How do I find my suicidal friend a solid psychiatrist to see tomorrow without getting him "flagged in the system"? (
December 12, 2012 10:36 PM Subscribe
How do I find my suicidal friend a solid psychiatrist to see tomorrow without getting him "flagged in the system"? (deets inside)
Since I'm on a bit of a deadline, I'll keep this short.
Friend is in San Francisco. I'm in Colorado, but mutual friends are with him and can help with logistics.
He has fucked his life up recently and in a serious depression. He recognizes he's in a depression and has agreed to seek help. However, having had my own bouts with depression, I am acutely aware that time is of the essence because he can easily get sucked back into negative thoughts. So I want to get him an appointment tomorrow.
My experience with finding psychiatrists is that you call them between 9a and 5p on weekends and they eventually call you back and suggest an appointment a few weeks down the line.
I am fairly sure that mentioning suicidal thoughts will shortcut the process, but he is concerned that this could cause him to get flagged and, among other things, no longer be allowed to use firearms. Let's not argue this point -- whether it's correct (or even wise) is moot. He believes it, he's deeply depressed, logic doesn't matter round these parts.
So, help me out. Please.
I need to get in touch with a GOOD shrink and get my friend an appointment tomorrow. He's a tech exec, so he can afford quality healthcare, even if the shrink doesn't accept insurance. I need to do this without mentioning suicide.
How do I make this happen?
Since I'm on a bit of a deadline, I'll keep this short.
Friend is in San Francisco. I'm in Colorado, but mutual friends are with him and can help with logistics.
He has fucked his life up recently and in a serious depression. He recognizes he's in a depression and has agreed to seek help. However, having had my own bouts with depression, I am acutely aware that time is of the essence because he can easily get sucked back into negative thoughts. So I want to get him an appointment tomorrow.
My experience with finding psychiatrists is that you call them between 9a and 5p on weekends and they eventually call you back and suggest an appointment a few weeks down the line.
I am fairly sure that mentioning suicidal thoughts will shortcut the process, but he is concerned that this could cause him to get flagged and, among other things, no longer be allowed to use firearms. Let's not argue this point -- whether it's correct (or even wise) is moot. He believes it, he's deeply depressed, logic doesn't matter round these parts.
So, help me out. Please.
I need to get in touch with a GOOD shrink and get my friend an appointment tomorrow. He's a tech exec, so he can afford quality healthcare, even if the shrink doesn't accept insurance. I need to do this without mentioning suicide.
How do I make this happen?
I agree with These Birds of a Feather, but clearly he's uncomfortable saying that he's suicidal to a mental health professional. Instead of addressing this right off the bat during the first phone call, you can say that it's an emergency situation and that your friend requires mental health assistance urgently. Getting your friend there is a HUGE step. Mental health professionals tend to ask an introductory kind of question such as "what brings you here" or something along those lines. Hopefully, once he's there he'll be able to open up and acknowledge these feelings and mental health concerns (for a lack of a better word).
posted by livinglearning at 10:56 PM on December 12, 2012
posted by livinglearning at 10:56 PM on December 12, 2012
Response by poster: Sadly, I just tried the suicide hotline and they are about current crisis management. They don't actually offer referrals. Looks like I'm going to have to jump on Yelp, find a highly-rated shrink, call their phone, get the on-call emergency number and go from there.
Still, if anyone has any recommendations for an excellent shrink in SF, please MeFiMail me.
posted by bpm140 at 10:57 PM on December 12, 2012
Still, if anyone has any recommendations for an excellent shrink in SF, please MeFiMail me.
posted by bpm140 at 10:57 PM on December 12, 2012
Yes, if he is suicidal and needs to get help that's the overriding concern here. Nothing else should be a consideration.
posted by koahiatamadl at 10:58 PM on December 12, 2012
posted by koahiatamadl at 10:58 PM on December 12, 2012
Here (PDF) is the relevant federal firearms code. If he commits himself voluntarily or is committed for observation, he can still own a gun under federal law. And in California, a 5150 for danger to himself or others (not grave disability) restricts ownership only for 5 years.
He can probably get a more urgent referral if he sees his primary care provider.
Is he talking about suicide, or not? If he isn't, and you're thinking about using it as a way to get him care more rapidly, don't. If he is, to hell with it - he can't hold a firearms permit if he's dead.
posted by gingerest at 11:00 PM on December 12, 2012 [5 favorites]
He can probably get a more urgent referral if he sees his primary care provider.
Is he talking about suicide, or not? If he isn't, and you're thinking about using it as a way to get him care more rapidly, don't. If he is, to hell with it - he can't hold a firearms permit if he's dead.
posted by gingerest at 11:00 PM on December 12, 2012 [5 favorites]
Are you looking for a shrink because he needs meds? Because if that's the case I'd just have him go into the ER or even to see his GP if he has one. Having been suicidal in the past, I can tell you that even seeing a GP was enough for me to buy some time to find the right shrink for long-term care, as well as to get some meds that would temporarily pull me away from the edge of despair.
posted by joan_holloway at 11:01 PM on December 12, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by joan_holloway at 11:01 PM on December 12, 2012 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Gingerest: he was writing a suicide note and posting pictures from the GG Bridge today. It seems more like "cry for help" but I'm not taking any chances.
Joan: If we can't get him into a shrink, I may try the GP route.
posted by bpm140 at 11:04 PM on December 12, 2012
Joan: If we can't get him into a shrink, I may try the GP route.
posted by bpm140 at 11:04 PM on December 12, 2012
Here is a nice summary from a gun control person bemoaning the various ways that having a Flag doesn't actually stop people from getting guns. The perspective is maybe a little odd given the circumstances, but your friend may find the information reassuring, which might make it easier to get him to consider availing himself of acute mental health crisis care if that's what he needs.
posted by gingerest at 11:06 PM on December 12, 2012
posted by gingerest at 11:06 PM on December 12, 2012
Oh, oh, no. No, no, no. Suicide note automatically overrides anything else. He needs to be professionally assessed right away. I never say this, but call 911.
posted by gingerest at 11:07 PM on December 12, 2012 [18 favorites]
posted by gingerest at 11:07 PM on December 12, 2012 [18 favorites]
Jesus Christ. Call whoever you need to call to get an appointment asap, and tell them the truth: he is threatening suicide.
Fuck the gun license. That's an irrelevant consideration at this point.
posted by Salamander at 11:24 PM on December 12, 2012 [10 favorites]
Fuck the gun license. That's an irrelevant consideration at this point.
posted by Salamander at 11:24 PM on December 12, 2012 [10 favorites]
This is 911/Urgent Care/ER time. Suicide definitely counts as a life threatening condition.
posted by spinifex23 at 12:00 AM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by spinifex23 at 12:00 AM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
It seems more like "cry for help"
Drop the platitudes and get real. You mention guns and suicide in this thread. I don’t need to hear more.
There is only one solution and that cannot wait. Get someone in CA to take this person to a hospital, plead with them to be honest and let them start working a solution. Or start writing their obituary.
Then come back to MeFi and you can ask us how we can either assist you in assisting your friend with getting on with life or how we can help you write a nice speech for the funeral.
Sorry for the harshness, but this is not a time for debates.
posted by lampshade at 12:14 AM on December 13, 2012 [10 favorites]
Drop the platitudes and get real. You mention guns and suicide in this thread. I don’t need to hear more.
There is only one solution and that cannot wait. Get someone in CA to take this person to a hospital, plead with them to be honest and let them start working a solution. Or start writing their obituary.
Then come back to MeFi and you can ask us how we can either assist you in assisting your friend with getting on with life or how we can help you write a nice speech for the funeral.
Sorry for the harshness, but this is not a time for debates.
posted by lampshade at 12:14 AM on December 13, 2012 [10 favorites]
Many therapists' and clinics' outgoing voicemail messages say that if you are having an emergency or are suicidal, you should hang up and call 911. I'm not sure that finding a new private psychiatrist to see him immediately is the right course of action right now.
posted by needs more cowbell at 12:18 AM on December 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by needs more cowbell at 12:18 AM on December 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
He should not be in the presence of firearms while he is suicidal.
While he's getting help, I'm sure your friends can housesit his existing firearms? Buy trigger locks, and keep the guns and/or the keys at his friends' place?
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:27 AM on December 13, 2012
While he's getting help, I'm sure your friends can housesit his existing firearms? Buy trigger locks, and keep the guns and/or the keys at his friends' place?
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:27 AM on December 13, 2012
Men are significantly more likely to die during suicide attempts because they pick more violent methods, like guns and jumping off bridges. Your friend right now has easy access to one and is fantasizing about another. People who survive their suicide attempts overwhelmingly report they expressed regret at the attempt as soon as they attempted--but guns and bridges generally do not allow for resets (and if you do get the chance you're usually awfully mutilated).
You need to sit down and have a Real Talk with you friend. If he doesn't call 911 or initiate mental health treatment immediately you need to call 911 for him.
posted by Anonymous at 12:49 AM on December 13, 2012
You need to sit down and have a Real Talk with you friend. If he doesn't call 911 or initiate mental health treatment immediately you need to call 911 for him.
posted by Anonymous at 12:49 AM on December 13, 2012
The risk of dying from a suicide in the home was greater for males in homes with guns than for males without guns in the home (adjusted odds ratio = 10.4, 95% confidence interval: 5.8, 18.9). Persons with guns in the home were also more likely to have died from suicide committed with a firearm than from one committed by using a different method (adjusted odds ratio = 31.1, 95% confidence interval: 19.5, 49.6). Results show that regardless of storage practice, type of gun, or number of firearms in the home, having a gun in the home was associated with an increased risk of firearm homicide and firearm suicide in the home.
I don't care if you don't want to argue the point. A suicidal person who is allowed near a firearm kills himself an unreal amount more than someone who isn't.
You either deal with this as a HUGE THREAT or you roll the dice. If you lose that bet, you will regret it the rest of your life.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 2:07 AM on December 13, 2012
I don't care if you don't want to argue the point. A suicidal person who is allowed near a firearm kills himself an unreal amount more than someone who isn't.
You either deal with this as a HUGE THREAT or you roll the dice. If you lose that bet, you will regret it the rest of your life.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 2:07 AM on December 13, 2012
A suicide note is a life-threatening emergency that requires emergency care. He needs to be assessed by psychiatrists in an ER, not given a one-hour new patient intake appointment at a psychiatrist's office.
There is no secret code that will get your friend a same-day non-emergency appointment without a psychiatrist understanding that your friend is thinking of or planning self-harm.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 3:27 AM on December 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
There is no secret code that will get your friend a same-day non-emergency appointment without a psychiatrist understanding that your friend is thinking of or planning self-harm.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 3:27 AM on December 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
Many therapists' and clinics' outgoing voicemail messages say that if you are having an emergency or are suicidal, you should hang up and call 911.
This. A psych doc will probably not see him if you're honest about the note, the bridge and the gun. Once someone has a plan they are at an extreme risk, particularly being a male as was said above. Call 911 in his city, tell them what he's said and done. They know what to do from there. In case he tells them he never said or did these things, give them your number so that they can call you and you can confirm the truth. PLEASE call 911. This is very serious.
posted by la petite marie at 3:59 AM on December 13, 2012 [6 favorites]
This. A psych doc will probably not see him if you're honest about the note, the bridge and the gun. Once someone has a plan they are at an extreme risk, particularly being a male as was said above. Call 911 in his city, tell them what he's said and done. They know what to do from there. In case he tells them he never said or did these things, give them your number so that they can call you and you can confirm the truth. PLEASE call 911. This is very serious.
posted by la petite marie at 3:59 AM on December 13, 2012 [6 favorites]
The first thing they ask suicidal people is whether they have a plan or not. He does, and it changes everything.
It could be just a "cry for help"...do you really want to wait and find out?
posted by Tarumba at 4:18 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
It could be just a "cry for help"...do you really want to wait and find out?
posted by Tarumba at 4:18 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Everybody here is talking about seeing a psychiatrist. It sounds to me like an emergency presentation to a psychiatric hospital is in order.
posted by megatherium at 4:28 AM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by megatherium at 4:28 AM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
Another way to think about it is that your mental health is now at risk too if your friend goes through with his suicide plans and you didn't do all you could to intervene. Which outcome do you prefer: decades of remorse or the emnity of a guy who is alive to resent you for the loss of access to his hobby? You have to be the grownup here and act on the facts in your griend's best long-term interest; he's not qualified to make decisions right now. Call 911.
posted by carmicha at 4:28 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by carmicha at 4:28 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
It's probably not necessary for me to chime in but if you want your thought process in six months to be "well, I tried to help" then you're doing a good job faffing around on the Internet. If you want to be thinking "I probably saved his life" then you should get him to the ER now.
posted by seanmpuckett at 4:34 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by seanmpuckett at 4:34 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Many therapists' and clinics' outgoing voicemail messages say that if you are having an emergency or are suicidal, you should hang up and call 911. I'm not sure that finding a new private psychiatrist to see him immediately is the right course of action right now.
This is has been true in my experience as well. If he is writing suicide notes and talking about bridges, any psychiatrist would refer him to the ER to be evaluated ASAP and potentially admitted. This is a serious situation and should be treated as such.
If it were not an emergency situation, then it would be the type where you can call and get an appointment in a week or two, and that would be fine. Since this is too long to wait (and you rightly say it is), this is an emergency. Call 911.
posted by bluefly at 4:35 AM on December 13, 2012
This is has been true in my experience as well. If he is writing suicide notes and talking about bridges, any psychiatrist would refer him to the ER to be evaluated ASAP and potentially admitted. This is a serious situation and should be treated as such.
If it were not an emergency situation, then it would be the type where you can call and get an appointment in a week or two, and that would be fine. Since this is too long to wait (and you rightly say it is), this is an emergency. Call 911.
posted by bluefly at 4:35 AM on December 13, 2012
The time for an office appointment with a psychiatrist has passed. If he hasn't been taken to the ER by his friends last night, he needs to be now.
Calling a random psychiatrist's emergency number about someone who is suicidal, but who is not a current patient of that psychiatrist, is more than likely going to get you the same response.
posted by zizzle at 4:59 AM on December 13, 2012
Calling a random psychiatrist's emergency number about someone who is suicidal, but who is not a current patient of that psychiatrist, is more than likely going to get you the same response.
posted by zizzle at 4:59 AM on December 13, 2012
I'm a mental health professional. Your friend needs to be transported to the ER right now for assessment. Your assumptions about how to handle this are deeply flawed: if he does not already have a relationship with a psychiatrist, you are unlikely to find one who does not want him to be assessed at the ER. Finding one will take up valuable time.
Your friend appears to be in the demographic most affected by suicide, and he has the extra risk factor of having guns (presumably). About 50% of all suicides are gun deaths.
Don't fuck with this. If this guy came into my office I'd be freaking out, and then getting him to the ER in any way possible. I would absolutely have him committed for observation, given what you've described, and I don't know any ethical mental health professional who wouldn't do the same.
posted by OmieWise at 5:01 AM on December 13, 2012 [17 favorites]
Your friend appears to be in the demographic most affected by suicide, and he has the extra risk factor of having guns (presumably). About 50% of all suicides are gun deaths.
Don't fuck with this. If this guy came into my office I'd be freaking out, and then getting him to the ER in any way possible. I would absolutely have him committed for observation, given what you've described, and I don't know any ethical mental health professional who wouldn't do the same.
posted by OmieWise at 5:01 AM on December 13, 2012 [17 favorites]
You should have called 911 by now. But if you haven't:
My psychiatrist, and therapist, won't see me if I'm actively suicidal (and writing a note ABSOLUTELY counts as actively suicidal.) They will order me to go to the nearest emergency room or they will call the police on me, full stop.
This one time, a person I know was permitted by her doctor to drive herself from the doctor's office to the second-nearest emergency room - she wasn't actively suicidal at that point, just completely falling apart (with the sorts of diagnoses that I and my friends have, that's a big deal.)
It's the only time I've ever heard of a doctor saying "oh, yeah, sure, you need crisis intervention but you can be a bit slow about it."
Suicide planning is an emergency. A "cry for help" cannot be diagnosed by a layman (as far as I'm concerned, even by the person whose behavior raises the question.)
Here's a snippet of the Beck question (from the Depression Inventory) that's meant to determine how suicidal you are:
He may be able to get into a nicer, more upscale inpatient facility, which will likely be hugely comforting. This is the kind of thing that NAMI San Francisco can help you figure out. They'll start answering the phones in about three hours. They have some info about relevant emergency rooms. Note that the mobile crisis team phone number is 415-970-4000, and they will visit your friend and do an assessment in person, which might help him faster and in a less-freaky way than calling 911 and having him woken up at 5am (it may also be be faster, depending on how far behind the police happen to be today.)
BTW, it takes a long time to recover from a severe psychiatric crisis like this. Months if not years. You're doing well to support your friend today, and that's hugely important, but please try to keep supporting him even after this crisis is over.
posted by Fee Phi Faux Phumb I Smell t'Socks o' a Puppetman! at 5:22 AM on December 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
My psychiatrist, and therapist, won't see me if I'm actively suicidal (and writing a note ABSOLUTELY counts as actively suicidal.) They will order me to go to the nearest emergency room or they will call the police on me, full stop.
This one time, a person I know was permitted by her doctor to drive herself from the doctor's office to the second-nearest emergency room - she wasn't actively suicidal at that point, just completely falling apart (with the sorts of diagnoses that I and my friends have, that's a big deal.)
It's the only time I've ever heard of a doctor saying "oh, yeah, sure, you need crisis intervention but you can be a bit slow about it."
Suicide planning is an emergency. A "cry for help" cannot be diagnosed by a layman (as far as I'm concerned, even by the person whose behavior raises the question.)
Here's a snippet of the Beck question (from the Depression Inventory) that's meant to determine how suicidal you are:
Zero: has no thoughts of death or suicideI haven't been a zero since I was about eight years old; I haven't been a three in about a decade. Your friend is a three right now. A three is an emergency. A three demands an evaluation RIGHT NOW and that only happens in the emergency room.
One: I have thoughts of killing myself, but I would not carry them out.
Two: I would like to kill myself.
Three: I would kill myself if I had the chance.
He may be able to get into a nicer, more upscale inpatient facility, which will likely be hugely comforting. This is the kind of thing that NAMI San Francisco can help you figure out. They'll start answering the phones in about three hours. They have some info about relevant emergency rooms. Note that the mobile crisis team phone number is 415-970-4000, and they will visit your friend and do an assessment in person, which might help him faster and in a less-freaky way than calling 911 and having him woken up at 5am (it may also be be faster, depending on how far behind the police happen to be today.)
BTW, it takes a long time to recover from a severe psychiatric crisis like this. Months if not years. You're doing well to support your friend today, and that's hugely important, but please try to keep supporting him even after this crisis is over.
posted by Fee Phi Faux Phumb I Smell t'Socks o' a Puppetman! at 5:22 AM on December 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
Either call 911 or have a friend drive him to the ER right now. Don't leave him alone until he is assessed by a professional.
Looks like I'm going to have to jump on Yelp, find a highly-rated shrink, call their phone, get the on-call emergency number and go from there.
Most (perhaps all) psychiatrists and psychologists do not have an on-call emergency number; as mentioned above, it's very common for their answering machine messages to say something along the lines of "If this is an emergency, please hang up and call 911."
posted by insectosaurus at 5:29 AM on December 13, 2012
Looks like I'm going to have to jump on Yelp, find a highly-rated shrink, call their phone, get the on-call emergency number and go from there.
Most (perhaps all) psychiatrists and psychologists do not have an on-call emergency number; as mentioned above, it's very common for their answering machine messages to say something along the lines of "If this is an emergency, please hang up and call 911."
posted by insectosaurus at 5:29 AM on December 13, 2012
Since you're out of state, by the way, the SFPD Dispatch number, which is where 911 would go if you were in SF, is 415-553-8090. Calling this number should be the same as calling 911, i.e. the operator may not know immediately you're calling from out of state.
posted by Sunburnt at 6:52 AM on December 13, 2012
posted by Sunburnt at 6:52 AM on December 13, 2012
You have to get him help and away from guns.
Is he a law enforcement officer? Law enforcement officers have a higher suicide rate than the general public. He can always get another job. He cannot get another life.
posted by Ironmouth at 7:08 AM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
Is he a law enforcement officer? Law enforcement officers have a higher suicide rate than the general public. He can always get another job. He cannot get another life.
posted by Ironmouth at 7:08 AM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
I will join the avalanche and STRONGLY URGE you to direct your friend to an emergency room/have his friends bring him to an emergency room. Calling psychiatrists who don't know him is not the appropriate response. He is having a psychiatric emergency. This is like if you were actively having a heart attack, or bleeding to death...you wouldn't start calling random doctor's offices for an appointment, you would go to the place where they handle EMERGENCIES.
There are some good resources/phone numbers above; use them to figure out the appropriate/closest emergency department.
posted by maryrussell at 7:13 AM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
There are some good resources/phone numbers above; use them to figure out the appropriate/closest emergency department.
posted by maryrussell at 7:13 AM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
Get someone to take your friend to an ER as soon as you can. Do not wait to find them a referral.
SF General:
1001 Potrero Avenue San Francisco, CA 94110
(415) 206-8709
UCSF Hospital:
505 Parnassus Avenue San Francisco, CA 94131
(415) 353-2873
Drive out there and take them yourself if you have to, especially with the weekend coming up.
posted by NYC-BB at 10:24 AM on December 13, 2012
SF General:
1001 Potrero Avenue San Francisco, CA 94110
(415) 206-8709
UCSF Hospital:
505 Parnassus Avenue San Francisco, CA 94131
(415) 353-2873
Drive out there and take them yourself if you have to, especially with the weekend coming up.
posted by NYC-BB at 10:24 AM on December 13, 2012
If you are able to, could you update and let us know if your friend is somewhere safe? I'm worried, and I'm sure others are too.
posted by insectosaurus at 3:03 PM on December 13, 2012 [11 favorites]
posted by insectosaurus at 3:03 PM on December 13, 2012 [11 favorites]
Response by poster: Since I've gotten a few emails asking what happened, I thought I should write a prologue.
I did not call 911 on my friend. It didn't seem right to get him to the point where he said "I have a problem. I'm depressed. I'm not thinking right. I should see someone" and then have him involuntarily remanded for three days.
It also helped that he passed out from a crap-ton of scotch that night.
The mutual friend I mentioned in the original post babysat him that night and then escorted him to the VA the next morning where they waited for hours. Suicidal guy's income made it almost impossible to get him access. Babysitter friend took his keys and told him to fuck off every time he tried to bail.
Friend is now on Xanax and Ambien and responding well, although there's a long, long road from here to truly healthy.
Thanks for everyone's support that night. There is a real crisis of mental health care in this country (not even thinking about the tragic shootings in recent days) and I am thankful for all the posts that got me through all the stress of trying to get him in somewhere.
posted by bpm140 at 11:26 PM on December 22, 2012
I did not call 911 on my friend. It didn't seem right to get him to the point where he said "I have a problem. I'm depressed. I'm not thinking right. I should see someone" and then have him involuntarily remanded for three days.
It also helped that he passed out from a crap-ton of scotch that night.
The mutual friend I mentioned in the original post babysat him that night and then escorted him to the VA the next morning where they waited for hours. Suicidal guy's income made it almost impossible to get him access. Babysitter friend took his keys and told him to fuck off every time he tried to bail.
Friend is now on Xanax and Ambien and responding well, although there's a long, long road from here to truly healthy.
Thanks for everyone's support that night. There is a real crisis of mental health care in this country (not even thinking about the tragic shootings in recent days) and I am thankful for all the posts that got me through all the stress of trying to get him in somewhere.
posted by bpm140 at 11:26 PM on December 22, 2012
I'm really glad your friend seems to be doing better.
I did not call 911 on my friend. It didn't seem right to get him to the point where he said "I have a problem. I'm depressed. I'm not thinking right. I should see someone" and then have him involuntarily remanded for three days.
Just so it's clear, calling 911 would have gotten him evaluated by someone with the expertise to determine if he was in danger of committing suicide. You would not have been remanding him as you do not have the authority to do that. The suggestion to get him evaluated regardless of how was made because you described him as suicidal, not simply depressed. It's good that your other friend was able to stay with him and made sure he received that evaluation.
posted by OmieWise at 3:24 AM on December 23, 2012 [4 favorites]
I did not call 911 on my friend. It didn't seem right to get him to the point where he said "I have a problem. I'm depressed. I'm not thinking right. I should see someone" and then have him involuntarily remanded for three days.
Just so it's clear, calling 911 would have gotten him evaluated by someone with the expertise to determine if he was in danger of committing suicide. You would not have been remanding him as you do not have the authority to do that. The suggestion to get him evaluated regardless of how was made because you described him as suicidal, not simply depressed. It's good that your other friend was able to stay with him and made sure he received that evaluation.
posted by OmieWise at 3:24 AM on December 23, 2012 [4 favorites]
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He should not be in the presence of firearms while he is suicidal. You must see that. His need for help supersedes whatever it is that you think is amping up his need to still be able to use firearms. He could hurt himself, or he could hurt others. That will ruin his life even more if something goes wrong along those lines.
Call the San Fran Suicide Hotline for him now:
415 / 781-0500 or
800 / 273-8255
Don't screw with this by not being honest about the reality of his condition. He isn't thinking straight. You are.
I speak from experience on this. I should have been honest about my friend being suicidal. I wasn't. I will always regret not being honest about it. I wish someone had been honest about me being suicidal when it happened to me, but no one was. It really matters.
Good luck. My thoughts are with you both.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 10:46 PM on December 12, 2012 [6 favorites]