Two for one
April 21, 2012 1:15 PM Subscribe
What should I know about giving birth to/raising twins?
Just found out last week that we are having twins. I saw this and this thread and both have lots of helpful information. It would be great to hear about the labor and delivery of twins (c-section? natural childbirth? epidural? were they early? were you on bed rest?) and any advice on raising them beyond infancy. My mom is a post-partum doula and certified lactation consultant, partially retired and will be living locally by the time our twins are born, so that will be a huge help for us. We know the twins aren't identical but won't know their sex for another few months. We live in a two-bedroom condo so we don't have lots of room for two cribs, two bassinets, two swings, etc. but will make room for what is absolutely necessary. Will I be able to tell them apart? How long can they share a crib? What can we do as they get older to help establish their individualism? If you're a twin, what do you wish your parents had done differently? What did they do best? Any and all advice is welcomed. (I am the mom, btw.)
Just found out last week that we are having twins. I saw this and this thread and both have lots of helpful information. It would be great to hear about the labor and delivery of twins (c-section? natural childbirth? epidural? were they early? were you on bed rest?) and any advice on raising them beyond infancy. My mom is a post-partum doula and certified lactation consultant, partially retired and will be living locally by the time our twins are born, so that will be a huge help for us. We know the twins aren't identical but won't know their sex for another few months. We live in a two-bedroom condo so we don't have lots of room for two cribs, two bassinets, two swings, etc. but will make room for what is absolutely necessary. Will I be able to tell them apart? How long can they share a crib? What can we do as they get older to help establish their individualism? If you're a twin, what do you wish your parents had done differently? What did they do best? Any and all advice is welcomed. (I am the mom, btw.)
I'm a big sister to fraternal twin girls (adult living at home & helping out when they were born). My stepmom was in the hospital several times during pregnancy and on bedrest for the last four months. She had a c-section. They were just two weeks early and weighed eleven pounds between them. She had a very rough time recovering, but her general health wasn't great anyway, so that may not be
They were a bit difficult to tell apart at first. Newborn babies frequently look a lot alike even if they aren't related. We could always tell if we looked closely, but it took a minute sometimes. Our twins had very different personalities literally from birth so individualism wasn't much of a problem. As long as you don't give them cutesy rhyming names or dress them identically every day, they should manage that on their own. Our biggest twin issue was that for a few years the more dominant twin used the quieter twin to get around rules and do the things she knew she should do herself. Sneaky little booger. As they got older they went more and more their separate ways. They're teenagers now and share a room but don't have any more in common than any other sisters would. They don't even go to the same school at the moment.
They did not share a crib for long, but largely because they both had colic and woke each other when neither was sleeping well. That was a rough couple of months. We found an end to end double crib that didn't take up as much room as two separate cribs would have. We had two of pretty much everything but it wasn't necessary. One could be in the swing while the other was in a bouncy seat or having tummy time on the floor. Car seats are really the only thing you absolutely must have two of, and you'll need a double stroller. Everything else they can take turns with or share.
Expect to have to do a ridiculous amount of laundry. Not only will you have twice as many clothes, burpcloths, changing pads, diapers if you use cloth, and all the other things babies puke, pee and poop on, but you will have two babies taking turns puking and peeing and pooping on you. You'll have to change clothes a lot.
I recommend keeping a journal. It's really hard to keep straight which kid did what and when. Health histories, development histories, stories to embarrass them with when their older all get mixed up when you're trying to remember exactly what happened during those first few sleep-deprived years.
posted by Dojie at 1:56 PM on April 21, 2012
They were a bit difficult to tell apart at first. Newborn babies frequently look a lot alike even if they aren't related. We could always tell if we looked closely, but it took a minute sometimes. Our twins had very different personalities literally from birth so individualism wasn't much of a problem. As long as you don't give them cutesy rhyming names or dress them identically every day, they should manage that on their own. Our biggest twin issue was that for a few years the more dominant twin used the quieter twin to get around rules and do the things she knew she should do herself. Sneaky little booger. As they got older they went more and more their separate ways. They're teenagers now and share a room but don't have any more in common than any other sisters would. They don't even go to the same school at the moment.
They did not share a crib for long, but largely because they both had colic and woke each other when neither was sleeping well. That was a rough couple of months. We found an end to end double crib that didn't take up as much room as two separate cribs would have. We had two of pretty much everything but it wasn't necessary. One could be in the swing while the other was in a bouncy seat or having tummy time on the floor. Car seats are really the only thing you absolutely must have two of, and you'll need a double stroller. Everything else they can take turns with or share.
Expect to have to do a ridiculous amount of laundry. Not only will you have twice as many clothes, burpcloths, changing pads, diapers if you use cloth, and all the other things babies puke, pee and poop on, but you will have two babies taking turns puking and peeing and pooping on you. You'll have to change clothes a lot.
I recommend keeping a journal. It's really hard to keep straight which kid did what and when. Health histories, development histories, stories to embarrass them with when their older all get mixed up when you're trying to remember exactly what happened during those first few sleep-deprived years.
posted by Dojie at 1:56 PM on April 21, 2012
Best answer: So I'm the dad to twin four year olds. A boy and a girl. I can weigh in a bit more later this evening, but will share what I can now.
First, congratulations on your pregnancy and twins!
Second, please feel free to memail me if you or your partner ever have any questions. (I know that as a first time dad I was a bit terrified knowing I was about to become one -- and then twice over.)
It wasn't hard for us to tell our kids apart, because they were different genders. If you already know yours are fraternal, then they shouldn't be harder to tell apart than any other pair of siblings. Some fraternal twins look very much alike. Others not as much. My kids happen to look similar, but there are distinct differences to their appearances other than their genders. At birth, my daughter had hair and my son didn't. My daughter also had baby acne and my son didn't. They have birth marks in specific places. And their cries were different. You pick up on little differences as you go along.
My wife had a difficult pregnancy. We saw a perinatologist from the second month on, and my wife dealt with a number of medical issues that arose while she was pregnant. It's honestly not worth going into detail because every pregnancy is unique (unless you're really interested,) but the issue that affected us the most was gestational diabetes. She had to see a nutritionist to manage her diet, and take daily insulin injections. She was also taking injections of lovenox at the time -- a type of blood thinner. There is a greater risk of gestational diabetes during pregnancy when one is carrying twins, and my wife had it. Diagnosed at 21 weeks. She went on bed rest at 25 weeks.
My daughter was positioned over my wife's cervix butt-first, so we were told that based on that alone, a c-section was likely. But the aforementioned complications that developed eventually mandated one. So my wife scheduled a c-section, and 36 hours before it was supposed to happen, four weeks before her due date, her water broke. She had an epidural. Recovery from her c-section was 6 weeks.
My kids were born four weeks early, at decent sizes for preemies (4lbs 13oz and 5lbs 7oz.) Her OB blamed the gestational diabetes, which often produces larger babies.
Having two kids at once was challenging. If you have family who can help out enlist them now. We did not have help -- looking back, assistance in the form of someone, anyone who could come by and feed and hold and soothe even one baby for us -- an extra pair of arms would have been a godsend. My kids were up every two hours for feedings, for weeks. And when they both cried at once or were colicky, it was very easy to feel overwhelmed. We did not co-bed our twins, but I have a friend who did with hers. She said it was beneficial.
My wife tried breastfeeding and neither kid learned to latch on. So she pumped to bottles and bags for three months (we filled our freezer with breast milk) and then we switched to formula. Pumping was helpful because I could pitch in and feed a baby, allowing her to get some much needed rest. Lactation consultants pushed breastfeeding and the importance of the bonding that arises from it. It's a wonderful thing. It really is. But I can tell you that my kids were not the least bit worse for wear for bottle feeding. And my wife, while recovering from surgery, could get some rest at least.
We learned to split up our time to be supportive of one another. So I took night shifts. My wife took days. I would take one baby out to the store and leave her with one, so one of us wasn't constantly taking care of both. We still do that.
They slept in the top half of a pack and play for four weeks, (they were tiny and didn't move around much! Saved us from buying two bassinets,) and then we moved them to one crib in the same room. They shared one crib for the first three months. Then they were in two cribs. We also have a two bedroom apartment, and not a lot of space. For us, the biggest issue was ambient noise from our neighbors (we use a white noise/ sound soother for that, although some people say they're not great for infants -- do your homework.) We bought two of most things initially. My son *loved* the swing. My daughter hated it, so we returned one. She wound up spending a lot of time in a vibrating chair -- not this one, but something similar.
Bulk shopping is an absolute necessity for twins. If you are a member of costco or bj's or sam's club, they sell bulk boxes and containers of diapers, wipes and formula. You're going to need 'em. :) BJ's also sells onesies, which was helpful.
Things you will definitely need to buy two of: (I'll try to add to this list in a later comment)
Two infant car seats. To bring them home from the hospital.
A twin stroller. (We bought a combi sport and were given a maclaren as a backup) The combi held up better.
Twin high chairs or seats that strap on to a regular chair (eventually, not right away)
Extra bottles. Extra nipples. My kids went through multiple brands before we found Dr. Brown's. That brand was the only one that didn't give them gas.
We only had one bottle warmer. One changing table. One pack and play. One play mat.
Extra burp cloths. (You can never have enough)
Twin diaper bags (in case you each take one for an errand or something)
PLEASE don't be worried by anything I'm mentioning here. The experience of having twin babies was incredibly wonderful. I'm focusing on the tougher parts because that was also part of the experience. If you're prepared in advance, it makes things easier.
Whew! Okay, will try to weigh in more tonight. And again, congratulations!
posted by zarq at 1:58 PM on April 21, 2012 [2 favorites]
First, congratulations on your pregnancy and twins!
Second, please feel free to memail me if you or your partner ever have any questions. (I know that as a first time dad I was a bit terrified knowing I was about to become one -- and then twice over.)
It wasn't hard for us to tell our kids apart, because they were different genders. If you already know yours are fraternal, then they shouldn't be harder to tell apart than any other pair of siblings. Some fraternal twins look very much alike. Others not as much. My kids happen to look similar, but there are distinct differences to their appearances other than their genders. At birth, my daughter had hair and my son didn't. My daughter also had baby acne and my son didn't. They have birth marks in specific places. And their cries were different. You pick up on little differences as you go along.
My wife had a difficult pregnancy. We saw a perinatologist from the second month on, and my wife dealt with a number of medical issues that arose while she was pregnant. It's honestly not worth going into detail because every pregnancy is unique (unless you're really interested,) but the issue that affected us the most was gestational diabetes. She had to see a nutritionist to manage her diet, and take daily insulin injections. She was also taking injections of lovenox at the time -- a type of blood thinner. There is a greater risk of gestational diabetes during pregnancy when one is carrying twins, and my wife had it. Diagnosed at 21 weeks. She went on bed rest at 25 weeks.
My daughter was positioned over my wife's cervix butt-first, so we were told that based on that alone, a c-section was likely. But the aforementioned complications that developed eventually mandated one. So my wife scheduled a c-section, and 36 hours before it was supposed to happen, four weeks before her due date, her water broke. She had an epidural. Recovery from her c-section was 6 weeks.
My kids were born four weeks early, at decent sizes for preemies (4lbs 13oz and 5lbs 7oz.) Her OB blamed the gestational diabetes, which often produces larger babies.
Having two kids at once was challenging. If you have family who can help out enlist them now. We did not have help -- looking back, assistance in the form of someone, anyone who could come by and feed and hold and soothe even one baby for us -- an extra pair of arms would have been a godsend. My kids were up every two hours for feedings, for weeks. And when they both cried at once or were colicky, it was very easy to feel overwhelmed. We did not co-bed our twins, but I have a friend who did with hers. She said it was beneficial.
My wife tried breastfeeding and neither kid learned to latch on. So she pumped to bottles and bags for three months (we filled our freezer with breast milk) and then we switched to formula. Pumping was helpful because I could pitch in and feed a baby, allowing her to get some much needed rest. Lactation consultants pushed breastfeeding and the importance of the bonding that arises from it. It's a wonderful thing. It really is. But I can tell you that my kids were not the least bit worse for wear for bottle feeding. And my wife, while recovering from surgery, could get some rest at least.
We learned to split up our time to be supportive of one another. So I took night shifts. My wife took days. I would take one baby out to the store and leave her with one, so one of us wasn't constantly taking care of both. We still do that.
They slept in the top half of a pack and play for four weeks, (they were tiny and didn't move around much! Saved us from buying two bassinets,) and then we moved them to one crib in the same room. They shared one crib for the first three months. Then they were in two cribs. We also have a two bedroom apartment, and not a lot of space. For us, the biggest issue was ambient noise from our neighbors (we use a white noise/ sound soother for that, although some people say they're not great for infants -- do your homework.) We bought two of most things initially. My son *loved* the swing. My daughter hated it, so we returned one. She wound up spending a lot of time in a vibrating chair -- not this one, but something similar.
Bulk shopping is an absolute necessity for twins. If you are a member of costco or bj's or sam's club, they sell bulk boxes and containers of diapers, wipes and formula. You're going to need 'em. :) BJ's also sells onesies, which was helpful.
Things you will definitely need to buy two of: (I'll try to add to this list in a later comment)
Two infant car seats. To bring them home from the hospital.
A twin stroller. (We bought a combi sport and were given a maclaren as a backup) The combi held up better.
Twin high chairs or seats that strap on to a regular chair (eventually, not right away)
Extra bottles. Extra nipples. My kids went through multiple brands before we found Dr. Brown's. That brand was the only one that didn't give them gas.
We only had one bottle warmer. One changing table. One pack and play. One play mat.
Extra burp cloths. (You can never have enough)
Twin diaper bags (in case you each take one for an errand or something)
PLEASE don't be worried by anything I'm mentioning here. The experience of having twin babies was incredibly wonderful. I'm focusing on the tougher parts because that was also part of the experience. If you're prepared in advance, it makes things easier.
Whew! Okay, will try to weigh in more tonight. And again, congratulations!
posted by zarq at 1:58 PM on April 21, 2012 [2 favorites]
I didn't preview enough.
First paragraph: "that may not be completely because of the twins."
Second paragraph: "do the things she knew she shouldn't do herself."
posted by Dojie at 1:58 PM on April 21, 2012
First paragraph: "that may not be completely because of the twins."
Second paragraph: "do the things she knew she shouldn't do herself."
posted by Dojie at 1:58 PM on April 21, 2012
Wow! Congratulations! My closest friend's 3rd and 4th children were identical twins, born at home! When she found out she was pregnant with twins, she was very shocked and overwhelmed, and actually had kind of a tough time coming to terms with it. She had planned for a third child, and was quite dismayed to learn she'd be having 4! I think she was grateful for and helped by being able to express these negative-sounding emotions to her close friends. We're all supposed to just be so, so positive all the time, and people can really judge those who may not be feeling that way. The girls are now almost 11, and she has loved them deeply and enjoyed them since before their birth.
It's wonderful that your mother is a trained post-partum doula and lactation consultant! You are really lucky! I don't know your philosophies or expectations about your own birth experience, if you are a proponent of "natural" birth or not. If you are, you must prepare yourself with lots of knowledge, research, and support from your partner, mother, and anyone else that you might have to put up quite a fight to try to have a natural birth. It is absolutely possible and usually very safe to give birth vaginally to twins, despite what you might hear from mainstream doctors and medical facilities. You may be urged to plan a c-section, despite your own wishes. You yourself may prefer that option. If you don't, you will be able to find a midwife to help you with a natural and safe birth, whether you give birth in a hospital, birth center, or at home (very rare!).
My friend had breastfed her first two children till they were each about two years old. Breastfeeding was very important to her, and she was very committed. She did lots of preparation to be ready to nurse her twins. She ended up weaning them to the bottle when they were about three months old. She felt somewhat disappointed, but nursing twins is definitely more demanding than nursing singletons. Plus, she had a pre-schooler and a toddler. So she never really felt too bad about "giving up" nursing, and neither should any other mother.
And last, definitely look for support groups for multiples in your area. There seem to be tons these days, and my friend found them really helpful. Start going before you give birth so you can hear what others had to say about twin pregnancy, birth, etc. You can learn lots, not to mention the support and friendships you can gain. Good luck!
posted by primate moon at 2:43 PM on April 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
It's wonderful that your mother is a trained post-partum doula and lactation consultant! You are really lucky! I don't know your philosophies or expectations about your own birth experience, if you are a proponent of "natural" birth or not. If you are, you must prepare yourself with lots of knowledge, research, and support from your partner, mother, and anyone else that you might have to put up quite a fight to try to have a natural birth. It is absolutely possible and usually very safe to give birth vaginally to twins, despite what you might hear from mainstream doctors and medical facilities. You may be urged to plan a c-section, despite your own wishes. You yourself may prefer that option. If you don't, you will be able to find a midwife to help you with a natural and safe birth, whether you give birth in a hospital, birth center, or at home (very rare!).
My friend had breastfed her first two children till they were each about two years old. Breastfeeding was very important to her, and she was very committed. She did lots of preparation to be ready to nurse her twins. She ended up weaning them to the bottle when they were about three months old. She felt somewhat disappointed, but nursing twins is definitely more demanding than nursing singletons. Plus, she had a pre-schooler and a toddler. So she never really felt too bad about "giving up" nursing, and neither should any other mother.
And last, definitely look for support groups for multiples in your area. There seem to be tons these days, and my friend found them really helpful. Start going before you give birth so you can hear what others had to say about twin pregnancy, birth, etc. You can learn lots, not to mention the support and friendships you can gain. Good luck!
posted by primate moon at 2:43 PM on April 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Congrats!
I'm a twin myself.
Things that people don't think about in the early years but will come up later are issues about having them in the same class or not in elementary school, "forcing" them to be in the same activities (if you're dropping one kid off at tee-ball, might as well drop off both). and dealing with competitiveness.
From a logistics perspective, there is something to be said for having 2 kids of the same age. They'll always have the same rules/limits. They'll always be at the same school. They'll always be at the same (more or less) development/intellectual/physical level. That makes things a bit easier.
Twins often are more developmentally/intellectual advanced in the young years because they have eachother for stimulation.
Also even though it is rough in those first few months, going through things like teething or potty training or terrible toddlerhood .... well, it sucks... so dealing with it once times two might be easier than dealing with it at different times with two different kids.
My friends with twins (my kid is 3.5, so most of my friends with twins have kids that age) have had to be both much more relaxed about things (why fret about her teething pain when you have two to deal with and you're tired!) and hardcore. (All the twin parents I know were ruthless about sleep training in ways that singlet parents weren't... for the twin parents' own sanity.) Also the dads of twins that I know are notably more involved than singlet dads because THEY HAVE TO BE. And that's cool.
So as far as I understand it is intense early on and certainly it is tough that you're going to have to pay 2X as much for childcare, buy 2 carseats, etc... but overall it is pretty great in a lot of ways.
Glad to hear that your mom is going to be nearby.
As usual with baby stuff on AskMe -- DON'T BUY TONS OF CRAP. YOU DON'T NEED IT. :)
posted by k8t at 2:46 PM on April 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'm a twin myself.
Things that people don't think about in the early years but will come up later are issues about having them in the same class or not in elementary school, "forcing" them to be in the same activities (if you're dropping one kid off at tee-ball, might as well drop off both). and dealing with competitiveness.
From a logistics perspective, there is something to be said for having 2 kids of the same age. They'll always have the same rules/limits. They'll always be at the same school. They'll always be at the same (more or less) development/intellectual/physical level. That makes things a bit easier.
Twins often are more developmentally/intellectual advanced in the young years because they have eachother for stimulation.
Also even though it is rough in those first few months, going through things like teething or potty training or terrible toddlerhood .... well, it sucks... so dealing with it once times two might be easier than dealing with it at different times with two different kids.
My friends with twins (my kid is 3.5, so most of my friends with twins have kids that age) have had to be both much more relaxed about things (why fret about her teething pain when you have two to deal with and you're tired!) and hardcore. (All the twin parents I know were ruthless about sleep training in ways that singlet parents weren't... for the twin parents' own sanity.) Also the dads of twins that I know are notably more involved than singlet dads because THEY HAVE TO BE. And that's cool.
So as far as I understand it is intense early on and certainly it is tough that you're going to have to pay 2X as much for childcare, buy 2 carseats, etc... but overall it is pretty great in a lot of ways.
Glad to hear that your mom is going to be nearby.
As usual with baby stuff on AskMe -- DON'T BUY TONS OF CRAP. YOU DON'T NEED IT. :)
posted by k8t at 2:46 PM on April 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
Congratulations! I am a fraternal twin, and I will say I am very glad our names are somewhat thematically Old Testament but not matching, which has been awesome. Our parents also refused to dress us similarly, also awesome. Later, you may want to consider whether you want them in the same classroom or nursery school room. Of everything I am so glad they refused to have us in the sane classroom and later, we ended up at different schools. Only once at summer camp did we have to deal with a teacher's "X's better half" comments, which is a huge deal when you're nine. Let them have their own space and identities as much as possible. I know sone families will go with whatever activity or sport a more vocal twin picks for both of them, and while we did some things together, we ended up as different people. It is a great kind if freedom to not be seen as the same person to your parents. I know it's rough at times, but honestly if I have kids, I kind of want twins of my own. Have fun!
posted by jetlagaddict at 2:49 PM on April 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by jetlagaddict at 2:49 PM on April 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
Here are some options for twin sleeping arrangements. Normally an infant can sleep in a bassinet - forget the crib - until six months, but if you prefer for them to sleep together, that wouldn't work. I would plan to start with two bassinets and one crib, with or without a dividing bumper. Two babies, who are smaller and may be early, require really frequent feedings. Having to get up and fetch them from a crib next door may not be as practical or convenient as lifting them from a bedside bassinet. This twin mom suggests a Pack n Play, and has other sound suggestions for the items that actually are really must have for twins.
If you have them in a hospital, the delivery staff will tag them for you, and you can keep their little wristbands on until you can tell them apart. If they are born at home, you can be prepared with color-coded baby wristbands for a few days but you will learn to tell who is who very quickly. You just... will!
Do you have local friends? If your mom is there to provide hands-on baby help, you and your partner are still going to really appreciate more help in the first weeks because sleep and time will be in short supply. You don't need people to hold the babies while you do laundry; you need people to do laundry, grocery shop, cook, heat meals and get the mail while you hold the babies. Line up friends as early as possible!
posted by DarlingBri at 3:40 PM on April 21, 2012
If you have them in a hospital, the delivery staff will tag them for you, and you can keep their little wristbands on until you can tell them apart. If they are born at home, you can be prepared with color-coded baby wristbands for a few days but you will learn to tell who is who very quickly. You just... will!
Do you have local friends? If your mom is there to provide hands-on baby help, you and your partner are still going to really appreciate more help in the first weeks because sleep and time will be in short supply. You don't need people to hold the babies while you do laundry; you need people to do laundry, grocery shop, cook, heat meals and get the mail while you hold the babies. Line up friends as early as possible!
posted by DarlingBri at 3:40 PM on April 21, 2012
If you're like me and love to read other people's stories, check out the blog Girl's Gone Wild by Rebecca Woolf. She has 6 month old fraternal twin girls (plus two other older children) and the archives have her pregnancy and birth stories, plus week by week pictures of her growing belly. She's a great writer to boot and I find her blog very enjoyable.
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 3:41 PM on April 21, 2012
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 3:41 PM on April 21, 2012
I have identical twins. I agree with the general sentiment on not going overboard buying stuff until you have a sense of what the personalities of your specific children are. I was able to put mine in the same crib for several months because they wouldn't wake each other up in the middle of the night, even when one was crying.
As twin pregnancies go, I had a pretty good one - I was never put on bedrest but was told to take it easy during the later months. I was fortunate in having a flexiblish job that let me work from home some days.
I am in a two bedroom condo too, and for cribs we bought some cheapo ones from Ikea that converted to toddler beds, then got a twin bed with a trundle. This is working out fine, since we don't have much space.
Got by fine without a bouncy chair/swing thing too, but some babies love those. I ended up breastfeeding and supplementing with formula.
posted by gnat at 8:41 PM on April 21, 2012
As twin pregnancies go, I had a pretty good one - I was never put on bedrest but was told to take it easy during the later months. I was fortunate in having a flexiblish job that let me work from home some days.
I am in a two bedroom condo too, and for cribs we bought some cheapo ones from Ikea that converted to toddler beds, then got a twin bed with a trundle. This is working out fine, since we don't have much space.
Got by fine without a bouncy chair/swing thing too, but some babies love those. I ended up breastfeeding and supplementing with formula.
posted by gnat at 8:41 PM on April 21, 2012
I am a fraternal twin. When my brother and I were growing up, any sort of routine task/obligation/chore was assigned to us based on whether the date was even or odd. Who had to brush their teeth first? Who had to set the table for dinner? Who had to help dry the dishes? If the date was an odd number, my brother had to do it, or do it first. If it was even, I had to do it, or had to do it first.
This system also worked pretty well for deciding who got to do something generally positive/or who got to go first to do fun kid things: like sitting in the front seat of the car (calling 'shotgun' not allowed), etc.
Our grandparents on both sides lived across the country, and were able to visit for a few weeks at a time here and there when we were little, but my parents depended on a network of family friends and older couples from church who could serve as surrogate grandparents for a few hours when the parents needed a break from supervising us! If you have a similar network (doesn't have to be from church), I imagine that would be a huge help.
I can't think of anything my parents should have done differently: we turned out just fine. Firm with rules and boundaries, but as we grew older they trusted us be to more independent, find our talents and interests, etc.
My parents didn't go overboard with any sort of "twins are super special" groups or anything like that, but they did enroll us in the Mid-Atlantic Twin Registry, and occasionally answered questionnaires from the MATR people about us (behavior, development, etc.). I still get the newsletter, which is kind of charming. If that's something you're interested in, there might be a similar study or academic initiative in your area.
posted by midatlanticwanderer at 9:00 PM on April 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
This system also worked pretty well for deciding who got to do something generally positive/or who got to go first to do fun kid things: like sitting in the front seat of the car (calling 'shotgun' not allowed), etc.
Our grandparents on both sides lived across the country, and were able to visit for a few weeks at a time here and there when we were little, but my parents depended on a network of family friends and older couples from church who could serve as surrogate grandparents for a few hours when the parents needed a break from supervising us! If you have a similar network (doesn't have to be from church), I imagine that would be a huge help.
I can't think of anything my parents should have done differently: we turned out just fine. Firm with rules and boundaries, but as we grew older they trusted us be to more independent, find our talents and interests, etc.
My parents didn't go overboard with any sort of "twins are super special" groups or anything like that, but they did enroll us in the Mid-Atlantic Twin Registry, and occasionally answered questionnaires from the MATR people about us (behavior, development, etc.). I still get the newsletter, which is kind of charming. If that's something you're interested in, there might be a similar study or academic initiative in your area.
posted by midatlanticwanderer at 9:00 PM on April 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
Best answer: The best advice we were given as new parents of twins was "Get them on a schedule and keep 'em there."
Initially, for feedings, we had them on a rotating schedule. Each kid would wake up at alternating two hours intervals to be fed. So one would wake up at midnight, we'd heat a bottle, they'd drink 2 oz of milk in 30-45 minutes, they'd be burped and then we'd rock them back to sleep (hopefully.) Then at 1am, their sibling would wake up and want to be fed. The first would sleep for 2 hours after eating, then wake up and the process would begin anew. When they were old enough to be fed at specific times, we fed them at the same times every day, bathed them at the same times, put them in for naps at the same time, etc. Established a very clear routine with them from the beginning.
It wasn't immediately apparent to me why this was so important. And then around the six month mark, my son took ill with some sort of nasty flu and our schedule fell apart for a few days. And I had a revelation: when your kids are on a schedule doing the same things at the same time every day, you establish predictability and a clear routine for them-- which allows you to build time into your day to rest, shower, etc. It keeps you from having to constantly be on the move. And when you have an infant, it's very hard to create pockets of time for yourself. But having those small breaks keeps you sane.
Building off what primate moon said, the national support group organization: National Organization for Mothers of Twins can connect you to Moms of Multiples groups in your area, like this one: Columbia Area Mothers of Multiples. There are more than 300 nationwide. Our local group is decent, but friends of ours who are members of the Austin group say theirs is fantastic. They conduct consignment sales, so that members can arrange to sell stuff they're not using any more to each other.
Free help for parents of multiples. The site lists companies that offer freebies, coupons and giveaways to parents of twins and higher order multiples.
You may not need it, but both Similac and Enfamil have coupon programs on their websites. So do Huggies, Luvs and Pampers. (We used pampers and enfamil.) You can have a family member in another household sign up at the same time you do, and receive double coupons. All of these companies do (or used to) have programs for multiples as well. You may have to provide verification in the form of a birth certificate.
Babies 'R Us has a multiples program. When you buy two items at a time, you can ask for and receive a 10% discount if you mention to them that you have twins. (I'm not sure if it only applies to furniture or everything in the store. We rarely used it -- most of the items we bought, we only needed one of, but it's worth knowing about.
Also, I mentioned the bulk stores like Sam's, Costco and BJ's earlier. It is nearly always cheaper to use them for wipes, diapers and formula rather than Babies R Us or Buy Buy Baby. (Sometimes the latter stores do have diaper sales.) We used Babies R Us for things like humidifiers, baby q-tips (surprisingly hard to find) bottles and nipples. They were cheaper than at our local pharmacy. You may also consider joining Amazon Prime, if you're planning on ordering diapers from them. Eliminates the shipping cost, and may wind up being more cost-effective if you aren't close to a warehouse-type store for bulk items.
Tiny Love had a buy-one-get-one-free program for multples, but seem to have discontinued it. They make the popular Gymini mat, which my kids *loved*. Ditto Playtex, who used to have a discount program but have discontinued it.
After they were done with milk and were moving on to solid food, we made all our kids' baby food. Use this book: Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron. I think they probably ate food from a jar a handful of times, and then only in emergencies. This isn't required, obviously. Jarred food is perfectly healthy. But we really enjoyed making it for them. And there was a significant cost savings for us. The book details how it can be done easily. Basically, every weekend, we would pop vegetables or fruit into a blender, add water and then scoop mush into ice cube trays. The frozen cubes were then stored in tupperware containers in our freezer. We'd reheat the cubes to make meals. Eventually, we did the same with meat. However, both Beech Nut and Gerber have coupon programs.
posted by zarq at 9:23 PM on April 21, 2012
Initially, for feedings, we had them on a rotating schedule. Each kid would wake up at alternating two hours intervals to be fed. So one would wake up at midnight, we'd heat a bottle, they'd drink 2 oz of milk in 30-45 minutes, they'd be burped and then we'd rock them back to sleep (hopefully.) Then at 1am, their sibling would wake up and want to be fed. The first would sleep for 2 hours after eating, then wake up and the process would begin anew. When they were old enough to be fed at specific times, we fed them at the same times every day, bathed them at the same times, put them in for naps at the same time, etc. Established a very clear routine with them from the beginning.
It wasn't immediately apparent to me why this was so important. And then around the six month mark, my son took ill with some sort of nasty flu and our schedule fell apart for a few days. And I had a revelation: when your kids are on a schedule doing the same things at the same time every day, you establish predictability and a clear routine for them-- which allows you to build time into your day to rest, shower, etc. It keeps you from having to constantly be on the move. And when you have an infant, it's very hard to create pockets of time for yourself. But having those small breaks keeps you sane.
Building off what primate moon said, the national support group organization: National Organization for Mothers of Twins can connect you to Moms of Multiples groups in your area, like this one: Columbia Area Mothers of Multiples. There are more than 300 nationwide. Our local group is decent, but friends of ours who are members of the Austin group say theirs is fantastic. They conduct consignment sales, so that members can arrange to sell stuff they're not using any more to each other.
Free help for parents of multiples. The site lists companies that offer freebies, coupons and giveaways to parents of twins and higher order multiples.
You may not need it, but both Similac and Enfamil have coupon programs on their websites. So do Huggies, Luvs and Pampers. (We used pampers and enfamil.) You can have a family member in another household sign up at the same time you do, and receive double coupons. All of these companies do (or used to) have programs for multiples as well. You may have to provide verification in the form of a birth certificate.
Babies 'R Us has a multiples program. When you buy two items at a time, you can ask for and receive a 10% discount if you mention to them that you have twins. (I'm not sure if it only applies to furniture or everything in the store. We rarely used it -- most of the items we bought, we only needed one of, but it's worth knowing about.
Also, I mentioned the bulk stores like Sam's, Costco and BJ's earlier. It is nearly always cheaper to use them for wipes, diapers and formula rather than Babies R Us or Buy Buy Baby. (Sometimes the latter stores do have diaper sales.) We used Babies R Us for things like humidifiers, baby q-tips (surprisingly hard to find) bottles and nipples. They were cheaper than at our local pharmacy. You may also consider joining Amazon Prime, if you're planning on ordering diapers from them. Eliminates the shipping cost, and may wind up being more cost-effective if you aren't close to a warehouse-type store for bulk items.
Tiny Love had a buy-one-get-one-free program for multples, but seem to have discontinued it. They make the popular Gymini mat, which my kids *loved*. Ditto Playtex, who used to have a discount program but have discontinued it.
After they were done with milk and were moving on to solid food, we made all our kids' baby food. Use this book: Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron. I think they probably ate food from a jar a handful of times, and then only in emergencies. This isn't required, obviously. Jarred food is perfectly healthy. But we really enjoyed making it for them. And there was a significant cost savings for us. The book details how it can be done easily. Basically, every weekend, we would pop vegetables or fruit into a blender, add water and then scoop mush into ice cube trays. The frozen cubes were then stored in tupperware containers in our freezer. We'd reheat the cubes to make meals. Eventually, we did the same with meat. However, both Beech Nut and Gerber have coupon programs.
posted by zarq at 9:23 PM on April 21, 2012
I am the progenitor of the first thread you linked to, and of an 8-month-old boy and an 8-month-old girl. I don't have time to read through the whole thread, because I have twins, but I will try to give you some important points.
First of all, expect it to be infinitely difficult. Just this week my twins came down with colds, meaning they can't breathe through the nose and have coughing fits, so every night this week they've been waking up 5-6 times a night, each. At various times you will complain to people about how impossible it is and they will tell you, "you're in the worst phase right now, from here it only gets better", but eventually you will notice that they keep saying that every month. It gets better in the sense that you start seeing the rewards when they learn to smile and laugh, and then notice each other and laugh mutually, etc., but even at 8 months I feel it to be a crushing burden. So be prepared to live under a crushing burden for a year, I would say. It is how it is. Accept any help from anyone. We found that we needed a third person living with us basically for the first 3 months, although if your mom lives locally that's great. Also remember that they will almost certainly be born early, so all milestones will be delayed. So when people say, "oh this is the worst phase" -- even to the extent that it's true, their estimate is probably off by 2-4 weeks.
You should get them on a joint schedule, any joint schedule, as soon as possible. I think in our case we started getting them to take naps in the stroller twice a day, at roughly the same time every day, maybe at 3 or 4 months. You might have to use some sort of baby-wearing device at first if they don't like the stroller. Invest in a good durable double stroller that will last for years and can be converted so they can start sitting up around 6 months.
Our delivery was pretty much as good as it gets for twins -- we initiated birth 2.5 weeks early because my wife had high blood pressure, and they were both delivered naturally, though with the help of that suction device. Our twins were slightly underweight and had to be bottle-fed right away for that reason. We did our best at breast-feeding and they both got some breast milk, supplemented by larger amounts for formula, for the first 2 months until we just switched to formula. If I were you I would be prepared to use formula partially or entirely. Don't expect yourself to do everything the way others consider to be perfect. You just have to get the job done.
I would urge you to be careful you don't fuck up your back. My foot's been numb for a week now and I have leg pain when I sit, probably because of a slipped disc -- as soon as I have time for doctors' appointments I will find out. I used to lift weights pretty seriously before we had kids, so I had a pretty strong back, but I'm still messed up now ... because our kids are both in the 99th percentile for size and we always carry them to soothe them. You should resist the urge to always carry them to soothe them -- find other ways of soothing them.
Otherwise ... remember that it will have its rewards eventually -- for me it was around 4-5 months that I started to really appreciate my kids -- but it will continue to be an endless amount of labor until you can get them into day-care. You need to simply accept this and then look forward to the good aspects.
Also, be grateful if they take pacifiers. Our daughter won't have any of a pacifier, and it makes things more difficult with her. If people tell you it's better not to get them hooked on a pacifier, don't listen to them, just tune them out and be grateful you have an automatic mechanism for calming the baby.
Our doctor here told us to start them on solid food as soon as possible. I'm not sure if that's his recommendation for everyone, or if he just said it to us because ours were growing so quickly, and doctor's advice also varies nationally anyways (we live in Germany), but our son took to eating everything at four months -- meat, vegetables, yoghurt, etc. -- and it made things easier simply because he was fuller longer and we had a new way of interacting with him that wasn't just singing the same old fucking songs all day long. I would recommend that you do the same, but I'm not a doctor.
Anyway, good luck, and remember that everyone will survive. -- Oh and also: I think a 2-bedroom condo is probably just fine for the first year, I wouldn't worry about that at all.
posted by creasy boy at 1:02 AM on April 22, 2012
First of all, expect it to be infinitely difficult. Just this week my twins came down with colds, meaning they can't breathe through the nose and have coughing fits, so every night this week they've been waking up 5-6 times a night, each. At various times you will complain to people about how impossible it is and they will tell you, "you're in the worst phase right now, from here it only gets better", but eventually you will notice that they keep saying that every month. It gets better in the sense that you start seeing the rewards when they learn to smile and laugh, and then notice each other and laugh mutually, etc., but even at 8 months I feel it to be a crushing burden. So be prepared to live under a crushing burden for a year, I would say. It is how it is. Accept any help from anyone. We found that we needed a third person living with us basically for the first 3 months, although if your mom lives locally that's great. Also remember that they will almost certainly be born early, so all milestones will be delayed. So when people say, "oh this is the worst phase" -- even to the extent that it's true, their estimate is probably off by 2-4 weeks.
You should get them on a joint schedule, any joint schedule, as soon as possible. I think in our case we started getting them to take naps in the stroller twice a day, at roughly the same time every day, maybe at 3 or 4 months. You might have to use some sort of baby-wearing device at first if they don't like the stroller. Invest in a good durable double stroller that will last for years and can be converted so they can start sitting up around 6 months.
Our delivery was pretty much as good as it gets for twins -- we initiated birth 2.5 weeks early because my wife had high blood pressure, and they were both delivered naturally, though with the help of that suction device. Our twins were slightly underweight and had to be bottle-fed right away for that reason. We did our best at breast-feeding and they both got some breast milk, supplemented by larger amounts for formula, for the first 2 months until we just switched to formula. If I were you I would be prepared to use formula partially or entirely. Don't expect yourself to do everything the way others consider to be perfect. You just have to get the job done.
I would urge you to be careful you don't fuck up your back. My foot's been numb for a week now and I have leg pain when I sit, probably because of a slipped disc -- as soon as I have time for doctors' appointments I will find out. I used to lift weights pretty seriously before we had kids, so I had a pretty strong back, but I'm still messed up now ... because our kids are both in the 99th percentile for size and we always carry them to soothe them. You should resist the urge to always carry them to soothe them -- find other ways of soothing them.
Otherwise ... remember that it will have its rewards eventually -- for me it was around 4-5 months that I started to really appreciate my kids -- but it will continue to be an endless amount of labor until you can get them into day-care. You need to simply accept this and then look forward to the good aspects.
Also, be grateful if they take pacifiers. Our daughter won't have any of a pacifier, and it makes things more difficult with her. If people tell you it's better not to get them hooked on a pacifier, don't listen to them, just tune them out and be grateful you have an automatic mechanism for calming the baby.
Our doctor here told us to start them on solid food as soon as possible. I'm not sure if that's his recommendation for everyone, or if he just said it to us because ours were growing so quickly, and doctor's advice also varies nationally anyways (we live in Germany), but our son took to eating everything at four months -- meat, vegetables, yoghurt, etc. -- and it made things easier simply because he was fuller longer and we had a new way of interacting with him that wasn't just singing the same old fucking songs all day long. I would recommend that you do the same, but I'm not a doctor.
Anyway, good luck, and remember that everyone will survive. -- Oh and also: I think a 2-bedroom condo is probably just fine for the first year, I wouldn't worry about that at all.
posted by creasy boy at 1:02 AM on April 22, 2012
Congratulations!
What doesn't seem to have been said here is gather as much second-hand stuff as you can. It really helps on the days when they are throwing up over themselves a lot to have a shelf of spare clothes to put them into, even if the design is not something you would have chosen yourself. All sorts of baby equipment is available "lightly used", and even if you don't want to go that route, your mother may want to have some stuff at her place for when the kids visit. Check for a local Freecycle group.
posted by Idcoytco at 4:25 AM on April 22, 2012
What doesn't seem to have been said here is gather as much second-hand stuff as you can. It really helps on the days when they are throwing up over themselves a lot to have a shelf of spare clothes to put them into, even if the design is not something you would have chosen yourself. All sorts of baby equipment is available "lightly used", and even if you don't want to go that route, your mother may want to have some stuff at her place for when the kids visit. Check for a local Freecycle group.
posted by Idcoytco at 4:25 AM on April 22, 2012
Congratulations! Although twins can be insanely hard at times, I now think having twins is like winning the baby lottery.
We have 13 month old identical boys. Like creasy boy above, we found the first 4-5 months monumentally difficult. Things started to get slightly easier around then, but it wasn't till 7 months (when our boys started standing) that I felt like I wasn't going to lose the plot.
My pregnancy was pretty simply, no bedrest, no real problems apart from pelvis pain, reflux and cankles. I was induced at 37 weeks due to the apparent risk of stillbirths that occurs with multiple pregnancies. My hospital (Aus) was very supportive of 'natural' births, and I was glad that I was able to deliver them naturally (if you can call induction, with epidural, vacuum, forceps and epesiotomy natural). I recovered reasonably quickly, although lost a fair amount of blood and have had a few pelvic floor issues since. Probably would've happened if I had a singleton. If you want to go natural, you just have to find the right team. Our bubs were a good size 2.8kg and 3kg (over 6 pound?) so didn't need any special care.
I was absolutely determined to breastfeed exclusively. Things may have been easier if I was a little more flexible on that front. But I was a paranoid first time mother and couldn't bear the thought of deviating from the plan. It was crazy difficult/painful/debilitating trying to exclusively breastfeed 2 babies, but I did it for 5 months and am so glad and proud that I did. The only illness we've had was last week, apart from when they had a bit of a runny nose once.
Again, like creasy boy above, we struggled without a 3rd adult. I'm sure you can do it, but it's a lot more stressful. Plus I'm a big proponent of the 4th trimester concept, so it felt wrong to not hold my babies when they were upset. When there wasn't another adult around, I worked out a way to have them both snuggled in my arms in bed while I dozed or watched tv. Some really beautiful memories there. Anyway, we are pretty indebted to 'grandma power'. I'd try to get round the clock care for the first 6 weeks, then have someone come during the day whenever possible up till about 4 months. You can survive with less, but you want to make those first difficult months as easy as possible so you can remember the experience and try to enjoy it. We also had friends deliver food on a regular basis which made such a difference - particularly as I was breastfeeding and ate like an olympian.
Things we bought initially: 2 ergo baby carriers with infant inserts (these were brilliant!), 1 crib, 1 change station, 1 double stroller. Later on we picked up a baby monitor, 2nd crib, a single stroller (for quick missions with 1 bub), and bumbos (also brilliant, we're still not using highchairs but just sit them in their bumbos on the kitchen floor). A lot of clothes/toys were sourced from ebay/garage sales. We also live in a 2 bedroom flat, and that's totally fine.
I have no advice/experience with developing individualism or other issues with being a twin. Yet. We just try to not compare them.
Again, congrats and memail if you have any questions!
posted by bingoes at 4:32 AM on April 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
We have 13 month old identical boys. Like creasy boy above, we found the first 4-5 months monumentally difficult. Things started to get slightly easier around then, but it wasn't till 7 months (when our boys started standing) that I felt like I wasn't going to lose the plot.
My pregnancy was pretty simply, no bedrest, no real problems apart from pelvis pain, reflux and cankles. I was induced at 37 weeks due to the apparent risk of stillbirths that occurs with multiple pregnancies. My hospital (Aus) was very supportive of 'natural' births, and I was glad that I was able to deliver them naturally (if you can call induction, with epidural, vacuum, forceps and epesiotomy natural). I recovered reasonably quickly, although lost a fair amount of blood and have had a few pelvic floor issues since. Probably would've happened if I had a singleton. If you want to go natural, you just have to find the right team. Our bubs were a good size 2.8kg and 3kg (over 6 pound?) so didn't need any special care.
I was absolutely determined to breastfeed exclusively. Things may have been easier if I was a little more flexible on that front. But I was a paranoid first time mother and couldn't bear the thought of deviating from the plan. It was crazy difficult/painful/debilitating trying to exclusively breastfeed 2 babies, but I did it for 5 months and am so glad and proud that I did. The only illness we've had was last week, apart from when they had a bit of a runny nose once.
Again, like creasy boy above, we struggled without a 3rd adult. I'm sure you can do it, but it's a lot more stressful. Plus I'm a big proponent of the 4th trimester concept, so it felt wrong to not hold my babies when they were upset. When there wasn't another adult around, I worked out a way to have them both snuggled in my arms in bed while I dozed or watched tv. Some really beautiful memories there. Anyway, we are pretty indebted to 'grandma power'. I'd try to get round the clock care for the first 6 weeks, then have someone come during the day whenever possible up till about 4 months. You can survive with less, but you want to make those first difficult months as easy as possible so you can remember the experience and try to enjoy it. We also had friends deliver food on a regular basis which made such a difference - particularly as I was breastfeeding and ate like an olympian.
Things we bought initially: 2 ergo baby carriers with infant inserts (these were brilliant!), 1 crib, 1 change station, 1 double stroller. Later on we picked up a baby monitor, 2nd crib, a single stroller (for quick missions with 1 bub), and bumbos (also brilliant, we're still not using highchairs but just sit them in their bumbos on the kitchen floor). A lot of clothes/toys were sourced from ebay/garage sales. We also live in a 2 bedroom flat, and that's totally fine.
I have no advice/experience with developing individualism or other issues with being a twin. Yet. We just try to not compare them.
Again, congrats and memail if you have any questions!
posted by bingoes at 4:32 AM on April 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thank you all so much for your replies. It always amazes me how helpful total strangers can be in the most important moments.
posted by Nathanial Hörnblowér at 6:50 PM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Nathanial Hörnblowér at 6:50 PM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
I don't know if this will be helpful to you, but thought I'd post the link anyway. This is a link to "Kara K.'s Pregnancy and Parenting Notes" circa 2008. (I archived it in my Google Docs a couple of years ago. Public link. Feel free to share.)
The notes are over 100 pages, were written by an Austin-based mom, and circulated through the Austin Moms of Multiples group. They have since gone from group to group across the country. They are specific to moms expecting twins and higher-order multiples. My wife found this document helpful when she was pregnant. An aggregate of advice from quite a few books and other sources, across a wide range of topics.
posted by zarq at 8:54 PM on April 28, 2012
The notes are over 100 pages, were written by an Austin-based mom, and circulated through the Austin Moms of Multiples group. They have since gone from group to group across the country. They are specific to moms expecting twins and higher-order multiples. My wife found this document helpful when she was pregnant. An aggregate of advice from quite a few books and other sources, across a wide range of topics.
posted by zarq at 8:54 PM on April 28, 2012
« Older Should one roll EE bonds to a 529 plan or rebuy... | Active Duty vs. Reserves + Coping with... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Nathanial Hörnblowér at 1:45 PM on April 21, 2012 [4 favorites]