Help me find a way to take a vacation.
May 11, 2012 1:43 PM Subscribe
Is there a consequence-free way to just disappear from work responsibilities for a week or a month or a few of those, while still being able to pay rent and still having a job at the end of it?
Everything in my life is falling apart at the moment. I was dumped a few weeks back, again out of nowhere, and it didn't go well -- the guy basically told me I had no personality. My health is absolutely dismal -- I was in the emergency room a few weeks ago, am fine now but still -- and I can barely stay awake most days. Work happens all day, most nights and some weekends, including this coming weekend; I no longer want to do any of it, let alone outside work. My output is suffering tremendously, and I can tell. All of this would be tolerable on its own, but I recently got into a fight with some colleagues, leaving behind a trail of people who are angry with me. I can't do anything about any of this. The only acceptable way to behave, apparently, is to sit back and let everyone do all this to me. And I don't know how much more of this I can take.
Basically, what I need is a week or even a month off so I don't have to worry about all this at once. But none of this makes an excuse I can tell people about if I were to ask for time off. (I'm basically permalance, no formal vacation time.) I already suspect I'm on thin ice at my job and am one infraction away from being let go; this could be that infraction. How do I even ask for this?
Everything in my life is falling apart at the moment. I was dumped a few weeks back, again out of nowhere, and it didn't go well -- the guy basically told me I had no personality. My health is absolutely dismal -- I was in the emergency room a few weeks ago, am fine now but still -- and I can barely stay awake most days. Work happens all day, most nights and some weekends, including this coming weekend; I no longer want to do any of it, let alone outside work. My output is suffering tremendously, and I can tell. All of this would be tolerable on its own, but I recently got into a fight with some colleagues, leaving behind a trail of people who are angry with me. I can't do anything about any of this. The only acceptable way to behave, apparently, is to sit back and let everyone do all this to me. And I don't know how much more of this I can take.
Basically, what I need is a week or even a month off so I don't have to worry about all this at once. But none of this makes an excuse I can tell people about if I were to ask for time off. (I'm basically permalance, no formal vacation time.) I already suspect I'm on thin ice at my job and am one infraction away from being let go; this could be that infraction. How do I even ask for this?
Possible ADA-protected disclosure of depression to your employer, followed by protected leave (if your employer is big enough, please check this).
posted by zippy at 1:46 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by zippy at 1:46 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]
Are you being treated for depression?
It is my (lay) understanding that escape fantasies are common in people suffering from depression. Your desire to just go away may itself be a symptom.
posted by purpleclover at 1:50 PM on May 11, 2012 [2 favorites]
It is my (lay) understanding that escape fantasies are common in people suffering from depression. Your desire to just go away may itself be a symptom.
posted by purpleclover at 1:50 PM on May 11, 2012 [2 favorites]
How about interview for other jobs and when you get one, ask to start in a few weeks? (Not that you shouldn't pursue the other suggestions; you should but this would be an awfully convenient time to find another job.)
posted by BibiRose at 1:58 PM on May 11, 2012
posted by BibiRose at 1:58 PM on May 11, 2012
Try a smaller escape. Or many small escapes. You are on a trajectory that isn't working for you. Maybe you can change it without taking a dramatic month-long break, which it sounds like you can't really afford to do anyway.
I'd bet you go to and from work the same way almost ever day. Everyone does. Next time you go in, leave an hour early. Go a different way. Find a new park bench or cafe to stop at for awhile. No computer, no book. Write or doodle a little. Do the same things on the way home. Talk to strangers. Break your trajectory.
Sometimes the big escape is a drag. Hours in a car or on a plane, spending money, getting sick on bad food. There's a gazillion little getaways right in front of you.
posted by quarterframer at 2:29 PM on May 11, 2012 [16 favorites]
I'd bet you go to and from work the same way almost ever day. Everyone does. Next time you go in, leave an hour early. Go a different way. Find a new park bench or cafe to stop at for awhile. No computer, no book. Write or doodle a little. Do the same things on the way home. Talk to strangers. Break your trajectory.
Sometimes the big escape is a drag. Hours in a car or on a plane, spending money, getting sick on bad food. There's a gazillion little getaways right in front of you.
posted by quarterframer at 2:29 PM on May 11, 2012 [16 favorites]
A comment is that your employer has no obligation to pay you for time absent due to ADA accommodations. In other words, if you take time off with the ADA, it will be harder to pay your rent, as your subject alludes to.
posted by saeculorum at 2:53 PM on May 11, 2012
posted by saeculorum at 2:53 PM on May 11, 2012
If your health is suffering, you may want to consult with a doctor about going on temporary disability. Depending on your state, and if you've been paying into your state's disability insurance via taxes (i.e., W-2 status, vs. 1099), you may be able to open a claim.
Depression is a medically legitimate condition for a claim (at least in some states). The insurance is there to provide a safety net for you to allow you to get back to good health; there is no shame in it.
posted by quivering_fantods at 2:53 PM on May 11, 2012 [2 favorites]
Depression is a medically legitimate condition for a claim (at least in some states). The insurance is there to provide a safety net for you to allow you to get back to good health; there is no shame in it.
posted by quivering_fantods at 2:53 PM on May 11, 2012 [2 favorites]
Something very similar happened to be last fall. Was ejected from a long relationship (6 years, with plans to get married in the near future) and had to maneuver through law school and my job at a firm. I took random days off-- some nights from class, some days off at work-- very sporadic, never anything consecutive. I lived in darkness (literally, blinds shut, all day), cried half the day for months straight. In hindsight, I wish I would have been more straightforward with my employer and explained the situation, then taken the appropriate time off as needed.
Depression, stress, anxiety are no easy obstacles to overcome, especially when one of the causes is the departure of a loved one (breakups, they often feel like deaths). First and foremost, SEEK MEDICAL HELP. Professional help. Consult a psychologist. Engage in talk therapy. Resort to medication ONLY as a last resort, in my opinion. I don't know what your employer situation is like (corporate? small business?), but get dialogue going. If there's an HR department, perhaps start there. If not, a quick Google on the applicable laws in your state regarding medical/disability leave. Often, there are free legal clinics available to answer questions-- see if you can consult these sources.
If there's one thing you can do right now, is to get the process going on seeking treatment. Start with a week or two off. Try to slowly rebalance your former life. It takes a lot of effort, a good support system, and most of all, your own belief and trust in yourself that you can do it.
posted by chloe.gelsomino at 3:23 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]
Depression, stress, anxiety are no easy obstacles to overcome, especially when one of the causes is the departure of a loved one (breakups, they often feel like deaths). First and foremost, SEEK MEDICAL HELP. Professional help. Consult a psychologist. Engage in talk therapy. Resort to medication ONLY as a last resort, in my opinion. I don't know what your employer situation is like (corporate? small business?), but get dialogue going. If there's an HR department, perhaps start there. If not, a quick Google on the applicable laws in your state regarding medical/disability leave. Often, there are free legal clinics available to answer questions-- see if you can consult these sources.
If there's one thing you can do right now, is to get the process going on seeking treatment. Start with a week or two off. Try to slowly rebalance your former life. It takes a lot of effort, a good support system, and most of all, your own belief and trust in yourself that you can do it.
posted by chloe.gelsomino at 3:23 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]
At the very least, take a long weekend. Tell your boss you're going to a wedding if you feel like you need some kind of reason that isn't, "I just need a few days off." When you're freelance, you really can't take a month off on medical leave, but taking Friday and Monday off during high wedding season isn't going to raise any eyebrows. Use the time to get your head together a little bit and decompress, and then regroup. Tell everyone you're going to be away from email and not reachable for work purposes. And then go away for the weekend.
posted by Countess Sandwich at 3:39 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Countess Sandwich at 3:39 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'm basically permalance
If this means that you are not a W-2 with the company, then a lot of the advice to see HR, take protected leave, etc., may not apply.
You've been struggling with depression for a while. Now may be the time to go to a doctor and see about some antidepressants. Some of the generic ones are really cheap (like, $4 for a month's worth at WalMart).
posted by Houstonian at 4:34 PM on May 11, 2012
If this means that you are not a W-2 with the company, then a lot of the advice to see HR, take protected leave, etc., may not apply.
You've been struggling with depression for a while. Now may be the time to go to a doctor and see about some antidepressants. Some of the generic ones are really cheap (like, $4 for a month's worth at WalMart).
posted by Houstonian at 4:34 PM on May 11, 2012
I'm not sure it's relevant but I've been a part time employee with an organization for 4 years that offers me absolutely no benefits at all -- no medical and absolutely no leave, accrued or otherwise. Still yet, there is a clause in our handbook that GUARANTEES mental health leave for anyone in need.
Please do ask. And good luck to you. It will get better.
posted by youandiandaflame at 7:02 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]
Please do ask. And good luck to you. It will get better.
posted by youandiandaflame at 7:02 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: The situation with my job is that it's a small startup with no formal policies on basically anything. There's no HR, everyone's in the same room, etc.
I don't know whether my boss would be sympathetic but it's not something I kind of want to roll the dice on right now, especially when I'm in a situation where I might have made my colleagues angry at me.
posted by dekathelon at 7:13 PM on May 11, 2012
I don't know whether my boss would be sympathetic but it's not something I kind of want to roll the dice on right now, especially when I'm in a situation where I might have made my colleagues angry at me.
posted by dekathelon at 7:13 PM on May 11, 2012
I think if you got a doctor's note prescribing rest for a couple of weeks, you could work it out with your company to get a leave of absence, at least unpaid. I imagine that they would rather lose you for two weeks than have to go through hiring and training someone else. Talk to your boss about it. Sometimes even just letting someone know that you have other shit going on can take a weight off of you.
Good luck.
posted by elizeh at 8:51 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]
Good luck.
posted by elizeh at 8:51 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]
What would you do if you were sick for a few days? Say you had the flu and were out for a week.
posted by J. Wilson at 10:09 PM on May 11, 2012
posted by J. Wilson at 10:09 PM on May 11, 2012
Response by poster: I don't know what I'd do if I were sick for a few days. Probably take a day off, MAYBE two if it were really, really serious, and go back to work. There's one job responsibility I have that requires me to be working a specific day of the week, every week. It ends soon, but I've already skipped out on it once and don't think I can again.
I know that one of my coworkers took an entire week off recently, but he genuinely was sick - you could still tell when he came back to the office - and more importantly, he's higher up and his job is less expendable than mine. The "training" it would take for someone else to take my job would probably take a few hours maximum. Anybody can do it. They probably know this.
I don't know. Now I'm also worried that my roommates are going to kick me out (c.f. this - if it weren't a guy I'd be certain they were talking about me), which doesn't help.
posted by dekathelon at 9:11 AM on May 13, 2012
I know that one of my coworkers took an entire week off recently, but he genuinely was sick - you could still tell when he came back to the office - and more importantly, he's higher up and his job is less expendable than mine. The "training" it would take for someone else to take my job would probably take a few hours maximum. Anybody can do it. They probably know this.
I don't know. Now I'm also worried that my roommates are going to kick me out (c.f. this - if it weren't a guy I'd be certain they were talking about me), which doesn't help.
posted by dekathelon at 9:11 AM on May 13, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Jon_Evil at 1:44 PM on May 11, 2012 [4 favorites]