Resources for crossdressers and their wives?
September 5, 2012 7:25 PM   Subscribe

My husband is a crossdresser. What resources/support are available to each of us?

My husband of 5 years recently came out to me as a crossdresser. He says the desire has been pretty much dormant over the years we've been married, but it's been something he's done off and on all his life. He identifies as a man, and very much enjoys sex with me, but is currently having bouts of dysphoria. (He is currently tapering off an SSRI; I suspect these two things are related.) I am a cisfemale, but think he looks pretty hot in a bra/skirt/wig. So, my questions are:

1. Are there books, blogs, podcasts, etc that I can read to help me better understand him and how to help/support/encourage him (especially with the dysphoria)?

2. Can anyone recommend a therapist who specializes in these issues? North Texas area.

3. Can anyone recommend crossdressing-friendly places we could go out to eat/drink/dance/etc? Again, North Texas area.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (7 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
First of all, good for you for seeking to understand your husband and incorporate his cross dressing into your life together. Check out Tri-Ess which will direct you to numerous other resources. There is a whole genre of memoirs by wives of cross dressers you might also find useful. See this and this and this. There are many more. There will be bumps in the road ahead but your relationship will be all the deeper for it. Take care.
posted by carmicha at 7:40 PM on September 5, 2012

Oh and Tri-Ess organizes annual cruises for cross dressers and their wives which might be a very safe environment for meeting others in your, um, boat
posted by carmicha at 7:43 PM on September 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

Seconding My Husband Betty and your local Tri-Ess chapter.

You and he might look into the upcoming Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta.
posted by southern_sky at 7:44 PM on September 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

1. My Husband Betty, as others have said.

2. I knew of a therapist in the area who handled trans-related issues, however unfortunately that individual retired a couple of years ago.

3. There is a local chapter of the Tri-Ess group that meets in the DFW area.

They're an organization for male heterosexual crossdressers & their partners.

Surely someone from that organization can point you in the direction of a gender friendly counselor therapist type person.
posted by AMSBoethius at 7:45 PM on September 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

I know way more about trans stuff than I do about cross-dressing. (For linguistic simplicity, I'm excluding crossdressers from the trans* umbrella. I know people split on this issue.)

Anyway, a forum that has a cross-dressing subforum and a subforum for significant others (though it probably skews towards partners of trans folks).

List of therapists in Texas on a trans resource website. There may be some people on the list whose gender-related practice is too focused on transitioning to be a good choice for you, but it's a starting point.

PFLAG actually has a pretty good reputation on trans issues, though obviously it varies with chapter. PFLAG Dallas looks like they're not so interested, though they appear to own a copy of My Husband Wears My Clothes along with one or two of the classic trans book recs.
posted by hoyland at 8:19 PM on September 5, 2012

There's another new organization for crossdressers in your area at My favorite book on the subject is the Man in the Red Velvet Dress available at Amazon. and are two other good forums with wives sections and I can put you in touch with other CD wives if you wish by contacting me directly. There are virtually crossdresser conferences somewhere every month-just Google. Karen Adler (CD wife) just wrote an excellent book called Something to Confess, also on Amazon. Hope this helps....Tasi
posted by tasidevil at 10:52 AM on September 6, 2012

Can anyone recommend crossdressing-friendly places we could go out to eat/drink/dance/etc?

My local BDSM gathering is welcoming of crossdressers. Some people come into the bar in street "regular gender" clothes and change in the bathroom. Some just don't give a fuck and show up in a dress and stilettos. One person showed up in a Little Bo Peep outfit and it wasn't even Halloween. I don't know anything about North Texas, but it's very likely that there is a drag bar in Dallas, or another bar where trans/CD folks hang out. Pick up your local gay magazine and look to see who features drag shows.

The "dungeon" in town has crossdressing nights (although they're always welcome), and AFAIK there's a CD-specific group that meets at someone's house to have makeup parties or whatever.

I'd highly recommend joining FetLife (NSFW, duh) and seeing what groups are in your area. You do not need to be into bondage or sadism/masochism or have any kink whatsoever beyond crossdressing to attend these groups; if anyone asks what you're into, which they probably will not, you can be as vague or specific as you'd like.

Good for you for being supportive! I have seen this destroy marriages when the wife can never look at the husband the same way again.
posted by desjardins at 1:07 PM on September 6, 2012

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