Advice for an introvert doing an extrovert's job?
May 15, 2012 9:26 PM Subscribe
I am a pretty introverted person with a job where I am expected to be outgoing and bubbly and enthusiastic for most of the day. How do I deal?
The job involves talking to and interacting with lots of children (primary school aged) throughout the day in two-hour chunks. I find that I start out fine (I quite like my job, actually) but I get increasingly awkward and abrupt throughout the day as I tire out and lose focus. At the end of the day I usually fall asleep on the bus home and then faceplant into bed soon after. Does anyone who has been in a similar situation have any advice on how to handle this?
The job involves talking to and interacting with lots of children (primary school aged) throughout the day in two-hour chunks. I find that I start out fine (I quite like my job, actually) but I get increasingly awkward and abrupt throughout the day as I tire out and lose focus. At the end of the day I usually fall asleep on the bus home and then faceplant into bed soon after. Does anyone who has been in a similar situation have any advice on how to handle this?
I'm a teacher who's also very introverted, and with the way my schedule is now, I'm with my kids all day long from 9 to 2, and then I get my prep period while they're away in specials. It definitely can be draining to always have to be "on," when my natural inclination is to be more "off" and to incorporate periods of down time for myself when I don't have to worry about talking to anyone else or being more outgoing than I have to.
If you're able to take breaks throughout the day, my advice would be to use that time for yourself. Even if it's a time when you're prepping for your next class, it might help to take 5-10 minutes to briefly step out of school mode and read a book, do some breathing exercises, meditate, etc.
On the other hand, if you're in a situation that's similar to mine, where you don't even have 5 minutes to yourself for a long stretch of the day, what helps me is to take on an extroverted teacher persona and make it very clear to myself that when I'm teaching, it's basically like I'm acting, as far as extroversion is concerned. When I'm being outgoing and connecting with my students, I don't have to feel as though this is going against any part of who *I* am as an individual person outside of school. I'm acting that way in those moments because while I'm in the teacher persona mode, I know that my students need to see THAT side of me. Focusing on how I'm acting in that role helps me to get through it because I understand how my students are benefiting from it.
Of course, after all of that is said and done, I instantly switch over to me-time. Sometimes it can be hard if I've been outgoing all morning long and then I have to keep it up during a staff meeting or something like that, but for the most part, after those 5 hours are done, I can take off the teacher persona, become my individual self again, and take the time that I need to be alone, reflect, and enjoy my downtime by myself.
posted by sabira at 9:46 PM on May 15, 2012 [5 favorites]
If you're able to take breaks throughout the day, my advice would be to use that time for yourself. Even if it's a time when you're prepping for your next class, it might help to take 5-10 minutes to briefly step out of school mode and read a book, do some breathing exercises, meditate, etc.
On the other hand, if you're in a situation that's similar to mine, where you don't even have 5 minutes to yourself for a long stretch of the day, what helps me is to take on an extroverted teacher persona and make it very clear to myself that when I'm teaching, it's basically like I'm acting, as far as extroversion is concerned. When I'm being outgoing and connecting with my students, I don't have to feel as though this is going against any part of who *I* am as an individual person outside of school. I'm acting that way in those moments because while I'm in the teacher persona mode, I know that my students need to see THAT side of me. Focusing on how I'm acting in that role helps me to get through it because I understand how my students are benefiting from it.
Of course, after all of that is said and done, I instantly switch over to me-time. Sometimes it can be hard if I've been outgoing all morning long and then I have to keep it up during a staff meeting or something like that, but for the most part, after those 5 hours are done, I can take off the teacher persona, become my individual self again, and take the time that I need to be alone, reflect, and enjoy my downtime by myself.
posted by sabira at 9:46 PM on May 15, 2012 [5 favorites]
Knowing that I have a way out helps me immensely. Nothing triggers my introvert like the knowledge that I can't escape for a few minutes.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 10:37 PM on May 15, 2012
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 10:37 PM on May 15, 2012
I am a teacher.
- make sure you eat well and regularly, home-cooked meals with lot of proteins and vegetables. never, ever go to work when hungry. never skip breakfast.
- yoga also works wonders for keeping me energized
posted by Think [Instrumental] at 12:05 AM on May 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
- make sure you eat well and regularly, home-cooked meals with lot of proteins and vegetables. never, ever go to work when hungry. never skip breakfast.
- yoga also works wonders for keeping me energized
posted by Think [Instrumental] at 12:05 AM on May 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
The most critically important skill I've learned is enjoying the company of others. Being social - being on all the time - used to drain me very quickly. However, I've come to enjoy the social things, and as a result, they no longer drain me; instead, they charge me.
Essentially, I've turned a negative into a positive.
I am not sure how to go about achieving this, though. A lot of it had to do with my growth as a person. I used to identify as an introvert, but these days, I'm sure that introvert/extrovert is not a useful or even relevant distinction to make for myself, or anyone else.
The best I can offer you is that you have to find out how to enjoy people, how to enjoy their company. I try to focus on what about a person I find interesting, and then go from that.
posted by DemographicLanguage at 2:55 AM on May 16, 2012 [3 favorites]
Essentially, I've turned a negative into a positive.
I am not sure how to go about achieving this, though. A lot of it had to do with my growth as a person. I used to identify as an introvert, but these days, I'm sure that introvert/extrovert is not a useful or even relevant distinction to make for myself, or anyone else.
The best I can offer you is that you have to find out how to enjoy people, how to enjoy their company. I try to focus on what about a person I find interesting, and then go from that.
posted by DemographicLanguage at 2:55 AM on May 16, 2012 [3 favorites]
I work in a school in various positions and ways, and have this advice: It's a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself accordingly.
And, you don't have to pretend to be what you're not. You can modify "outgoing and bubbly and enthusiastic" to "interested, upbeat and positive" -- whatever works for you.
When I started out years ago, first in the kindergarten, the two kindergarten teachers were both generally "outgoing and bubbly and enthusiastic" - but they still built quiet time into what they were doing, and after some time I realized that they were both naturally energetic people. Now with two additional kindergarten teachers added to our growing school, and my having encountered a wider variety teaching styles over the years since starting, I see that there are a variety of personalities at play, and each teacher brings that to how they structure their classes. Some are more quiet and orderly; some are dramatic and some are loose and cheerful. The students adapt their energy to their classrooms, as I observe. If your students expect you to be all that you've put forth, it's because you put it there. Take it easy on yourself.
In the lunchroom I learned this too - I didn't need to act like the other supervisor to do my job as I first thought I did. So, there's the yelly supervisor who'll just send you to the bench; and there's me - the one who will invite you to take a walk with me and I'll remind you of the Code of Conduct, and for whom sometimes the consequence is five minutes standing next to me, as my new best friend. I can be loud when I need to be, but I'm more effective when I get quiet, and the students have to quiet down to listen to me. In one of the clubs I run, understanding that it's the end of the day, I start with a ten minute break for the students to snack and catch up and get the sillies out, while I rev my own engines and suss out the group's energy and needs for that day. This morning I'm having an extra coffee though, as it's me and thirteen Sixth-graders designing the yearbook, and I'll have to work to make sure the quiet ones are heard and the loud ones don't overwhelm and that takes a lot of energy out of me.
Yes, you can put on a show, but you don't have to put on a Can Can routine when Mary Poppins will suffice. Because remember - Mary Poppins wasn't outgoing and bubbly and enthusiastic. She was firm, clear, kind, precise and so was just as effective and fun.
posted by peagood at 5:11 AM on May 16, 2012 [2 favorites]
And, you don't have to pretend to be what you're not. You can modify "outgoing and bubbly and enthusiastic" to "interested, upbeat and positive" -- whatever works for you.
When I started out years ago, first in the kindergarten, the two kindergarten teachers were both generally "outgoing and bubbly and enthusiastic" - but they still built quiet time into what they were doing, and after some time I realized that they were both naturally energetic people. Now with two additional kindergarten teachers added to our growing school, and my having encountered a wider variety teaching styles over the years since starting, I see that there are a variety of personalities at play, and each teacher brings that to how they structure their classes. Some are more quiet and orderly; some are dramatic and some are loose and cheerful. The students adapt their energy to their classrooms, as I observe. If your students expect you to be all that you've put forth, it's because you put it there. Take it easy on yourself.
In the lunchroom I learned this too - I didn't need to act like the other supervisor to do my job as I first thought I did. So, there's the yelly supervisor who'll just send you to the bench; and there's me - the one who will invite you to take a walk with me and I'll remind you of the Code of Conduct, and for whom sometimes the consequence is five minutes standing next to me, as my new best friend. I can be loud when I need to be, but I'm more effective when I get quiet, and the students have to quiet down to listen to me. In one of the clubs I run, understanding that it's the end of the day, I start with a ten minute break for the students to snack and catch up and get the sillies out, while I rev my own engines and suss out the group's energy and needs for that day. This morning I'm having an extra coffee though, as it's me and thirteen Sixth-graders designing the yearbook, and I'll have to work to make sure the quiet ones are heard and the loud ones don't overwhelm and that takes a lot of energy out of me.
Yes, you can put on a show, but you don't have to put on a Can Can routine when Mary Poppins will suffice. Because remember - Mary Poppins wasn't outgoing and bubbly and enthusiastic. She was firm, clear, kind, precise and so was just as effective and fun.
posted by peagood at 5:11 AM on May 16, 2012 [2 favorites]
The above is very good advice.
I'm a teacher too, with a similar personality (ie I am very quiet at home) and I also find it exhausting. I am nine years in and feel like I sacrificed quite a lot of my personal life due to only having a finite amount of social and physical energy per day.
(Additional exercise/outings would make me too run down leading to colds, flu etc).
Martha Beck says you should 'work like a dog' but make sure the breed matches the job. (Ie a pointer's gotta point)...it's possible that your disposition and job aren't a match- and if you are young enough or brave enough, you could look into other options. But I'm maybe just projecting, being neither.
posted by bquarters at 5:23 AM on May 16, 2012
I'm a teacher too, with a similar personality (ie I am very quiet at home) and I also find it exhausting. I am nine years in and feel like I sacrificed quite a lot of my personal life due to only having a finite amount of social and physical energy per day.
(Additional exercise/outings would make me too run down leading to colds, flu etc).
Martha Beck says you should 'work like a dog' but make sure the breed matches the job. (Ie a pointer's gotta point)...it's possible that your disposition and job aren't a match- and if you are young enough or brave enough, you could look into other options. But I'm maybe just projecting, being neither.
posted by bquarters at 5:23 AM on May 16, 2012
Another thing - you don't say how long you've been doing this, but if it's not been long, you may get better at it. Extroversion and introversion are not completely inalterable traits/tendencies. Think about it like athleticism (or any other skill, really) - if I start training as a distance runner, I'm never ever going to reach Paula Radcliffe's level, because I'm just not set up that way, but I *will* get a lot better at it. If I start playing the cello, I'm not going to turn into Yo-Yo Ma (or even probably the principal cellist of my local community orchestra) but I'll get better at it. If you keep doing this, it will probably get easier over time.
(This is based on my personal experience of 1) working in museum interpretation where I had to interact with LOADS of people of all ages, and 2) becoming more extroverted at the museum and in general over the course of several years.)
posted by mskyle at 6:30 AM on May 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
(This is based on my personal experience of 1) working in museum interpretation where I had to interact with LOADS of people of all ages, and 2) becoming more extroverted at the museum and in general over the course of several years.)
posted by mskyle at 6:30 AM on May 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
I agree with the marathon-not-a-race advice. You don't need to be 1950's Jerry Lewis the entire time you are with the kids.
Also, focus on the present. This is sort of like just suffering through until the 3 o'clock bell rings, but with a slightly different viewpoint. Instead of some kind of clockwatching, just trust that the day will end. When you need to be "on", don't think about anything else, don't wish you were anywhere else, and don't fret about other things that you should be doing. Look at those two hour chunks as somewhat inviolable time. If you think of something you'd like to do, or that you need to do, write it down and deal with it afterwards.
(And I'm not saying this like it is just an easy thing to do. It takes practice. It is really hard to let go of whatever that other thing that you'd rather be doing- especially if it is a nonspecific "anything besides this".)
One of the people skills that Bill Clinton has is that he has that thing where when he is talking to someone, that person feels like they have 100% of his attention. It may only be for 10 seconds as he shakes their hand, but for that moment, all he is thinking about is that person. It is easier for "important" people to do this because they have handlers who will shove him along to the next person, but you've got that too in the form of the two hour chunks.
posted by gjc at 6:35 AM on May 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
Also, focus on the present. This is sort of like just suffering through until the 3 o'clock bell rings, but with a slightly different viewpoint. Instead of some kind of clockwatching, just trust that the day will end. When you need to be "on", don't think about anything else, don't wish you were anywhere else, and don't fret about other things that you should be doing. Look at those two hour chunks as somewhat inviolable time. If you think of something you'd like to do, or that you need to do, write it down and deal with it afterwards.
(And I'm not saying this like it is just an easy thing to do. It takes practice. It is really hard to let go of whatever that other thing that you'd rather be doing- especially if it is a nonspecific "anything besides this".)
One of the people skills that Bill Clinton has is that he has that thing where when he is talking to someone, that person feels like they have 100% of his attention. It may only be for 10 seconds as he shakes their hand, but for that moment, all he is thinking about is that person. It is easier for "important" people to do this because they have handlers who will shove him along to the next person, but you've got that too in the form of the two hour chunks.
posted by gjc at 6:35 AM on May 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
You can leverage your style, not try and adapt the style of extroverts!
I just saw the author of Quiet speak, and I think this is the book for you! She gives some very practical strategies for exactly what you are asking -- and also gives your "style" the proper context and value it deserves in the work environment.
posted by thinkpiece at 8:41 AM on May 16, 2012
I just saw the author of Quiet speak, and I think this is the book for you! She gives some very practical strategies for exactly what you are asking -- and also gives your "style" the proper context and value it deserves in the work environment.
posted by thinkpiece at 8:41 AM on May 16, 2012
I'm an introverted teacher (older kids though), and I absolutely agree with rainbowbrite: try to find fifteen minutes to just go and sit somewhere quietly (ideally somewhere the kids don't know about!). I always think that one of the toughest things about teaching is that not only are you expected to essentially perform to a timetable for most of the day, but you're expected to be available and functioning for the short bits of the day that you're supposed to be taking a break in: as an introvert, I think you have to be a little bit selfish about your breaktimes if you can afford to. If you don't have somewhere quiet you can go, maybe you could take a short walk somewhere?
My other strategy - and I'm not sure whether this would work so well for you, as you don't actually say that you teach, only that you interact with children - is to sort of disappear into my subject, if that makes sense. I went into teaching because I really love the subject I teach, so when I'm talking about it, it feels less like interaction, which I find stressful, and more like just explaining something I love, which I don't find stressful. It's generally not too difficult for me to find some kind of bounce and enthusiasm when I'm talking about something I'm really interested in. I don't know exactly what your job involves, but you might be able to find a way of making this strategy work for you!
posted by raspberry-ripple at 1:57 PM on May 16, 2012
My other strategy - and I'm not sure whether this would work so well for you, as you don't actually say that you teach, only that you interact with children - is to sort of disappear into my subject, if that makes sense. I went into teaching because I really love the subject I teach, so when I'm talking about it, it feels less like interaction, which I find stressful, and more like just explaining something I love, which I don't find stressful. It's generally not too difficult for me to find some kind of bounce and enthusiasm when I'm talking about something I'm really interested in. I don't know exactly what your job involves, but you might be able to find a way of making this strategy work for you!
posted by raspberry-ripple at 1:57 PM on May 16, 2012
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Find a way to take mini-breaks alone throughout the day, even if it's just taking a book to the bathroom and reading for five minutes!
Take your lunch alone, even if you feel kind of anti-social to do it. Depending on your environment, this can be easy or hard, but for me, a break from all social interactions has been really necessary when I have to be "on" the rest of the day. If possible, totally get out of your work environment, take a walk, etc.
Try shifting at least some of your at-home "downtime" to before work by getting up earlier, if you possibly can (I know not everyone is a morning person). But this way, if you do just pass out once you get home, you can feel like you do get some "you" time at one end of the day, anyway.
posted by rainbowbrite at 9:36 PM on May 15, 2012 [3 favorites]