"More than words, is all you have to do to make it real..."

August 18, 2005 4:08 PM

CuteCoupleFilter: What little things do you do for your SO?

Fairly new relationship and SO is spoiling me rotten; cooking, cleaning, other general pampering. Not to complain about it, but having never experienced this before I'm at a loss as to how to reciprocate. I'm not much of a cook, he insists on doing all the cleaning, and we're not gifty people. He knows that I appreciate it because I tell him daily, but I want to do more than tell him. I'm trying to come up with some little things, gestures and such to do for him. This being such a thoughful and creative group, I thought I'd throw it out there; what do you all do for your SO's?

(posting anon as embarrassed by lack of inspiration)

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (32 answers total)

Rub feet. Make sexual overtures. Leave notes. Express gratitude. Respect space. Plot surprises.
posted by majick at 4:13 PM on August 18, 2005

It may seem lame, but sending simple greeting cards in the mail, either to his workplace or home, can be a nice surprise. Make it unexpected but meaningful, and it's something to keep around.
posted by kyleg at 4:20 PM on August 18, 2005

A couple, both friends of mine, invited me over for a week. One of the cutest things I have ever experienced was this ritual where the guy would gently ask his girl before bedtime, "How would you like to be woken up tomorrow", and she'll respond like "Hot chocolat and a lot of kisses?"

Total cuteness overdose.
posted by ruelle at 4:21 PM on August 18, 2005

Make him lunch, give him a small bouquet of lillies, and rub his back and neck until he goes to sleep.
posted by ORthey at 4:27 PM on August 18, 2005

One idea starts and ends with b.

Beyond that, buying his favorite food and snacks, respecting his hobbies, taking responsibility for certain things away from him from time to time, helping him destress, letting him be grumpy some day without nagging him to be happier, etc. These are all things that my SO does for me and I appreciate them.
posted by wackybrit at 4:33 PM on August 18, 2005

Once I had to be away from my SO for a week, so I wrote her 7 letters, dated, so she could open one each day. Some were longer than others - and I took a more creative approach that the plain old "here's what's going on with me" letter. Obviously you can't sit down and write 7 of those in a row.

Much later, she actually did the 12 days of Xmas for me, which is nice because the 12 days of Xmas end on my birthday. A gift of 1 something the first day, 2 of something else the next day, and so on... I remember the gesture, absolutely, but I don't recall so well what the gifts all were. I think there were socks in there. And I remember getting an odd number of beers one day. Anyway, it was very cute.

Another nice touch I appreciated was when a different SO, many many years ago, went on the pill without telling me about it right away. Once she'd been on it for a few weeks she set up a situation where we were fooling around with no condoms around. Without going into too much detail, she reassured me, moved me into position, and then precipitated actual intercourse - which felt really naughty and risky but incredibly good - and immediately afterward, before I had a chance to start worrying, told me the good news.

I don't think that last one would work on me anymore - I'm much more responsible these days. But it's a pretty hot memory.
posted by scarabic at 4:42 PM on August 18, 2005

Letters - the kind sent through the post office, not the e-kind - are an amazing gesture. Nothing better than briefly stopping on my rush to work only to find a hand-lettered note from my SO nestled among the bills and junk.
posted by Newbornstranger at 4:58 PM on August 18, 2005

Back massages.
posted by hopeless romantique at 5:27 PM on August 18, 2005

Presents that you make/find are the best.
posted by desuetude at 5:37 PM on August 18, 2005

My emails to her at work are labelled "My True Love" . She says she always smiles when she gets an email.

Other than that, I make sure to tell her I love her and cuddle with her a lot. Human contact and time is so much more important than anything else.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:37 PM on August 18, 2005

Hide little notes around about how lucky you are.
posted by abbyladybug at 5:44 PM on August 18, 2005

Interesting to see a lot of stuff about writing, whether letters, cars or notes. I have to say I don't appreciate it much myself, so mileage may vary. I appreciated it more when my SO and I weren't able to talk about our feelings openly, but now it seems impersonal. I do understand why people do it, but to me it feels inappropriate. Other men may feel similarly, I don't know.
posted by wackybrit at 6:03 PM on August 18, 2005

Take a massage class... there is more to a good massage than rubbing the neck and shoulders. If not a class, every library has books on massage. Believe me, it will be appreciated.
posted by Marky at 6:31 PM on August 18, 2005

What a fun question.
My roommate/heterosexual life partner is usually home when I get home, but today he's at band practice, so he made me a surprise dinner and left it in the fridge with a note taped to the tv. Dinner is lovely, of course, but it's especially nice because I was just about to be kind of sad and disoriented at coming home to an empty house. I find that little things like that, like notes or presents in places where he usually is but isn't on that day for some reason, are particularly good. Similarly, I sometimes leave notes on the coffee maker, with the coffee all set up ready to go, if I have to leave earlier than usual and he is still in bed.
posted by librarina at 6:53 PM on August 18, 2005

Mixtapes, totally.
It's so junior high that no one can resist.

And the best thing I've ever gotten from my guy (or EVER) was a basket filled with Kiss action figures from the dumpster. But we're weird.
posted by ruby.aftermath at 7:23 PM on August 18, 2005

What was meant to be added to that: little found things are always nice. It's nice to know that someone's thinking of you while just going about his/her day.
posted by ruby.aftermath at 7:24 PM on August 18, 2005

the moral of this thread so far: personal little things > big things

I think anything that lets me know that my SO is thinking about me fondly when I'm not around makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

I think people just like to know that they're important to people who are important to them.

And by the way, does he have a sister?
posted by softlord at 7:34 PM on August 18, 2005

Breakfast in bed is always nice.

A treasure hunt to a nice gift, be that an actual gift or yourself wrapped in a small towel and nothing else would also be good.

Guys never receive flowers. I know that I love getting flowers (altho I rarely get them, *sniff*) and I bet that he'd appreciate them too. Of course, a card goes without saying.

An aimless Sunday drive that leads to a picnic. Get everything ready beforehand and pack it in the car while he's not watching. Make suggestions as to where you can go without giving the game away.

Go skinny dipping.

Go to a drive-in movie, preferably something he's wanting to see.

As a gift, but NOT for his birthday, make a memory book for him of his family's and friends fondest memories of him. I guarantee, unless he doesn't like his family, that this will be something he'll look at regularly over the years.

Leave a note in his dress shoes about how hot you think he is when dresses up.

Have a poker night and lose, if you know what I mean.
posted by ashbury at 8:05 PM on August 18, 2005

One idea starts and ends with b.

backrub? I leave flowers in the bathroom for him. I send him postcards and then make sure he gets the mail not me. I take nice pictures of him and send them to his parents [they love them, he's not the most ultra-communicative son]. I sneak snacks into his lunches when he's not looking. I buy the fancy beer. I get up early and make the coffee while he's asleep. I do the dishes even though it's his turn. I tell him about a thing I saw at work that reminded me of him. I'll tell nice stories about him to people who haven't met him yet so that when they do meet him they'll say "oh you're that great boyfriend guy...."

A lot of times when we're lying around pillowtalking we'll ask each other "What was your favorite part of today?" Not only is it more often than not something that we did together, it's fun to hear what parts of our lives have the most significance at the end of the day.
posted by jessamyn at 8:17 PM on August 18, 2005 [1 favorite]

I draw him comics. I make cookies. I dress up girly/sexy.
posted by Juliet Banana at 10:43 PM on August 18, 2005

I organize something out-of-the-norm once in a while; great Yankees tickets while we were in NYC, pick up a slew of snacks and treats at Costco or the grocery store and drop them off at his studio, get a slinky new set of lingerie, cook dinner in only an old-fashioned apron, send photos to his parents and grandparents (in the same vein as jessamyn), found a delicious (organic) wine that I coule drink with him (at the time, I was getting migraines from most wines) without spoiling it beforehand, taking the time to make out under a brolly during a spell of rain on a cobblestone street, send him postcards fairly regularly.
posted by fionab at 10:53 PM on August 18, 2005

I draw him comics

that's really cool
posted by matteo at 1:48 AM on August 19, 2005

I grew my hair longer than I wanted to. I email him stupid jokes, buy him Altoids when he's out of them, and always let him have the last beer.
posted by lomaran at 6:20 AM on August 19, 2005

I think a nice love letter and flowers are the way to go. It would work wonders on me.
posted by OmieWise at 7:23 AM on August 19, 2005

Wear pigtails or braids in your hair, and then encourage him to grab them while you give him a "backrub". I promise, he'll really really love that.
posted by Meatbomb at 7:59 AM on August 19, 2005

I'm outing myself, as I'm overwhelmed by the very sweet, fun and thoughtful responses. I knew that you all would have great ideas!

Thank you for the inspirations, I can't even choose a best answer as I plan on trying all of them. I definitely like the little notes idea, but think I'll craft little limericks (which we both enjoy) instead.

Thanks again! :)
posted by sarahmelah at 8:23 AM on August 19, 2005

As an aside, I absolutely adore doing what your man is doing - we guys really really actually like to do that stuff so please don't feel guilty (not sayin' don't reciprocate in some way) because the 'doing nice stuff' and seeing the reaction is the greatest buzz :- ) [but a surreptitious planned night or weekend away would be my prize of choice....in addition to all those little letters and trinkets of course heh]
posted by peacay at 9:42 AM on August 19, 2005

One of the most fun things my SO did for me was write me a loving, erotic poem at work with each stanza on a separate piece of paper. He then left the trail of paper on the kitchen floor for me to read when I got up the next morning. I think donuts and flowers were also envolved, but the trail of sweet sexy rhymes is what I really remember.

When I pack his lunch, he gets a love note and occasionally an odd little snack like weird candy or strange trail mix.

Also, you might write up an erotic short story envolving the two of you (perhaps pertending to be other people) and give it to him with the promise of acting it out later. For example, a scenerio about a female boss demanding servicing from her inferior in her office during lunch time could be given to your SO to be read Friday with the promise of acting it out Sunday afternoon.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 9:55 AM on August 19, 2005

Thanks peacay, I'm enjoying the fact that he does all these things, especially since I hate doing the dishes. And imho, men who love to cook are the greatest.

Another interesting point brought up though, buying flowers for guys. I've tried this in the past with other less-SO's with disappointing results. I'm encouraged by the posts here - guys do like getting flowers?
posted by sarahmelah at 10:25 AM on August 19, 2005

Guys like anything that says you're thinking about them.

Give him a smack on the bum, a squeeze up front, and haul him off to the bedroom for a spontaneous bit of sex. That'll thrill him to no end.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:21 AM on August 19, 2005

A lot of times when we're lying around pillowtalking we'll ask each other "What was your favorite part of today?"

We ask each other this exact question all the time! It's so much fun, and sometimes we throw in a different version: "What was the most beautiful thing you saw today?" (typicaly response, with a smile: "Besides you?")

I like to the notes thing, too. Even just little scraps of paper that say things like "You make me smile" stuck in her lunch bag or in the book she's reading really make her glow.

Oh, and I'm the only guy in my office that's received flowers (twice in the past year!). Never got flowers before, and I gotta say it's pretty nice.

This is a great thread.
posted by DakotaPaul at 4:57 PM on August 19, 2005

Though notes and flowers and such are definitely nice, and sexual stuff has been mentioned here ("backrubs", heh), I think it should be emphatically reinforced. five fresh fish's idea is great, as would just about any similar sexual surprise. Off the top of my head: wake him with a "backrub," sneak into the shower with him in the morning, set up a lunch date during work then whisk him off to a hotel room for a quickie - actually, any trip to somewhere else (dinner at your parents, your nephew's piano recital, a night at the opera, etc.) that gets rerouted to a motel room would be hot, but i digress. Be naked when he expects you to be clothed (like when he gets home from work), rub his crotch in public when no one is looking, whisper something naughty in his ear at a serious function, play footsie with him under the table at a restaurant, etc. etc. Creativity isn't nearly as important as spontaneity, and even the littlest things can be extremely sexy.

[In suggesting all of this, I've made the assumption that you two are sexually active and perhaps assumed even more about what you are open to doing. It's worth noting that whatever you do for the lucky fella, make sure that you are comfortable with it as well. It's ok to be a little self-conscious about new things, but if you are totally uncomfortable he will know and it will ruin the mood. You don't want him to end up feeling guilty for something that was supposed to make him feel good.]
posted by rorycberger at 5:02 PM on August 19, 2005