How does marriage affect ownership of a house?

March 13, 2013 7:35 AM

My fiancee asked me when I would add her name to the house, which I purchased by myself before meeting her. How to best handle this situation?

My fiancee and I have recently opened a joint checking account and a joint credit card as first steps in merging finances. Last night, she asked me when I would "put her name on the house," the house being where we live and purchased by me alone before I met her. I told her that as far as I knew 1-this would probably involve both a lawyer and a mortgage refinance, at prohibitive cost (we will live here for less than 1 year after marriage), 2-she will have an ownership stake in the house by virtue of marriage, making efforts to do something to the title or deed somewhat redundant. Both 1 and 2 are my educated guesses, partly based on past questions on this site.

Three questions:

1- Am I right that there is no simple and cheap way to add someone as an owner to a mortgaged house? I say it probably requires a refinance both because the mortgage holder probably won't like changing the ownership and because regardless of whether it's possible, it seems like a really bad idea to have someone on a deed/title without being on the mortgage.

2-What rights of ownership will she have with respect to the house when we are married, if we take no action with respect to deeds/titles? For example, if I die, is not being on a deed/title a major impediment to inheriting the house?

3-Any suggestions for making her feel more comfortable with this somewhat awkward arrangement (her living in "my" house and contributing to mortgage payments, with seemingly nothing to show for it)? I've encouraged her to rearrange/decorate/do whatever to her liking, and have freed up large amounts of space for her since she moved in. But the reality is I've been out of school for a few years more than she has, so most of the furniture/stuff is mine.

Relevant details: we live in KY, and I'm well aware that definitive answers to 1 and 2 may require getting proper legal advice from a paid attorney. I'm especially interested in what other couples have done in similar situations.

posted by deadweightloss to Human Relations (19 answers total)

I think it'd just be a quit claim deed for the ownership aspect, and I think it'd be a few hundred bucks at most. This would give her part ownership, but it wouldn't add her to the mortgage. And she doesn't necessarily have to be added to the mortgage --- but that would be something to ask a loan officer.

I am not a home owner myself, yet, but I've been reading a ton about home ownership and legal aspects of it because I am in process of buying a home.

You may want to consult someone professionally.
posted by zizzle at 7:47 AM on March 13, 2013

Who owns the property is a completely different issue than who owes on the property.

So you can add your fiance/wife to the deed whenever you want. The bonus is that if anything should happen to you, there's no issue with estates, etc.

As for the mortgage, well, that's all you, unless you either add her to the note, or refinance.

I owned my house when Husbunny and I were first married. It was in Florida and it was during the peak of the housing boom, so we refied and it was great!

KY has some weird rules though, and I'd for sure check into it with an attorney.

I wouldn't do anything until after the wedding. How much equity do you have in the house? Do you want to protect that?
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:47 AM on March 13, 2013

3-Any suggestions for making her feel more comfortable with this somewhat awkward arrangement (her living in "my" house and contributing to mortgage payments, with seemingly nothing to show for it)? I've encouraged her to rearrange/decorate/do whatever to her liking, and have freed up large amounts of space for her since she moved in. But the reality is I've been out of school for a few years more than she has, so most of the furniture/stuff is mine.

I don't have much to say about your legal questions, but I will say that she might appreciate you guys making it your home together. Plan the rooms out and decorate them jointly. That way it feels like the home you share instead of just your house, or the house she moved into and rearranged with your permission.
posted by two lights above the sea at 7:50 AM on March 13, 2013 [4 favorites]

I think you want to wait until after you are married -- at least, that's what we were told, and we actually bought the house together. That is, we bought it together as two people, but after we were married, the house was transferred (sold for $1) into joint ownership (we own it together as a couple), which means that there would be no transfer/inheritance at death. You have to be a new legal entity before you can do that, so it seems easiest to wait and just do this once.
posted by acm at 7:51 AM on March 13, 2013 [2 favorites]

I owned a house when my husband and I got married, it had greatly increased in value from when I'd purchased it so adding him to the title for a few mortgage payments wh at the time seemed unfair to both of us. We basically set up a prenup where he would pay 50% per month on the mortgage and when I sold the house or we broke up he would get that money back plus interest equivalent to any appreciation in the value of the house. It cost us $250 in legal fees to set up.

I ended up selling the house a year or so later so we could buy a house together and as the Australian market was going crazy at that time (and a bidding war broke out on the house) we sold he made a very substantial return. Of course we then threw all our money into a combined house/mortgage.

When I moved to the US to my husbands rented place he did pretty much what you did to help me feel at home. Going out and buying a few major pieces of furniture together (a bed and a couch) is what really helped it feel more like "our" home, so you might want to consider that. Heck even a trip to Ikea or somewhere where the two of you buy pieces for the house, even small things like pictures or rugs might help her and you, feel more like a new home for your new life together.
posted by wwax at 7:55 AM on March 13, 2013 [2 favorites]

IAAL, but not licensed in KY, and not expert in real estate. These comments are from general principles; you should speak with a local lawyer to get the best advice.

1. I believe it's relatively easy to add someone to a mortgage, because it's to the lender's benefit (more people to go after if someone doesn't pay). The lender may require a refinance because it makes them money, but I don't think there's any other reason it's necessary. Adding someone to the title is a separate matter, as Ruthless Bunny notes: ownership is different from obligation on the mortgage. To add your fiancee to the title, you'd probably have to prepare, sign and record a deed transferring it from "deadweightloss, an individual," to "Mr. and Mrs. Deadweightloss, a married couple."

2. From what I know of family law, she'll acquire some rights on the basis of any money she contributes to the mortgage, or her share of any joint money that pays off "your" mortgage. And, after you're married, she would probably take the house if you died.

3. See a lawyer. The default rules for things like this, in most states, are probably reasonable for most situations, so it's unlikely that she'd get screwed (unless you die before you get married, or you get divorced) but most default rules can be changed by agreement of the parties. A lawyer can explain the issues and help you write up the rules you want to play by in a way that they will take effect if necessary. You can (probably) prepare rules that work one way until you get married, and then another way afterward.
posted by spacewrench at 7:55 AM on March 13, 2013

You should be able to add her to the title without messing with the mortgage. It's very common in families where only one spouse earns an income. My wife is on the title but not on the mortgage. It's not a big deal. Adding your wife to the title will probably cost a couple of hundred bucks. It's just paperwork mostly, and could help protect her in certain situations where the legal rights to the property may come into question.
posted by COD at 7:56 AM on March 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

You really need to check with a lawyer in your jurisdiction. The answer can vary so widely.
posted by mibo at 7:57 AM on March 13, 2013

This is complicated and requires the advice of a lawyer knowledgeable about your jurisdiction. Don't rely on the answers you've read in other questions to infer or conclude anything about your personal situation.
posted by dfriedman at 8:02 AM on March 13, 2013

These are definitely questions for a KY attorney.

I'm not on the deed or the mortgage of our house that my husband bought before we were married. We intend on selling soon anyway so it's not really a priority.

But that being said I make more money than him and am the one who controls the finances, so I feel very much financially secure. Does she have a role in your budget/finances? Because if not I can see how one might feel uncomfortable being left off something as big as the house.

I've encouraged her to rearrange/decorate/do whatever to her liking, and have freed up large amounts of space for her since she moved in. But the reality is I've been out of school for a few years more than she has, so most of the furniture/stuff is mine.

When I moved in he didn't "free up space." It was my house and I did whatever I wanted to it (not over his strenuous objection, of course). I threw out garbage bags of stuff, emptied and rearranged every kitchen drawer, bought new decorations, made some home improvements, etc. Whether her name is on the mortgage, she's your wife and it's her house, so operate as such.
posted by murfed13 at 8:07 AM on March 13, 2013 [3 favorites]

I'm reading the above answer and it sounds a bit aggressive- I didn't mean that you weren't doing or encouraging those things, I just meant that when you talk to her about it, it shouldn't be characterized as fitting her into your space, it's 100% your space and 100% her space, if that makes sense.
posted by murfed13 at 8:14 AM on March 13, 2013 [2 favorites]

Maybe I'm reading too much into your question, but it seems like you're looking for reasons to not put her on the deed and mortgage because you don't really want to. And that's fine! This is a house that you bought before you even met her, that you've invested your resources in. It's not really fair to give her part-ownership and equity when she hasn't made an equal financial contribution. I wouldn't do it, and I would advise my engaged friends not to do it.

I'd propose a solution like wwax suggested until you buy your next house, which it sounds like you'll be doing in a year or so. But you guys should discuss what will happen with any proceeds that you make from the sale of this house--are you going to split the new down payment equally, or is it expected that the money for your new shared home will come from what you've invested in the home you currently own?
posted by Colonel_Chappy at 8:36 AM on March 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'd propose a solution like wwax suggested until you buy your next house, which it sounds like you'll be doing in a year or so. But you guys should discuss what will happen with any proceeds that you make from the sale of this house--are you going to split the new down payment equally, or is it expected that the money for your new shared home will come from what you've invested in the home you currently own?

Good point. Last comment and I'm out of here- how you deal with this will depend on how money is generally treated in your marriage. We have completely merged finances - one joint checking that we pay everything out of, from the mortgage on down. Given the arrangement, the proceeds from the house will be unquestionably "ours" not his, and the down payment on the next house will be "ours" as we'll. This needs to fit into a larger discussion of finances.
posted by murfed13 at 8:42 AM on March 13, 2013 [2 favorites]

If it were me, I would make it "our house" without making it "our property." It is an asset you are bringing into the marriage, and there's no particular compelling reason to say "since we've known each other for, say, a year, why don't you own half of this thing?" It's like if she inherited her parents' place, you wouldn't expect necessarily to become a half owner in it.
posted by zippy at 9:16 AM on March 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

Regarding having somebody on the deed/title that isn't on the mortgage - what precisely is the problem with this? It might be in your best interest to put her name on the house just in case you die, then the transfer of ownership of the property is much more straightforward. I agree with those that say wait until you're married - that makes the estate aspect of things much more straightforward.

From the bank's perspective, having my husband's name on the house but not on the mortgage was no problem. I was married when we bought our first house, my husband had no income and no credit in the country we were living in so he could not be added to the mortgage (it would have added cost). It was his house too - name on title, downpayment with money he saved before our marriage. The debt is obviously a debt of the couple, regardless of whose name is on it. I trusted that the issue would be suitably resolved if it ever came to divorce court (it didn't). In the case of my death, I simply carried enough life insurance to cover the mortgage so the bank could take the money from my estate and he would own it free and clear.

If you are going to take the financial position in your marriage of "what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine", which I do because it is easy to manage in my marriage, then I would investigate what it would take to add her name to the house. Just call the bank and see if you can do a cheap retitle of the property without refinancing. If you can do it with a few phone calls, a couple of forms, and a couple hundred bucks I suggest you do it. The goodwill you earn with your future wife is priceless and it is a relatively cheap method of estate planning.
posted by crazycanuck at 9:21 AM on March 13, 2013

In some states (and I don't know if KY is one) assets brought to the marriage by each spouse remain separate assets at dissolution if they have not been merged. So, accounts, businesses, houses, etc. that stay in Spouse A's name remain Spouse A's property at dissolution. An increase in the value of the property that accrues during the marriage, however, is joint property in some cases, especially businesses and real estate. Knowing how KY law works will be important as you make this decision.

If you put her name on the title, and the state works as I've described, you'll have given her full joint-ownership of all the equity in the house. You'll want to decide how you feel about that before making such a change. If you don't add her name, and she contributes to mortgage payments, she'll be acquiring equity in the house from the date of marriage on (if KY law goes this way) so even without her name on the title, she'd still be earning equity. But again, this depends on how KY law works, and I've never looked up the laws in that state.

The point of me providing this answer is to say that there are ways, in some states, in which she will be protected even without having her name on the title, and this would protect your equity too. You could then more gradually mingle your finances, as your marriage ages and you feel more secure in such mingling. Mingling too much too soon can put stress on a marriage that can be prevented by taking things more slowly, protecting each spouse until the marriage feels equal enough that it is only through complete mingling that both feel secure.
posted by Capri at 9:35 AM on March 13, 2013

Don't know the legal aspects, but she should also share some of the burden of paying as well as ownership.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:57 AM on March 13, 2013

I think you should get a lawyer, even if it doesn't seem necessary, because houses are a big deal.

Also...you may want to explore the question of "why?" here. If she is going to be contributing regularly to mortgage payments, home maintenance, and upgrades, then you'll want to add her on, and get a lawyer to make sure it's done in a way that's fair for everyone, which may or may not necessitate refinancing. If you are still gonna cover everything 100%...you know, it's okay to keep your property yours.

I suspect this stance could make some people very unhappy, but as someone who owns her own property and who lives with someone in his property...I don't feel like there's a need to automatically merge in this situation, unless there is a reason to merge.
posted by vivid postcard at 10:26 AM on March 13, 2013

The cost for consulting with a lawyer, getting the answers to the basic questions, probably will not be that much.

Some variables and factors that the lawyer will want to know will include: do you have children from a previous relationship? are you still paying on the house?

Count me among those who consider adding her to the title as an investment in the marriage. She will feel much more a part of "us" with that done.
posted by yclipse at 2:24 PM on March 13, 2013 [1 favorite]