New boo seems to poo during sex. NSFW
July 20, 2012 12:56 PM   Subscribe

New boo seems to poo during sex. NSFW

TL;DR: New boo seems to release poo during sex.
Why might this be? how might it be fixed? and how should we talk about it? I'm male; she's female.

I have had sex with this lovely woman a few times, and once or twice noticed the smell of poo during vaginal intercourse.

Once during sex, I noticed that there was brown stuff on my nethers that was most definitely poo.
I immediately stopped what I was doing and ushered us both to the shower. After some hugging and kissing in the shower I gently mentioned that she somehow got poo on me. She said, "Oh no, how did that happen?" in a way that made me wonder whether she was really that surprised. What's going on here?

I don't think it was intentional, but I think this might sometimes happen to her.
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (19 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
The vagina and the rectum are close enough that putting pressure on the back vaginal wall (like, say, with a penis) puts pressure on the walls of the rectum, and vice versa. (That's one reason that having vaginal sex with a buttplug inserted can be pleasurable.) That pressure might be giving some poop a little push to come out.

It might help if she tries to void her bowels more completely before sex.
posted by needs more cowbell at 1:05 PM on July 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Think about where stuff is (NWSish) in a woman's body. If a woman has intercourse while she needs to defecate, there is a chance for some of it to be... pushed out. This would not be an issue if she had defecated before sex.

Sounds like a bad combo of unusually loose stool plus getting too caught up in the moment to realize she ought to go to the restroom before sex. It happens.

All that said...

She said, "Oh no, how did that happen?" in a way that made me wonder whether she was really that surprised. What's going on here? I don't think it was intentional, but I think this might sometimes happen to her.


Just ask her. It doesn't sound like she was hugely embarrassed by this incident, so it might be worth asking 'has this happened before' and 'can I/we do anything to prevent it from happening'.
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:06 PM on July 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


You are going to have to talk to her about this. It could be a medical condition, or a hygiene issue, or it could stem from psychological or dietary factors, or it could even be a kink that she's engaging in with you without your consent. The only way to know is to ask her. It's going to be awkward, but I don't see any other way to deal with it other than to just stop having sex with this person and never speak of it again.

Once you get an idea of what the cause it, you can look into solutions. Perhaps some extra cleaning needs to happen down there, or perhaps a douche or enema of some sort, or maybe she needs to take an anti-diarrheal before sex, or change her diet, or see a doctor or physical therapist. It totally depends on what the cause is.

Again, the only way to deal with this is to talk to her about it and figure something out. I know that's not what you want to do because it's obviously a super-awkward subject but it beats not being able to have sex with somebody you like, and it beats getting poop all over your junk.
posted by Scientist at 1:06 PM on July 20, 2012 [3 favorites]


My guess is that this is a wiping problem, rather than a, uh, releasing problem.
posted by Specklet at 1:07 PM on July 20, 2012


There's some information the might be helpful in this old AskMe about poop and vaginas.
posted by needs more cowbell at 1:09 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Or, yeah, she might have just really had to go and all that bumping around pushed things out. But given that I guess it's happened a couple of times with you, and given that she (it sounds like) tried to pass it off as "Oh, how did that happen? Well, anyway..." I feel like maybe this is an ongoing thing for her that she's understandably embarassed about, and she's maybe just kind of hoping that if you and she don't think about it then it'll go away. But yeah, it might be as simple as just making sure that she gets a good dump in sometime close to when sex is about to happen. No way to know without asking.
posted by Scientist at 1:10 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm confused as to how it ended up on your junk. Are you positive it wasn't menatrual blood that is often dark brown?
posted by murfed13 at 1:14 PM on July 20, 2012 [13 favorites]


has she ever had a baby? is it possible she has a vaginal fistula?
posted by hollisimo at 1:18 PM on July 20, 2012 [6 favorites]


The rectum is seldom clean after pooping, and despite the best efforts in the world to wipe the exterior area, its self-cleaning feature can move whatever stays on its walls to the outside.

The bump&grind of sex could certainly accelerate that, or even cause what was already ejected to simply come free onto you.

I know it's gross, but it's true. Try wiping before pooping, and you'll discover (perhaps to your horror) that no amount of wiping can guarantee your asshole to be shit-stain-free until the next BM. Fortunately, we have immense buttocks to keep this material in place, barring unusual sweaty motion...

(This is why one should ALWAYS tidy up before receiving analingus.)
posted by IAmBroom at 1:27 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Is it possible that she's reluctant to poo while you're around and is therefore holding it? A lot of people, especially women, are kid of anxious about pooing at their SO's house.
posted by corey flood at 1:50 PM on July 20, 2012 [7 favorites]


I'm also wondering if she was on her period. It can certainly look like shit smudge.
Otherwise, I have never heard of such a thing. Maybe she has a medical condition?
posted by KogeLiz at 3:17 PM on July 20, 2012


You noticed the smell of poo "one or two times", and you gave an account of what happened one time....did you see poo the other time? Could it just have been a fart that you smelled? As people have been saying, that area is under a lot of pressure during sex (not just from insertion, but, depending on position, body weight). If you did see the poo the other time, what did you say to her?

If there was poo only on you (and not on the sheets or anywhere else) I'm going with the above posters - it's probably some pre/post-period icky brown blood, or a wiping problem. If it's the later, maybe get some contenelle moist wipes for your bathroom or something and suggest you both "freshen up" before sex.
posted by Lt. Bunny Wigglesworth at 3:33 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Seconding the possibility that it could have been menstrual residue. Especially towards the end of a menstrual cycle, if a woman is spotting more than bleeding, the blood/tissue can be very brown and even foul-smelling.
posted by Brittanie at 3:50 PM on July 20, 2012


I used to be weird about pooing with a SO around, and it's totally possible she just thought she could hold it and couldn't. God forbid one should have digestive issues, like a human, and turn the other person off. I fixed it by a little mental trick: when the bathroom door closes, the bathroom becomes its own pocket universe. Anybody who violates the pocket universe rule by mentioning knowledge of what happened in the bathroom is chastised for not following the pocket universe rule. It works great with visitors, too. Friend farting a lot? Nope, didn't hear it, pocket universe.

Introduce her to the pocket universe rule. Get some good air deodorizer for your bathroom, too.
posted by griselda at 4:41 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


I dunno about the menstrual blood thing folks, poo has a pretty distinctive smell and I would have expected the woman concerned to be quick with another explanation if there was one. OP, can you give more details? Were you in uh... any particular position?
posted by crabintheocean at 5:04 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Sorry for the language, but in an effort to be really clear:

If you are certain that your dick was in her vagina, and if you are certain that it was shit on your dick, and you are certain that that's how it got there, she has a fistula or some similar medical problem. Women can and do live with and normalize these sort of issues. She may need to see a doctor.
posted by Athene at 6:45 PM on July 20, 2012 [4 favorites]


How embarrassing for her. Whatever you say (and you should probably say something) try and keep it on a 'hey, the human body is strange and wonderful thing' level. Skidmarks are not unusual, even if it's mostly in one's grundies. If you can be casual about it, it will make it so much easier for her to deal with.
posted by h00py at 8:28 AM on July 21, 2012


Are you %100 sure you were having vaginal sex?
posted by TheRedArmy at 9:31 AM on July 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yes, if you are sure that the faeces on your dick came from her vagina, she may have a rectovaginal fistula that she's unaware of or rationalising away.
posted by hot soup girl at 10:20 AM on July 21, 2012


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