Is there a quick reroute for knee-jerk grar?
November 3, 2012 1:32 PM Subscribe
Lately, I've been having a violently negative reaction to noise, though I've always been pretty sensitive. I've found a way to relax using white noise to muffle conversation in my house, but sudden blaring noises (especially car horns in close proximity) provoke intense anger. How does one control one's short-term anger or anxiety responses to uncontrollable physical stimuli?
This situation is probably related to stress which has been building for awhile in college, and has only heightened in grad school, living in a dorm with no 'Quiet Housing' rules. I've become sensitized to conversation noise, since there's really next to no muffling and I can hear people clearly if they're in the kitchen next door. I've learned to deal with this by using rain noise videos-- it's relaxing but not distracting, and I can't hear them.
Outside, I can't suddenly turn on the white noise, and the duration of the stimuli is much shorter (a car horn is less than a minute), but my anger can be intense. This is especially true if they're (rarely) directed at me, meaning (like to day) to signal I can cross a street, for example. I see red.
Note, I don't get other 'kinds' of anger-- like, I don't yell at people, I don't confront people, I don't wreak vengeance or what have you, and I would be horrified to know I've even irritated someone, usually (unless it's my mom, who exists in a special space of being irritated by me). Anyway, partly I get upset 'cause I can't get myself to express my displeasure-- like, I fantasize about putting up signs on my door for people to "Please Be Quiet", but that would be confrontational and/or possibly annoying and/or passive aggressive. Of course, before I found my white-noise solution, I've been known to play loud music as 'revenge' (I don't think they got it). Anyway, I realize it's ridiculous, but basically sometimes you can't deal with it constructively by communicating with others (such as the car horn issue, or the times I get upset 'cause my phone freezes or whatever).
I've seen advice saying 'take deep breaths and/or meditate and/or exercise', but only the breathing is a short-term in-the-moment solution, and at that moment it would take strong self-control to derail myself enough to stand and breathe quietly. If I had that control, I'd already be halfway there, probably.
Part of the issue is that I have ADD and thus impulse-control issues, so when I get upset (like at the car-horn), it's hard to control my impulse to throw things, which has become a sad habit. I don't mean at people, I just mean self-destructive impulses toward my own property (well, my book, say). I never used to do it, but once I started expressing my irritation physically (just a few months ago), I got more and more used to it. It's a lot harder to swallow it all now than it was 3 months ago. But I hate throwing books, because I'm the one who suffers when, say, the spine is damaged for my short-term relief.
To put the situation in even more context, other chronic tendencies have also gotten exacerbated since I got to grad school-- or more importantly, moved to where I have no friends and no acquaintances, alone. I was always irritable and always asocial, but I feel that my social anxiety has heightened along with the irritability. That is to say, often the presence of other people in my vicinity is itself an irritant I can't avoid (like the frequent visitations of cleaning and maintenance staff, whom I can clearly hear just outside my door). In part this is possibly caused by the lack of completely isolated 'me space' to let me recharge (since it's so permeable for noise), and in part this is being isolated in a new space. I hope I didn't just become more antisocial with age (unfortunate, since I am here 'cause I want to teach). Anyway, I'm looking for some sort of defusion strategy like the rain noise to use with sudden outbursts of suck.
This situation is probably related to stress which has been building for awhile in college, and has only heightened in grad school, living in a dorm with no 'Quiet Housing' rules. I've become sensitized to conversation noise, since there's really next to no muffling and I can hear people clearly if they're in the kitchen next door. I've learned to deal with this by using rain noise videos-- it's relaxing but not distracting, and I can't hear them.
Outside, I can't suddenly turn on the white noise, and the duration of the stimuli is much shorter (a car horn is less than a minute), but my anger can be intense. This is especially true if they're (rarely) directed at me, meaning (like to day) to signal I can cross a street, for example. I see red.
Note, I don't get other 'kinds' of anger-- like, I don't yell at people, I don't confront people, I don't wreak vengeance or what have you, and I would be horrified to know I've even irritated someone, usually (unless it's my mom, who exists in a special space of being irritated by me). Anyway, partly I get upset 'cause I can't get myself to express my displeasure-- like, I fantasize about putting up signs on my door for people to "Please Be Quiet", but that would be confrontational and/or possibly annoying and/or passive aggressive. Of course, before I found my white-noise solution, I've been known to play loud music as 'revenge' (I don't think they got it). Anyway, I realize it's ridiculous, but basically sometimes you can't deal with it constructively by communicating with others (such as the car horn issue, or the times I get upset 'cause my phone freezes or whatever).
I've seen advice saying 'take deep breaths and/or meditate and/or exercise', but only the breathing is a short-term in-the-moment solution, and at that moment it would take strong self-control to derail myself enough to stand and breathe quietly. If I had that control, I'd already be halfway there, probably.
Part of the issue is that I have ADD and thus impulse-control issues, so when I get upset (like at the car-horn), it's hard to control my impulse to throw things, which has become a sad habit. I don't mean at people, I just mean self-destructive impulses toward my own property (well, my book, say). I never used to do it, but once I started expressing my irritation physically (just a few months ago), I got more and more used to it. It's a lot harder to swallow it all now than it was 3 months ago. But I hate throwing books, because I'm the one who suffers when, say, the spine is damaged for my short-term relief.
To put the situation in even more context, other chronic tendencies have also gotten exacerbated since I got to grad school-- or more importantly, moved to where I have no friends and no acquaintances, alone. I was always irritable and always asocial, but I feel that my social anxiety has heightened along with the irritability. That is to say, often the presence of other people in my vicinity is itself an irritant I can't avoid (like the frequent visitations of cleaning and maintenance staff, whom I can clearly hear just outside my door). In part this is possibly caused by the lack of completely isolated 'me space' to let me recharge (since it's so permeable for noise), and in part this is being isolated in a new space. I hope I didn't just become more antisocial with age (unfortunate, since I am here 'cause I want to teach). Anyway, I'm looking for some sort of defusion strategy like the rain noise to use with sudden outbursts of suck.
Are you currently medicated for your ADD? One of the first signs that I needed a serious medication readjustment was when my normal sensitivity to loud noises became an INSTANT HOMICIDAL CRAZED STABBY RAGE WHAT IS THAT NOISE KILL KILL kind of situation. Like, veins throbbing in my skull, wall-punching fucking wild hate for loud noises and interruptions and related things.
Anyway, my short term solution was those squishy silicone ear plugs that you jam all the way into your ear canal and block out all sounds ever (it doesn't work for deep booming bass, alas). My long term solution was to stop taking my meds for a month and realizing that I was perhaps experiencing low-grade amphetamine psychosis, and then switching to new meds.
posted by elizardbits at 1:42 PM on November 3, 2012
Anyway, my short term solution was those squishy silicone ear plugs that you jam all the way into your ear canal and block out all sounds ever (it doesn't work for deep booming bass, alas). My long term solution was to stop taking my meds for a month and realizing that I was perhaps experiencing low-grade amphetamine psychosis, and then switching to new meds.
posted by elizardbits at 1:42 PM on November 3, 2012
Sensitivity to noise can be a symptom of magnesium deficiency.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 2:03 PM on November 3, 2012
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 2:03 PM on November 3, 2012
Response by poster: I should clarify I am generally more explosively irritable, just that noise is an obviously strong irritant, and sudden noise just freaks me the hell out lately. It's not misophonia (quite) 'cause the level of this issue differs (hell, 6 months ago I'd dislike a car-horn but not be ready to punch someone). It also matters that other things (like social anxiety) have also spiked.
I'm very irregularly medicated for ADD (as I'm lazy and mostly function okay without drugs, and it hasn't become a habit; I don't wear my glasses all the time for the same reason). I do not have an extreme response (if anything, it's softer than when I started).
The earplugs would be unfortunate to wear outside at all times, in case a car-horn meant it was about to run me over.
posted by reenka at 2:12 PM on November 3, 2012
I'm very irregularly medicated for ADD (as I'm lazy and mostly function okay without drugs, and it hasn't become a habit; I don't wear my glasses all the time for the same reason). I do not have an extreme response (if anything, it's softer than when I started).
The earplugs would be unfortunate to wear outside at all times, in case a car-horn meant it was about to run me over.
posted by reenka at 2:12 PM on November 3, 2012
Musician's earplugs? They still allow sound through, just less of it.
posted by zug at 2:32 PM on November 3, 2012
posted by zug at 2:32 PM on November 3, 2012
Response by poster: I guess I should reiterate that sound is just the most extreme, not the only outlet for irritation, and it seems impractical to indefinitely spend my days putting earplugs in and out, especially since I can't predict when a car-horn or the like will blare. I'm also capable of being severely irritated by things that can't be avoided by earplugs, such as other people's presence, having to wait in line, my phone freezing up and so on.
In essence, I have unfortunately focused on noise, but that's only one issue from a cluster, and I'd like possible solutions that address knee-jerk flare ups of anger/frustration to more generalized stimuli, with sound as one example.
posted by reenka at 2:50 PM on November 3, 2012
In essence, I have unfortunately focused on noise, but that's only one issue from a cluster, and I'd like possible solutions that address knee-jerk flare ups of anger/frustration to more generalized stimuli, with sound as one example.
posted by reenka at 2:50 PM on November 3, 2012
I find my angry response to noise is a signal something else is wrong; flares of aggressive anger in response to noise is not acceptable to me as a person within a community so I need to control what I can (medication, that sort of thing) so I'm not reacting in an absolutely unacceptable way to stimuli. Even if I don't do anything it is an absolutely unacceptable reaction because it affects me internally and, no matter your control, affects your reactions and behaviours.
My advice? Wear your glasses (sure you can function but you are adding an extra layer of discomfort, struggle and annoyance that you really don't need), take your meds, look into mindfulness.
posted by geek anachronism at 2:54 PM on November 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
My advice? Wear your glasses (sure you can function but you are adding an extra layer of discomfort, struggle and annoyance that you really don't need), take your meds, look into mindfulness.
posted by geek anachronism at 2:54 PM on November 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Yeah, the only things that helped me for that kind of irritability were the right meds and mindfulness meditation.
posted by lunalaguna at 3:37 PM on November 3, 2012
posted by lunalaguna at 3:37 PM on November 3, 2012
Seconding mindfulness meditation here. If you are open to the idea but not sure how to go about that, read the first part (or more) of this document for help.
Also, if you have an iOS device you carry with you, have you considered apps like Pocket Storm? I have similar noise issues (they are worse when I'm stressed, too, like yours) and pocket storm has helped me be able to actually relax whenever I have headphones around. It's still interruptible by super loud stuff, unless your earphones are amazing, but it's good for cutting out chatter.
posted by mismatched at 4:12 PM on November 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Also, if you have an iOS device you carry with you, have you considered apps like Pocket Storm? I have similar noise issues (they are worse when I'm stressed, too, like yours) and pocket storm has helped me be able to actually relax whenever I have headphones around. It's still interruptible by super loud stuff, unless your earphones are amazing, but it's good for cutting out chatter.
posted by mismatched at 4:12 PM on November 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Look for places to eliminate other sources of stress, so noises don't put you over. Find quiet places to hang out when you can.
Android also has free white noise apps.
posted by momus_window at 4:22 PM on November 3, 2012
Android also has free white noise apps.
posted by momus_window at 4:22 PM on November 3, 2012
I feel that my social anxiety has heightened along with the irritability.
For me, it's the other way around: I am irritable when I am anxious. It's one way for me to check in and see if there's anything stressing me out -- if I notice myself growing intensely irritable, that means I'm stressed out about something. I'd bet dollars to donuts it's the same for you.
It sounds like you're going through a tough time. It can be really hard to move to a new area, and grad school is stressful under even the best circumstances. If you can, I suggest you see a therapist. You could work on finding useful ways of recognizing and responding to stress. Find a successful means to responding to the stress, and I bet things will go better. A therapist can also help you work out better ways to communicate, which will help you with your neighbors when they are noisy. There's a good chance there's a counselling center associated with your university. Look into your options. It will be worth it.
While that is likely the best advice I or anyone else can give you, here are some more suggestions that may help:
1. I'm willing to bet you can find some sort of private space somewhere. I, too, would go absolutely insane if I didn't have some sort of private, quiet, 'me' space. If you're in grad school, there must be a university library near you... The ones I've encountered usually have private 'study rooms' that can be reserved. That's one small way you could get a few hours a week, say, to a private, quiet place. That's only one possible idea, but I'm sure there must be quite a few options.
2. One thing I've noticed about myself is that my irritation at noises goes up exponentially if I feel trapped. Feeling like I have no choice but to hear the noise makes me feel sick and angry and pained. If the same is true for you, you may benefit from finding ways to make your schedule more fluid. If you can find a number of quiet (or likely-to-be-quiet) places, maybe write them down as a list and keep that list near you at all times. If things start to get loud, look at this list, and select some place else to go.
3. Do you have a car? If so, maybe turn the back seat (or passenger seat) into, like, an oasis. Have a pillow and throw blanket in there, along with some books or crossword puzzles or whatever, and maybe even store some candy bars or other treats in the glove box. If things are driving you so crazy you just want to explode, just go out to the car for a few minutes and relax. If it's not quiet where your car is parked, just drive around until you find a good place to park for a few minutes in silence. Let your car be your private 'me' zone, when you really need it.
4. Be okay with having to take action. One of my biggest problems is that I just allow myself to keep stewing. I am angry and annoyed and at whit's end at the noise, but I just keep putting up with it. I feel like I shouldn't let myself be so annoyed at the noise in the first place, so I refuse to leave or do much of anything to get away from it. Which means I feel more trapped, and I grow more irritated and pained. It's a downward spiral of irritation and rage. If you find yourself doing the same, remind yourself that your mental well-being is worth getting up and going someplace else.
5. Move. It sounds like your current housing just isn't the right fit for you. If you're in a lease, you could look into getting out of it. If you don't have a lease, start looking around ASAP -- and pay particular attention to noise levels at new places. Again, noise level clearly is something that is really important to you, so it is worth it to make it a priority in your life. You need quiet spaces and quiet, isolated times to unwind and feel good. It is worth it to re-situate your life to get what you need.
posted by meese at 5:58 PM on November 3, 2012 [3 favorites]
For me, it's the other way around: I am irritable when I am anxious. It's one way for me to check in and see if there's anything stressing me out -- if I notice myself growing intensely irritable, that means I'm stressed out about something. I'd bet dollars to donuts it's the same for you.
It sounds like you're going through a tough time. It can be really hard to move to a new area, and grad school is stressful under even the best circumstances. If you can, I suggest you see a therapist. You could work on finding useful ways of recognizing and responding to stress. Find a successful means to responding to the stress, and I bet things will go better. A therapist can also help you work out better ways to communicate, which will help you with your neighbors when they are noisy. There's a good chance there's a counselling center associated with your university. Look into your options. It will be worth it.
While that is likely the best advice I or anyone else can give you, here are some more suggestions that may help:
1. I'm willing to bet you can find some sort of private space somewhere. I, too, would go absolutely insane if I didn't have some sort of private, quiet, 'me' space. If you're in grad school, there must be a university library near you... The ones I've encountered usually have private 'study rooms' that can be reserved. That's one small way you could get a few hours a week, say, to a private, quiet place. That's only one possible idea, but I'm sure there must be quite a few options.
2. One thing I've noticed about myself is that my irritation at noises goes up exponentially if I feel trapped. Feeling like I have no choice but to hear the noise makes me feel sick and angry and pained. If the same is true for you, you may benefit from finding ways to make your schedule more fluid. If you can find a number of quiet (or likely-to-be-quiet) places, maybe write them down as a list and keep that list near you at all times. If things start to get loud, look at this list, and select some place else to go.
3. Do you have a car? If so, maybe turn the back seat (or passenger seat) into, like, an oasis. Have a pillow and throw blanket in there, along with some books or crossword puzzles or whatever, and maybe even store some candy bars or other treats in the glove box. If things are driving you so crazy you just want to explode, just go out to the car for a few minutes and relax. If it's not quiet where your car is parked, just drive around until you find a good place to park for a few minutes in silence. Let your car be your private 'me' zone, when you really need it.
4. Be okay with having to take action. One of my biggest problems is that I just allow myself to keep stewing. I am angry and annoyed and at whit's end at the noise, but I just keep putting up with it. I feel like I shouldn't let myself be so annoyed at the noise in the first place, so I refuse to leave or do much of anything to get away from it. Which means I feel more trapped, and I grow more irritated and pained. It's a downward spiral of irritation and rage. If you find yourself doing the same, remind yourself that your mental well-being is worth getting up and going someplace else.
5. Move. It sounds like your current housing just isn't the right fit for you. If you're in a lease, you could look into getting out of it. If you don't have a lease, start looking around ASAP -- and pay particular attention to noise levels at new places. Again, noise level clearly is something that is really important to you, so it is worth it to make it a priority in your life. You need quiet spaces and quiet, isolated times to unwind and feel good. It is worth it to re-situate your life to get what you need.
posted by meese at 5:58 PM on November 3, 2012 [3 favorites]
One possible explanation is a sensory processing disorder. If that sounds familiar, you may find Sharon Heller's Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight to have some helpful coping strategies.
posted by pie ninja at 6:35 PM on November 3, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by pie ninja at 6:35 PM on November 3, 2012 [2 favorites]
How much sleep are you getting? I have this exact problem when I get a little sleep deprived. Suddenly any repetitive noise makes me turn into the Hulk.
posted by TallulahBankhead at 9:28 PM on November 3, 2012
posted by TallulahBankhead at 9:28 PM on November 3, 2012
When I was having some out of control stress, I started to react like this. I found I needed to increase my seratonin and decrease my cortisol in other ways. I went hiking a lot, watched relaxing videos, read mellow books (chefs' memoirs, travel writing, etc.), and dropped things that started to ratchet up my freak-out response like they were burning. Even if it seemed stupid or if I had to briefly explain myself, I just dropped it. I went into the other room when Law & Order: SVU was on at my mom's house. I quit watching TV news. Occasionally, I asked to change tables. Etc. Gradually, things improved.
Everything's back to normal these days, but man...that was a pretty annoying time.
posted by wintersweet at 10:33 PM on November 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Everything's back to normal these days, but man...that was a pretty annoying time.
posted by wintersweet at 10:33 PM on November 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
I have yet to find an earplug that will make a car horn unnoticeable. So go ahead and try earplugs. Sometimes just carrying them with you can help reduce your anxiety.
I've tried a lot of sound-reduction techniques and nothing is a complete solution. Even with noise reducing headphones over earplugs, I can still hear *some* stuff. This is a good thing when the smoke alarm goes off, a bad thing at other times.
I've noticed that the day after taking my ADHD med (I never take it on consecutive days) I am more angry and my usual dislike of noise and interruption becomes almost unbearable. Klonopin seems to help with the rage.
Talk to your doc about your difficulties with anger and anxiety.
posted by bunderful at 6:02 AM on November 4, 2012
I've tried a lot of sound-reduction techniques and nothing is a complete solution. Even with noise reducing headphones over earplugs, I can still hear *some* stuff. This is a good thing when the smoke alarm goes off, a bad thing at other times.
I've noticed that the day after taking my ADHD med (I never take it on consecutive days) I am more angry and my usual dislike of noise and interruption becomes almost unbearable. Klonopin seems to help with the rage.
Talk to your doc about your difficulties with anger and anxiety.
posted by bunderful at 6:02 AM on November 4, 2012
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I recommend a good pair of sound-isolating earbuds. I like these.
posted by supercres at 1:41 PM on November 3, 2012 [1 favorite]