Chinese custom?

April 14, 2013 7:25 AM

Question about food sharing/giving within the Chinese culture.

I have a coworker who is an older Chinese woman (maybe in her 50's). Every time I go into her work area she hands me some food item - packaged granola bars or cookies she brings back from her travels. She doesn't speak much since she has a hearing problem, so she just walks up, hands me the food and then walks away. So I'm wondering - is this some kind of Chinese custom? I'm assuming she lived through the cultural revolution - would this have had an effect? Also, am I expected to reciprocate in kind?

posted by jenh526 to Human Relations (12 answers total)

As someone who lived in Asia for several years and was close to an older (60s) woman of Chinese ancestry, I'd say this is perfectly normal. In Thai (and I think in other languages with Chinese influence) a standard greeting is "Have you eaten yet?" and it's considered a compliment to tell people they are fat (because it is a sign of prosperity).

Whether this woman's personal history has something to do with it is a separate question. As to whether you should reciprocate, it might be worth reading up on guanxi, briefly, using gifts to maintain social relationships.
posted by seemoreglass at 8:10 AM on April 14, 2013

It's pretty standard for Chinese people to share fruit and snacks with coworkers and friends. In my experience, anyone who has more than one mandarin orange on their desk/table is probably going to offer one to me. When traveling, they also tend to buy a lot of pre-packaged snacks -- the more "local" or exotic the better -- and give them away after returning home. I don't see how this could be related to the cultural revolution in any way.

As for whether or not you're expected to reciprocate, I think it mainly depends on whether or not you're in China. If so, I'd say yes. If not, it's up to you. I think Western manners would also dictate that you either decline the gifts or plan to reciprocate.
posted by bradf at 8:15 AM on April 14, 2013 [4 favorites]

my background is more Southeast Asian, so it's more Chinese diaspora than mainland Chinese, but it's a standard Asian custom to bring back small tokens/gifts from your travels. Snacks/food for co-workers/colleagues is most common simply because it's among the most economical and it ties to the general food-sharing culture that bradf mentioned.

I doubt she would expect reciprocity from a non-Asian/Chinese such as a Westerner, but if you do remember to offer her a cookie etc, it would be fondly received.
posted by cendawanita at 8:34 AM on April 14, 2013 [2 favorites]

If you want to reciprocate, you could order some Chinese snacks online. If your coworker isn't very internet-savvy, it will blow her mind if you give her some White Rabbit candy, for example.
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 9:02 AM on April 14, 2013

Best answer: This is pretty normal Chinese behavior, especially among the older generation. Giving gifts is a way to maintain good relations with others. Since she has trouble hearing/talking, she may feel she needs to show some expression of good will. Also, people often give small gifts with the expectation that if they need help in the future, you will be there. Are you her supervisor in some way or in a position to help her out?

As far as whether it's related to the Cultural Revolution- gift-giving is traditional chinese culture, but during the Cultural Revolution it became even more common because it was so hard to get things done (due to (limited resources/chaos) unless you knew someone or had established relations with them. Therefore, gift-giving of this kind became even more common (kind of like bribing, actually). In fact, it's still pretty common in China today and sometimes borders on bribery in some cases (ie. giving a security guard cigarettes so one can park illegally).

Most likely your coworker is trying to be nice rather than to bribe you. Giving food is a very common gift in China. It would be really nice if you gave her something every once in a while.

(I'm not chinese, but have lived in China a total of 9 years)
posted by bearette at 9:31 AM on April 14, 2013

Response by poster: Thanks for all the responses. I'm always interested in learning about other cultures. I've brought in homemade things for the group as a whole before and she is usually the only one who ever says thanks. To answer bearette, I'm not her supervisor, nor have I worked with her directly before. I'm going to make a more concerted effort to give her something when I have extras. Thanks again, everyone.
posted by jenh526 at 10:41 AM on April 14, 2013

As others have said, this snack-giving is very common in Chinese culture. My mother and her family are ethnically Chinese and they are constantly giving these types of food gifts.

You sound very thoughtful and sharing yourself. I bet your co-worker thinks of you fondly. Do you identify with any particular cultural affiliation? If so, you could give her some food item from your tradition. My mom thinks it's pretty cool when her friends give her unusual and interesting snacks from their cultures (then she shares them with us when we visit so the circle is complete!).
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:07 PM on April 14, 2013

I can second the "Have you eaten yet" custom and can see this being a part of that. She is just being polite.
posted by usermac at 1:26 PM on April 14, 2013

I work with an older Chinese woman and she brings little snacks in to the lab lunchroom all the time. No fanfare, she just brings them. Usually it's Chinese or Vietnamese sweet munchies from her visits back to Asia. She and I talk about our scientific work just fine; this is just something she does. Once in a while I make my own baked goods and bring them in to the lab for everyone to share; it's kind of "my take" on the custom.

I also have an elderly relative living in China - she's not Chinese but she's now lived in China considerably longer than she lived in the US and she would PREFER to be Chinese. I visited her for a summer and we traveled extensively around Tibet/Western Chin. Everywhere we went, we were offered a little snack even if we were visiting for an extremely short period of time. We carried small candies (White Rabbit!) to give to children we met. On the occasions when I was fortunate enough to have a sit-down meal with a family, offering food within the context of the meal was extremely important: presenting it with two hands, offering it to older people first, etc. Luckily I had my relative there to guide me through all the cultural expectations. I was generally expected to eat whatever I was given with relish even if I didn't feel like it; it was always polite to offer the nicest stuff to the oldest women, etc. There are so many cultural rules governing this kind of thing.
posted by Cygnet at 3:24 PM on April 14, 2013

If you want to go ridiculously deep into this subject you could get your library to order in Yan Yunxiang's The Flow of Gifts: Reciprocity and Social Networks in a Chinese Village.
posted by Abiezer at 4:26 PM on April 14, 2013

Yes, this is a thing. My mom regularly travels to Taiwan (we're Taiwanese), and she brings home lots of goodies (pretty much strictly food) for her friends, and she actually has to carefully parse them and make sure that everyone gets at least something of what she managed to fit in her suitcase. It's just a way to let people know you're thinking of them and an act of goodwill.
posted by madonna of the unloved at 2:50 AM on April 15, 2013

YES, very much a chinese cultural thing to hand food items to others (it's a sign of caring/love). I was married to a Chinese man and his parents would make huge meals and always give me food, he said it was their sign of affection basically. When we told them we were getting married instead of congratulations, it was "want some watermelon??" Not Kidding.
posted by love2much at 11:59 AM on April 17, 2013 [1 favorite]