Weddings FTW!
September 21, 2012 5:52 PM Subscribe
You were a bride, and you had an awesome bridesmaid/maid of honour who was not involved in organizing the wedding. What did she do for you that was so awesome?
My best friend from childhood is getting married in April, and she's asked me and her sister to be her bridesmaids.
She's getting married in America, to an American, in a Baha'i ceremony. We're from Luxembourg, and she's quiet and bookish, and not that familiar with nor really into a lot of the big girly rituals that seem to surround traditional American weddings. For instance, she won't be having a big white dress or a hen night, and she's not into having a bridal shower. She's planning most of the wedding single-handedly, which is understandably a huge job. While she's asked me to be her maid of honour, I live in Canada, and she's been clear that as the wedding's in Massachusetts, she doesn't expect me to help with any of the planning; just to show up, basically, help pick up some guests from the airport, and make some Luxembourgish dishes for the reception.
Neither she, nor her fiancé, nor her sister, nor I are familiar enough with weddings to be able to anticipate what she might need. So I'm looking for suggestions as to things that I could do to make her special day easier for her. I've heard the suggestion that I could bring along a little bag of Kleenex, painkillers, mints etc. in case she needs them. Is there anything else that your bridesmaid(s) did that you really appreciated/would have appreciated?
My best friend from childhood is getting married in April, and she's asked me and her sister to be her bridesmaids.
She's getting married in America, to an American, in a Baha'i ceremony. We're from Luxembourg, and she's quiet and bookish, and not that familiar with nor really into a lot of the big girly rituals that seem to surround traditional American weddings. For instance, she won't be having a big white dress or a hen night, and she's not into having a bridal shower. She's planning most of the wedding single-handedly, which is understandably a huge job. While she's asked me to be her maid of honour, I live in Canada, and she's been clear that as the wedding's in Massachusetts, she doesn't expect me to help with any of the planning; just to show up, basically, help pick up some guests from the airport, and make some Luxembourgish dishes for the reception.
Neither she, nor her fiancé, nor her sister, nor I are familiar enough with weddings to be able to anticipate what she might need. So I'm looking for suggestions as to things that I could do to make her special day easier for her. I've heard the suggestion that I could bring along a little bag of Kleenex, painkillers, mints etc. in case she needs them. Is there anything else that your bridesmaid(s) did that you really appreciated/would have appreciated?
I had 2 pseudo bridesmaids, and they were fantastic at making sure I had food and drinks, and generally making sure that all I had to do was smile and be happy all day.
posted by Nimmie Amee at 6:29 PM on September 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Nimmie Amee at 6:29 PM on September 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
My two bridesmaids bought me toys -- bubbles, play-doh, a slinky -- and we all sat and played with them while waiting for the wedding to start to keep me calm and sane.
posted by daisystomper at 6:50 PM on September 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by daisystomper at 6:50 PM on September 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I haven't been a bride, but I was just a maid on honor for my best friend, in a similar situation as yours.
Day of: I made sure that she had a good lunch with protein the day of the wedding (we had a salad with tofu & nuts) and also bought some champagne, strawberries and good dark chocolate for snacks while getting ready.
I kept a mental checklist of what was packed and where it was (ex: what bag held her flat shoes for after the ceremony, water bottle, snack), made sure that the bouquets and corsages for the groomsmen were packed in the car and accessible. And made sure that she stayed hydrated.
I also interfaced with everyone else on her behalf. The chairs weren't set up right? I went and talked to the set up crew. The photographer was ready for pictures of the bride and groom? I told them to wait 10 minutes. A million questions pop up the day of, have your friend walk you through the timeline for the day and the general set up ahead of time so you can jump in front of whomever it is asking the question and get them to stop bothering the bride.
Keep yourself on hand during the reception, you may need to talk to the caterers or get the bride and groom a glass of wine.
Most important: just be there for your friend. Nothing else truly matters, and your friend doesn't sound like someone who is going to freak out if something goes wrong, but it's important to make sure that you stay calm too, no problem is insurmountable, and the only important thing is that she has a great time and leaves married. Keeping that perspective can be really helpful.
posted by nerdcore at 7:02 PM on September 21, 2012 [2 favorites]
Day of: I made sure that she had a good lunch with protein the day of the wedding (we had a salad with tofu & nuts) and also bought some champagne, strawberries and good dark chocolate for snacks while getting ready.
I kept a mental checklist of what was packed and where it was (ex: what bag held her flat shoes for after the ceremony, water bottle, snack), made sure that the bouquets and corsages for the groomsmen were packed in the car and accessible. And made sure that she stayed hydrated.
I also interfaced with everyone else on her behalf. The chairs weren't set up right? I went and talked to the set up crew. The photographer was ready for pictures of the bride and groom? I told them to wait 10 minutes. A million questions pop up the day of, have your friend walk you through the timeline for the day and the general set up ahead of time so you can jump in front of whomever it is asking the question and get them to stop bothering the bride.
Keep yourself on hand during the reception, you may need to talk to the caterers or get the bride and groom a glass of wine.
Most important: just be there for your friend. Nothing else truly matters, and your friend doesn't sound like someone who is going to freak out if something goes wrong, but it's important to make sure that you stay calm too, no problem is insurmountable, and the only important thing is that she has a great time and leaves married. Keeping that perspective can be really helpful.
posted by nerdcore at 7:02 PM on September 21, 2012 [2 favorites]
Best answer: My maid- (well, technically, matron-) of-honor's unofficial title was "hammer of god." Her job was to keep my dearly-loved-and-well-meaning-but-nonetheless-crazy-making mom occupied. She "lost" the Jordan almonds my mom was obsessing about until the reception and convinced her that throwing rice actually wasn't allowed at the venue. She (and her husband, who was my "bridesman") collected the gifts that people brought to the wedding and delivered them to our place.
(Total side note, it was my "bridesman" who saved the day, passing his handkerchief to my other bridesmaid, who passed it to his wife, who passed it to me, so I could pass it to my (not quite yet) husband, who had unexpectedly burst into tears at one of the readings. Sniff.)
Basically nkknkk has it -- be there to help and run interference if necessary. (Also do the things the bride has things led you to help with (the airport pickups and cooking).)
posted by mon-ma-tron at 7:10 PM on September 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
(Total side note, it was my "bridesman" who saved the day, passing his handkerchief to my other bridesmaid, who passed it to his wife, who passed it to me, so I could pass it to my (not quite yet) husband, who had unexpectedly burst into tears at one of the readings. Sniff.)
Basically nkknkk has it -- be there to help and run interference if necessary. (Also do the things the bride has things led you to help with (the airport pickups and cooking).)
posted by mon-ma-tron at 7:10 PM on September 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
I was the matron of honor at my sister's wedding and came in from out of state. She thanked me for being chatty and friendly to all guests (in stark contrast to the introverted best man) even though I had never met a lot of these people. I also dried some of the flowers after the ceremony so she could keep them as a keepsake. I think I made some phone calls. I was a phone person back then and she was not and it was this no big deal thing for me but a huge relief for her to tie up a few last minute details via phone after I had arrived.
She made a really big fuss about me drying the flowers, which I thought was no big deal. I have also heard of someone rooting a dozen roses from a wedding ceremony and giving them back to the bride later as rose bushes to plant in the yard/garden.
posted by Michele in California at 7:50 PM on September 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
She made a really big fuss about me drying the flowers, which I thought was no big deal. I have also heard of someone rooting a dozen roses from a wedding ceremony and giving them back to the bride later as rose bushes to plant in the yard/garden.
posted by Michele in California at 7:50 PM on September 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
I appreciated the really nice speech / toast given by my out of town bridesmaid. She and her partner also helped a lot by just being their cheerful, low effort selves in the days leading up to the wedding. They helped when asked and amused us the rest of the time.
posted by Heart_on_Sleeve at 7:57 PM on September 21, 2012
posted by Heart_on_Sleeve at 7:57 PM on September 21, 2012
I was my best friend's maid of honor, and she was similarly low-key and "I don't want anyone to organize stuff like bridal showers for me" as well. She didn't even declare me the maid of honor until the night before the wedding (she had wanted to all along, but one of the other bridesmaids would have stewed over it for weeks).
I think the biggest service I provided was just being the person she could call at any hour and vent to about how ridiculous things were getting ("I just got into a screaming match with my mother about THE STAMPS WE ARE PUTTING ON THE WEDDING INVITATIONS, I need HELP....") and knowing how to distract her when she was getting nervous right before the ceremony (she wasn't nervous about the ceremony, she just gets MAJOR stage fright, so I made her sing "Chantilly Lace" with me a few times).
You know your friend, you know what she's like and what makes her tick. You know the kind of things she does and doesn't need; you know what she's like in crowds and in parties and in big situations like that. You know that the best way to calm her down if she's scared is to recite her favorite poem, or you know that her cousin Jed is prone to telling stories that would embarrass her if he has too much vodka, or whatever; so just be ready to know when to crack out the poem or tend to Jed, or whatever your unique situation is. Because there's "the traditional wedding stuff" that "everyone" does, but this is HER wedding and she is a unique person, and that person you know inside and out is going to be in a heightened situation, so just take care of her the way you already know best.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:04 PM on September 21, 2012
I think the biggest service I provided was just being the person she could call at any hour and vent to about how ridiculous things were getting ("I just got into a screaming match with my mother about THE STAMPS WE ARE PUTTING ON THE WEDDING INVITATIONS, I need HELP....") and knowing how to distract her when she was getting nervous right before the ceremony (she wasn't nervous about the ceremony, she just gets MAJOR stage fright, so I made her sing "Chantilly Lace" with me a few times).
You know your friend, you know what she's like and what makes her tick. You know the kind of things she does and doesn't need; you know what she's like in crowds and in parties and in big situations like that. You know that the best way to calm her down if she's scared is to recite her favorite poem, or you know that her cousin Jed is prone to telling stories that would embarrass her if he has too much vodka, or whatever; so just be ready to know when to crack out the poem or tend to Jed, or whatever your unique situation is. Because there's "the traditional wedding stuff" that "everyone" does, but this is HER wedding and she is a unique person, and that person you know inside and out is going to be in a heightened situation, so just take care of her the way you already know best.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:04 PM on September 21, 2012
Best answer: We had no defined attendees at our wedding, but the key is to be as low-key, high-problem-solving as possible. If there is *anything* you can deflect the day of the wedding from the couple having to deal with (payments/family/drama/bullshit) successfully, you have done your job. As long as you don't add to the day's stress, you'll be successful.
posted by liquado at 8:26 PM on September 21, 2012
posted by liquado at 8:26 PM on September 21, 2012
Best answer: This is a bit random, but you might want to put safety pins, AA, AAA, and D batteries in your purse for the big day. Every wedding I've ever been to, we've needed the safety pins and at least some of the batteries. AA are for cameras (someone's always dies) and D are for the microphone and other things (you'd be surprised at how often I've needed them).
I wish your friend well on her wedding day. :)
posted by RogueTech at 8:44 PM on September 21, 2012 [2 favorites]
I wish your friend well on her wedding day. :)
posted by RogueTech at 8:44 PM on September 21, 2012 [2 favorites]
The best thing my matron of honor and bridesmaids did for me on my wedding day was making all the decisions. I moved across the country with my husband the day after my wedding. I was not mentally or emotionally able to handle one more decision, so on the big day my closest friends stepped up anytime someone came to ask my opinion and simply made the decision for me. They let me be in the moment with my husband and the loved ones with us and I didn't have to answer questions from the DJ, the photographer, or the nosy relatives. It was the best.
posted by shesbookish at 10:22 PM on September 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by shesbookish at 10:22 PM on September 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
One of them made sure I was adequately fed, hydrated, and entertained in the pre-ceremony lull where tension can build to unbearable levels.
The other did something logistically much harder. My college gang had a tradition of writing a parody (story, poem, other literary work), and performing/reciting it at our friends' weddings. Most of the gang was unable to come to my wedding. So she arranged for everyone to get their parts, video tape them, send them back to her, and then she played me the tape just before my wedding.
posted by bardophile at 2:00 AM on September 22, 2012
The other did something logistically much harder. My college gang had a tradition of writing a parody (story, poem, other literary work), and performing/reciting it at our friends' weddings. Most of the gang was unable to come to my wedding. So she arranged for everyone to get their parts, video tape them, send them back to her, and then she played me the tape just before my wedding.
posted by bardophile at 2:00 AM on September 22, 2012
Best answer: She was a good sport about everything. She went with the flow when the hair place was crazy making. She knew what to do when I was getting overwhelmed by the whole thing (keep people away from me). She danced like a rock star. She hosted a very informal thing the night before the wedding in her hotel room involving Rock Band and alcohol, but was understanding when I also had to pay attention to older family members. She didn't expect my mood to be anything in particular - everyone always asks the bride if she is 'so happy' or 'so excited' or 'thrilled to death' with such an expectant smile, when really the bride is worried that the caterer hasn't shown up.
One of my other bridesmaid brought an emergency kit which had enough materials to land us on Mars. That was really awesome, but didn't turn out to be necessary. The emotional stability they brought was much more important.
posted by oryelle at 8:48 AM on September 22, 2012
One of my other bridesmaid brought an emergency kit which had enough materials to land us on Mars. That was really awesome, but didn't turn out to be necessary. The emotional stability they brought was much more important.
posted by oryelle at 8:48 AM on September 22, 2012
Best answer: Make an emergency kit: Bandaids, stiptic pencil(stops bleeding, i.e., shaving), nail files, clear nail polish (nails and/or stockings), 2 pr. really nice panty hose, aspiring, tylenol, ibuprofen, naproxen, Tide emergency clothes cleaning pen, a nice pen, matches (candles), tums, corsage pins, safety pins, bobby pins, dental floss/toothpicks, eye drops, spare earring backs, hair elastics, moist towelettes, washcloth, mini sewing kit w/hem tape, scotch tape, duct tape, anti-anxiety meds, scissors, smelling salts (a ziplock bag w/ a paper towel soaked in ammonia), straws (protect lipstick), tissues, tweezers, breath mints/gum, mobile phone, charger for bride's phone, comb/brush, coins & cash (parking meters, emergencies), hair spray, handkerchief, makeup (for touch-ups), lip gloss, cover stick, mirror, perfume, tampons, granola bars, Krazy Glue (repair nails, shoe heels, decorations, even jewels), sunscreen, lint brush, earring backs, iron
Bring the bride & groom small bites of non-messy food, cups of water, & their adult beverage of choice as they walk around talking to friends. Take some pictures that are personal - send them to her on their anniversary. Tell her if she has something in her teeth. If she's sentimental, find some love poems to send her.
Clearly you are good at being her friend, that's why she wants you there.
posted by theora55 at 10:32 AM on September 22, 2012 [8 favorites]
Bring the bride & groom small bites of non-messy food, cups of water, & their adult beverage of choice as they walk around talking to friends. Take some pictures that are personal - send them to her on their anniversary. Tell her if she has something in her teeth. If she's sentimental, find some love poems to send her.
Clearly you are good at being her friend, that's why she wants you there.
posted by theora55 at 10:32 AM on September 22, 2012 [8 favorites]
I don't mean to be minimising but my MOH came from the US for our Scottish wedding and the things she did that were the most supportive were a) come and b) be happy for me. She also pitched in with jobs on the ground but I'm a grown ass woman and I did not need anyone to equip me with standard Grown Up Woman Shit. I did need more hands, and the people who willingly and cheerfully provided them both have my eternal gratitude and are part of some of the nicest memories I have.
Oh, wait. We had a pretty low-key wedding but I did have a big ass (red) dress, and my MOH was in charge of helping me pee, which was a hilarious repeating nightmare.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:12 PM on September 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
Oh, wait. We had a pretty low-key wedding but I did have a big ass (red) dress, and my MOH was in charge of helping me pee, which was a hilarious repeating nightmare.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:12 PM on September 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
I made a very comprehensive bridal emergency kit like theora55 described, and the bride raved about it for weeks. The sewing kit turned out to be crucial when the "eye" part of the hook-and-eye closure on the bride's gown fell off and was lost. Without the closure, the zipper wouldn't stay up. The bride's mother improvised by sewing several loops of ivory thread around the hook, which worked flawlessly until the bride took off her gown to change into her reception dress. I made sure to include thread in all the colors that the bride, groom, bridesmaids, and groomsmen would be wearing (black, ivory, and the couple's wedding colors). The bride ended up taking the kit with her on her honeymoon because it was so handy and had everything she would need, short of shampoo and sunscreen.
The bride and groom also raved about my speech, which included funny props and had their guests laughing and crying. After the speeches, the guests took the props into the photo booth and took a ton of hilarious photos. The bride and groom had an album at the reception where the guests could stick in photos and write funny comments or nice sentiments, so it really meant a lot to them that their guests enjoyed the photo booth so much. In fact, they loved the props so much that they also took them on their honeymoon, and continued the theme in their honeymoon photos. They've also saved a copy of my speech in their "wedding capsule" that they plan on looking through on their anniversaries.
Other things that the bride appreciated was me wrestling her into my flip flips when she was dancing barefoot and someone broke a beer bottle on the dance floor, making sure she was drinking lots of water, and after the wedding making sure her wedding jewelry was given to her mom for safekeeping, taking care of the leftover cake and liquor, cleaning up the decorations, gathering up all the gifts and envelopes, and packing it all into my car to take back to our home city so she and the groom wouldn't have to worry about transporting it.
posted by keep it under cover at 3:16 PM on September 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
The bride and groom also raved about my speech, which included funny props and had their guests laughing and crying. After the speeches, the guests took the props into the photo booth and took a ton of hilarious photos. The bride and groom had an album at the reception where the guests could stick in photos and write funny comments or nice sentiments, so it really meant a lot to them that their guests enjoyed the photo booth so much. In fact, they loved the props so much that they also took them on their honeymoon, and continued the theme in their honeymoon photos. They've also saved a copy of my speech in their "wedding capsule" that they plan on looking through on their anniversaries.
Other things that the bride appreciated was me wrestling her into my flip flips when she was dancing barefoot and someone broke a beer bottle on the dance floor, making sure she was drinking lots of water, and after the wedding making sure her wedding jewelry was given to her mom for safekeeping, taking care of the leftover cake and liquor, cleaning up the decorations, gathering up all the gifts and envelopes, and packing it all into my car to take back to our home city so she and the groom wouldn't have to worry about transporting it.
posted by keep it under cover at 3:16 PM on September 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
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When she saw something a'brewing at the reception (like a guest bullying the DJ to play "push it", or a relative who needed a cab) she just went and dealt with it.
She made sure I had food and water throughout the night, as well as champagne.
She chatted up relatives and friends who seemed left out for whatever reason, so I didn't worry about them quite so much.
She held my dress up in the narrow bathroom stall - no small feat!
She made sure my belongings (purse, bouquet, shoes, wrap) were gathered and handed to me (or my mom) at the end of the night.
I didn't need pantyhose, painkillers, mints or anything like that. I didn't know I needed a wingman, but I did, and she was WONDERFUL.
posted by nkknkk at 6:15 PM on September 21, 2012 [13 favorites]