I need a team name for my Fantasy team.
September 7, 2005 9:34 AM   Subscribe

Fantasy Football Filter: My draft is tonight and I need some good smack talk and a team name.

My league is among co-workers and there will be ladies present.

For the jibber-jabber, I'm thinking along the lines of, "I thought you were supposed to draft guys who weren't hurt?" and the like.

As far as a team name, I'm leaning toward AMISH RAKE FIGHT, but will entertain all suggestions. The more bizarre/funnier the better.

(Yes, I've already considered Hairy Potter.)
posted by UncleHornHead to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (18 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
My team name is always Zombie Schiavo.

Feel free to borrow that one.

As for smack talk among coworkers, maybe something like I wish to mock your religion in a polite yet condescending manner!

Or, my, your tits are impressive and they distract me from my duties.

Or, So I hear that you are barren!

And don't draft Priest Holmes!
posted by xmutex at 9:39 AM on September 7, 2005

I thought my name was a stroke of genius this year. What with all the Steroids stuff..... Urine Trouble
posted by Mark5four0 at 9:42 AM on September 7, 2005

xmutex - I love the name. Of course I might spin it to:

Fristy Diagnosis

I read somewhere (Bill Simmons?) that bringing adult mags to the draft is never a bad idea. (Except for tonight.)
posted by UncleHornHead at 9:44 AM on September 7, 2005

The Mighty Ligers! (known for their magical powers)

The Uncle Rico All Stars (bonus if your quarterback can throw the football a quarter of a mile)
posted by willmize at 10:25 AM on September 7, 2005

I use Concrete Heroes, from a mishearing of "Conquering Heroes" in the Michigan fight song. "Hail, to the Concrete Heroes..."

Along the likes of "Amish Rake Fight," a popular trivia team name with us is "Monkey Knife Fight," from "The Simpsons." Actually, anything from "The Simpsons," works well, including the user name of someone here..."Stupid Sexy Flanders"!
posted by GaelFC at 10:35 AM on September 7, 2005

willmize, that is awesome
posted by k8t at 10:38 AM on September 7, 2005

I once talked my husband into using Hairy Chickenskin and the Ballers.
posted by justonegirl at 10:51 AM on September 7, 2005

My favorite team names, which I've used in the past:

The New Main Street Singers
Little Lebowski Urban Achievers (which I usually use for my trivia team)
posted by LilBucner at 10:53 AM on September 7, 2005

I always based my team names on the city I was living in. So I've had Louisville Lousy Losers (or something to that effect), Detroit Devil Dogs, and MurderCity Macerators.
posted by Slothrop at 11:29 AM on September 7, 2005

I used to have a team called the Poulan/Weed Eater Death Lords. (This was back in the day when Poulan sponsored one of the college bowls.)

I live Zombie Schiavo best, though.
posted by arco at 11:48 AM on September 7, 2005

My team name this year is 26 Pound Llama Pack. That is because the commissioner of the league went to Machu Pichu and came back with the story of the "scientific" tests conducted on llamas in which the males would carry up to precisely 25 pounds, but to a one would sit down as soon as the weight went to 26lbs. The females wouldn't carry a thing. I thought i was intereseting, anyway.

Team names aside, smack talk can revolve around things like:

"Daunte Culpepper??? Who the hell is he going to throw to? Yo momma??"


"You're takin Ahman Green? You better hide the women."

You get the idea.
posted by spicynuts at 11:49 AM on September 7, 2005

My choice: Disco Godfathers
posted by thewittyname at 12:05 PM on September 7, 2005

What's wrong with the HornHeads from U.N.C.L.E.
posted by Heatwole at 12:37 PM on September 7, 2005


It's the name of my blog too and not many people at work know about it. I'd like to keep it that way...
posted by UncleHornHead at 1:17 PM on September 7, 2005

I'm rather proud of my team name:
Victorious Secret.

Frankly, if smack doesn't come naturally for it, don't try to fake it. Use the brain cycles for the draft. If you don't already know your draft order you should have at least 3 plans for who will be available to you base on early/middle/late round positioning.
posted by spock at 2:33 PM on September 7, 2005

A mag I saw on the newsstand recommended team names like "With Other Men's Balls" so that when your opponent was asked who he was playing this week he'd have to say "I'm playing With Other Men's Balls." Frankly, I don't think it's worth it.
posted by spock at 2:35 PM on September 7, 2005

Ha. In lieu of spock's comment, my team name is the Slovak Cocks; I like my friend's: It's Driven' Me Nuts (pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his crotch)

I should stop.
posted by AllesKlar at 7:09 PM on September 7, 2005

This is probably too late... but...

I think there's an Official Rule that one must make as many pot jokes as possible when Ricky Williams is drafted.

When someone drafts DeShaun Foster ask them if they're going to take his surgeon in the next round.

Favre calls for many old man jokes, of course.

Jamal Lewis demands parole officer jokes. Or just offer the drafter some coke.

If you're going with Individual Defensive Players, then when you take Leonard Little ask the league if you can have his AA sponsor as a freebie.

And of course Terrell Owens uses two picks. One for him, one for his ego.
posted by mikel at 9:05 PM on September 7, 2005

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