Help me be age-appropriate!
August 31, 2012 12:17 PM Subscribe
I recently realized I look, dress, and act like my mother. No, my grandmother. I'm 26 and I need help knowing how to look my age. Help?
Most of my friends are one to four decades older than myself. I have been mistaken for 35. I would like to look my age, while I still am this age, but how do I go about that? I look (and FEEL) like I'm 40 already.
To add insult to injury people have mistaken my baby-faced fiance for my younger brother/son.
I have boring dishwater brown hair a few inches past my shoulder (of course it is cut in the hair-equivalent to Mom Jeans).
I wear glasses but recently upgraded to Hipster Frames.
I am carrying a substantial amount of extra weight(which I know can be aging), but am working hard on losing it (60 pounds down, a lot more to go!)
Most days I wear jeans and a shirt from either walmart or target. I like dresses but only if they are long.
I wear makeup but it tends to be very subtle, most people can't tell it's on.
What should the first stepping stone be? I don't have friends my own age to emulate. I have made an appointment for a hair cut and dye but have no clue what to tell the stylist. I dream of going gusty and getting purple underdye, but I don't think I'd be able to pull that off.
Thank you for any suggestions thrown this way, Ask!
Most of my friends are one to four decades older than myself. I have been mistaken for 35. I would like to look my age, while I still am this age, but how do I go about that? I look (and FEEL) like I'm 40 already.
To add insult to injury people have mistaken my baby-faced fiance for my younger brother/son.
I have boring dishwater brown hair a few inches past my shoulder (of course it is cut in the hair-equivalent to Mom Jeans).
I wear glasses but recently upgraded to Hipster Frames.
I am carrying a substantial amount of extra weight(which I know can be aging), but am working hard on losing it (60 pounds down, a lot more to go!)
Most days I wear jeans and a shirt from either walmart or target. I like dresses but only if they are long.
I wear makeup but it tends to be very subtle, most people can't tell it's on.
What should the first stepping stone be? I don't have friends my own age to emulate. I have made an appointment for a hair cut and dye but have no clue what to tell the stylist. I dream of going gusty and getting purple underdye, but I don't think I'd be able to pull that off.
Thank you for any suggestions thrown this way, Ask!
Funky earrings or accessories are a 'young' tell, and don't cost much (and if you're losing weight, not something that will be too big). Not funky in the Rick James sense, but a bit flashy and statement.
posted by amicamentis at 12:28 PM on August 31, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by amicamentis at 12:28 PM on August 31, 2012 [2 favorites]
Best answer: As long as it is not frowned upon at your workplace, you can totally pull off any haircut/color that you want. The thing is, you totally forget what your hair looks like since you can't see it without a mirror, and with the compliments you'll be getting from people you'll rock your new 'do! I'm sure the stylist will have his/her own recs, but you can also bring in pictures of styles that interest you! I think the hair sounds like a great first step.
Personally, I think makeup can be aging, so not wearing much is probably in your favor. Make sure you are wearing sunscreen daily so your skin does not age too rapidly. There are many available face lotions with sunscreen built in.
I leave fashion advice to those with more skill.
posted by freezer cake at 12:28 PM on August 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
Personally, I think makeup can be aging, so not wearing much is probably in your favor. Make sure you are wearing sunscreen daily so your skin does not age too rapidly. There are many available face lotions with sunscreen built in.
I leave fashion advice to those with more skill.
posted by freezer cake at 12:28 PM on August 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Regarding the hair, one "edgy" thing you could try that is pretty low maintenance is the "ombre" look, with dark hair from the top down, and then lightly bleached tips that shade into the darker color. It's easy to cut the bleached tips off if you don't like it - you can also dye the tips a cool color, like pink.
posted by permiechickie at 12:28 PM on August 31, 2012
posted by permiechickie at 12:28 PM on August 31, 2012
Best answer: Also, going from tennis shoes to most stylish sneakers or boots would make me think less "mom".
posted by amicamentis at 12:29 PM on August 31, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by amicamentis at 12:29 PM on August 31, 2012 [8 favorites]
Look through a whole bunch of fashion magazines and look for styles you like. If you don't want to buy them, you could probably flip through them at the library or a bookstore (and then if you find a cut you really want, you can buy that magazine to show your stylist).
I'm not sure how much you want to spend, but higher end department stores have personal shoppers who will help you pick out clothes that fit you well, are age appropriate, and are in style. If not, do you have a fashion-conscious friend who would go shopping with you, and help you pick out some new looks? You want someone encouraging, who will help you feel confident, but also someone who's going to be totally honest and let you know if an outfit is a mistake.
Or, just to get a toe in the water, try watching some of the makeover tv shows, like "What Not to Wear," and see if there are any looks there that you could see yourself trying.
posted by pompelmo at 12:31 PM on August 31, 2012
I'm not sure how much you want to spend, but higher end department stores have personal shoppers who will help you pick out clothes that fit you well, are age appropriate, and are in style. If not, do you have a fashion-conscious friend who would go shopping with you, and help you pick out some new looks? You want someone encouraging, who will help you feel confident, but also someone who's going to be totally honest and let you know if an outfit is a mistake.
Or, just to get a toe in the water, try watching some of the makeover tv shows, like "What Not to Wear," and see if there are any looks there that you could see yourself trying.
posted by pompelmo at 12:31 PM on August 31, 2012
Best answer: Ask your stylist to give you a young, fun haircut that suits your face and is easy to maintain. If they think color would be good, give it serious consideration.
Figure out your real clothing size, as of right now. Look at fashion magazines, e.g. Self, Glamour, etc., not for the extreme looks, but to spot the current trends like prints and bright colors and wedge shoes. Look at what looks good to you on other women who are built like you. Go try things on in good department stores. Talk to the sales staff, listen to their comments. You don't have to buy anything yet.
If you aren't against makeup, consider doing one of those free makeup things in the department store. It can really teach you a lot about what works on you and current trends.
Once you have an idea what you want, consider buying on line, which can be a lot cheaper and is great if you have a special size. (Me, I'm petite, and I do a lot better finding things in my size online.) I really recommend Ann Taylor, which tends to be up to date, but not over the top, meaning you can still wear what you buy this year in the future.
I think it is OK to reward your weight loss to date with some good buys. Don't go too nuts because you'll want to buy considerably more when you are at your goal weight. (And how fun it will be then to give away your outgrown stuff!)
Getting that sense of what is current just means doing some learning. And you never have to be cutting edge. Just figure out what feels right for you, and then once you have your real wardrobe in place, you can update/weed out perodically.
posted by bearwife at 12:33 PM on August 31, 2012
Figure out your real clothing size, as of right now. Look at fashion magazines, e.g. Self, Glamour, etc., not for the extreme looks, but to spot the current trends like prints and bright colors and wedge shoes. Look at what looks good to you on other women who are built like you. Go try things on in good department stores. Talk to the sales staff, listen to their comments. You don't have to buy anything yet.
If you aren't against makeup, consider doing one of those free makeup things in the department store. It can really teach you a lot about what works on you and current trends.
Once you have an idea what you want, consider buying on line, which can be a lot cheaper and is great if you have a special size. (Me, I'm petite, and I do a lot better finding things in my size online.) I really recommend Ann Taylor, which tends to be up to date, but not over the top, meaning you can still wear what you buy this year in the future.
I think it is OK to reward your weight loss to date with some good buys. Don't go too nuts because you'll want to buy considerably more when you are at your goal weight. (And how fun it will be then to give away your outgrown stuff!)
Getting that sense of what is current just means doing some learning. And you never have to be cutting edge. Just figure out what feels right for you, and then once you have your real wardrobe in place, you can update/weed out perodically.
posted by bearwife at 12:33 PM on August 31, 2012
Best answer: How do your clothes fit? With your weight loss, your clothes could be hanging in an unflattering way that makes you look older.
posted by sparklemotion at 12:35 PM on August 31, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by sparklemotion at 12:35 PM on August 31, 2012 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Good for you on the weight loss! Being a healthy-for-your-frame weight always helps with looking your age.
First off, don't feel like you have to give yourself a dramatic makeover (for instance, don't give yourself a radically different hair color or style). Start simple.
Don't do anything drastic with your hair. Go to the best salon you can afford (even if it's just once -- and then a cheaper salon can help you maintain your new look) and ask for cut and color suggestions. Tell them your problem; they'll totally understand and likely have lots of suggestions for you.
Stop shopping at WalMart and Target. The clothes are cheap and badly cut -- both can make you look older and frumpier than you want to project. Go to a decent store and buy a few simple basic pieces that really fit. Get clothing tailored if necessary -- many dry cleaning places offer inexpensive simple tailoring, and it can make a HUGE difference in how clothes fit you, especially if you're carrying a few extra pounds (trust me on this one, I know).
Buy some age-appropriate accessories (fun jewelry, scarves, purses, etc). Look at places like H&M, Urban Outfitters, and Anthropologie for ideas.
Drink tons of water, take your vitamins, take good care of your skin.
posted by erst at 12:37 PM on August 31, 2012
First off, don't feel like you have to give yourself a dramatic makeover (for instance, don't give yourself a radically different hair color or style). Start simple.
Don't do anything drastic with your hair. Go to the best salon you can afford (even if it's just once -- and then a cheaper salon can help you maintain your new look) and ask for cut and color suggestions. Tell them your problem; they'll totally understand and likely have lots of suggestions for you.
Stop shopping at WalMart and Target. The clothes are cheap and badly cut -- both can make you look older and frumpier than you want to project. Go to a decent store and buy a few simple basic pieces that really fit. Get clothing tailored if necessary -- many dry cleaning places offer inexpensive simple tailoring, and it can make a HUGE difference in how clothes fit you, especially if you're carrying a few extra pounds (trust me on this one, I know).
Buy some age-appropriate accessories (fun jewelry, scarves, purses, etc). Look at places like H&M, Urban Outfitters, and Anthropologie for ideas.
Drink tons of water, take your vitamins, take good care of your skin.
posted by erst at 12:37 PM on August 31, 2012
I'm no expert when it comes to fashion, but I find this blog to be helpful.
posted by livinglearning at 12:47 PM on August 31, 2012
posted by livinglearning at 12:47 PM on August 31, 2012
Not sure about your local library system, but ours has TONS of style books (current ones). I liked the Tim Gunn ones, or the one by Carson Kressley. I wouldn't go for any earlier than ~2006. They'll definitely help with finding flattering shapes for your body and should be an inspiration! Even sticking with jeans and a t-shirt is okay if it's the right t-shirt and the right pair of jeans.
Question: why don't you like dresses unless they're long?
posted by amicamentis at 12:47 PM on August 31, 2012
Question: why don't you like dresses unless they're long?
posted by amicamentis at 12:47 PM on August 31, 2012
Best answer: Be careful with red hair dye and perms--I thought that answer was a joke when I first saw it because so many middle-aged women do the dark/obviously-dyed red hair thing (think Sharon Osbourne). I'd also stay away from perms unless recommended by your stylist.
Maybe get something a bit asymmetrical or do the purple underdye! Ombre is cool but you have to be careful if the rest of your look isn't that hip/young: it works because it looks like your blonde hair has grown out (in a cool 90s grungy hipster I-don't-care way), but it can also just look like you had blonde hair that grew out accidentally.
I'm 25, female. If you want, you can MeMail me with photos and such and we can talk!
posted by c'mon sea legs at 12:54 PM on August 31, 2012 [6 favorites]
Maybe get something a bit asymmetrical or do the purple underdye! Ombre is cool but you have to be careful if the rest of your look isn't that hip/young: it works because it looks like your blonde hair has grown out (in a cool 90s grungy hipster I-don't-care way), but it can also just look like you had blonde hair that grew out accidentally.
I'm 25, female. If you want, you can MeMail me with photos and such and we can talk!
posted by c'mon sea legs at 12:54 PM on August 31, 2012 [6 favorites]
I suggest looking into tasteful hair highlights depending on what suits your complexion, and some dainty dangle earrings that are the right length that will nicely complement your face structure. Subtle eyeliner on upper lids can do wonders in adding a touch of sophistication without looking too made up (this is a fave).
Best of luck and have fun.
posted by twentyfoursummers at 12:54 PM on August 31, 2012
Best of luck and have fun.
posted by twentyfoursummers at 12:54 PM on August 31, 2012
Have your eyebrows shaped professionally, at the best place you can afford. (You only have to pay for it once, and then do the upkeep yourself.) The effect for many women is positively transformative (I look 5-10 years younger when I'm on top of this and not carrying too much weight in my face).
posted by availablelight at 12:56 PM on August 31, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by availablelight at 12:56 PM on August 31, 2012 [6 favorites]
Sort of dependent on where you live, but if you have a decent consignment store in your area (with second hand clothing that's curated so they only accept brand-name stuff of recent styles) that's a great place to experiment with higher-end clothing for the price of Target. I find it way easier to branch out and choose a more daring top or dress when it only costs $15. It does make shopping a little more difficult because you can't just get whatever you want in any size, but I think of it like a fun treasure hunt and find the payoff (woohoo new Calvin Klein dress for $20!) worth it.
posted by ootandaboot at 12:57 PM on August 31, 2012
posted by ootandaboot at 12:57 PM on August 31, 2012
Best answer: I understand feeling insecure about shorter dresses (if that is the issue)-- I recently went through my high school closet and found an armful of floor length skirts that I now find shapeless and awful. I gradually raised my hemline throughout college (living in a city helped) and now I regularly wear miniskirts. Shorter dresses are a really easy way to look flirty and young.
Purple sounds really fun, but if it's too much for now a honey blonde might look good (that was y choice for my dishwater hair and I look much better). Darker can be great too, but it depends on your eyebrows/how much you care about that. Trust me, you can pull it off-- you can pull anything off, that's just a lie we tell ourselves when we're afraid of not living up to what we see and like. :)
Also, skinny jeans, long necklaces like you'd find at a "youth" store, fun makeup-- like a cateye with liquid eyeliner. If you can bother a bright, fun lipstick can be great, not sometimes takes practice (and exfoliation) to work.
posted by stoneandstar at 1:02 PM on August 31, 2012
Purple sounds really fun, but if it's too much for now a honey blonde might look good (that was y choice for my dishwater hair and I look much better). Darker can be great too, but it depends on your eyebrows/how much you care about that. Trust me, you can pull it off-- you can pull anything off, that's just a lie we tell ourselves when we're afraid of not living up to what we see and like. :)
Also, skinny jeans, long necklaces like you'd find at a "youth" store, fun makeup-- like a cateye with liquid eyeliner. If you can bother a bright, fun lipstick can be great, not sometimes takes practice (and exfoliation) to work.
posted by stoneandstar at 1:02 PM on August 31, 2012
Oh & yeah, feel free to MeMail pictures! I'd love to help.
posted by stoneandstar at 1:05 PM on August 31, 2012
posted by stoneandstar at 1:05 PM on August 31, 2012
Best answer: Do you have attractive glasses? Those make a big difference.
Figure out what colors flatter you, and wear some color.
Maybe go blonde? Or red?
And I know you're trying to lose weight, but in case this is an issue: Work what you got. People of all sizes can be fashionable and youthful looking - don't hide yourself in frumpy clothes. (i.e., wear shorter dresses!) Wear some skinny jeans and some horizontal stripes and a mini-skirt - work what you got, girl!
posted by ablazingsaddle at 1:07 PM on August 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
Figure out what colors flatter you, and wear some color.
Maybe go blonde? Or red?
And I know you're trying to lose weight, but in case this is an issue: Work what you got. People of all sizes can be fashionable and youthful looking - don't hide yourself in frumpy clothes. (i.e., wear shorter dresses!) Wear some skinny jeans and some horizontal stripes and a mini-skirt - work what you got, girl!
posted by ablazingsaddle at 1:07 PM on August 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
Grab a close friend near your age, and head to the mall. Tell *her* that she gets to help you pick a new look. Odds are she'll be super-excited by this; every time I've asked a girl to do the same I've had luck, anyway.
Don't do whatever she says; negotiate what feels acceptable, but be ready to step outside your "normal" comfort level. Something you would wear out with friends at a bachelorette party in another city, for instance.
Be prepared to spend - new dress, new shoes, new makeup, new necklace, whatever. Then, wear it! Around your friends! Bask in the compliments you get on the new look (guaranteed, unless you have the shittiest friends EVER, since a new look is always something interesting, unless it's driven by desperation, which this isn't). Decide it's a good thing.
Now, go out and buy more stuff like that. Et voila! You'll remake your look. And your attitude, from all the new-look attention, which will probably youthen you more than the wardrobe.
posted by IAmBroom at 1:19 PM on August 31, 2012
Don't do whatever she says; negotiate what feels acceptable, but be ready to step outside your "normal" comfort level. Something you would wear out with friends at a bachelorette party in another city, for instance.
Be prepared to spend - new dress, new shoes, new makeup, new necklace, whatever. Then, wear it! Around your friends! Bask in the compliments you get on the new look (guaranteed, unless you have the shittiest friends EVER, since a new look is always something interesting, unless it's driven by desperation, which this isn't). Decide it's a good thing.
Now, go out and buy more stuff like that. Et voila! You'll remake your look. And your attitude, from all the new-look attention, which will probably youthen you more than the wardrobe.
posted by IAmBroom at 1:19 PM on August 31, 2012
I follow a couple of "real life" style blogs to keep myself out of the jeans and t-shirt rut. Sally McGraw at AlreadyPretty.com is one of my favorites for how she combines style tips with self-discovery and acceptance. Great place to start looking for tips and inspiration!
posted by platinum at 1:30 PM on August 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by platinum at 1:30 PM on August 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank you for all the brilliant suggestions everyone! I marked a few as best answer that really resonated with me (I wish I could have spent two 'best answers' on the tennis shoe one, that is brilliant and it never would have occurred to me.)
I also appreciate the suggestion about the personal stylist, but financially I'm not quite there.
Beyond the advice, I truly appreciate all the confidence boosting! What a tremendous group of people, Metafilter!
posted by Syllables at 1:52 PM on August 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
I also appreciate the suggestion about the personal stylist, but financially I'm not quite there.
Beyond the advice, I truly appreciate all the confidence boosting! What a tremendous group of people, Metafilter!
posted by Syllables at 1:52 PM on August 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
Nailpolish. There are tons of fun colours and it's cheap to upgrade. My favorite right now is neon-bright orange.
posted by Tawny Owl at 2:48 PM on August 31, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Tawny Owl at 2:48 PM on August 31, 2012 [2 favorites]
Syllables, I haven't availed myself of their services but I believe that some stores have personal shopper/stylists that I believe are free (mostly major department stores, but JCrew also offers this service).
This may be "out there" but what about watching a show geared to 20 somethings like Girls? The series creator and lead actor Lena Dunham is about your age, has a curvy figure and shoulder length dishwater brown hair. I haven't seen the series (don't have cable) but from what I understand it takes place in Brooklyn and I imagine features a lot of twentysomething hipster ensembles. The clothes may not be to your liking or fit your lifestyle but it sounds like you don't have a lot of friends your age and it might give you a few ideas on how to hip up your style.
Also, I imagine that it is tempting not to spend a lot of money on clothing while you are losing weight, but nothing is as aging as frumpy, baggy, shapeless clothing. You've lost 60 lbs, which is an amazing achievement! You probably are not used to shopping for clothes to flatter your new figure (which is where a personal shopper or bringing along a fashionable friend comes in). At the very least try some fitted clothes. I think that most of us are under the impression that loose clothing hides a multiple of sins when we're not at our goal weight, whereas in most cases it just ends up adding pounds. Fitted does not mean tight or uncomfortable (although if you are used to wearing really baggy clothing, it may feel uncomfortable at first; again this is where a second opinion comes in handy).
posted by kaybdc at 3:17 PM on August 31, 2012
This may be "out there" but what about watching a show geared to 20 somethings like Girls? The series creator and lead actor Lena Dunham is about your age, has a curvy figure and shoulder length dishwater brown hair. I haven't seen the series (don't have cable) but from what I understand it takes place in Brooklyn and I imagine features a lot of twentysomething hipster ensembles. The clothes may not be to your liking or fit your lifestyle but it sounds like you don't have a lot of friends your age and it might give you a few ideas on how to hip up your style.
Also, I imagine that it is tempting not to spend a lot of money on clothing while you are losing weight, but nothing is as aging as frumpy, baggy, shapeless clothing. You've lost 60 lbs, which is an amazing achievement! You probably are not used to shopping for clothes to flatter your new figure (which is where a personal shopper or bringing along a fashionable friend comes in). At the very least try some fitted clothes. I think that most of us are under the impression that loose clothing hides a multiple of sins when we're not at our goal weight, whereas in most cases it just ends up adding pounds. Fitted does not mean tight or uncomfortable (although if you are used to wearing really baggy clothing, it may feel uncomfortable at first; again this is where a second opinion comes in handy).
posted by kaybdc at 3:17 PM on August 31, 2012
Is the Wal-Mart wardrobe a budget issue? Depending on where you live, there's likely a resale shop where you can pick up more stylish clothing for cheap.
posted by me3dia at 3:49 PM on August 31, 2012
posted by me3dia at 3:49 PM on August 31, 2012
I am also of a certain weight and worry about exposing too much leg. As much as I love my maxiskirts (and I do), I find that the skirts that I get the most compliments on are texture comfy skirts, which land right at knee length for me (or above--they ride high on me). The way they're made means they should be relatively easy to take in once I lose more weight. Wait for a 30% off sale and they're not extremely expensive, either.
Also, I have your dishwater brown hair and I have purple streaks highlighted into it. I use color shampoo to prolong the look and you can see the effect in my profile picture. It's not too wild but gives me a bit of color I wouldn't otherwise have.
posted by immlass at 4:15 PM on August 31, 2012
Also, I have your dishwater brown hair and I have purple streaks highlighted into it. I use color shampoo to prolong the look and you can see the effect in my profile picture. It's not too wild but gives me a bit of color I wouldn't otherwise have.
posted by immlass at 4:15 PM on August 31, 2012
Dark blue or black skinny or at least fitted jeans, no wild embroidery or "distressing." Bright nail polish (bright yellow, orange, green and blue are trendy right now). Nice non-sneaker shoes, like maybe oxfords or a ballet flat with a bit of a point at the toe. A big old pendant necklace, like with a miniature telescope or a magnifying glass or a raw quartz chunk or something. Are you parting your hair on the side? Do that too.
posted by milk white peacock at 4:22 PM on August 31, 2012
posted by milk white peacock at 4:22 PM on August 31, 2012
1. Bangs. I have a hunch that bangs are slightly less cool than they were 4-5 years ago, but definitely will still set you apart from the frump.
2. Hairstyle wise, if you're pulling it up/back, chignons and braids are cooler than ponytails.
3. Clothing that fits you properly. Sack-like and overly baggy clothes scream Elderly.
4. No white sneakers. Ever. Also, you want something low-profile like Keds or Converse. Chunky is bad.
5. Skinny jeans if at all possible. I am pear-shaped and tend to carry a lot of weight in my hip/thigh/butt region, but I wear skinny jeans and I don't care who has a problem with it. If you absolutely can't do skinny, get the darkest wash you can find in a trouser cut.
6. Walmart? No. Just, no. I feel like I often see things I would wear at Target, but Walmart is the land of, like, unironic Three Wolf Moon. I would go to Goodwill before Walmart for sure. And, in fact, when I was super-broke, that's exactly what I did. Seriously, just say no to Walmart clothing.
I have mousey brown hair and just embrace it for the moment. I like the suggestions of dying it a wild color, but I feel like if you can't carry it off, it's not so important. I mean, you're not prematurely grey or anything. IMO going red is neutral in terms of age. Then again, my mom, two aunts, and my grandmother all dye their hair red in hopes that they will look younger. So that might be coloring my opinions of red hair dye (heh).
posted by Sara C. at 4:32 PM on August 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
2. Hairstyle wise, if you're pulling it up/back, chignons and braids are cooler than ponytails.
3. Clothing that fits you properly. Sack-like and overly baggy clothes scream Elderly.
4. No white sneakers. Ever. Also, you want something low-profile like Keds or Converse. Chunky is bad.
5. Skinny jeans if at all possible. I am pear-shaped and tend to carry a lot of weight in my hip/thigh/butt region, but I wear skinny jeans and I don't care who has a problem with it. If you absolutely can't do skinny, get the darkest wash you can find in a trouser cut.
6. Walmart? No. Just, no. I feel like I often see things I would wear at Target, but Walmart is the land of, like, unironic Three Wolf Moon. I would go to Goodwill before Walmart for sure. And, in fact, when I was super-broke, that's exactly what I did. Seriously, just say no to Walmart clothing.
I have mousey brown hair and just embrace it for the moment. I like the suggestions of dying it a wild color, but I feel like if you can't carry it off, it's not so important. I mean, you're not prematurely grey or anything. IMO going red is neutral in terms of age. Then again, my mom, two aunts, and my grandmother all dye their hair red in hopes that they will look younger. So that might be coloring my opinions of red hair dye (heh).
posted by Sara C. at 4:32 PM on August 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
A very very very common mistake I see most Americans do all the time is to wear clothes that are too big. Pick clothes that are just your size. If you're concerned about your weight (as I am), remember dark colors conceal best. If you have a good sewing machine and tailor skills, all the better; get to work on your wardrobe.
You know how celebrities always wear clothes that look perfect? They're always tailored to fit like a glove.
posted by zardoz at 4:50 PM on August 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
You know how celebrities always wear clothes that look perfect? They're always tailored to fit like a glove.
posted by zardoz at 4:50 PM on August 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
I am undertaking the same mission as you, and I have found the blog Girl with Curves (http://girlwithcurves.tumblr.com) to be a wonderful resource and inspiration for how to look young and chic as a plumper woman.
posted by redfishbluefish at 4:56 PM on August 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by redfishbluefish at 4:56 PM on August 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
I clicked through to Gabifresh, recommended above, and this look (you may have to scroll down) is very young and current, and if you wore something similar, NOBODY would think you were middle aged.
posted by Sara C. at 5:03 PM on August 31, 2012
posted by Sara C. at 5:03 PM on August 31, 2012
A lot of 20something girls these days wear leggings with tunics / dresses, which would be a great look if your weight is changing and you don't want to invest in fitted clothes that will end up too big. Plus you could wear that with some cute flats, which would be a step up from sneakers but still comfortable.
posted by beyond_pink at 5:13 PM on August 31, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by beyond_pink at 5:13 PM on August 31, 2012 [4 favorites]
By the way, if you want a quality shoe but can't afford anything in the $100 range right now, Minnetonka moccasins are really comfortable slip-ons for summer. In the snow and sleet they will not fare well, but I've been wearing mine all season and I'm obsessed. They can also look cute and whimsical with hip, "young" clothes.
posted by stoneandstar at 5:23 PM on August 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by stoneandstar at 5:23 PM on August 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
Best answer: On the same note as stoneandstar-- there are some casual shoes that definitely read "young"-- Toms, Minnetonka moccasins, converse (stick to neutral colors IMO), flat boots (either knee high flat riding boot style or flat/low heeled ankle boots), for a few. Don't think you need sky-high heels to break up the frump factor. Avoid running sneakers and clogs.
I think the colored hair is a great idea, though I wouldn't necessarily agree with everyone saying red. You could even try just going darker brown-- you'd be surprised what a big difference it makes. Don't get a perm. How about a bob with a bit of a side bang? You can straighten it or curl it for really cute looks.
If your current uniform is jeans/shirt (nothing wrong with that), focus on getting really, really awesome versions of your favorite stuff now. Get jeans and shirts that fit you perfectly and underwear that makes you feel awesome. Then pick up accessories that catch your fancy-- etsy earrings, printed scarves, crazy necklaces, whatever-- accessories are a cool and cheap way to try out new styles easily.
And I don't know where you live, but a classy, fitted winter coat is priceless in the winter for me.
Check out YouLookFab-- it's a really popular style blog with lots of good looks and advice for beginners.
(I love playing personal stylists for all my friends undergoing the Great Style Makeover-- feel free to memail me!)
posted by sonmi at 5:48 PM on August 31, 2012 [2 favorites]
I think the colored hair is a great idea, though I wouldn't necessarily agree with everyone saying red. You could even try just going darker brown-- you'd be surprised what a big difference it makes. Don't get a perm. How about a bob with a bit of a side bang? You can straighten it or curl it for really cute looks.
If your current uniform is jeans/shirt (nothing wrong with that), focus on getting really, really awesome versions of your favorite stuff now. Get jeans and shirts that fit you perfectly and underwear that makes you feel awesome. Then pick up accessories that catch your fancy-- etsy earrings, printed scarves, crazy necklaces, whatever-- accessories are a cool and cheap way to try out new styles easily.
And I don't know where you live, but a classy, fitted winter coat is priceless in the winter for me.
Check out YouLookFab-- it's a really popular style blog with lots of good looks and advice for beginners.
(I love playing personal stylists for all my friends undergoing the Great Style Makeover-- feel free to memail me!)
posted by sonmi at 5:48 PM on August 31, 2012 [2 favorites]
I would say that many of the usual things AskMe recommends for looking more stylish are actually things to avoid. Fitted clothing usually screams "adult with a professional job" aka OLD to me (if for no other reason than young people just can't afford that stuff).
Wear slightly more stylish but still cheaper clothing. Something like Forever 21, if you have that store in your area.
Either no makeup or more makeup. Subtle makeup takes you back to professional/old, but a completely bare face can make you look younger.
There's a variety of hipster-style frames, do you have the all-the-way-around kind? The line between hipster and granny glasses is narrow and dangerous, especially if you tend to look older already. Glasses are something you wear every day so they make a huge difference.
You should look at some previous threads about how to look older and do the opposite. This blog post (linked to from a previous thread) has a really clear example with before-and-after.
One more little thing, do you look similar to your boyfriend? That can encourage people to think of a familial relationship. If so, when you're dying or texturing your hair think about what looks good on you and also what will look different from his. Ditto with your glasses.
posted by anaelith at 6:30 PM on August 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
Wear slightly more stylish but still cheaper clothing. Something like Forever 21, if you have that store in your area.
Either no makeup or more makeup. Subtle makeup takes you back to professional/old, but a completely bare face can make you look younger.
There's a variety of hipster-style frames, do you have the all-the-way-around kind? The line between hipster and granny glasses is narrow and dangerous, especially if you tend to look older already. Glasses are something you wear every day so they make a huge difference.
You should look at some previous threads about how to look older and do the opposite. This blog post (linked to from a previous thread) has a really clear example with before-and-after.
One more little thing, do you look similar to your boyfriend? That can encourage people to think of a familial relationship. If so, when you're dying or texturing your hair think about what looks good on you and also what will look different from his. Ditto with your glasses.
posted by anaelith at 6:30 PM on August 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'm a lot older than you, but recently changed my style to avoid looking dowdy. Try any of these as a first step:
1. Even if you're not in the plus size range, look at pictures of plus-size models in clothes. Good web sites are Macy's, Nordstrom, Eloquii, Torrid. Of course, they're models and benefit from photoshop so they look way better than real-live women. Still, you can get an idea of trends in fit and color.
2. You like simple clothes -- you don't need to change that. But do try on colors and shapes that you'd ordinarily bypass.
3. Some shoe styles look younger than others. Colorful flats are really popular now, for example, if you like flats. I prefer to look a little taller, so I wear a 2-inch heel -- you can get comfortable shoes and booties (ankle boots) in a color. They don't have to match anything else, including your handbag.
4. Jewelry can make a huge difference. You're probably not going to want a "statement" necklace right away -- a pendant hung at a flattering length is easy to wear, on the other hand. Make sure to get something that you like, even though you'll need to do a good deal of looking. Go for color and/or an unusual or bold shape.
5. If you have already have shirts that button in the front, consider having some altered to fit really well. You can add a little dash by wearing a tank or other scoop-neck top underneath. Leave the buttoned shirt open, or just fasten 2 or 3 buttons at the bottom.
6. Jackets and cardigans are popular now. I always get jacket altered, and wear them open. Wear something 'fun' underneath (bold print or strong color.)
posted by wryly at 6:55 PM on August 31, 2012
1. Even if you're not in the plus size range, look at pictures of plus-size models in clothes. Good web sites are Macy's, Nordstrom, Eloquii, Torrid. Of course, they're models and benefit from photoshop so they look way better than real-live women. Still, you can get an idea of trends in fit and color.
2. You like simple clothes -- you don't need to change that. But do try on colors and shapes that you'd ordinarily bypass.
3. Some shoe styles look younger than others. Colorful flats are really popular now, for example, if you like flats. I prefer to look a little taller, so I wear a 2-inch heel -- you can get comfortable shoes and booties (ankle boots) in a color. They don't have to match anything else, including your handbag.
4. Jewelry can make a huge difference. You're probably not going to want a "statement" necklace right away -- a pendant hung at a flattering length is easy to wear, on the other hand. Make sure to get something that you like, even though you'll need to do a good deal of looking. Go for color and/or an unusual or bold shape.
5. If you have already have shirts that button in the front, consider having some altered to fit really well. You can add a little dash by wearing a tank or other scoop-neck top underneath. Leave the buttoned shirt open, or just fasten 2 or 3 buttons at the bottom.
6. Jackets and cardigans are popular now. I always get jacket altered, and wear them open. Wear something 'fun' underneath (bold print or strong color.)
posted by wryly at 6:55 PM on August 31, 2012
Best answer: Seconding upgrading your shoes. A pair of tennis/walking shoes will instantly frump any outfit up. Find a pair of cute, comfortable go-anywhere flats; a casual ballet flat or Mary Jane should work.
Same goes for your handbag. If you have a nondescript, utilitarian bag, trade it in for something a little more stylish. Cross-body bags (except for some messengers) tend to be aging, and cut a weird line across your body, so look for a shoulder bag or tote.
Same thing, again, for your fall/winter coat. You may not be thinking about this now, but you will soon enough. You'll be wearing it everywhere you go for months, so one you look great in will make all the difference. Look for a peacoat or trench with a defined waist. If you wear a nylon parka all winter, definitely upgrade.
Hair: if you go for long periods without cutting it and don't do much in the way of styling it, you run the risk of developing what I think of as Nerd Girl Hair. Nerd Girl Hair is long, layerless, bottom-heavy, sometimes dull or frizzy from split ends left unchecked, and visually weighs your face down. Wearing a low ponytail or parting your hair in the center can exacerbate Nerd Girl Hair. I don't know what your current cut looks like or what texture your hair is, but a safe bet is to get a cut that includes some face framing layers but doesn't take too much off the overall length. I'd probably skip the dye, since maintaining a dye job can be a pain.
As for shirts and other staples: there are so many variations within the plain t-shirt/pants/skirt world that you can go from dowdy to cute without sacrificing comfort. I choose shirts based on neckline and sleeve length: scoop neck and ballet neck shirts always make me feel sleeker than plain crew necks, and elbow or 3/4-length sleeves look better on me than short sleeves. YMMV; ultimately it's about what works for you. Jeans: darker is better nearly all of the time. Skirts: unless you are dead set against them, I recommend knee-length. You'll look younger and hipper. A shapeless full-length skirt can have the same effect on your body as shapeless Nerd Girl Hair does on your face.
The more specific your tastes, the more digging you'll have to do. I like Lands' End and Talbots for basics, and they have really good online sales.
Young trendy clothes tend to be cheap and cheaply made; it doesn't hurt to get a couple eye-catching things each season. Trendy accessories like scarves and jewelry are awesome, because you don't have to bother trying them on and you can get them anywhere you want regardless of whether the store carries clothes in your size. If a trend doesn't work for you, feel free to ignore it.
Your weight has changed enough that buying a couple new better-fitting things will make a huge difference! I lost a lot of weight a few years ago, and there was some cognitive dissonance for a while; I thought I was larger than I actually was, and I dressed for the larger me. When I got better-fitting clothes, I couldn't believe how much a difference it made. Just getting a new better-fitting shirt or two, even if it's from the grandma section at the cheapest store in town, will give you a boost.
(In full disclosure, my winter coat is a shapeless tent and my hair is getting dangerously close to Nerd Girl Hair territory. I'm a work in progress.)
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:23 PM on August 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
Same goes for your handbag. If you have a nondescript, utilitarian bag, trade it in for something a little more stylish. Cross-body bags (except for some messengers) tend to be aging, and cut a weird line across your body, so look for a shoulder bag or tote.
Same thing, again, for your fall/winter coat. You may not be thinking about this now, but you will soon enough. You'll be wearing it everywhere you go for months, so one you look great in will make all the difference. Look for a peacoat or trench with a defined waist. If you wear a nylon parka all winter, definitely upgrade.
Hair: if you go for long periods without cutting it and don't do much in the way of styling it, you run the risk of developing what I think of as Nerd Girl Hair. Nerd Girl Hair is long, layerless, bottom-heavy, sometimes dull or frizzy from split ends left unchecked, and visually weighs your face down. Wearing a low ponytail or parting your hair in the center can exacerbate Nerd Girl Hair. I don't know what your current cut looks like or what texture your hair is, but a safe bet is to get a cut that includes some face framing layers but doesn't take too much off the overall length. I'd probably skip the dye, since maintaining a dye job can be a pain.
As for shirts and other staples: there are so many variations within the plain t-shirt/pants/skirt world that you can go from dowdy to cute without sacrificing comfort. I choose shirts based on neckline and sleeve length: scoop neck and ballet neck shirts always make me feel sleeker than plain crew necks, and elbow or 3/4-length sleeves look better on me than short sleeves. YMMV; ultimately it's about what works for you. Jeans: darker is better nearly all of the time. Skirts: unless you are dead set against them, I recommend knee-length. You'll look younger and hipper. A shapeless full-length skirt can have the same effect on your body as shapeless Nerd Girl Hair does on your face.
The more specific your tastes, the more digging you'll have to do. I like Lands' End and Talbots for basics, and they have really good online sales.
Young trendy clothes tend to be cheap and cheaply made; it doesn't hurt to get a couple eye-catching things each season. Trendy accessories like scarves and jewelry are awesome, because you don't have to bother trying them on and you can get them anywhere you want regardless of whether the store carries clothes in your size. If a trend doesn't work for you, feel free to ignore it.
Your weight has changed enough that buying a couple new better-fitting things will make a huge difference! I lost a lot of weight a few years ago, and there was some cognitive dissonance for a while; I thought I was larger than I actually was, and I dressed for the larger me. When I got better-fitting clothes, I couldn't believe how much a difference it made. Just getting a new better-fitting shirt or two, even if it's from the grandma section at the cheapest store in town, will give you a boost.
(In full disclosure, my winter coat is a shapeless tent and my hair is getting dangerously close to Nerd Girl Hair territory. I'm a work in progress.)
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:23 PM on August 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
Do you have a Sephora in your area? In my experience, that's the kind of place you can walk into, befriend a sales associate, and get some recommendations on slightly more daring makeup. They also often have samples.
posted by missmobtown at 8:51 AM on September 1, 2012
posted by missmobtown at 8:51 AM on September 1, 2012
You've already got some great answers here. I'll focus on answering the bit I know more about, which is dressing well when you're carrying some extra weight.
I am also of a certain weight, and a young woman (though a little older than you). I have posted about this on Ask Mefi myself - you might find the answers to my question interesting.
I have evolved a lot since then, and mostly I have done this by going to online fashion blogs for plus-size women and deciding what I like about their styles, then emulating it as best I can. Fatshionista and the Fatshionista Flickr pool is a good place to start.
Long dresses aren't necessarily that flattering for bigger girls. I mean, it's hard to say without knowing what you look like, but it might be more flattering if you experiment with shorter length dresses. I love wearing dresses that come to just above my knee, if they're wrap-style and flare out a little, they look pretty terrific.
Those are my plus-size fashion recommendations although I guess you might not be plus-size anymore :)
I also like the Inside Out style blog which is really interesting and has some great pieces on getting the proportions of your outfit right. A lot of clothes make us look frumpy because they split our bodies at the wrong point. For whatever size you are, this has some great observations and really makes you look at the process of buying clothes more scientifically and less haphazardly.
The key thing really, with clothes, is not to look at clothes as something to hide your body. Clothes are there to show your good points off. You have some great features (everyone does), now you have to identify them and figure out how best to show them off. I think that this will help you look your best no matter what age you are.
posted by Ziggy500 at 3:58 AM on September 3, 2012
I am also of a certain weight, and a young woman (though a little older than you). I have posted about this on Ask Mefi myself - you might find the answers to my question interesting.
I have evolved a lot since then, and mostly I have done this by going to online fashion blogs for plus-size women and deciding what I like about their styles, then emulating it as best I can. Fatshionista and the Fatshionista Flickr pool is a good place to start.
Long dresses aren't necessarily that flattering for bigger girls. I mean, it's hard to say without knowing what you look like, but it might be more flattering if you experiment with shorter length dresses. I love wearing dresses that come to just above my knee, if they're wrap-style and flare out a little, they look pretty terrific.
Those are my plus-size fashion recommendations although I guess you might not be plus-size anymore :)
I also like the Inside Out style blog which is really interesting and has some great pieces on getting the proportions of your outfit right. A lot of clothes make us look frumpy because they split our bodies at the wrong point. For whatever size you are, this has some great observations and really makes you look at the process of buying clothes more scientifically and less haphazardly.
The key thing really, with clothes, is not to look at clothes as something to hide your body. Clothes are there to show your good points off. You have some great features (everyone does), now you have to identify them and figure out how best to show them off. I think that this will help you look your best no matter what age you are.
posted by Ziggy500 at 3:58 AM on September 3, 2012
A small thing that can make a big difference is getting fitted for a bra. One of my friends pointed out (in the most loving manner possible) that my bras make me look less fantastic than I actually am. I went for a fitting at Nordstrom's and I look slimmer and more polished.
posted by punchtothehead at 10:59 AM on September 8, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by punchtothehead at 10:59 AM on September 8, 2012 [1 favorite]
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posted by royalsong at 12:27 PM on August 31, 2012 [3 favorites]