Sure they'll be bigger, but will I like them?
September 13, 2005 5:18 PM   Subscribe

My delightfully sexy, very petite, girlfriend is determined to get her breasts embiggened with silicone. What are the downsides, for ME? I think they're perfect already.

There are many relevant details here. What I really want to find out is, am I in for a gigantic disappointment along the lines of "I'm sorry, I'd really rather not touch you there anymore"? Can you tell this is one of those self-fulfilling prophecies?

Anyway, she wants them, has always wanted them, her mom got some in the 70s, they'll make her feel better about herself, she'll pick the very best surgeon (...she can afford) yadda yadda yadda. I don't want any criticism of her motivation, or encouraging words about she should be happy with what the gods gave her, PLEASE.

What I want is practical unbiased information like: I'm certainly going to be able to "tell" aren't I? They're going to get all hard with scar tissue in like five years, aren't they? They won't move the same as the real ones do, will they? They'll look fine under sweaters, but naked they'll be like bolted-on oranges, right? She'll lose most of the sensual sensitivity in those areas too, huh?

If you have surgically enhanced breasts and could sell me on their miraculous healing wonders, I'd also appreciate that, I guess.

And yes, I've read this other post on the topic.
posted by anonymous to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (27 answers total)
My cousin had reconstructive surgery there along with implants and yes, they made her feel much better about her body. This is relevent to you because when your girlfriend feels better in bed, you probably will too.
posted by lorrer at 5:33 PM on September 13, 2005

It is possible to have a good boob job. How big are tits right now? If she has small a-cups then it could be pretty goofy looking naked. The whole 'bolted on oranges' thing is pretty stupid looking to me, and a lot of people on FARK at least.

If she already has reasonably sized boobs you can enlarge them a little and still have them look 'natural'.

The plastic surgeon should have before and after pictures. Go through them with your girlfriend and explain to her exactly what kind of fake boobs you don't like.

Also, is this a long-term relationship? I mean are you guys just going to break up eventually anyway? If so let her do whatever she wants, I guess.

She may think you're jealous and are worried about more guys coming on to her. Make sure she knows you think that fake boobs are just weird and unattractive.
posted by delmoi at 5:41 PM on September 13, 2005

given that we have no information about your relationship with her - but I surmise that you don't actually OWN her body - let me say this...

her breasts are her own, anonymous.

she can do with them whatever she wants.

and the best that you can do under the circumstances is to be a kind, supportive boyfriend when she wakes up from surgery and is in pain, and is wondering why on earth did she do this to herself...because she will, at first...

Later, how they look and how they feel is pretty much - pardon the pun - out of your hands.
posted by seawallrunner at 5:49 PM on September 13, 2005

You have been explicit in you opposition to the operation right?
posted by oddman at 6:26 PM on September 13, 2005

Hey, they do make pear-shaped implants, which look more natural than the "bolted-on oranges" look. On the down side, most surgeons won't go up just one size: say from an A to a B. If she goes up quite a few sizes it will probably look weird. If you google it, you can find surgeon's websites with before and after pictures. It's not necessarily going to look (or feel) awful.
posted by digitalis at 6:35 PM on September 13, 2005

It's very hard to answer this question without knowing more about your relationship, specifically whether it is potentially permanent or not.

Plastic surgery could certainly change how you feel [about] her. Hopefully it won't. But there's the possibility that you'll be less attracted to her, you won't like how her breasts feel, etc. If you love her deeply enough, then that needn't destroy the relationship. It is definitely possible to be very in love with someone you are not attracted to.

The deeper question is whether you can get to the point of respecting the decision that she makes. If you can do that, then things will work themselves out one way or the other. But if you really can't respect the decision, then I think there's trouble on the horizon.

(I speak as someone who had a 15 year crush evaporate when the crushee got a nose job. I told her she was stupid for doing it, and questioned whether she was expressing internalized anti-semitism, setting a bad example for her students, etc. But she did it because she was convinced that her wonderfully beautiful nose was the reason she hadn't been able to find a husband. She went ahead and got the nose job. It completely changed the way I felt about her, and she did succeed in finding a husband and getting married.)
posted by alms at 6:39 PM on September 13, 2005

Yes, you certainly are going to be able to tell. What I found most curious was the dissonace that occurs because your eyes are telling you these things look spectucular (if done well) but your hands are telling you they're not real. But hey, is that the worst thing in the world?

What I'd be more concerned about is the inevitable emotional change the operation is going to effect in your GF. And her attention from men is going to rocket (especially since girls with new boobs tend to be disposed to showing them off) and on paper this might all sound fine and dandy for her self-esteem, but I'd imagine there may well be some corollary effects, some of which might possibly alter the dynamic of your relationship. Having said that though, there's not much you can really do about it - just a heads up....
posted by forallmankind at 7:26 PM on September 13, 2005

I heard an interview with an actress who had smallish b-cup breasts. She had to play a role where the the character had largish c-cup breasts. To get into the part, the director had her put in falsies and walk around town. She said that it blew her mind, people (men especially) treated her so differently, looked at her so differently, etc.

Maybe you and your girlfriend could do that as experiment: go out for a couple of dates with her maximally endowed. She gets to enjoy having you (and other folks) see her with bigger boobs, you get to check it out, etc. It could make the whole thing more of a fun, shared project. And it could also give each of you a small heads up of what things will be like after the deed is truly done.
posted by alms at 7:44 PM on September 13, 2005

I think most people associate boob jobs with bad boob jobs because the ones most people can spot are the ones where the size is way out of proportion. There are likely lots of subtle boob jobs out there that most people couldn't spot, which look fine.

If your gf gets the knee-shooters, then one downside for you is some stigma. If you enjoy knowing that people find your gf sexy, then some of that might diminish. People hate boob jobs. I guess it's a cultural thing and boils down to who you know, but I have a lot of trouble imaging feeling better about one's body after a boob job. I place myself in that position and all I can think about is what a plastic narcissist folks would think I was. You might sense some of that coming at the two of you. I dunno if that matters to you.
posted by scarabic at 9:52 PM on September 13, 2005

Keep in mind as well that these kind of surgeries are not one shot appointments. Like any plastic surgery, there's a good chance she'll return for additional surgery for anything from adjustments, maintenance, etc.

I agree with the other poster. Try using falsies for a while and see if all of the other factors involved with having them support or detract her decision to get them.
posted by DCTapeworm at 10:06 PM on September 13, 2005

If she's going for dramatic enlargement, her back is going to HURT. You're going to have to dispense a lot of backrubs, which for you may or may not be a good thing.
posted by Sara Anne at 10:26 PM on September 13, 2005

A friend from high school got a boob job this summer. She was so obsessed about it that she was convinced that this boob job was going to get her the man of her dreams. I tried to point out to her that if the new man was the direct result of the new boobs that he likely wasn't the best thing since sliced bread, but that didn't really get anywhere. That, and she kept pointedly asking me if I was considering getting a boob job, since I am, after all, not very jiggly up there. I kept saying no, I'm comfortable the way I am, I don't need big boobs, I can run this way, I don't have backaches, what would I do with all that extra anyway, blah blah blah. Finally I just said I was too poor to consider getting them. Then her tone changed to finding me a source of money for them.

Long story short, she's going to be determined. I'm not ethically against changing one's appearance - god knows we all do weirder things - but it's the implied implication of those changes that really gets to me. I would dig really deep with her as to why she thinks the new boobs will feel better on her body, what makes her think they're not the right size now, how to acknowledge that it may not be internal desires but external projections, etc.

Instead of paying for silicone bubbles, spend a fraction of the price helping the evacuees in the Astrodome for a week, and she may have a better idea of self-worth, the capabilities and beauty of a human body, and why appearance is absolutely not representative of the soul beneath. That's what I'd do, anyway, but then again, one day I decided that I was born to have pink-flamingo-dyed hair. We all have funny body issues; this one just happens to be more invasive and potentially damaging. So, if she goes through all of the steps, decides that's what she really wants, then you'll have gone through the thought-process with her too, and may come to understand her position, and just resolve to take matters, erm, into your own hands and deciding for yourself.
posted by fionab at 10:37 PM on September 13, 2005

... deciding for yourself . ...decide for yourself.
posted by fionab at 10:52 PM on September 13, 2005

I think I want to see fionab with pink-flamingo-dyed hair. But on the implant issue, I think implants are just about the nastiest thing a woman can do to her body. I recommend watching Breast Men. It takes a fairly serious look at two of the doctors at the forefront of silicon implants. To me, the increased back problems and stretch marks should be enough to deter women.

Ultimately, though, it is her choice and one she may have to live with long after you may be out of the picture. Be supportive, but make sure she thinks about the long term.
posted by Yorrick at 11:33 PM on September 13, 2005

Feel free to delete this comment, but can I just say that people in this thread really aren't answering the question anonymous asked, and that the warnings/comments/thoughts on breast implants are noise rather than signal?
posted by Marquis at 1:17 AM on September 14, 2005

Yes, they do feel very different (harder, less mobile). But if she feels better about her body, you will too.
posted by Pericles at 2:05 AM on September 14, 2005

No matter how well they are done, they will look and feel fake to you because you will know the history of this particular pair. But what can you do? If big cocks were that easy to get, the lines at the cock shops would be immense. If the operation isn't botched, she will get a tremendous psychological boost from looking at herself in the mirror and from catching all the guys staring at her. And you will get used to them.
posted by pracowity at 2:53 AM on September 14, 2005

Marquis took the words right out of my mouth, of my fingers. Hardly anyone's answering the questions that anon asked. Her motivation for doing this isn't important, and his/her relationship with the gf isn't really our business and doesn't really even matter, because anon just wants to know how someone else's fake boobs are going to impact on his/her life. This is the only paragraph that asks questions that need answering here:

What I want is practical unbiased information like: I'm certainly going to be able to "tell" aren't I? They're going to get all hard with scar tissue in like five years, aren't they? They won't move the same as the real ones do, will they? They'll look fine under sweaters, but naked they'll be like bolted-on oranges, right? She'll lose most of the sensual sensitivity in those areas too, huh?

I don't have fake boobs, but two friends do. They both have the "bolted-on oranges" look in bras and bathing suits, but like you said, they look fine in clothes. Their boobs do feel totally different, or so they say; I've never felt them. One of their husbands says they're hard and not very pliable, as opposed to soft and squishy like real boobs can be. He also said that her boobs look exactly the same when she lays down as when she's standing up, just like this photo (which I find so gross). He doesn't like the look or the feel of them at all, but he says that she likes them, so whatever makes her happy is fine with him. She says that her nipples are less sensitive, yes.

Both of my friends have relatively new implants so neither one has much scar tissue buildup. I understand that scar tissue keeps on building, and the longer you have an implant in, the harder the breast becomes? This doc has some enlightening posts at his Truth in Cosmetic Surgery blog, and he also has a forum there where you could talk to women who've gotten boob jobs. You have to remember though, that how her boobs end up looking depends quite a bit on the surgeon who performs the operation. Not every doc loves the "bolted-on oranges" look, and some really try to do a natural look. Unless she likes the "bolted-on oranges" look?
posted by iconomy at 6:32 AM on September 14, 2005

Ok, I'll be more on topic. All of the fake boobs I've felt feel fake. They're harder, keep their shape while laying down, look like round things beneath the skin. I can usually tell by looking at the woman's proportions; they just look 'off' you know? I can tell just by hugging someone. Having said that, if she manages to get a surgeon who won't go too big on her small frame and exisiting breast structure, and one who positions them well, she has a fighting chance. The scars are much, much better than they were a few years ago, but I don't know about rates of scar tissue build-up, bursting silicone, etc.
posted by fionab at 9:39 AM on September 14, 2005

The few guys I've asked over the years re: breast implants all say that they definitely feel fake; one said as well that his girlfriend's skin (around her new mondo-boobs) also felt noticebly colder to the touch than her skin elsewhere. As for breast sensitivity, one said that his gf never had much to begin with, so there wasn't any change; the others said that there was indeed some loss of sensation/pleasure for their partners, which they (the boyfriends) all found a bit disappointing. (I think in all cases, the girlfriends had gotten the implants recently enough so that the issue of scar tissue hadn't yet become relevant, so no feedback there.)
posted by scody at 10:40 AM on September 14, 2005

derail: Hey Yorrick, you didn't email me back about the hurricane stuff! Check your mefi email account!
posted by fionab at 12:25 PM on September 14, 2005

looks like you're looking to hear from me. I started casually dating a girl a few months before her operation, which I only found out about a week before it happened so it was a done deal. Ended up dating for about a year and a half after.

So anyways, they're a lot of fun. They're pretty firm but not too firm and it definitely will change the way your girl feels about herself and the way other people treat her. They do kind of look like bolted on oranges but not in a bad way if that makes any sense. And the girl I was with kept all of the sensitivty in her nipples though that does happen often.

Now, the issues you have to be prepared for if you intend to be with this girl for the long haul are:

1) there's a good chance there will be complications and they'll need to be removed
2) Even if there are no complications she will need them either replaced or removed after about 10 years
3) Breast feeding is most likely out of the question (this didn't actually bother me until we were really serious)
4) There's a good possibility that after she goes through all this just to impress other people you may not respect her anymore. This actually contributed to us breaking up.
5) There is no guarantee how they will settle. Even my ex's ridiculously expensive job from one of the best doctors in the country came off a little crooked. So I wouldn't mess with them.

anyways, the best advice I can give you is what came to me when I was trying to explain my problems with them to another friend. They're good for fun but not fun for good. Feel free to put it on a T-shirt.
posted by slapshot57 at 1:00 PM on September 14, 2005

They will certainly feel fake since you have experience with her real, but, as mentioned above, a good job can really make them reasonably good. From what I've heard from gals I know with them, lots of massaging helps keep them softer going forward (so that can work out for you). Also, there are definitely the rock-solid bolt-ons out there, but that's much less likely if she does hit up the best money can buy. Sensation changes can range from loss of sensation to making them super duper sensitive to no change at all. If it's being evaluated, silicone is more likely to make the surrounding skin feel much colder than saline, but silicone will also be more likely to be a bit more 'natural' feeling, massages or no. In short, it will take some getting used to, but, assuming the doctor is good, it's not necessarily the end of the world if that's what she wants.
posted by Mrmuhnrmuh at 1:04 PM on September 14, 2005

It's me. I went ahead and created a sockpuppet account because I figured it was worth five bucks more to respond to some questions and things. I'll just take them in order.

lorrer was the first of several to trot out the whole "she'll like herself more, so that's good for you too" farce. Yeah, well, I'd really rather have her feeling okay with how she is, rather than retooling herself in the image of whatever misguided notion she's been given by media about What Men Want Women To Look Like. Caution: she has admitted to this as part of her own motivation for the boob job.

delmoi asked, along with others, what size she is now, and is this a long-term relationship. She's a small A, can't fit into the sexy crap at Victoria's Secret unless it's got padding in it, won't wear a bathing suit in public. And we're the price of a ring away from being engaged. It's the real thing. So those answers like "it's not your body, you have no claim on what she does with it" ring somewhat false for me, in that, well, it may not be MY body, but it's the only one I'll ever have access to again, and I'm basically paying for it.

oddman, who I think I like, asked if I'd been explicit in my opposition. Yes I have. I've been explicitly opposed, and got slapped with the "it's my body and you can't tell me what to do" argument. I've been supportively and sympathetically listening and silent (but still opposed) and she knows I'll take care of her in the weeks post-surgery when she can't get around comfortably. And I've recently been quite vocal with her about how ridiculous and distasteful I find obviously faked bosoms.

Then folks got even more sanctimonius. In particular, alms with "If you love her deeply enough ... respecting the decision she makes." Know what I find ridiculous about that? No one in their right mind would suggest that if she loved ME deeply enough she'd respect my decision to get my penis enlarged to JohnHolmes-ian lengths and keep my hair in a 12-inch comb-over. Have you ever seen the movie Normal?

Anyway, big big love to Marquis, iconomy, slapshot57 et al for getting the point. Thanks. For the confirmation and stuff. Maybe I need some more tactile information, kind of a "try before you buy" kind of test drive thing. Do you suppose asking her to let me visit a mammarily-enhanced professional .... ? Nevermind.
posted by bf-of-sili-gf at 2:24 PM on September 14, 2005


just from your attitude this sounds like a bad idea. You don't seem to feel like she needs them so you need to show her that you love her just the way she is.

otherwise you'll have to help her through, at the very least, two extremely painful procedures. And that's if she doesn't have any major complications.

But the biggest question you have to answer for yourself is it going to change how you feel about her if she follows through with this?
posted by slapshot57 at 2:48 PM on September 14, 2005

bf: I'm also an A-cup, and so I do actually sympathize with your gf on the difficulty in finding sexy lingerie that fits. (I also have problems with some clothes, too -- certain blouses and dresses are just entirely off-limits, because even in a size 4, they seem to be cut to accomodate a B-cup or more -- and I only wore a bathing suit in public for the first time in over 10 years last month.) Personally, I'd never get breast implants, though I'd be lying if I said it hadn't crossed my mind a few times.

In any case, this is not to derail or to attempt to try to make you change your gf's mind any more than you probably already have, but here are some non-Victoria's Secret options for sexy bras for the small-busted set, if you think that it might help convince her that it is indeed possible to wear hot lingerie without having to be a C-cup:

Fleuri is a godsend!
Agent Provocateur -- pricey but hot!
Bare Necessities -- you can search by bra size (they even carry AA's). Good selection -- there's definitely plenty of designer/sexy stuff in smaller sizes.
The Gap -- mostly day-to-day bras, but some cute, lacy stuff too (most styles go at least down to 34A, and some down to 32A).
posted by scody at 4:42 PM on September 14, 2005 [1 favorite]

bf - I can offer no personal experiences about this, but I think most of your questions would be best answered by a doctor who is in touch with the current state of breast augmentation. My recommendation would be to make an appointment with a plastic surgeon and explicitly tell him/her that you will be using another doctor for the surgery but would like an unbiased opinion about this. Agree on a reasonable rate for them to charge you for an hour of their consultative time (if they are generous they may even talk to you for free), and come in with your above list of questions. If you haven't already decided, you may also wish to ask if they recommend silicone or saline, how big she should go, what kinds of followup surgeries may be required, etc.

If/when you look for a surgeon to actually perform the operation, you can ask the potential surgeons the same questions to see how their answers compare to the (presumably) unbiased doctor.

Good luck, hope you and the gf can both be happy with whatever you decide!
posted by rorycberger at 6:34 PM on September 14, 2005

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