gay/straight objectification
July 15, 2012 2:23 PM   Subscribe

Has anyone ever published an article or blog post about their experience as a straight man being objectified by a gay man, and the experience opening their eyes to how they themselves objectify women?
posted by ac to Human Relations (4 answers total) 17 users marked this as a favorite
Best answer: Christian author Joshua Harris mentions this in his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye in the section about lust. The link goes to Amazon. Click "Search inside this book," search for the word "homosexual," it's on page 146.
posted by themanwho at 3:04 PM on July 15, 2012

Best answer: Are you asking because you're trying to recall something you've read? It doesn't fit the brief exactly, but if so you might be remembering this, which has gone round Tumblr a lot and which I find just perfect:
A reader writes:

'You struck a nerve with this one, as I was just discussing this very thing a few weeks ago with a group of high-school freshmen in my English class. We were discussing homosexuality because of an allusion to it in the book we were reading, and several boys made comments such as, "That's disgusting." We got into the debate and eventually a boy admitted that he was terrified/disgusted when he was once sharing a taxi and the other male passenger made a pass at him.

The lightbulb went off. "Oh," I said. "I get it. See, you are afraid, because for the first time in your life you have found yourself a victim of unwanted sexual advances by someone who has the physical ability to use force against you." The boy nodded and shuddered visibly.

"But," I continued. "As a woman, you learn to live with that from the time you are fourteen, and it never stops. We live with that fear every day of our lives. Every man walking through the parking garage the same time you are is either just a harmless stranger or a potential rapist. Every time."

The girls in the room nodded, agreeing. The boys seemed genuinely shocked.

"So think about that the next time you hit on a girl. Maybe, like you in the taxi, she doesn't actually want you to."'
posted by lokta at 3:10 PM on July 15, 2012 [33 favorites]

I want to say Ta-Nehisi Coates has written about this, though perhaps not from his own personal experience. I found this post, where he makes this connection but in sort of the opposite direction - he's talking about how what homophobic men really fear is being thought of by other men the way they themselves think of women. But there might be other posts of his on the topic if you're willing to search for them, or links to what you're thinking of in the comments.
posted by DestinationUnknown at 3:30 PM on July 15, 2012 [3 favorites]

Best answer: From Nerve: Six Things Men Can Learn By Getting Hit On By Men. The author backs up each lesson with a different experience; he's been hit on by gay guys quite a bit.
posted by randomname25 at 8:58 PM on July 15, 2012 [9 favorites]

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