Help my cat stop being such a pussy
July 27, 2005 5:29 AM   Subscribe

I recently adopted two kittens from a friend who took in a stray litter. They were stray for approximately 4-5 weeks and one of them is extremely skittish around humans. He is young and I expect him to come around, but do you have any tips for helping him learn to trust me?

He (Lance) is eating and using his litter box just fine. His sister (Kaylee) was a little nervous the first day home but has turned out to be a very affectionate, attention-loving little kitten. Lance is out with his sister whenever he thinks I'm not around and is clearly the dominant one of the pair during play, but the second he notices me watching them, his eyes get wide and he bolts for under the bed.

I've been able to lure him out with treats and have been careful not to make quick movements or grab him whenever he does come out. On two occasions (in nine days) he has actually jumped on the bed and allowed me to pet him (and purred), so I know there is hope for him. Still, he spends almost every moment that I am home and awake cowering under the bed. Is this something that will just take time to overcome or is there anything else I can do to help the process along? (They are both fixed, if that makes a difference.)
posted by mike9322 to Pets & Animals (16 answers total)
 
My squatter cat Katy just came in through the catflap one day. She was about 4 months, we think. Terrified of humans. We didn't help matters by chasing "the stray" out for the first month or so. It was only when we caught her asleep in a pile with the others and it became obvious she had nowhere to go that I took her to the vet and let her settle in.

About a month later, despite our best attempts at cat-friendliness, she was still running from humans. One day I was sat next to the fire reading a book, totally still. Not trying at all. And she came up to me.

Now she is the most annoyingly overaffectionate cat you'll ever meet. Really. Over the top. Drooling. Puts the other to shame. Leaps on new people, strangers, anyone who comes into the house (even the cop, after a recent attempted burglary). So I guess the advice is just sit down and wait, and maybe it'll happen.
posted by handee at 6:02 AM on July 27, 2005


Look, a cat that young will not only settle in, he will learn to love you. Just keep feeding him every day and pretty soon he will absolutely love your company! Be patient.
posted by sic at 6:21 AM on July 27, 2005


Lance sounds just like my 9-month-old kitten, Hercules. I found that Hercules was the most skittish when humans loomed over him. That is, if he was sitting on the rug and we bent down to try to pet him, he'd bolt. But if we sat down on the rug a few feet away and just waited patiently, not moving much, he'd eventually come over for an investigative sniff. Now he's a love sponge.

In short, my advice is to come down to Lance's level. Get down on the floor and hang out with him. He really will come around eventually.
posted by scratch at 6:28 AM on July 27, 2005


Totally agree with scratch - getting down on a pet's level immediately makes them take an interest in you. Try reading or doing something quiet on the floor. He'll come and check you out.
posted by agregoli at 6:56 AM on July 27, 2005


One trusim I've learned: Cats don't understand hands. Neither do horses. Of course, both eventually get it with regard to hands, but I find that keeping mine still and letting the cat make the first move, as above, is the best thing. You've said you avoid the grabbing, and that's excellent, and if at all possible, avoid loud noises. (Reserve those for when kitty is doing something harmful to himself, much like a two year old and the stove.)

When we got our two, I spent a lot of time sitting quietly or lying on the floor, reading. Being down in "their" environment and being non-threatening body-language wise is, I think, the way to go.
posted by Medieval Maven at 6:57 AM on July 27, 2005


handee and sic are right -- especially if the cat's young, it'll learn to trust you, it just takes a bit of time
posted by matteo at 7:14 AM on July 27, 2005


Third on scratch and agregoli - cats are independent sorts of creatures and will approach you in their own time. They're usually curious sorts and will come to you sooner or later.

Once your cat's decided that he can deal with you, try petting him a lot. Most cats seem to hate being picked up, so don't do that often, at least not in the beginning, and if your cat seems not to want to be touched (edges away from you or growls), leave it alone.
posted by staresbynight at 8:01 AM on July 27, 2005


Best answer: What I've learned about cats over the years is the following:

-As kittens, make sure that you spend 10 minutes a day with them, on their level (ground), petting them, talking to them, and simply getting to know them. This will acquaint them with you and you with them.

-Talk to them when you see them about. They may never recognize any words you say, but they will recognize that you are interacting with them. This will encourage them to interact with you.

- Let them see you provide the food. Nothing says love more than the fact that you are their provider.

- Leave them alone. Cats are big on comfort and staying in their own comfort zone. Aside from the 10 minutes a day that you spend with them on their own level, it's best to let them simply be cats. Don't go looking for them when they take off and hide.

- As a corollary to the 'leave them alone' bit...give them one area of the house that is their's and no one elses. When my cats go under the bed, I let them go there without me tracking them down. They will eventually learn that that area is a safe space.

Once they learn to trust, you will (literally) have them eating out of the palm of your hand.
posted by AccidentalHedonist at 8:30 AM on July 27, 2005


Response by poster: Thanks all. Most of your suggestions are things I'm already doing but hadn't consciously realized it until you mentioned them.

Cats rule.
posted by mike9322 at 8:39 AM on July 27, 2005


Try not to get into any mind games with cats.
You’ll lose.
Other than that, he’ll come around. Or not.
posted by signal at 8:53 AM on July 27, 2005


Best answer: Try all of the above. Get inside the trust zone. Then make with the petting. Go for the mega-purrs if possible. Avoid quick movements, loud noises. Avoid scolding the kitten - even if it's climbing the drapes and soiling itself on your best linens. Put the good linens away and bust out the patience. You're a surrogate parent.

Then get inside the "play" zone. See if the cat will chase string on a stick, or if it will go nuts over those plastic curlicues from a jug of milk or can of juice. See if it'll chase a laser pointer dot - or maybe not. Some cats will freak out for hours after seeing the laser dot. YMMV. String-on-a-stick is almost always a winner though.

Play with the cat. Praise the cat. Pet the cat. Feed the cat. Be nice to the cat. Repeat. Don't startle the cat - not yet.

Now, after you've accomplished the above for a while - you *must* pester and startle the cat. None of the above by itself will help the cat stop being a pussy pussycat.

Even if you've got the kitten only partially in your wily confidences, you can try to start slowly pestering the cat. Gentle, playful tail tugs. When the cat walks by looking for attention, push the cat over and flop them down for a head scritch. Hand wrestling - ideally you should get the kitten to turn around and wrestle back with small play bites and hind-leg kicking and everything. Save the mortal terror of sock-on-the-head for later. Introduce the kitten to the joys of the ass-button.

You need to pester your mammalian pets, especially cats. Cat pestering provides essential rare micro nutrients known to veterinary dietitians as antialoofus desnobericum. Without this essential micro nutrient, cats in particular develop irreversible symptoms of listlessness, excessive snootiness, and most importantly of all, an unhealthy aversion to ass button activation.

Once you have the kitten-cat fully in your confidences, I recommend a steady diet of socks-over-heads, tin-foil booties, random startlement, cat-vs-arm wrestling and a regimen of professional-grade cat confusing. Put on mime shows. Cats hate mimes. Turn on the vacuum cleaner at totally random and pointless moments. Wrap the cat around your neck like a fur stole or perch it on your shoulder and walk about the house doing everyday things. Leave small pieces of clear tape sticky-side up every once in a while. Play heavy metal on a banjo. Headbutt your cat. Play Wesley Willis to your cat. Play a kazoo near their wazoo. Leave pieces of wax paper on key leaping points - cats hate being ungraceful, and it teaches them humility. Startle them at precisely those moments when you know they'll defy gravity in attempts to jump out of their own skin.

However, as previously stated some or all of these symptoms may be irreversible if the essential micro nutrients have not been present from a young enough age.

But properly executed and done with plenty of love, you end up with nearly unflappable and highly trusting cats. And more giggles than you can shake a string-on-a-stick at.

Remember: Always pester and confuse your kittens. Your future cat will thank you.
posted by loquacious at 8:58 AM on July 27, 2005


Also, it helps not to have a loud voice. One of the 4 cats I have lived with at my parents house is very friendly with everyone else in the family, but whenever I'm around she tends to stick to the parents bedroom. I tend to be pretty boisterous at home, and I found that when I'm a little quieter she'll come out and act normally. It might help to keep your voice to a low, soothing tone...unlike that of the great Satchmo.
posted by chupwalla at 9:50 AM on July 27, 2005


I feel like the lone voice of doom, but here goes: he may not ever become comfortable around people. Some cats just never do adjust. Mr. Bill & his brother Barbieri came to us in similar circumstances to yours a little over a year ago, when they were about 7 weeks old. They were both frightened but, like your two, one was a little braver.

They've been treated identically: fed, petted, confused, etc. Or we tried, anyway. The result is that Barbieri is totally friendly, sleeps on my bed, hangs out, does silly cat tricks and blames all the problems of the universe on me. Mr. Bill, OTOH, deigns to enter the kitchen for breakfast and meow for food and that is all the cat/human interaction he wants. He does not suffer affection and if there is more than one person in a room - even if they're all family members - he will bolt. Guests make him take off for days. The only time he's ever been friendly was when he was sick. As soon as he felt better, he hated us all again.

Years ago I had a rescued cat named Ava who was so skittish she wouldn't leave my bedroom. For four years. She was fine with me and my boyfriend in that room but if anyone else came in she had a major panic attack. So - try, be gentle, love your skittery kitty - but don't take it personally if he decides he is just not into humans.
posted by mygothlaundry at 10:16 AM on July 27, 2005


I agree with all the advice above. The one thing that probably needs more emphasis is play! Kittens are play-monsters! Play is generally Intro to Hunting 101 for these guys, and they will recognize you are taking a mentor role with them-- your whole relationship will deepen. Get one of those toy rods that have something plush or feathery dangling from a string. Lance may just watch while you play with Kaylee at first, that's ok. Your plan will still be working.

I also heartily recommend books by a cat therapist lady named Pam Johnson-Bennett, for instance: "Think Like A Cat: How To Raise A Well Adjusted Cat." She shows you how to see the world through your cat's eyes, and tells some fascinating stories about cases she's worked on.

Oh, uh, I don't know how long ago Lance moved in, but also remember that right now your little buddy is trying to familiarize himself with your home, it is new and strange to him, and possibly has hidden hazards. It may be he won't be able to relax until he's comfortable with the environment, which will just take time-- possibly a couple of weeks.
posted by overanxious ducksqueezer at 10:22 AM on July 27, 2005


Good advice so far. I do agree that he may never be as friendly as his sister, some cats (like some dogs) bounce back from lack of early socialization, some never do. However, making yourself a source of all good things is the best route - make it the case that any time he's near you there is something he likes available (special treats that he never gets any other time, a toy he likes that he never gets any other time, that sort of thing). Also, don't force him to stay with you, avoid picking him up or holding him at least for now, he needs to learn that allowing himself to be handled doesn't mean he's trapped, that he can go away when he wants to, and leave him wanting more - fuss him a bit when he comes to see you ( a treat, maybe a game of chase the Cat Dancer, an ear scratch and a rub under the chin or on the side of the face and then ignore him for a bit - if he chooses to stay, repeat the process in a few minutes). Cats especially tend to become more affectionate if you don't wear out your welcome with them. My last cat came from a home where he wasn't treated well, and it took him a year to go from hiding under the couch and growling at everyone to being a social butterfly, and a big part of getting him from point A to point B was just letting him be and making him WANT to be with me.
posted by biscotti at 12:56 PM on July 27, 2005


Some cats are more aloof by nature, but the techniques described above sound good. There are also some good techniques here, although it sounds like you are beyond the feral stage.

One other thought: baby food. Cats absolutely love it, and it can provide a good way to bond. Dab a bit on the end of his nose so that he licks it off and gets the taste. Then put some on the end of you finger, and let him lick it off (watch out for biting). Talk to him while you're doing it, making soft, encouraging noises. if you do that regularly, he'll begin to associate you with food and good things.

If kitten doesn't want to come near you, you could try the toweling technique described in the link: it sounds awful, but it works very well. They stop struggling once you get them wrapped up and you can hold and talk to them much easier than a struggling bundle of sharp teeth and claws.

And the other big ingredient: patience. Cats take time to learn trust, and it is easily lost. Keep working at it and he'll become domestic before you know it...
posted by baggers at 2:39 PM on July 27, 2005


« Older Company Health Insurance: What is the normal deal?   |   Help me with SPSS Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.