Hey, Potential Employer, Guess What?
August 4, 2012 1:51 PM Subscribe
So, I'm trans, have a really horrible job where I can't reveal it and I need to get a new one. There's one issue that I've been struggling with: All of my legal documentation is still under my old name, which means I'm going to have to disclose my trans status at some point. But how and when?
Some background: I live in Philly, and I've worked in food service for over a decade, so bars and restaurants are where I've been applying. I try to limit myself to places that seem like they might be trans-tolerant, but that's a pretty difficult thing to suss out ahead of time. Since my current job is pretty horrifying on just about every level, I'm starting to get pretty desperate, and don't want to blow any potential opportunities. So yeah, any advice would be appreciated.
Some background: I live in Philly, and I've worked in food service for over a decade, so bars and restaurants are where I've been applying. I try to limit myself to places that seem like they might be trans-tolerant, but that's a pretty difficult thing to suss out ahead of time. Since my current job is pretty horrifying on just about every level, I'm starting to get pretty desperate, and don't want to blow any potential opportunities. So yeah, any advice would be appreciated.
Maybe try to connect with the folks who run the Philly Trans Health conference? Health is not employment law, but I bet they know all about local resources for trans folks.
I know in NYC there is a trans name change clinic. Maybe there is one in Phlly that could help you get your documents changed? Not sure how long it takes but if you're going to go that route in the future anyway, maybe consider starting the process now if you're able?
Bad jobs are the worst. Can't even imagine how much harder a bad job is with this going on. Good luck!
posted by manicure12 at 2:46 PM on August 4, 2012
I know in NYC there is a trans name change clinic. Maybe there is one in Phlly that could help you get your documents changed? Not sure how long it takes but if you're going to go that route in the future anyway, maybe consider starting the process now if you're able?
Bad jobs are the worst. Can't even imagine how much harder a bad job is with this going on. Good luck!
posted by manicure12 at 2:46 PM on August 4, 2012
I'm not so sure you do have to reveal yourself just because of your name: after all, Obama's mother's first name was Sidney; there was the actress Michael Learned; and on the other side names like Ashley and Madison and Jordan all started out as male-only names. Perhaps you could, at least for a while, just go with some version of a shrug, a smile, and an ironic-sounding "well, that's the name my tagged me with!"
posted by easily confused at 3:03 PM on August 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by easily confused at 3:03 PM on August 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
"well, that's the name my parents tagged me with!"
sheesh.
posted by easily confused at 3:04 PM on August 4, 2012
sheesh.
posted by easily confused at 3:04 PM on August 4, 2012
It might be worth putting your name forward as it is, with a suggested name in brackets. You might be able to proceed as "M.J. Learned" or "K.T. Smith" and then put (Micha) or (Kit) in brackets. If someone emails, you can just add "Oh, and in case you're wondering if you've got the right person, it's a family name". If they react to that, you might also have a signal to look for a better climate.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 3:17 PM on August 4, 2012
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 3:17 PM on August 4, 2012
Obama's mother's first name was Stanley.
Can you legally change your name to your current name? This trans info site suggests it's fairly straightforward in your state, and that there are fee exemptions for lower-income petitioners.
posted by Sidhedevil at 3:23 PM on August 4, 2012
Can you legally change your name to your current name? This trans info site suggests it's fairly straightforward in your state, and that there are fee exemptions for lower-income petitioners.
posted by Sidhedevil at 3:23 PM on August 4, 2012
I apologize in advance if this seems obvious, BUT why don't you just change your name legally?
or, you know, what sidhedevil said too.
posted by magnetsphere at 3:26 PM on August 4, 2012
or, you know, what sidhedevil said too.
posted by magnetsphere at 3:26 PM on August 4, 2012
And this trans website seems to indicate it is fairly simple to get your gender changed on your driver license as well.
posted by magnetsphere at 3:28 PM on August 4, 2012
posted by magnetsphere at 3:28 PM on August 4, 2012
"So, your name is [super-masculine name]"??
"Yeah, I know! I was named after my dad. It causes a lot of confusion. I go by [your name now]."
posted by Houstonian at 3:34 PM on August 4, 2012
"Yeah, I know! I was named after my dad. It causes a lot of confusion. I go by [your name now]."
posted by Houstonian at 3:34 PM on August 4, 2012
(Tedious but necessary disclaimer: I am an attorney whose practice includes transgender-specific issues, but I am not licensed to practice in Pennsylvania. I am not your lawyer and this is not legal advice.)
Are you actually living and working within the City limits? If so, you should be covered by the Philadelphia Fair Practices Ordinance. I know that if you're living "stealth," and you don't want to alert anyone about your gender identity, the ordinance won't necessarily help with that. What it can do is give you an avenue for recourse if a prospective employer refuses to hire you on the basis of your gender identity -- or if you get hired and you find yourself subjected to harassment or discrimination on the job.
But I know that this isn't a perfect solution if you just want to live your life in peace, without calling attention to the gulf between your gender identity and your legal documents. Is changing your name and/or gender marker a viable option?
Best of luck to you. I hope that you get out of your toxic job situation soon, and find something much, much better.
posted by bakerina at 3:46 PM on August 4, 2012
Are you actually living and working within the City limits? If so, you should be covered by the Philadelphia Fair Practices Ordinance. I know that if you're living "stealth," and you don't want to alert anyone about your gender identity, the ordinance won't necessarily help with that. What it can do is give you an avenue for recourse if a prospective employer refuses to hire you on the basis of your gender identity -- or if you get hired and you find yourself subjected to harassment or discrimination on the job.
But I know that this isn't a perfect solution if you just want to live your life in peace, without calling attention to the gulf between your gender identity and your legal documents. Is changing your name and/or gender marker a viable option?
Best of luck to you. I hope that you get out of your toxic job situation soon, and find something much, much better.
posted by bakerina at 3:46 PM on August 4, 2012
You know, disregard my answer.
The problem probably isn't your name. The problem is the documents required on the I-9, which proves you have authorization to work in the US. Most people use either a passport, or a combination of driver's license and Social Security card. Driver's licenses and passports list gender.
Looking on the list of acceptable documents (page 3 of this .pdf), you can use a Social Security card plus a voter's registration card (check to see if it has gender), or a school ID card.
Note that in column 2 of the documents list, only the first 2 items specify that a document must show gender (driver's license and government-issued ID).
Another thought: If you are taking hormones, etc., surely your doctor has a list of organizations that help trans people figure out all the legal details? Maybe ask them for a reference, and then officially get all your paperwork sorted out. Maybe every trans person has faced this legal crossroads before, where paperwork doesn't reflect your reality.
posted by Houstonian at 3:59 PM on August 4, 2012
The problem probably isn't your name. The problem is the documents required on the I-9, which proves you have authorization to work in the US. Most people use either a passport, or a combination of driver's license and Social Security card. Driver's licenses and passports list gender.
Looking on the list of acceptable documents (page 3 of this .pdf), you can use a Social Security card plus a voter's registration card (check to see if it has gender), or a school ID card.
Note that in column 2 of the documents list, only the first 2 items specify that a document must show gender (driver's license and government-issued ID).
Another thought: If you are taking hormones, etc., surely your doctor has a list of organizations that help trans people figure out all the legal details? Maybe ask them for a reference, and then officially get all your paperwork sorted out. Maybe every trans person has faced this legal crossroads before, where paperwork doesn't reflect your reality.
posted by Houstonian at 3:59 PM on August 4, 2012
Philadelphia voter registration cards do not in fact list gender.
And the list of documents is on page 5 of Houstonian's pdf, in case anyone else gets confused.
posted by dendrochronologizer at 5:03 PM on August 4, 2012
And the list of documents is on page 5 of Houstonian's pdf, in case anyone else gets confused.
posted by dendrochronologizer at 5:03 PM on August 4, 2012
If you haven't seen it, Mom, I need to be a girl covers in some detail how they handled that piece of it.
I can't think of any other trans resources right this minute, but of the ones I have seen, I especially liked the above book.
Best of luck.
posted by Michele in California at 6:42 PM on August 4, 2012
I can't think of any other trans resources right this minute, but of the ones I have seen, I especially liked the above book.
Best of luck.
posted by Michele in California at 6:42 PM on August 4, 2012
The Mazzoni Center in Philly is a clinic for LGBTQ people, and appears to have a lot of resources for trans people, including a name change guide. I don't have any personal experience with them (I found them by googling), but I know that a similar clinic in NYC is very helpful with both health and legal stuff – especially since they're so often intertwined! For example, in New York, you need a letter from doctors to change your gender on your driver's license.
If you can't or don't want to legally change your name and/or gender on government IDs, then I would suggest connecting to the queer/trans community in Philly. Other people have gone through this and may know that X place is terrible, or Y place is great, or have tips for sussing places out in advance. Again, I just found this by googling, but if you're not plugged into the community, a drop-in group like the William Way center has could be a good way to meet people.
posted by (Over) Thinking at 7:01 AM on August 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
If you can't or don't want to legally change your name and/or gender on government IDs, then I would suggest connecting to the queer/trans community in Philly. Other people have gone through this and may know that X place is terrible, or Y place is great, or have tips for sussing places out in advance. Again, I just found this by googling, but if you're not plugged into the community, a drop-in group like the William Way center has could be a good way to meet people.
posted by (Over) Thinking at 7:01 AM on August 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
I believe the 'canonical' answer is 'Get the job, then come out to HR when you do the I-9,' which the logic being that HR is often removed from the people you're actually working with and they're the only people who need to know.
That, of course, doesn't work when you work with the person who does the payroll or whatever, and doesn't work if you're in a situation where you need to directly address pronouns and the bathroom. From your question, it sounds like that might be your situation.
If you have changed your name or change it mid-job search, you may be reassured to know that I believe Social Security no longer sends gender mismatch letters, should an employer send the right/wrong (depending on perspective) gender to Social Security. I've forgotten the details of that, though. I was doing a quick search and didn't find the details I was trying to remember, but I did find this NCTE handout, which is from 2008 and thus likely out of date. However, some of the broad advice may be relevant to you, particularly this bit:
That, of course, doesn't work when you work with the person who does the payroll or whatever, and doesn't work if you're in a situation where you need to directly address pronouns and the bathroom. From your question, it sounds like that might be your situation.
If you have changed your name or change it mid-job search, you may be reassured to know that I believe Social Security no longer sends gender mismatch letters, should an employer send the right/wrong (depending on perspective) gender to Social Security. I've forgotten the details of that, though. I was doing a quick search and didn't find the details I was trying to remember, but I did find this NCTE handout, which is from 2008 and thus likely out of date. However, some of the broad advice may be relevant to you, particularly this bit:
Your demeanor can set the tone for the conversation. Be polite and matter-of-fact.posted by hoyland at 7:17 AM on August 5, 2012
Keep in mind that much about your transgender status is a private medical matter.
I agree with the recommended resources. But even if you get your name changed in time, you are going to have to come out to HR if you are on the company's health insurance and your gender marker is not changed yet. This is because rates for men are different from rates for women, and you may find yourself in paperwork/reimbursement hell if the insurance company finds out you're listed as a gender that does not match your documentation.
Since my transition (still no name or gender marker change yet, but I've been on hormones and pass 100%), I've had to come out to many employers (most who knew me pre-transition, so that bring its own level of awkwardness) due to the fact I'm a freelance musician on the side. Oh, and did I mention I'm contracted by a lot of churches? Fun.
My standard "I can't wait to start working for you / playing this gig" letter usually contains a statement like this: "I have medically transitioned from female to male under the supervision of my physicians and with the full support of my family and friends. Legally, my name is still x and my gender marker is F, but this will be changing. I request to be referred to as y with male pronouns. I will notify you when my documentation changes so we can update my paperwork. I would appreciate your discretion in this matter, as I do not want to make my medical history public knowledge among employees. Thank you and I look forward to beginning work on mm/dd."
My language is more casual/formal depending on my relationship with that employer and how liberal the workplace is.
Best of luck!
posted by Wossname at 9:58 AM on August 5, 2012
Since my transition (still no name or gender marker change yet, but I've been on hormones and pass 100%), I've had to come out to many employers (most who knew me pre-transition, so that bring its own level of awkwardness) due to the fact I'm a freelance musician on the side. Oh, and did I mention I'm contracted by a lot of churches? Fun.
My standard "I can't wait to start working for you / playing this gig" letter usually contains a statement like this: "I have medically transitioned from female to male under the supervision of my physicians and with the full support of my family and friends. Legally, my name is still x and my gender marker is F, but this will be changing. I request to be referred to as y with male pronouns. I will notify you when my documentation changes so we can update my paperwork. I would appreciate your discretion in this matter, as I do not want to make my medical history public knowledge among employees. Thank you and I look forward to beginning work on mm/dd."
My language is more casual/formal depending on my relationship with that employer and how liberal the workplace is.
Best of luck!
posted by Wossname at 9:58 AM on August 5, 2012
Mazzoni Center is an incredible resource as (Over) Thinking said above. I would definitely start there.
posted by Rudy Gerner at 1:03 PM on August 5, 2012
posted by Rudy Gerner at 1:03 PM on August 5, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 2:32 PM on August 4, 2012