Real diamond or fake diamond?
January 20, 2013 8:09 AM   Subscribe

I am about to be engaged. We have briefly discussed the ‘engagement ring’. I do not want to come across as shallow, but I would LOVE to have an engagement ring. He doesn’t make a lot of money, so we are considering a fake diamond. Does anyone have any experience as to the best simulant out there?

My boyfriend and I are talking about marriage and we are talking about moving in together before hand. (We would already be living together, however, I have a room mate and he has 2 room mates…so it’s not an easy ‘I’m moving in with you’ fix.) We haven’t spent a night apart since October, so except for splitting the bills, we already, technically, live together. We have briefly discussed the ‘engagement ring’. I would LOVE to have an engagement ring…what girl wouldn’t? He doesn’t make a lot of money and I make a little over double his salary. While we could finance a real diamond, and I could help make the payments, I’m thinking that there has to be a ‘hard to tell the difference’ fake out there somewhere, that would be pleasing to his (our) budget. (Plus, I could get a bigger stone.) I’ve looked on the internet and places like Diamond Nexus Labs and Asha are frequently mentioned. Does anyone have any experience with simulants? For those interested in the chemistry of the stones- neither one that I’ve mentioned are cubic zirconia (Zr), but both have Zr in them. The make up of the DNL are C (6), O (8), S (16), Fe (26), Co (27), Ni (28), Y (39), Zr (40), and Hf (72). The make up of the Asha are C (77), O (17), Zr (3), N(0.7), Y(0.6), Si(0.53), F(0.42), Cl(0.31), and Mg(0.11). Of course diamonds are pure carbon (C).
Anyway, I’m just looking for personal stories of people NOT associated with the fake diamond makers.
Thanks in advance!
posted by Amalie-Suzette to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (47 answers total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
Have you thought about buying vintage? Etsy is a good place to start (you could also probably just go in and check out your local jewelers--not a place like Zales but rather independent shops that also buy old jewelry).
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:18 AM on January 20, 2013 [4 favorites]

If I was going to get one I would go for moissanite because it's a 9.5 on the Mohs scale so it would be almost as useful for cutting and grinding etc as a real diamond.

Also as a normal person, I find it impossible to tell the difference between various clear sparkly rocks.
posted by steinwald at 8:19 AM on January 20, 2013 [14 favorites]

This is entirely a personal preference thing. A friend of mine recently got engaged, and both her and her fiancée are professionals who make good salaries. The stone in her engagement ring is a piece of sea glass. They didn't do this because of the cost, but because if the symbology of the ocean and how that was important to them. Your engagement ring is yours and can be anything you want it to be.

And financing the ring is going to make every other aspect of your life more difficult every month for however many years it takes you to pay it off. Is it really worth that to you?
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 8:20 AM on January 20, 2013 [15 favorites]

There are synthetic, gemstone-quality diamonds available. These are cheaper than naturally occurring diamonds.
posted by dfriedman at 8:25 AM on January 20, 2013

Moissanite, as has been mentioned, is an excellent substitute.

I don't want to tell you that you are wrong for wanting what you want (really, I don't), but please permit me to say this: Are your reasons for wanting an engagement ring with a diamond/fake diamond entirely your own or is it, partially, because you feel that that's what engagement rings should look like?
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 8:30 AM on January 20, 2013

I have a Real Diamond Engagement Ring and I can tell you that I would have much rather gotten sea glass, or any other stone. My ring is beautiful, but it's a honking big diamond and I really did not want to make that statement with my jewelry. I asked him about, at least, considering "fake" diamonds (for ethical and budgetary reasons) but he's somewhat enamored with the idea of diamond engagement rings as a thing. It made him happy so I never put up a fuss, but the fake diamonds I saw were perfectly wonderful and I would never, ever, ever have been able to tell the difference. Nevermind that, what I would actually have preferred is a simple estate/vintage piece that a) did not cost an arm and a leg, and b) was far far removed from the blood diamond trade.

Now that we're married I only wear my diamond ring if we're going out to fancy dinners because that's what it is: very, very, very, fancy jewelry.
posted by lydhre at 8:30 AM on January 20, 2013 [5 favorites]

What do you mean by "fake diamond"? Do you mean a clear, sparkly crystal that is not made of almost-pure carbon? Or do you mean a diamond that wasn't taken out of the ground? These are called "synthetic," "lab-created," or "cultured" diamonds. Gemesis is one of the major distributors. Better Than Diamond has lab-created "simulants" as well as "cultured diamonds." They are often not in the classic colorless style.

You could also get a diamond from an estate sale, or secondhand.

I bought a synthetic sapphire that was 10% the cost of the same size, color and clarity of the mined variety.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:31 AM on January 20, 2013 [2 favorites]

Small diamonds, really small diamonds do not cost much because they are generally useless even sitting alongside a larger stone. Similarly, you can pick up very small sapphires, rubies etc for small sums. With the right setting in a silver ring you can have a pretty diamond ring for not much.
posted by MuffinMan at 8:34 AM on January 20, 2013

Greenkarat's mossanite rings are quite beautiful.

I also wanted a really pretty shiny wedding set--I got mine from Lang Antiques in San Francisco. We did the entire thing over the phone and internet. I never saw the ring in person, until we had purchased it. It's gorgeous and was much more affordable than new.
posted by crush-onastick at 8:35 AM on January 20, 2013

Response by poster: I guess it’s just a thing I’ve imagined since I was a little girl. I want a sparkly diamond (diamond-like) engagement ring. Nothing too big or too flashy…but at least a carat size. I’ve looked at some mossanite stones, but they all seem to have a greenish hue to me…which is why I was looking at a simulant. The Gemesis people don’t have the completely colorless stone that I am envisioning. They have J-color stones, and I’d rather have a D-E-F colorless stone. As far as other stones go, I like sapphires, but it’ s just not what I want for my engagement ring.
posted by Amalie-Suzette at 8:45 AM on January 20, 2013

Response by poster: It’s not to impress the world, it’s just for me. We will not be having grandchildren, as neither one of us want (or can physically have) children together. I’m 40 and he is 45. We both have 2 children from previous marriages and chose to not have any more after the last ones.
posted by Amalie-Suzette at 8:49 AM on January 20, 2013

I got engaged last spring; my ring is a sapphire with two moissanite stones. Ring photo.

I personally cannot tell the difference between the moissanite & diamonds - my understanding is that the biggest difference between moissanite and diamond is that moissanite is usually more sparkly and has no flaws or off-color hues, so if I were you, I'd look into moissanite a little bit more.

We actually chose to get moissanite rather than diamonds because of diamond industry stuff - the price difference is not that significant when the stones are as small as the ones on my ring.
posted by insectosaurus at 9:01 AM on January 20, 2013 [2 favorites]

I have a Diamond Nexus ring. The stone is beautiful to me, a non-expert in gemstones. The customer service was also great to work with (in 2007, however). MeMail me for pics if you think it would help your decision making process.
posted by PaulaSchultz at 9:08 AM on January 20, 2013

Nthing Etsy and moissanite. They are a great alternative to the traditional diamond. Would like to add a good clarity diamond at a carat is expensive. People will understand that you don't have tons of dollars and really you don't have to tell anyone what your stone is. Btw I never wear my engagement ring. I wear a gold band that has a couple of rubies embedded. The engagement ring got dirty while cooking and I was always catching it on stuff. If you really want a diamond look at pawn shops you can reset an older ring in a more contemporary setting.
posted by lasamana at 9:09 AM on January 20, 2013

Since you've been married before, have you considered combining both of your previous wedding sets and having new rings created from them? That's what you're doing - joining your lives - so the symbolism would be meaningful, as well.
posted by summerstorm at 9:25 AM on January 20, 2013

You might want to look into lab created white sapphires ,ok my spell check is insisting on 2 p's but that looks wrong to me, anyway point being they are very reasonably priced and white and sparkly. A friend has an amazing pair of earrings made out of them and I couldn't tell they weren't diamonds if my life depended on it, and I'm a terrible jewelry snob.
posted by wwax at 9:28 AM on January 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: I never had an engagement ring from my previous marriage. I’ve never asked about the ring from his either. My divorce left me in a hardship, so I sold my band.
posted by Amalie-Suzette at 9:31 AM on January 20, 2013

Moissanite for sure - I would suggest finding someplace you can see it in person, if that's possible. Most of it is near-colorless, but it is not graded on the GIA color scale. There are some green- and blue-tinted stones, but this is intentional, not a "bad piece". If you go looking for a diamond-substitute, you will find lots of blinding white moissanite. Loose stones are usually (but not always) represented by mm (ex: 6.5 mm round) rather than carat weight, but most places will give you a feel for what that size represents in carats (6.5mm is a little over a carat).
posted by ersatzkat at 9:51 AM on January 20, 2013

The make up of the DNL are C (6), O (8), S (16), Fe (26), Co (27), Ni (28), Y (39), Zr (40), and Hf (72).

This is not a breakdown by percentage, it is a list of elements with their atomic numbers.
posted by biffa at 10:00 AM on January 20, 2013 [2 favorites]

Might want to check out QVC's Diamonique line - I had one as a "wedding set" for my first marriage. I couldn't tell a difference, but I'm not an expert by any means. (When we were married we got $100 bands because we were broke, I just decided I wanted something sparkly a couple years later.)

I guess it depends on how much you want to spend (and whether QVC is even something you'd consider) - I've looked into Moissanite lately and the prices seem pretty high. Nthing White Sapphire because they are also beautiful.
posted by getawaysticks at 10:10 AM on January 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

I gave my wife a sapphire ring with two white stones like the one in insectosaurus's photo, except with a different cut (emerald cut on all three stones). It had a very spectacular effect, and she got a lot of great compliments on it. The following year of course some British guy gave his fiancée his mother's sapphire ring making it sort of a thing. (Of course we had discussed the stone before and she pledged to me that she did not want a diamond.) The sapphire was lab-created which is much brighter and bluer than a natural sapphire. Just to say that alternatives can be pretty well received.

Whatever stone you like, there's no reason to buy a diamond taken from the ground in Africa. They aren't worth what stores charge for them. You don't have to tell anyone where your stone is from.
posted by graymouser at 10:17 AM on January 20, 2013

I know someone with a BetterThanDiamond "Amora" moissanite. I've seen some greenish photos online of moissanite, and this looks a lot better in person than some of the photos I've seen online. I've seen the ring lots of times (as I thought it was pretty cool) and I've only once seen a greenish hue, and that may have been something in the environment. In normal sunlight or a direct overhead light, I can't tell the difference.

It seems to me to be a really nice middle ground between price, ethics and looks for someone in your situation.
posted by cnc at 10:21 AM on January 20, 2013

I would definitely go the vintage/estate sale/auction route, you can get amazing real diamonds in unique settings for much much less than retail. Seconding etsy, and mentioning Erie Basin, which is always updating its site with new offerings.
posted by zara at 10:45 AM on January 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

I had a mossanite ring that looked amazing. No one could tell. It was so pretty.
posted by discopolo at 11:10 AM on January 20, 2013

I don't know for sure about Diamond Nexus Labs, but Asha is definitely a CZ albeit with a thin diamond coating. It can scratch, cloud and will need to be replaced at some point. Moissanite (especially Amora) can be pretty but you're right, it can also be green. You have to find a good stone. I have a gemstone ring, but if I was looking for a clear sparkly stone I would probably search for a pre-owned diamond ring which you can usually get at about 60% of the retail value. There are some good online jewelers that have consignment options.
posted by ohsnapdragon at 11:24 AM on January 20, 2013

You're looking for cubic zirconia. When I was working in the trade we spotted them because they were too perfect and running across a real diamond of such quality would have been extremely unlikely if one even exists. Just say "cubic zirconia" to any jeweler. They're also cheap. You can have as big-assed of a piece of ice as you want without supporting a global monopoly run by slavers.
posted by cmoj at 11:24 AM on January 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

I got my vintage ring at an antique store - it was a great deal, real diamond, totally unique.
posted by radioamy at 11:25 AM on January 20, 2013

My engagement ring is from You can get stones that have been put through an additional lab treatment to make them as white as possible. I've seen moissanite in stores looking greenish, and my stone is completely unlike those. I wouldn't say that it's perfectly colorless, it's a little warm looking under certain lights (which I actually like), but I've never seen it look green. My friend also went with moissanite, bought from the same online vendor that we used, and hers looks whiter than mine due to the cut (mine is a cushion cut, hers is a round brilliant) Another friend has a diamond about the same size as my stone (just over a carat) and we cannot tell the difference between the two types of stone when we put them next to each other.

In my opinion, if you want a non-diamond gem with the kind of fire and brilliance, and very,very close to the same hardness as diamond, you want moissanite. My husband and I didn't want to burn thousands of dollars on a diamond for what amounts to a sparkly bauble, when we could get the job done for just a few hundred with a stimulant, and we couldn't be happier with our choice.
posted by keep it under cover at 11:26 AM on January 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

I did a ton of research on this stuff before getting engaged. We went with a low-color diamond, but I also own a pair of moissanite earrings. These are the pros and cons as far as I can tell:

Moissanite: hard/durable and sparklier even than diamond. Can show yellowish/greenish tint, particularly in fancy (non-round) shapes. Not cut like a diamond, so experts with very keen eyes for such things can tell the difference, especially in larger sizes.

DNL: As far as I can tell this is a complete ripoff, just ordinary cubic zirconia with a coating, but priced far higher than CZ should be.

CZ: a well-cut CZ (recommend looking into Wink CZ) can be every bit as beautiful as a diamond. They may scratch/dull/fog over time so may need to be replaced every year or two.

Asha: well-cut CZ with a coating. The coating may add depth and realism to the stone, but may scratch/wear away. Expensive compared to plain CZ.

White sapphire (or other colorless gemstones like white topaz): Do not have the fire (flashes of color) of diamond, so will not look like diamond and will have an icier look.

As I said, I went with diamond, but moissanite was a very close second. I love my moissanite earrings. If you stick to around a carat and in a round cut, you should notice very little tint.

The same company that makes Asha has been experimenting with making less tinted silicon carbide (moissanite) and cutting them like diamonds. These are going to be called Amora Gem, but they are not available yet.
posted by payoto at 11:32 AM on January 20, 2013 [2 favorites]

I wouldn't go with cubic zirconia if you want your stone to last... CZ is prone to clouding and yellowing over time, and when brand new it can be fake and "glassy" looking. You can get very high quality CZ which looks more "real" and is more resistant to clouding and yellowing, but once you get into those price points, you may as well spend a little more on a moissanite and not worry that your stone will change with age.
posted by keep it under cover at 11:34 AM on January 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

What you want is a ring, and in particular this one. It is flawless and gorgeous and has fooled many real jewelers I have met. One who looked at it in his loupe finally realized the stone was synthetic diamond because it was "too perfect." I wear it for travel.

However, everything else from Stauer is crap and they will besiege any purchaser with endless future spammy emails, so use a throwaway email to order.
posted by bearwife at 12:06 PM on January 20, 2013

Okay, if you want at least a carat and diamond-like, then as many have mentioned moissanite is a good choice.

The other thing to consider is how your fiance feels about the ring. When we got married a big diamond did not matter to me AT ALL. I had a beautiful sapphire ring that I would have worn as an engagement ring. That sapphire was not an option for Mr. 26.2. I suggested a moissanite ring, because a diamond didn't matter to me. Mr 26.2 would not consider that. It seems that he had his own ideas of the ring he'd give his wife. His ideas included a diamond engagement ring and wedding band. I now have a lovely wedding set with way more diamond than I would have picked, but I like it and Mr 26.2 loves it.
posted by 26.2 at 1:09 PM on January 20, 2013

I've got a moissanite engagement ring and I love it. It's beautiful and no one knows its not a diamond except a jeweler.
posted by PorcineWithMe at 1:10 PM on January 20, 2013

Another Moissanite from Moissanite Co here. I have an enhanced Old European (antique) cut. It is not yellow at all. When it does show color, it's sort of a creamy, candlelight tint that I love. The Amora is very white and also very beautiful. I cannot recommend this route highly enough. After seeing my Moissanite, many friends are converts too.
posted by anonnymoose at 1:12 PM on January 20, 2013

Pawn shops and off-the-beaten-path antique malls are your friends. When Mr. Adams and I became engaged all those many years ago, he did not have a lot of disposable income. When he learned that I was not adverse to receiving a "used" ring, he found a gorgeous one carat emerald cut diamond ring surrounded by two smaller amethysts (purple is my favorite color) for a little under $500 at a pawn shop. (I only found out the price because I'd protested that he'd spent too much when I saw the size of the stone.)

As a footnote I'll add that as much as I loved that ring, the prong-set stones kept coming loose over the years (I was not vigilant about removing it while doing laundry and other household chores) and I often had to retrieve a fallen stone and take it to the jeweler to have it put back in place. For our 10th anniversary Mr. Adams presented me with a "new" engagement ring - one with a row of small channel-set diamonds and amethysts. It's beautiful and sparkly, as is my preference, and nine years later not one of the stones has come loose. My original engagement ring is now lovingly tucked away in my jewelry box.
posted by Oriole Adams at 1:12 PM on January 20, 2013

Are there any older relatives you have who might have some jewellery that doesn't fit any more which they could gift you? The diamonds in my ring were taken out of an old ring from my husband's late great-aunt. It can be the case that people have old rings like this one where the gold is crumbling, and the other gems are in bad condition but the diamonds are strong and like new!
posted by veids at 1:12 PM on January 20, 2013

P.S. memail me if you want to see photos of mine!
posted by anonnymoose at 1:13 PM on January 20, 2013

What is your budget? It's totally possible to get good diamonds without spending a major ton. For example, Mrs. slkinsey's engagement ring has emerald-cut diamonds. You can get a lot more diamond and a lot higher quality for less money with emerald cut, because clarity is the main consideration and not brilliance, etc.
posted by slkinsey at 1:43 PM on January 20, 2013

Joining the Moissanite party.

We got engaged last year with a stunning Moissanite. I don't look at it as a "fake" so much as an ethical and economical choice we made. When we discussed it beforehand we were both adverse to blood diamonds. Also, the marketing makes diamonds so overpriced. However, I wanted a pretty ring and one that would last (not get scratched or cloudy). He didn't want to spend too much. I didn't want him to spend too much. So I actually suggested Moissanite, which he had never heard of. I made an Amazon wish list of rings less than his budget with a range of stones (from real ethically sourced diamonds to Moissanite to sapphire) with notes about what I liked on each. He ended up choosing one of the Moissanite stones with a row of small diamonds and antique detail on the side of the ring. I told my sisters and mom why we chose a different stone, but didn't feel the need to explain to anyone else because it stands alone on its beauty. Nobody can tell. We took it to be resized at a local jeweler, and it wasn't until she had it magnified and was spinning it around under magnification that she noticed it wasn't a diamond (because it has more facets, which gives it the extra sparkle). I'd say it's as close to a diamond as you can get without getting a diamond. Not cheap like a CZ, but hard enough to last my lifetime without scratches. I'm extremely happy with his choice.
posted by ilikemethisway at 1:49 PM on January 20, 2013 [3 favorites]

I had a cubic zirconia ring. (I don't wear it anymore.) We chose it mainly because I don't care at all about the supposed "authenticity" of a diamond, and I really didn't want either of us to spend hard-earned money on a ring when there were more important things to save it for.

But I have to say, EVERYONE asks if it's real. Maybe that's because, as mentioned above, cubic zirconia really do look a bit fake and glassy. But I've seen people asking about a friend's diamond ring that IS real, so you need to be prepared that people will ask. If you really don't care, and are happy to say it's fake, or if you don't mind lying once or twice a day for the first few weeks of wearing it, then okay.

But I found I felt quite defensive about it. I was happy to admit it was fake until I started second-guessing the look on the asker's face. Were they judging my fiance for not being willing to spend the money? I found I would over-explain about how we both decided diamonds were a scam, and then I'd leave the encounter feeling a bit bad, which is not how you want to feel every time you mention your engagement.

If I chose again, I'd get a stone that was clearly NOT a diamond so that people don't even ask. Or so that I can make the "story" about how I love that stone/colour or how it is meaningful to me, rather than about how expensive diamonds are.
posted by lollusc at 3:08 PM on January 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

My wife and I went ring shopping for her before we got married, and she ended up liking blue sapphires more than diamonds, especially as we liked white gold more than traditional yellow gold. There are a variety of shades for sapphires (not endorsing that website, it was the first I found with good examples of color options), and her deep blue gem is gorgeous. And it's the second hardest gem, below diamonds.

While you seem to be set on clear gems like diamonds, I'll suggest you look at rings in person. Synthetic sapphires can be quite inexpensive, and can look fantastic. You might find something you like in a store where you would have passed it over online. Looking online is hard, because you can't handle the gem and ring in person, and see how it looks under non-staged lighting.

Also, as others have said, I'd suggest you look to used jewelry shops. Some places take consignments, which have set (or fairly set) prices, but you can often haggle a bit with jewelers who have purchased the pieces outright from estate sales or whatnot.
posted by filthy light thief at 3:21 PM on January 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

It would be helpful if you could state your budget. You can buy real diamonds online for not that much money.

However, definitely take a look at moissanite - we saw some at Helzberg Diamonds that looked just like diamonds. In fact, when I was shown a moissanite next to a diamond, the only difference I could tell was that the moissanite was more sparkly. But it was clear and not greenish like you sometimes see moissanites as being.

I ended up getting a pale blue sapphire surrounded by diamonds, and it's beautiful and very me (sapphire is my birthstone). I love it, there is definitely something to be said about a ring that is unique to you.
posted by echo0720 at 4:32 PM on January 20, 2013

A jeweler gave the advice of how to avoid people questioning if your "stone" is authentic. He said, " Look at diamonds in your price range, note the size of the stone. Then select a clear stone just a little bigger, not more than 1/2 carat. People won't question if the stone is "real" or not, because you could afford to buy that sized diamond with a little stretching."

Try finding some of the older CZ's from the 1980's, they don't fog or turn grey. Don't ask me how I know :)
posted by JujuB at 5:44 PM on January 20, 2013

My husband got me a diamond engagement ring. It's beautiful and I love it but in retrospect, it would have been smarter to get something else - I could have gotten a bigger rock for less money. We were interested in lab-grown diamonds - they are real diamonds, just grown in a lab. I think it's hard to get one that's clear though. A good friend has a yellow diamond that I think was grown in a lab and I think her ring is beautiful. I would try rings on though so you can see how big a carat is.
posted by kat518 at 9:44 PM on January 20, 2013

Husbunny and I got a CZ ring and I'm still wearing it. I even had the stones reset into a different design!

I've never regretted not sinking a bunch of money into a stone that has no intrinsic actual worth.

My engagement ring cost $220. I still get compliments on it 12 years later!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:16 AM on January 21, 2013

I have a D.Nea synthetic diamond. It's chemically identical to a diamond, but it's made in a lab, rather than being mined. It's more expensive than simulants, but less than a natural diamond (and no worries about blood diamonds). If you give them your credit card number, they'll actually ship you diamonds to look at before you commit to buying one. It's true that for a long time they only made colored stones, but I see they're now selling white diamonds as well.

I did a lot of research before we bought it. I seriously considered moissanite. As others have pointed out, it's nearly as hard as a diamond and has a higher refractive index, so you get a lot of sparkle. People report that they age well (much better than CZ). I didn't find the green tinge to be too noticeable, but if it bothers you, you might never be happy with it.

I eventually decided I wanted a yellow stone, so I looked at a lot of yellow sapphires, but they just don't have the sparkle of diamond. So I ended up with the yellow, lab-grown diamond.

I also looked into antiques. It seemed pretty easy to find a ring with a less-than-spectacular stone in a really beautiful, unique setting. Prices varied widely, depending on your specifications, so that could be a good option. I also had a friend who bought her engagement on a trip to France with her fiance. They visited several antiques markets together, and picked out an inexpensive but beautiful ring they loved. For them, the ring is special because of the memories associated with it, even though it wasn't long as you don't factor in the trip to France ;) France might not really be an option, but perhaps there's a similar way to find a ring that will be memorable and special to you.
posted by pompelmo at 1:00 AM on January 22, 2013

I wanted clear and sparkly, and after doing loads of research, got a moissanite stone and had a jeweller set it into a design I came up with. I'll tell people if they ask, but nobody has, and I've received a lot of compliments on it. The only person I told without them asking was my mom, because she kept asking how much we'd spent on it, and she couldn't believe it!
posted by lettezilla at 7:41 AM on January 23, 2013

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