahBellum at 7:02 PM on May 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


I mean to be direct and not offensive, but I'd get over it by telling myself that my best friend would never be such an asshole to me. He broke this. You didn't. You went way, way above the call of duty to accommodate him and it didn't work. It is a loss and it isn't easy, but whether you're in a romantic relationship, best friends or whatever, there is no reason for someone to treat you in such a judgmental, dismissive way. Look forward to being treated better!
posted by cnc at 10:17 PM on May 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


he stifled his sexuality as a religious person before we were married. . .He thinks I'm a prude for not adopting the free-love lifestyle with him

How could he choose casual sex over our friendship, family, and love?

Did he by any chance stifle his sexuality because he thought it made him better or more pure than other people who lived in filth and sin? Because judging monogamists for not accepting free-love is the same damn thing: self-righteous arrogance.

When your relationship, presumably a strictly monogamous marriage, conformed to his ideas of how people should live it was groovy, but now that his ideas of how people should live have changed his true colors are showing: he considers himself more important you. Which really, really sucks, sorry.
posted by Ndwright at 4:52 PM on May 9, 2013


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