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August 10, 2012 8:42 AM   Subscribe

Please give me lots of word-play and puns that are associated with bells.

I direct a church handbell choir, and we're about to embark on a fundraising/recruitment drive. I plan on both writing letters and standing up in church to make appeals (get it? ap-peals).

Our congregation is a very literate one, near Harvard University, and they love a good play on words, so I need lots of jokes and puns about bells and all the things associated with bells.


(Standing in church) Hello, I'm your ringleader. (Pointing to choir) and these are my ringbearers.
Nice bellweather we're having!
Without your help, we'll be (w)ringing our hands.
Have we ever toll-ed you how valuable your support is?
(Holding up glass jar) We'll keep the money in this bell jar.
Give yourselves a clap(per) on the back for helping us.
One must ask, for whom the bell totals. (They like classic, well-known literary references)

You get the idea. Throw me everything you've got.
posted by Melismata to Writing & Language (29 answers total)
Bell of the ball?
posted by eralclare at 8:46 AM on August 10, 2012

posted by griphus at 8:50 AM on August 10, 2012

Help move the choir and all its clangors on.
If handbells are rung, I don't want to be right.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 8:51 AM on August 10, 2012 [2 favorites]

Don't write letters. Write bell(es)-lettres.

It's pretty hard to think of specific puns for someone else's situation; it's like trying to pick out someone else's clothes. I'll keep thinking though.
posted by windykites at 8:56 AM on August 10, 2012

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 8:56 AM on August 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

Play with my ding-a-ling. (there's a song from ~1973)
posted by Goofyy at 8:57 AM on August 10, 2012

For the statistics professors, you can make bell curve jokes.
Being in Boston, a joke about the re-Bell-ion against the British?
posted by bessel functions seem unnecessarily complicated at 9:01 AM on August 10, 2012

Now if any of this rings a bell for you...
It's a dead ringer for...
posted by specialagentwebb at 9:06 AM on August 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

A bell is a cup until it's struck.
posted by OmieWise at 9:08 AM on August 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Free association:

Bats in the belfry
Alexander Graham Bell
Bela Lugosi
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:15 AM on August 10, 2012

...if I could just chime in here to say...
posted by hydrophonic at 9:19 AM on August 10, 2012

To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells
From the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
From the jingling and the tinkling of the bells

Gotta love Poe.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 9:19 AM on August 10, 2012

Response by poster: I love you guys. Keep them coming.
posted by Melismata at 9:26 AM on August 10, 2012

All of this sounds like a bunch of bell-ologna!
posted by TheCavorter at 9:26 AM on August 10, 2012

Bell-ogna even (I had to sing the Oscar Meyer Wiener song in my head to remember how to spell bologna).
posted by TheCavorter at 9:29 AM on August 10, 2012

Be there with bells on?
posted by anderjen at 9:32 AM on August 10, 2012

This will really have a Big Ben-efit to our congregation.
I hope these updates aren't becoming too bo-ring, but I'd like to carillon just a bit longer.
Lately I've been spending more time thinking about bells than Quasimodo.
Making a donation is a lot more rewarding than investing in pork-bell-ies!
I don't want to resort to jingle-ism, but...
We're so crazy about Bell-as, you'd think we were Team Edward.
posted by argonauta at 9:36 AM on August 10, 2012

We ring changes, you bring your spare change.
posted by zamboni at 10:07 AM on August 10, 2012

If you have any questions, feel free to give me a jingle - I'm the resident bellboy.
posted by Oriole Adams at 10:09 AM on August 10, 2012

Ask not for whom the handbells toll. They toll for thee and thy contributions.
posted by bearwife at 10:17 AM on August 10, 2012

"Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings." Won't you help us ring some bells for all those poor wingless angels?

We hope to make some bellissima music.

Got any members from Belmont? There's got to be a joke in Belmont. Ah, I have it: "You don't have to be a Bell-mont millionaire to support us!"
posted by brina at 10:24 AM on August 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

the Fresh Prince of Bell Air
posted by ghostbikes at 10:27 AM on August 10, 2012

Come payday, think of the words of Plato: si vis pacem, para bellum. Rendered loosely: "See this paycheck? It's for bells."
posted by zamboni at 11:04 AM on August 10, 2012

It's chime for you to help out... (or chime time)

If you like it, put a ring on it.

Fundraising, door-to-doorbell...

Clangs, not gangs.

Give us a tinkle...

Support out bellringers, before they develop hunchbacks...

Help our Bells keep their Liberty... (no cracks please)

Please don't gong me...

(I'm not going to even start the possibilities with 'ding' and 'dong')
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:24 AM on August 10, 2012

Don't clang to your money so hard that you can't support us. I hear the jingle in your pocket. Not a vesper, but a shout-out. It would be a tocsin not to contribute. It's a jangle out there. Let us knell in prayer...

Maybe someone can come up with puns for these:

posted by BlueHorse at 11:40 AM on August 10, 2012

"Carillon, my wayward son..."
posted by griphus at 11:43 AM on August 10, 2012

Who doesn't want to contribute to more heavy metal music in church?
posted by Flannery Culp at 11:50 AM on August 10, 2012

Something something "one true ring"?
posted by deborah at 3:26 PM on August 10, 2012

"Your support would make un-BELL-ievable difference."
posted by fogster at 3:42 PM on August 10, 2012

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