Christmas cards for grinches
December 13, 2012 9:25 PM   Subscribe

I need some pithy one liners to write inside of Christmas cards to some old cranks.

I am writing Christmas cards to the team members at work this year. There are two grinchy old cranks that I know pretty well that need notes in their cards. Looking for an office friendly sentiment that will be genuinely humourous, induce groans, gently poke fun, or otherwise acknowledge both the season and their misery in a non-tacky way.
posted by crazycanuck to Grab Bag (13 answers total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
Yeah, it sucks. But there won't be another one for 365 whole days.
posted by flabdablet at 9:32 PM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

My cranky uncle used to say "I sure look forward to sitting in front of a dead tree eating stale candy out of an old sock." Then he'd laugh.

You could list all the things people usually consider good: Wishing you hugs. christmas music. smiles. mistletoe. small children's smiles. holiday magic. As many as you can fit in. Then cross each of them out. In small letters say something like "oh hell. see you at the office when it's all over."
posted by kestralwing at 11:07 PM on December 13, 2012 [7 favorites]

Quote(s) from Christmas Vacation
posted by murfed13 at 11:26 PM on December 13, 2012

I'd google Grumpy Cat Christmas memes and steal those, like "The Grinch stole Christmas? Good."
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 11:37 PM on December 13, 2012

Let the spirit of love
gently fill our hearts and homes.
In this loveliest of seasons
may you find many reasons for happiness.

posted by mazola at 1:03 AM on December 14, 2012 [3 favorites]

Happy Bah Humbug!
posted by gt2 at 3:44 AM on December 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

If you can read this, you're too damn close.
posted by Obscure Reference at 4:19 AM on December 14, 2012

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year. -- Victor Borge
posted by blob at 4:35 AM on December 14, 2012 [5 favorites]

Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed and the rejected.
Jimmy Cannon

Something in me resists the calendar expectation of happiness.
J.B. Priestley

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out any quicker than the Christmas spirit.
Kin Hubbard
posted by blob at 4:37 AM on December 14, 2012 [3 favorites]

Christmass - the time of the year when people put on weight eating food they don't want with people they don't like in celebration of a guy they've never met.
posted by MuffinMan at 5:04 AM on December 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

Brainyquote has some good ones.

A great one from the first page:

"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." - Phyllis Diller

And another:

"Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive." - Stephen Fry
posted by Currer Belfry at 5:38 AM on December 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

“Every Christmas we are all one more Nutcracker closer to death.” – Richard Buckle
posted by milk white peacock at 9:07 AM on December 14, 2012

Brainyquote was the answer - I didn't use those quotes but the others on there were gold. Thanks
posted by crazycanuck at 9:20 AM on December 14, 2012

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