When is relocation a good idea?
March 29, 2013 11:43 AM   Subscribe

I know where I want to live. I'm trying to decide what career I want to pursue. And I want to bring my boyfriend along with me. Nothing is certain and I want to know whether I should be taking big risks at this point. And I need to pick a focus.

I turned 25 a couple weeks ago. I can’t decide whether I’m in a panic over my future, or not taking it seriously enough. I have a few ideas of what I’d like to do, but I can’t help but feel like I might be floundering in delusions. I have a bachelor’s degree in classical piano and liberal arts. I am teaching lessons part time while I look for another temp job ( my last one ended two weeks ago, on my birthday actually). I have been working since the age of 16 in different places like retail, a museum and an arts theatre (ticket sales and usher), a summer program for youth, a national sports competition, canvasser for a human rights org., and a trade association related to the arts (admin assistant). I feel as though I’ve had many interesting job experiences but no focus or goal to work toward. It's probably better not to continue in such a fashion, right?

I’m currently living with my boyfriend in a city nearby to my hometown. I have a fondness for this city, but don’t see it as my final destination, and have had my eyes on a bigger city 2 hours away for a while now. The city I want to live in has great culture, affordable apartments, a really good transit system, and is big enough to be considered as a world class city. If I have a child, I would want to raise them in that city. My boyfriend knows that my dream is to live there, and he says he is willing to move with me. He is from another part of the country though ( we're in Canada), and doesn’t have any connections in this other city. I don't know if it would be a wise move for him, professionally, but he doesn't seem to really know what he wants at the moment besides being involved in his political party.

The problem with me figuring this move out is that I haven’t figured my career out either. I miss school a lot, and since I don’t have a lot of debt, I think going back to school is a good option for me. My grades are above average but not top notch. While I think grad school is an invaluable experience for many people, I don’t really think it’s a good idea for me unless it serves a particular professional goal.

Here are the options I am currently considering.

• Pursue writing/communications/journalism. Something I’ve only begun to think about recently, despite being a liberal arts major. At my last job, I got to do promotional articles for the website and really enjoyed it. I relished in the opportunity to make a mark. My plan in this case would be to get a day job to pay the rent while I pursue (unpaid or paid) writing opportunities in my off time. ( I realize that even getting a day job is hard nowadays).

• Focus on Piano: Get a day job and use that money to pay for weekly lessons. Begin practicing seriously once again instead of 2-3 times a week. Leave other musical projects behind. Continue teaching part-time and plan performances. I wouldn’t have any end goal here except that I feel complete when I study piano seriously.

• Nurse: go back to college and begin studying to become a nurse. Complete change of direction, but one that would train me for meaningful work in a field where jobs are available ( I live in Canada). I would have to prepare myself for long hours and emotionally difficult work. However, I would feel like a useful member of society and would know that I was doing important work. I have a tiny bit of experience in home care for a physically disabled person and I think Caring for Others is something I would be good at. Possibly do another university degree in this once I finish the college one.

• Aim to find work in non-profits. Either hone my skills as an administrative assistant and get in that way, or go back to school to study accounting or something useful that would make them want to hire me. Then I would get to work in an organization with idealistic goals.

So basically, what I want to know is:
Is it a bad idea to move to another city before I figure out my career?
Or, will it be easier to make a career decision once I am living where I want to be?
Second, how do I go about moving to another city? Do I find an apartment first, or a job?

Third, : Should my boyfriend have to do this? Is this asking too much of him? He is 30 now, highly educated but underemployed. He says that if I can help him find a job there, he will move with me. I don't know exactly how i would do that, but I'm sure it's not impossible.

Breaking up with him doesn’t seem like an option right now. He makes me happy and treats me like a queen, and I love him. It seems like it would be better to stick together and support each other while we both figure out our goals. However, I know that my eventual destination is not in this city. So I have to make a decision, the sooner the better.
posted by winterportage to Human Relations (24 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
 
Job first then move. It's not fair to bring along another person on your adventure without any sort of plan as its his life too. Make a plan. Send out applications then the rest will follow. At least you can narrow your job/school search to one city.
posted by saradarlin at 12:03 PM on March 29, 2013


I'm doing something similar now. My boyfriend and I live in a part of the country we both dislike, but where he happened to find a great job. We both agreed we'd be happier in my hometown area, so I actually did look over his resume and help him find a job that he would like just as much. After two interviews, we're waiting to hear back now. He's the one likely to get the higher-paying jobs, whereas I am very easily employable at a variety of low-paying ones, so it just made sense to find him a job first.

And I so feel you on all of this. I'm two years older than you and still do not have it all figured out either, so take heart! It could be worse...
posted by chaiminda at 12:20 PM on March 29, 2013


Definitely have a job lined up first before you move, even if it's a wide range of the numerous interests you have. I don't suggest moving to a new city without for-sure employment because that would cause a strain in the relationship (if he moves at the same time) and a stressor you don't need at a pivotal moment in your life. This also includes apartment hunting. Job first, then apartment. Without the job, you'd lose the apartment and living out of a car with a job is easier than living out of a car without a job.

I don't think it's asking too much of your bf, especially if he's 30 and you're 25. "Is there a future?" seems to be the question to ask him. Depending on the depth of the relationship and if that is something you have both decided on, then plow on forward. However, if you are not 100% sure of that, then focus primarily on making this transition as smooth and fulfilling for you.

Personally (taken with a heaping pile of salt) I would recommend for you to figure out what you want out of your career first. If your boyfriend wants to come along, he will have the initiative to find a job and do what is best for both of you to succeed in new city.

It's easy to get lost in all the different paths laid out in front of you, but realize that this is a good problem to have. It's better to feel options, than stuck.
posted by lunastellasol at 12:28 PM on March 29, 2013


At this point you know one thing for sure, which is where you want to live. And your BF knows one thing for sure, which is that he's willing to live where you want to live. So I say, move. You've had a wide range of jobs so you should be able to get something fairly quickly while you decide about long-term career goals. (Unless this city has no temp agencies and an extreme lack-of-jobs situation going on.) Your BF can presumably be active in politics in that city too, while he also decides about long-term goals. You could move first, if that's easier or he's unsure. And if he doesn't like it after trying it he could always leave. It would probably be good to find that out if you're thinking the kids you want to raise there would be his, too. You're in Canada so you presumably have health care even without a job. So move! Of course it would be better if you found a job there before you moved, but if that's too difficult and if you can afford to move now, why wait to do the one thing you're actually sure of?

(I will also say I know people - I'm not one of them but I'm slightly jealous of them - who don't really care what they do for work but who live in places they love and do cool things all the time with the money they make from their "whatever, it's a job" jobs. You wouldn't want to wait another 2, 5, 10 years trying to figure out what you really want to do if it turns out that aspect of your life doesn't matter as much as being near culture, transit, etc. does.)
posted by DestinationUnknown at 12:43 PM on March 29, 2013 [3 favorites]


Is it a bad idea to move to another city before I figure out my career? Or, will it be easier to make a career decision once I am living where I want to be?

I think you should assess the cost of living comparison and other practical matters before you move. You've mentioned a very wide variety of paths you might like to follow. I think at this time, when you are still this undecided, it might be better for you to stay in the city you are now until you at least figure out which path you would like to pursue. For nursing, which school would you attend and where is something that might be a good idea to think about. Where are the non-profits in your area? Are there any or are they only in the bigger city you mention? Maybe it would be a good idea to think about your opportunities for the four different career paths you described in your city and then think about opportunities for those career paths in the bigger city and go from there.


Second, how do I go about moving to another city? Do I find an apartment first, or a job?

I think that really depends on what opportunities there are for you and your boyfriend in the other city. I would not be too certain about being able to easily find a job in the new city, but it would make it easier for you to go out on interviews, etc. if you were already based in said city. Again, I think it would be best to pick which career you would like to pursue before you really start deciding anything.


Should my boyfriend have to do this? Is this asking too much of him?

I think that wholly depends on your relationship. He said he would move with you. Does he seem excited about this or reluctant? "He says that if I can help him find a job there, he will move with me." I think it might be helpful to mention that this might end up being a tall order if you are not sure if you would be able to find a job in the new city yourself. At the very least, helping him find a job while looking for a job yourself could prove to be stressful and possibly cause friction between the two of you. Knowing yourself and your relationship, what would he do apart from your desires?


I think you should really sit down and figure out what your timeline is for all these things. You say you want to move to the bigger city when you have children -- how many months, days, or years from now will that be in your life? It sounds a little like you just feel pressured to settle down into a career (and perhaps into a life) since your recent birthday. Of your various jobs you said, "It's probably better not to continue in such a fashion, right?" What are your honest opinions about this? In this period of your life when you are not weighed down by much responsibilities, I think it is important to do what's right for you, and to be sure to make an honest assessment of what that entails.

I can empathize as well. It is hard to swim against the current and I think seeing friends and acquaintances already surpassing milestones you think you "should have" achieved makes it even harder. In my personal experience, though, I am finding it wholly worthwhile to take the time to figure out what I really want. I wish you the best of luck as you do the same for yourself.
posted by sevenofspades at 12:46 PM on March 29, 2013


You're overthinking everything.

Here's what I would do.

Move to BigCity. It's the one thing you're really certain you want to do, so just do it. Also, in my experience it's much easier to settle into a city like this when you're open to doing mcjobby-jobs or temping and aren't looking to parlay your career experience into a specific niche position above entry level. Your ability to support yourself teaching piano lessons is also an asset.

At first, just concentrate on getting settled into BigCity. Find a job you enjoy, ideally related to a field you're qualified to work in and which interests you. THIS will be the time to start figuring out what your ultimate grownup career will be. Table the whole issue until you are in a setting where it makes sense to start putting down meaningful roots.

Re the boyfriend thing -- I personally think it's his decision to come or not. I don't think you should be overly worried about him not having connections there if relocating is something he wants to do.
posted by Sara C. at 12:48 PM on March 29, 2013 [2 favorites]


One thing I'd do is get a mailing address and a burner cell phone in the area you're interested in moving to.

Update your resume with this information, (both for him and for you). Then start looking in for work in those areas.

Find a position with the skill set you each have now. Sit down and really think about what makes a job fun for each of you. Aim for jobs in that realm.

For example, you say you're interested in nursing, well, how about looking for an administrative job in the health care sector? See if you like the environment, the folks, the smells, etc. THEN, after you've sussed that out, you can decide if you'd like to be a nurse, or an X-ray technician, physical therapist, dietitician, or any of the other professions within healthcare. At that point, you should be able to return to school to pursue that. Also, hospitals have shifts, so you can work full time and do school full time.

If your boyfriend is TRULY ready to move with you, then help him to do so. I'm a bit taken aback though, in what way does he need your help for him to secure a new job? A grown-assed man should be able to update his resume, look on-line and apply for jobs for which he is qualified. Or am I missing something? Frankly, don't be too surprised if he chooses not to come along for the ride.

I like moving, it excites me. If I had no particular thing keeping me in a particular area, then I'd be apt to move.

I've lived in Phoenix, San Francisco, Miami, Nashville, Pittsburgh and Atlanta. I don't regret any of it.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 12:54 PM on March 29, 2013


Moving without a job, and asking your BF to give up his job is not only poor planning for your finances, but highly selfish of you. This will not help you grow your relationship, as the burden of double job hunting can take a toll on your relationship.

His response of "if you help him look" is revealing to me - it's an indication he is not thrilled with quitting and moving, and is caught between loving you and having to figure out how to accommodate your tall order.

Plan carefully. Good luck.
posted by Kruger5 at 1:08 PM on March 29, 2013


Ideally you'd have a job lined up before you move, but that's probably not realistic. Generally employers in the fields you're looking at don't want to hear that you're planning to move contingent on getting the job because sometimes people aren't that serious about moving or it just doesn't work out. It's a buyer's market and it's much less of a headache to go through the hiring process with someone who already lives in town.

You should still apply for jobs in the city because you might get lucky, but I think you should also start saving up money so that you can move to the city even if you don't get a job beforehand. Work personal connections and try to spend time in the city networking before you move.
posted by Colonel_Chappy at 1:10 PM on March 29, 2013


It seems like a really bad idea to me to move to new city with your boyfriend and for neither of you to have a job there. It seems pretty likely to me that you boyfriend saying he'll move if you help him find a job there may be meant to ensure that you have at least some income in this new place.

I would say unless you've got enough cash just sitting around to support you and the boyfriend through a move and rent and food and all other expenses for the time it could take to find job(s), you want to have at least one job waiting in New City when you get there. Especially with the economy the way it is right now, you should consider what would happen if you moved then neither of you found a job for a month or 3 months or a year. As a more immediate matter, you'd probably be hard pressed to find an apartment to rent without proof of income, anyway.

You don't need to know what The Life Plan is to move, but you should line up something to try, or at least line up a job for your boyfriend that brings in enough to support the two of you while you figure things out.
posted by Rallon at 1:20 PM on March 29, 2013


As for your boyfriend moving with you, it depends on where your relationship is at. I think it might be a recipe for resentment if this is framed as you moving and him coming along. It really needs to be a decision that you two are making together to relocate your partnership to this new city.

It's strange to me that he's asking for your help in finding a new job as a condition of moving when you're clearly trying to establish your own career. I agree with Kruger5 that this is a red flag that he's feeling resistant to moving. Each of you needs to have an equal responsibility for making this move succeed or it's not going to work.
posted by Colonel_Chappy at 1:22 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


have had my eyes on a bigger city 2 hours away for a while now. The city I want to live in has great culture, affordable apartments, a really good transit system, and is big enough to be considered as a world class city.

How much of this is a romantic view of the city and how much is based on experience? It's only two hours away. Do you and your boyfriend go there all the time, spend weekends there, experience the culture, have friends there, plan your free time so you can get there, etc? If not, then start doing that. It might not be what you think it is (which can be good or bad).

I don't know if it would be a wise move for him, professionally, but he doesn't seem to really know what he wants at the moment besides being involved in his political party....He is 30 now, highly educated but underemployed. He says that if I can help him find a job there, he will move with me.

This sounds like not a good thing. You sound curious and creative and adventurous, and he sounds passive and dependent. If he's 30 years old he needs to be finding his own jobs. If he's moving "for you" then don't be surprised if it is "your fault" when the perfect career he's not interested in actively looking for doesn't magically materialize.
posted by headnsouth at 1:25 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


Re the "...if you help me find a job" issue.

How on board is your boyfriend on all this? I mean, he's a grown adult. Unless you have specific connections that could help him find work easily, finding a job is on him. While I agree that it would be needlessly tough for you guys to both move together before either of you has work, it's odd to me that the onus is on you to find him a job.

In my opinion, the best way to handle the "nobody has a job" situation is for you to line up some kind of casual gig (piano lessons, retail, waiting tables, etc) that will support you in the immediate short term. Then he follows you, sleeping on your couch or whatnot, with the understanding that now it's HIS turn to find a source of income.

From there, the two of you can decide what you want to be when you grow up.

If he's not down with this, or more likely, if he comes out to live with you and just... never gets around to finding work... that's on him.

I would be prepared for the heartache of dealing with your deadbeat boyfriend who will neither contribute to the rent nor leave, though. Again, unless he's truly as gung ho as you are and actively collaborating on a plan with you.
posted by Sara C. at 1:29 PM on March 29, 2013 [3 favorites]


I actually recently did this and I'm closer to your boyfriend's age. I decided to move and now am working with temp agencies, so I had a vague plan but no solid job lined up. I did have savings though so I am covered with expenses for at least a few months months. If one of you can get a job first then that would be good, but I don't think it's necessary if temping is a viable option.

At my last job the company relocated someone halfway across the country to my office and then about a month later she got laid off. She had just gotten her life all set up in this new city and then she was out of a job. So nothing is really certain, even if you have a job lined up.

That said, in some cities(like mine) you need to be able to prove a certain level of income in order to sign a lease, so since I was moving by myself I moved in with someone. Not sure how that works in your chosen city but it's something to consider.

With any kind of risk you might take you are going to have people telling you to NEVER do it unless you have X/Y/Z in place beforehand. Well, plenty of other people have likely done exactly what you want to do without having X/Y/Z in place and have figured out how to make it work. So there is no one perfect way of going about things.

So basically my advice is to figure out what exactly it is that you are certain you want, plan out your next steps as best as you can, and jump in.
posted by fromageball at 1:35 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


Thanks so much for the advice so far! Keep the answers coming!

How much of this is a romantic view of the city and how much is based on experience?

It's based on experience. My brother lives there (still in school), and a couple close friends live there and I visit them often. I go there probably 5 or 6 weekends a year or more.

I would be prepared for the heartache of dealing with your deadbeat boyfriend who will neither contribute to the rent nor leave. . .

He's really not a deadbeat or a dependent. I think he just thinks it would be fair for me to help him, since it's my initiative to move.

Please keep the answers coming!
posted by winterportage at 1:46 PM on March 29, 2013


He's really not a deadbeat or a dependent.

Sorry, I didn't mean to suggest that your boyfriend currently is either of those things.

It's just that, well, your girlfriend moves two hours away, and she finds a job, and now you're moving to be with her. Yay!

You spend the first week living in her apartment, getting to know the lay of the land, settling in. But come Monday, you're TOTALLY going to start looking for jobs!

Another week goes by. You fill out a few job applications, but, like, winterportage SAID she was going to help you.

Another week goes by. You get kinda into re-watching Battlestar Galactica and don't get around to working on the job stuff. You do not hear from any of those jobs you applied for. But it's OK, I mean, it's just the first few weeks. Right?

Another week goes by. Rent is due, but it's OK, because winterportage is definitely willing to float you just this one time while you get settled in.

Another week goes by. You come down with the flu.

Another week goes by. After a Serious Conversation with Winterportage, you get back on the job hunt, filling out a few more applications. By now you are starting to get discouraged. Winterportage is being a total nag about this, especially when SHE was the one who was supposed to find you a job, remember? Also, HOLY SHIT how many starbucks applications do you have to fill out to get one measly minimum wage job?

Another week goes by. You sink into depression and finally start watching Doctor Who after like the fifteenth recommendation. It's pretty good.

Another week goes by. Rent is due again, and Winterportage isn't happy. But what does she expect? It takes time to find a job. You just moved here, after all.

Etc. etc. etc.

I'm not saying your boyfriend is going to do this, but I've seen it happen before. It's a long slow slide into being That Guy.
posted by Sara C. at 1:54 PM on March 29, 2013 [6 favorites]


Sara C:

How about just believing the OP instead of painting her future life with BF as that of dread? You're treating the OP as misinformed of her own partner.

Plan for the job before moving - both of you. That will mitigate the risk more in your favor.
posted by Kruger5 at 2:14 PM on March 29, 2013


He's really not a deadbeat or a dependent. I think he just thinks it would be fair for me to help him, since it's my initiative to move.

That's not how it works.

One person's initiative is supposed to inspire the other partner to join in the adventure, which is awesome. Or you find that the one person's initiative doesn't inspire the other partner because the other partner has their own ideas about what they want, and that's ok too.

What's not ok is when one person's initiative is expected to carry the other person because hey, it wasn't my idea.
posted by headnsouth at 2:16 PM on March 29, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'll just say this. From what I've heard, the career options you suggest sound like this:

- Writing: seems to pay very little even for some of the best people in the business (unless you want to do, like, ad copy)

- Piano playing: ?? I'm guessing this requires being kind of a superstar to find a paying gig

- Nursing: In high demand and pays like $90k/year. You'd probably have to go back to school for 3 very grueling years and take on a fair amount of debt.

- Being an admin at a nonprofit: Pays like $35k/year and makes little sense. Admin work at a nonprofit is not much different than admin work for some big corporation. So why accept half the pay? Because you like the mission? Then work at big corp for ...$50k (?) and donate half of that salary differential to the nonprofit you like. (Just my opinion. I work at a nonprofit, by the way, and I mean no disrespect to our awesome admin team. I'm glad they do what they do. But I worry they're not paid enough, just like I'd worry about the OP.)

- Pursuing accounting or working toward being a COO at a nonprofit: The salary range could easily approach or surpass being a nurse. You might even be able to find an entry level accounting job without going back to school, though you'd need a degree to go to the next level.

So I'd recommend you narrow to two options: nursing and the business end of nonprofit management. Those are very different work environments, so it might be obvious to you now which one you'd prefer. You could even try to get an entry level accounting job while you figure out how to apply for nursing school.

Your boyfriend is a red herring. He has to figure out his own career and find his own jobs. If he wants to follow your lead (use the same local address and burner cell phone, e.g.), okay. Don't let him hold you back from getting your life figured out.

So basically, what I want to know is:
Is it a bad idea to move to another city before I figure out my career?


No, it's a great idea. You'll likely have more employment options there, and you'll start making friendships you might have for the rest of your life. So move as soon as you can financially swing it.

Or, will it be easier to make a career decision once I am living where I want to be?

They're largely unrelated, but yes, being where you want to be will make it easier to "fall into" something that works for you. Maybe that temp job at the nonprofit turns into a permanent job.

Second, how do I go about moving to another city? Do I find an apartment first, or a job?

In this economy, probably a job.
posted by salvia at 2:24 PM on March 29, 2013 [2 favorites]


So why accept half the pay? Because you like the mission?
Uh, yeah. Did I ever say I was trying to become a millionaire here?

Piano playing? I'm guessing this requires being kind of a superstar to find a paying gig.
This is not true, all churches require piano players and it's actually not hard to find gigs at things like weddings, parties, etc. And I already have a degree in it. Plus you'll notice I said I would get a day job to fund that option, and I'm already a teacher.

Sara C., thanks for pointing that out! However, like I said, this guy is highly educated, has 3 degrees, and is just presently underemployed. I really don't see him sliding into something like that, but who knows.

I'm going to end things here- a lot of helpful answers! The consensus seems to be 1) Find job, and 2) Move. I never really intended to move without any job prospects, and was planning this for a few months down the road. These answers have convinced me to follow through with this. thanks!
posted by winterportage at 6:35 PM on March 29, 2013


So why accept half the pay? Because you like the mission?
Uh, yeah. Did I ever say I was trying to become a millionaire here?
I think the point being that administrative work for a non profit is not part of the non profit's mission as such. Non profits face a shortage of two things: expertise of staffers to implement their mission, and money. So of you really want to help a non profit because you believe in its mission, you would be better off in a job where you provide one of those two things. The support staff jobs are more or less interchangeable with other support staff jobs elsewhere. If your interest is in the mission of a non-profit, plan your career to do whatever that mission is. Similarly, if you told me you were interested in health care and helping patients, I would tell you to get a job as a health care professional or similar patient-facing job rather than answering phones for the accounts-payable department of a hospital.

I might also add that a job with no path to advancement that "pays the bills" is perfectly satisfying at 25 when you feel like you need nothing, but may feel personally and financially limiting when you're 35.

In any case, the bigger city is just 2 hours away. It should be pretty straightforward to find a job there to get a foothold in the city, at least to the point where you're no worse off than you are now. That's why people are saying you're over thinking this-- you don't have any set career path where you are now, and you're in a city you'd rather not be in. If you move to the city with only a bare-essential job to support yourself, your career situation is no worse than it was before BUT you're in a city you would much rather be in with all of the additional opportunities that entails.
posted by deanc at 7:35 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


one career option: elementary/middle/high school music teacher. your piano option above was more geared towards playing for a living, but there are probably more jobs, and less competition to teach. i'm not in the music industry, but the impression i get is that playing professionally is only an option for the super stars among those went to college for music and made it a main focus many years before that. on the other hand, teaching kids is not exactly high paying, but you can still make a decent middle class wage and keep music as a big component of your life.
posted by cupcake1337 at 7:51 PM on March 29, 2013


To play devil's advocate to folks who are telling you not to go into non-profit administration because of money:

I've made my career in administration within the entertainment industry. It's not non-profit, so the pay's not that bad, but yeah, I'm aware that I could easily be coordinating the manufacture of widgets or the schedules of finance bigwigs or whatever and make more money, and go home at 5 every day.

But you know what? I like my job. I like being involved with creative stuff. When I'm working on a project I'm excited about, it really helps me stay positive about the mundane parts. I've also had some amazingly cool opportunities, and learned useful things that have helped me in my creative pursuits. I'll happily take all that in exchange for an extra $10K a year.

If you like nonprofit administration, do it. Somebody has to, and if you get burnt out you can always go to a big corporation later. Skills are skills.
posted by Sara C. at 10:33 PM on March 29, 2013


I might also add that a job with no path to advancement that "pays the bills" is perfectly satisfying at 25 when you feel you need nothing, but may feel personally and financially limiting when you're 35.

This is a really good point. I need to be putting down foundations for a full life rather than always following my whims. What sevenspades said upthread hit home as well; my recent birthday has kind of made me feel pressured to "settle down into a career or a life." I would like to start making definitive choices soon, so that in a few years, I will feel like I know where my life is going. The way I'm living now is fun, but it's like a constant state of crisis and I think it will begin to wear me down eventually. I'm considering this move because somewhere along the line I decided that Big City was My City, and not being there presently is making me feel like I am stagnating. It's so easy to let time pass where I am, and I feel as though I am trapped in comfort and fear. I thank all of you for yoru answers because they make it clear to me that there's really nothing holding me back from this.

As for the baby-making, I'm not ready to even think about that yet- ideally I would like to figure out my professional goals before that happens ( i guess having some money would help too!). So I'm not planning for that before i'm 30 at the earliest.

RE: working in a non-profit vs working in a corporation. I tend to agree with Sara C.'s point of view on this one; I'd rather be involved with something creative that I find stimulating, and make a little less money because of it. The thing, I guess, that attracts me to non-profits is that I feel you develop deeper bonds with your colleagues because you are striving for a common social or artistic goal, sort of alone together or something like that. This is idealistic, of course.
posted by winterportage at 7:17 AM on March 30, 2013


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