how to reply when someone says quit speeding
July 25, 2012 2:39 PM   Subscribe

how to reply when someone says quit speeding, in a way that sounds friendly and funny?
posted by daveg02 to Human Relations (25 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
"Oh, sorry about that", and then quit speeding?
posted by brainmouse at 2:40 PM on July 25, 2012 [112 favorites]

Yeah. "Friendly and funny" is often a way of getting a serious point across without sounding offensive. They might be legitimately concerned for their safety.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 2:43 PM on July 25, 2012 [11 favorites]

Are you talking about exceeding the speed limit in a moving vehicle or something else?
posted by elizardbits at 2:43 PM on July 25, 2012 [1 favorite]

"but... but... i have to stop the nuclear bomb that was planted by the aliens from outer space before it annihilates existence! the gps says it's 2 miles and then a left turn."

apologizing and stopping the action also works.
posted by koroshiya at 2:44 PM on July 25, 2012 [2 favorites]

Oh man! You're harshing my mellow!
posted by nanook at 2:46 PM on July 25, 2012 [1 favorite]

The "flirt" tag suggests that you're trying to woo someone in the vehicle you're driving. My guess would be that showing increased value for this person's safety by opting for a slower speed will be much more attractive than a witty quip followed by continued disregard for such a reasonable request.
posted by Help, I can't stop talking! at 2:47 PM on July 25, 2012 [61 favorites]

Is this a passenger in your car asking you to drive legally?
posted by Lyn Never at 2:47 PM on July 25, 2012 [2 favorites]

"Baby, I was BUILT for SPEED!--- but Ok, for your sake, I'll take it slow."
posted by The otter lady at 2:50 PM on July 25, 2012 [4 favorites]

[OP, it would be helpful if this were a more clear question otherwise people are just going to speculate on why you are asking. Other folks" just answer the question at this point, please?]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:51 PM on July 25, 2012

"Did I ever tell ya that this here jacket represents a symbol of my individuality, and my belief in personal freedom?"
posted by KokuRyu at 2:54 PM on July 25, 2012 [10 favorites]

It's hard to know how to answer your question unless you specify whether you want to contest the implied complaint, or accept it. In either case, something friendly and funny is better because, yeah, this kind of interaction is one that can be kind of confrontational.

So, accepting it: the otter lady's suggestion is good.

Contesting it: "I drive a few miles an hour over the limit because I really enjoy meeting police officers." And keep speeding a few mph over the limit.

If you're speeding more than that — you know, you're going quite a bit faster than prevailing traffic — then you ought to just consider acquiescing to the implied request. If a passenger truly doesn't feel safe, you really ought to take that seriously.

If it's just someone who's controlling and a backseat driver, then unless this is a singular or rare occurrence, you should just slow down and then have a conversation about this conflict later. A quip isn't going to solve it.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:02 PM on July 25, 2012

"I'll quit speeding when you quit being so gorgeous/fabulous/amazing/etc.!"

(then quit speeding anyway, because that will warm the heart of your flirt-target more than any words, and say something like "Whoa! Your powers of gorgeous/fabulous/amazing/etc.-ness defy space and time!")
posted by argonauta at 3:07 PM on July 25, 2012 [1 favorite]

If Brainmouses suggestion doesn't ring your bell, how about "but they are COMING, Mon frer! The documents must not fall into enemy hands!". Then start humming the French national anthem.
posted by Elly Vortex at 3:09 PM on July 25, 2012 [4 favorites]

"Sorry, I just can't wait to get you home so we can do it, but you're definitely worth the wait" and then laugh at yourself for making a dorky joke and then slow down.
posted by the young rope-rider at 3:11 PM on July 25, 2012

Oh and let me give you a flirting tip: the best flirtatious jokes are often the ones that build on your shared history, however small, and show that you're paying attention to the other person. For example, I once joked with a guy that I had gotten stabbed, and then when he saw me next he was like "hey, you're not stabbed!" Which isn't super funny in and of itself, but indicates that he was listening and remembered what I had said, so it was good flirting.
posted by the young rope-rider at 3:15 PM on July 25, 2012 [6 favorites]

Use with extreme caution:

- Hey, all I can do is slow down the car [you slow down the car] - the speed my heart is racing... that's entirely on you!

- Whoah! You're right! Babe on board! I had the transmission set to "timebomb" instead of "bombshell"!

- I was racing you, but I guess I can slow down and let you win. [pause, confused glance] Oh, I see you slowed down too? You must like me!
posted by -harlequin- at 3:15 PM on July 25, 2012 [1 favorite]

"I like it shaken, not stirred, but okay then." Then slow down. (Speeding is pretty old-school, you know, so I guess that line will not ruin it for you any more at that point.)
posted by Namlit at 3:25 PM on July 25, 2012

"Hey, can you slow it down a little, you're about to give me a heart attack."
"That's what she said". Works every time.
posted by facetious at 3:26 PM on July 25, 2012 [2 favorites]

"But I'm driving an X, people will get confused if I drive like a sane person."

"She [your car] gets all sulky when I drive her slow."

And of course you can always counter with the more generic Stephen Wright bit:

"Put on your seatbelt, I want to try something . . . Saw it in a cartoon once but I think I can do it."
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 4:10 PM on July 25, 2012 [4 favorites]

"It's the only way I'm motivated to do all this housework!"
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 4:23 PM on July 25, 2012 [2 favorites]

Sometimes I get really annoyed and frustrated when people in my car complain about the speed I drive, especially in certain conditions. Sometimes it's my mother who likes to drive ten under the speed limit, sometimes it's others. Each time, I want to say, you're more than welcome to walk. But I don't. Some things I have said/done:

"But I'm on a mission from God." *started humming the Blues Brothers theme*
"You'll never catch me alive, copper!"
"Sssh. They're gaining on us.". **nota bene. Do not do this with someone with paranoia issues. Trust me.
Start singing the music to "the Ride of the Valkyrie"

And then, about five or ten minutes later, if and only if they are asking for a reasonable speed, you give it to them.
posted by corb at 11:42 PM on July 25, 2012

Whiffing the feint of your post, I believe the best answer for you is to speed up and laugh maniacally.
posted by roboton666 at 12:42 AM on July 26, 2012 [2 favorites]

If I'm asking someone to slow down their driving, it's not because I think they are unfriendly or I want to be amused. It's because I am feeling seriously uncomfortable with them driving so far over the speed limit. So in my opinion, this question is unanswerable (assuming when you say "quit speeding" you mean "stop exceeding the speed limit").
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:52 AM on July 26, 2012 [4 favorites]

"Oh, I'm sorry, the speed limit is XX and I was going XX, is that not correct?"

Any friendly and amusing reply will only work if you are actually within safe and legal limits, otherwise you are being unreasonable and any other response than "I'm sorry, I'll slow down" is inappropriate.

OTH, if you ARE within safe and legal limits, then THEY are being unreasonable and your reply (of any kind) will be unlikely to amuse them.
posted by epanalepsis at 8:39 AM on July 26, 2012

Driving is like sex, tandem sky-diving, and so on--everyone involved needs to consent.

If someone says slow down, you say "OK" and then slow down. Even if this puts you under what you consider a reasonable speed. If you're on a highway and you feel that going so slowly would actually be unsafe, even in the slowest lane, then exit the highway and take surface streets to your destination.

Then next time they ask to ride with you, either plan on going slower or say that it won't be possible for you to give them a ride.

posted by anaelith at 12:11 PM on July 26, 2012 [1 favorite]

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