What do you wish you'd known when you were 18?
September 8, 2005 2:10 AM   Subscribe

Is there anything you wish you had known when you were 18?

I've deliberated over posting this question... it seems a bit too broad and chatty, but I think it's important. I frequently hear that X wished they'd known Y when they were younger. Well, I am young, and I want to know what you would tell your 18-year-old self if you could.
posted by Acey to Society & Culture (63 answers total) 36 users marked this as a favorite
In some ways the question is academic, because I believe most of us only learn by experience. People gave me plenty of advice but I only really understood it once I had been through it for myself. That said, there are plenty of things I wish I had known:

Living here in the UK, I wish I'd known to buy a house as soon as possible... if I had bought one when I was 18 I would have made tons of money because house prices increased so dramatically. At the time I thought I didn't have the means to buy a house. Now I think I should have found a way - whether that meant begging or borrowing - rather than avoiding getting onto the ladder.

I wish that I had better understood the nature of attraction and seduction, things I am only getting to know now as I get older. When I was younger I waited for people to approach me because I didn't have the courage to do it for myself. Now I realise how a few simple rules of psychology apply in many potential romantic encounters and I have gained a lot more confidence in those situations.

However, there are lots of good things about being 18 which I wish I could maintain now that I'm older. The knockbacks and setbacks one experiences as an adult can make one feel cynical or tentative. I have to work hard to push past that inclination, whereas when I was a teen I often made new endeavours without even considering the possibility of failure. Sometimes I have to remind myself to act as if I was still 18.
posted by skylar at 2:19 AM on September 8, 2005

I wish I knew that all of those drugs I was taking were going to make me useless to myself and society until I was about 24 (when I decided to quit taking them).
posted by sic at 2:32 AM on September 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

There was a question almost identical to this about a week ago....
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:43 AM on September 8, 2005

I wish I knew how important money is, and should not have wasted my allowance on crap like CDs , Comics and Computer Games.

If I've saved up the $, and invested it. 10 years on, I might be sitting on a tidy sum of $.
posted by merv at 2:43 AM on September 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

I wish I'd known that credit cards are the spawn of Satan.
posted by leapingsheep at 2:56 AM on September 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

Oh yeah, I forgot about credit cards (I was stoned!).
posted by sic at 2:57 AM on September 8, 2005

I wish I'd checked the AskMe Archives

And skylar, if you want to post those rules of psychology in seduction I'm sitting here with a pad and pen.
posted by NinjaPirate at 3:12 AM on September 8, 2005

I wish I’d known that achieving my goals is the most fun and exciting thing to do. Going out, clubbing, raves etc. are good, but are always the same story in the end. It doesn’t matter what other people think, doing your own thing is always better, and in the end other people will respond to you better.

You will have to earn money somehow. If you’ve got a big dream, work your arse off to make it happen while you have time. Also think about ways you can earn money that will be tolerable. If you don’t take control, someone else will take control of you.

If you’re thinking of further education, I would get a job for at least 2 years until I knew what I wanted to get out of university or training. It’s too easy to go there and slack off and not really see that the easy lifestyle won’t continue after, whereas if you work first you will really look forward to having the mental freedom. Also, there are other alternatives to university - trades, employer training schemes, self employment. Don’t lay down all that money until you know what you want.

Don’t mean this to sound pessimistic -this is my personal rant to myself, and there’s a lot of fun to be had as well.
posted by lunkfish at 3:19 AM on September 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

Then again if you're going to study business you probably know that already.
posted by lunkfish at 3:46 AM on September 8, 2005

You probably have goals (or whatever your personal version of "success" is), and you may feel you're might not be very happy right now, but working towards success - acheiving your dreams - will lead to happier days in the future.
That's potentially a big mistake.
Success doesn't make you happy. Hell, maybe you're the exception and it will, but don't bet your life on it - don't spend the next 5, 10, 20 years building your career, getting that dreamhome, whatever, only to discover 20 years down the track that that stuff is not actually relevant to how you feel, and you're back at square one - except the best years of your life are forever gone. If you're not happy with yourself NOW, working towards a future goal that you think will solve that problem, is very likely the wrong approach.

Seek success, sure, no sense in not being well-off, but if you're not happy, or if you don't like yourself, address that stuff immediately, don't be fooled into thinking that if the world loves and adores you, you'll like you too. Glamour is people's projected fantasies.

(I was lucky enough to have most of my dreams come true at a young age, and slap this reality into me in my twenties. I could have easily continued for much longer, and that would suck. I didn't even believe I conflated success with happiness - they're so clearly separate, but at a deep subconcious level, it turned out I did. If you're a product of western culture, I'd lay a bet that this is true of you also, even though it doesn't feel like it).

I think this stuff also is fairly closely related to some aspects of the mid-life crisis. If so, I figure that if you can have your mid-life crisis 20 years ahead of schedule, your life will be better for it. Plus, it won't raise so many eyebrows if you try mad stuff in your 20s :-)
posted by -harlequin- at 4:11 AM on September 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

Incidentally, if it sounds like my answer conflicts with lunkfish's answer above (it doesn't), then I haven't written it clearly, lunkfish is getting at a lot of the same things, from a different angle.
posted by -harlequin- at 4:14 AM on September 8, 2005

See also, this thread.
posted by Jon-o at 4:55 AM on September 8, 2005

Credit cards are evil.
Don't have sex with virgins.
posted by LilBucner at 6:21 AM on September 8, 2005

Go ahead and kiss her.
posted by LarryC at 6:35 AM on September 8, 2005 [6 favorites]

If you go to college, major in something useful, and minor in something useless.
posted by MrZero at 6:37 AM on September 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

I wish I knew how easy it is to hurt the people who love you
posted by matteo at 6:40 AM on September 8, 2005

This too shall pass.

Maybe going out clubbing before midterms isn't the best idea.

Don't be afraid to get all the stupid mistakes out of the way early. You're only young once.

n+1 for "go ahead and kiss her"
posted by softlord at 6:47 AM on September 8, 2005

Have good credit.
posted by delmoi at 7:18 AM on September 8, 2005 [2 favorites]

- Don't be afraid/ashamed of your own opinions.
- Pursue things in life that you really want - not just what you think is good for you or the "right" thing to do.
- As long as you're not a complete idiot, shit usually works out in the end - don't stress over things too much.
posted by soplerfo at 7:27 AM on September 8, 2005

It is totally insane to seek the approval of crazy parents.
posted by Goofyy at 7:33 AM on September 8, 2005 [2 favorites]

Look, when I was 18 and into my early 20s everything seemed so immediate and important. How am I going to get the girl, how am I going to get the right jobs, how am I going to live the life I want to live. Right?

The answer lies in understanding this one simple fact: Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

Save money. Even just a few bucks a week. Just make it a habit. You'll thank yourself later.

The better you treat yourself when you feel invincible, will help make you invincible for a lot longer.

Have the confidence to do what you want to do. Don't worry what others think about it.

Pay attention to those that matter to you. Spend the time with them while you can. They will not always be there.

That girl/guy that is really cute but is playing games, probably isn't the one anyway, so move on.

And not to be depressing, but the reality is when you go to your 20 year high school reunion, you will find out that the jocks, nerds, heads, whatever the label, all end up pretty much the same. So, try to be nice to everyone and not judge them on some superficial quality.

Lastly, just be open to life. Do things.
posted by szg8 at 7:36 AM on September 8, 2005 [2 favorites]

Much more than one can learn in a rural agricultural area whose primary connection with the outside world was manufacturing office desks.

Primarily though, how to recognize an opportunity.
posted by mischief at 7:47 AM on September 8, 2005

A mentor told me when I graduated from high school that one of the things he wished he had done more at my age was to hold on to the people he cared about. Very understandable sentiment but still hard to actually follow through on, with cross-country-college friends etc. It's the thing about twentysomething life I hate the most, the way all of the friends you make you leave behind each place you go. That drives me crazy.
posted by ifjuly at 8:09 AM on September 8, 2005 [3 favorites]

University is easy. If it wasn't, most of the people there wouldn't have gotten in. That said, 3 rules would have helped me out loads.
  1. Start all work as soon as you get it.
  2. Read every textbook thoroughly and read around the course.
  3. Keep an academic diary and know what day of the week it is.
I wish I had come across the Cornell Method of note taking.
posted by xpermanentx at 8:31 AM on September 8, 2005

That girl you're afraid to ask out because you're such good friends with her? In five years, you'll be in different states, and she'll be completely out of your life. So ask her out already.
posted by shallowcenter at 8:50 AM on September 8, 2005 [3 favorites]

Remember that all things always end.
posted by dabradfo at 8:53 AM on September 8, 2005 [5 favorites]

It's almost never about you (unless it is).

The things you say, and the way you say them, affect the people you say them to. Be careful of other people's feelings.


It's a funny thing about regret son, it's always better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't (within reason).

Listen to your gut, be true to yourself.

If you're going to do something, take it seriously and do it well. My second trip to post-secondary education was far more successful in every sense, simply because I took it seriously.

Don't be in a hurry to grow up, trust me, you'll wake up one day and wonder how it is that you're not 18 anymore.

Be here now. Thinking about the future and the past, and genuinely examining your life, are important things which you should make a habit of doing on a regular basis. But live in the present.

Keep a journal.
posted by biscotti at 8:54 AM on September 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

Two words: Delay gratification.
posted by kindall at 8:55 AM on September 8, 2005 [2 favorites]

Really get to know your parents (and grandparents if they're still around) as individual separate people. Ask them what they wish they'd known at 18, you might get a surprise. I'm only in my mid-twenties, but I'm already wishing I'd gotten to know the people I grew up with better.
posted by crabintheocean at 9:04 AM on September 8, 2005

Response by poster: Thanks everyone for the advice. This page will be firmly bookmarked and taken note of. And I can't believe I missed the thread from just last week! Again, thanks, you have no idea how important it is to hear this kind of stuff. There's only a certain number of times a person can be told 'you've got your whole life ahead of you'.
posted by Acey at 9:05 AM on September 8, 2005

University is easy. If it wasn't, most of the people there wouldn't have gotten in.

University is hard. If it wasn't, a third of of the freshman class wouldn't wash out every year. High school is so easy you can get through it without ever actually learning how to study, even in a college prep or advanced placement curriculum. In college, you will sit and listen to a lecturer and it will all make perfect, beautiful sense -- but you will be unable to to recall it on exam day if all you do is sit and listen. So learn how to study. You'll need it.

Also: "Don't sweat the small stuff" and "the devil is in the details" are both true. You must learn to pay attention to the details while not sweating them.
posted by kindall at 9:05 AM on September 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

Enjoy good food while you're young. Metabolism is not your friend past age 30 and all those calories do have a way of catching up with you.

Keep moving! Do some sort of exercise daily and incorporate a game like golf or tennis in to your regular routine.

Never Stop Learning!

Never Settle for less than you feel you absolutely deserve.

Learn about investments and use them wisely.

Don't take your family or friends for granted. There will come a time when you need them.

Keep an open mind about new ideas.

Laugh often.

Excellent question, btw!
posted by SoftSummerBreeze at 9:16 AM on September 8, 2005

- Become financially responsible. Make and keep to a budget, save, have goals, pay bills on time, get credit cards but pay them off in full ALWAYS.
- If you want to get good at something (karate, basket-weaving, asking out girls, etc.), practice it. Reading, thinking, talking about it is fine, but is no substitute for doing.
- Learn to dance. Seriously; the traditional "ballroom" stuff.
- Be the change you want to see.
posted by ObscureReferenceMan at 9:24 AM on September 8, 2005

Undergrad grades matter.
In my case, they did, at least
posted by Kwantsar at 9:32 AM on September 8, 2005

Response by poster: Okay, from reading this thread and the thread last week, I have a few questions to ask. Now, in my profile that I noticed some people had taken a look at, I mention that I am about to start a degree in Business.

The problem is I have a lot of issues with the way the business world works (probably from watching films like fight club), so much of the way my heart isn't going to be in it. I chose it originally because I am good at it, and I do quite enjoy it. I considered a film studies degree because that is something I love, but eventually bottled out. I realise that this is the sensible course choice, but who wants to be sensible? Has anyone got any advice on how to keep interested whilst not really believing in what I am being taught?
posted by Acey at 9:39 AM on September 8, 2005

I wish I'd known how very, very fast time will pass, and how quickly I'd be looking back from my late thirties wondering why I didn't get off my lazy arse and spend more time doing the things I really wanted to do rather than mindlessly grafting for a crust at a series of jobs I despised.

I wish I'd realised that there's really nothing to be afraid of about getting up on stage with a band, and that I was plenty good enough to give it a crack.

I wish I'd gone skiing earlier.

I wish I'd been less convinced I was hideously unattractive to women.

Yeah, I guess that's about it.
posted by Decani at 10:03 AM on September 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

I don't want to go on about it, but I would suggest you work until you find what you want to do.

Yeah it's fun to go to Uni when you're 18 but you'll still have a wicked time if you're 22 or 27, maybe better cause you appreciate it more.

Uni is a great chance to work towards something, even if that's just a decent career that you like.

I started one course, then another, and spent most of my time thinking 'is this the right thing'. I'm not saying there's no hope after uni, but it's hard to get that mental freedom and lack of financial worries again.
posted by lunkfish at 10:04 AM on September 8, 2005

Buy real estate.

Try not to move someplace right before a major terrorist attack in the vicinity, because... man, does that suck.
posted by Caviar at 10:05 AM on September 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

I'd just like to say, hopefully without being seen as a snarker, that all these folk advising an 18-year old to be worried about buying real estate... make me a bit sad.

I guess it depends on where your priorities lie. My feeling is that an 18-year old's priorities should still be some way distant from leaping eagerly onto the capitalist/materialist treadmill. But then I'm a rampaging lefty.

Enjoy your youth, don't lock yourself down in one place so dreadfully early in life. Don't shackle yourself with a mortgage when you've barely earned a paycheck. Travel. Drink. Experiment. Shag. Read. Learn. Take risks. This is the time for those things. Trust me, if you don't do it now, you'll wish you had later.
posted by Decani at 11:13 AM on September 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

Buy real estate. Buy google. Short enron. Buy tech stocks. Sell tech stocks in 2000. Buy euros. Short the dollar. Buy lottery ticket with winning number.

All this stuff is so obvious in hindsight. That said, if I were currently 18, I would:

Sell all my real estate. Sell google. Sell tech stocks. Get a recession proof college degree. Socialize more. Enjoy my youth. Casually date. Study abroad. Work away from home during the summers.
posted by malp at 11:27 AM on September 8, 2005

now's the time to take big assed risks.
posted by fishfucker at 12:10 PM on September 8, 2005

Wear Sunscreen
posted by noahv at 12:29 PM on September 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

I answered the other thread because it was "what did you wish you knew when you were 21".

Like Skylar started off, 18 is a little younger. A lot happens between 18 and 21 and I agree that a lot of things you'll just have to learn for yourself.

The above advice is good, but I'll add a couple of generalities.

Experiment. Try new things. Use barrier contraceptives. If there's an opportunity that presents itself that you want to take, go for it.

Be honest not only to the people around you but also to yourself.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 12:31 PM on September 8, 2005

Compound interest.

I'd be retired by now if I had understood the magic of compund interest.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 12:53 PM on September 8, 2005

People say you can do anything and the world is your oyster, but at 18, you're getting awfully close to the age where the list of things you can still realistically do in life starts getting shorter, instead of longer, and each year, you have to cross more and more hopes off the list.
(Eg, maybe you wanted to compete at an Olympic level, chances are you've already had to cross that one off).

Being aware that the world is becoming less your oyster every day is a useful perspective.
posted by -harlequin- at 1:28 PM on September 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

No, there isn't going to be a nuclear war in the next few years.

Yes, life will go on, and the economy is going to get tougher. You will have to survive, and you will want more money than you can scrounge on your own wits. Get some education.

And when you run into that guy K***? Blow him off.
posted by zadcat at 2:33 PM on September 8, 2005

Acey -

I'm in my late twenties, and frankly I wish I had decided to pick a more "useful" major in college (Art History?), or at the very least, choose internships/summer jobs that would more readily lead into a career with more upward mobility than the one I ended up in. Realize that you will have chances to do things you love and are interested in (take a couple film classes, go to local/college film series, maybe even make your own low/no budget films) as a hobby, but unless you are willing to make sacrifices in terms of lifestyle (family/location/salary), many professions will be very difficult or impossible.

I also reiterate the NO DEBT suggestions. Be very careful with credit cards and student loans or they will be following you for the rest of your life.

That said, have fun. Someone earlier in the thread made the comment that one is more likely to regret things NOT done rather than things done, and I heartily agree with that sentiment.
posted by Rock Steady at 2:47 PM on September 8, 2005

Read some Shakespeare.

If you don't think you can handle it, buy a book of Shakespeare quotations.

You will learn that, 400 years ago, this guy was asking all the same questions you will ask, and then coming up with incredibly eloquent answers to them. There are a few Shakespeare quotes that I literally try to live by every day. My two favorites come from Hamlet:

'This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.'

In other words, if you are honest with yourself, you will be honest with others and they will admire that in you.

'There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.'

In other words, you're never as smart as you think, and you'll never have all the answers. This applies especially to religious arguments and such, I find.

A book of the quotes is also great because you can use it to impress women ;-)
posted by autojack at 2:58 PM on September 8, 2005

When I was 18 I wish I knew that I wouldn't be able to quit smoking. (I started 2 months before my 18th b-day)

I also wish I understood that 3 months of financial irresponsibility makes your life a living hell for the next 7 years. When you can't even get a checking account, you realize how important your credit report really is.
posted by darkness at 3:16 PM on September 8, 2005

Response by poster: Once again, thanks for the replies. I seem to be doing well on these suggestions so far; I don't smoke, I am healthy, I have chosen a useful degree, I have no debt and I have a reasonable amount of money saved already. I will do my best to stay on track of course, and I will have fun doing it. I like to think I'm smart enough to see this all in perspective more than the average joe at least. That's always useful, and this exercise has helped a lot. Moving away can be a big thing, I just want to make the best of it. I can't wait!

Thanks again everyone!
posted by Acey at 3:48 PM on September 8, 2005

Especially at your age, put at least some of your savings into a Roth IRA, and contribute some every year. You can take your contributions out anytime so it makes a decent emergency fund, and anything you earn in the account is never taxed.
posted by kindall at 4:06 PM on September 8, 2005

Decani, I'm sorry it makes you sad, but I failed to do both of the things I mentioned, and they're honestly my big regrets.
posted by Caviar at 5:17 PM on September 8, 2005

- do not do not do not do not do not go to university right out of high school, especially if you're just doing it because that's "what's done." if you go to uni in your 20s or later, you'll actually know why you're there, will get something out of it other than debt, and rather than locking you in to a course you may regret later, it will open up your possible courses in the years to come.

- you don't have to pick a path when you're 18. take what's useful, abandon what isn't, change lanes frequently.

- everyone is attractive, just not to everyone.

- flexibility is better than security any day

- the french they taught me is useless in france

- most health problems are cumulative. they're annoying to think about when you're a teen, but downright depressing to have later

- everyone is at least as insecure as you are, and those who intimidate you may very well, far from judging you, be relieved and touched by spontaneous attempts at emotional connection. those who don't appreciate it aren't worth your time.

- it's entirely possible that the boring people who aren't high all the time are going to be the interesting people later, because they were actually doing things.

- the rhythm method is not a contraceptive.

- life doesn't get any less fun or less stressful or less confusing or less clear the older you get. it just gets more expensive.

- long-lasting friendships are hard work sometimes.

- you're not crazy. unless you've never wondered if you're crazy. if you've never wondered, you weren't paying attention hard enough. go back and do it again.
posted by poweredbybeard at 6:27 PM on September 8, 2005 [9 favorites]

having said all that though, the single most important thing anyone could have said to me when i was 18 would have been: "she likes you too."
posted by poweredbybeard at 6:32 PM on September 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

I wish I'd known how unusually fortunate I was.
posted by ikkyu2 at 7:12 PM on September 8, 2005

You are a bit player in everyone else's drama. It has taken me a number of years to understand that one.

And I've taken it to mean lately that all those things I think are incredibly important and dramatic are only dramatic because I think they are.

The large majority of life isn't that dramatic.

So take a chance, jump into the water, splash someone you like and don't worry so much about what other people think of you. They're awfully worried about what you'll think of them.
posted by mulkey at 8:07 PM on September 8, 2005 [2 favorites]

What Poweredbybeard said .... (absolutely great stuff).

All this Defer Gratification stuff, don't get into debt, don't take drugs .... yes well, in moderation. Make sure you do get some gratification some time. Very few people on their deathbed wish that they had spent more time in the office.

All things taken together, for most people, life is surprisingly benign.
posted by grahamwell at 2:32 AM on September 9, 2005

I've often played this game with myself. But in the end, it always came down to this: if I had known different things in the past, I'd be a different person, and I'd have lived a different life. If I'd lived a different life, I most likely would not have met the woman with whom I've decided to spend the rest of it.

Since everything I ever did in the past has led me to be with her now, I'm glad I did things the way I did. Even the collossal fuckups, of which there are many.
posted by jaded at 4:46 AM on September 9, 2005

Decani, I'm sorry it makes you sad, but I failed to do both of the things I mentioned, and they're honestly my big regrets.

I failed to do 'em too, and they're honestly things I feel extremely relieved not to have done so painfully early. I have regrets, but not those. When I finally got around to buying a flat in my late twenties it gave me huge pains in the posterior, in all sorts of ways. It still does. And the fact that I could now sell it at a tidy profit (assuming I don't want to immediately buy an equally-inflated "better" property, of course) in no way justifies the stress property ownership has caused me.

Then again I also disagree with the person who said don't go to university right after school. I did, had an absolutely amazing three years and I know that had I taken time out after school I'd never have found the will to go back.

I guess this all shows that there are no 'right' answers. What's right for some is all wrong for others. I'm sure Acey will have fun weighing up the conflicting opinions, though. :-)
posted by Decani at 8:54 AM on September 9, 2005

An example:

When I was thirty, I quit my job, cashed in my not-very-old pension scheme (which amounted to 11K sterling - not much, but enough, back then), hoisted the back pack and spent three months in Greece with my then wife. We came back having no idea where or when we'd get jobs, bummed around a bit, got in the car and toured Scotland for a month, bummed around a bit more. In all we took nine months out of the wheel.

It was the most glorious, life-affirming, joyful, amazing thing I ever did in my life. I wouldn't take back what I did if I lost my job tomorrow, sank into abject penury and died because of it. I'm serious.

I did that when I was thirty. We did something similar when I was thirty-seven. That one was almost as amazing and life-affirming and enjoyable. Each one made me understand how easy it is to get sucked into the work-save-acquire-own-breed-work cycle and how hard it is to escape from that mindset once you're in it. But above all, how liberating it is if you do manage to escape, even if only for one magical period in your life. Scales fell from my eyes.

We're all going to die and often sooner than we think. Live. Take risks. And if we find ourselves in difficulties because of it, most of us can improvise solutions if we're reasonably competent, smart people. LIVE. Especially when you're only eighteen, for pity's sake.
posted by Decani at 9:04 AM on September 9, 2005 [6 favorites]

I don't necessarily agree with those who advise that you postpone going to university, but I will add that if you intend to do that, make sure you do something worthwhile. Working at McDonald's or some similar job is a colossal waste of time — unless you intend to get into the fast food business.

Worke on resolving problems rather than enduring them and/or just letting them make you miserable.

Have fun and accomplish a lot. Don't waste a lot of time puttering and moping.

Don't spen a lot of time in negative relationships. You can't solve other people's problems for them.
posted by orange swan at 11:27 AM on September 21, 2005

Things my 18-y-o self should have known:

It gets better eventually. Oh so much better.

Also, that instinct you had when visiting that college for the first time? LISTEN TO IT. It will make you cry the same tears later on.
posted by divabat at 6:16 PM on October 8, 2005

I wish I hadn't listened to those who told me, "You have time for all that - have fun!" I wish I had become a mature person sooner and understood that responsibility begins with ME.
I wish I had known that the government is almost always the problem.

posted by Independent Scholarship at 8:25 PM on October 23, 2005 [1 favorite]

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