How do I deal with college reunions?
April 18, 2012 9:51 AM Subscribe
How do I deal with reunions?
How do I best answer the “what happened to you” and related questions? I have also recently dealt with depression and some other medical issues. Do I mention any of this? How truthful should I be?
In the coming weeks I have reunions for undergraduate and graduate schools. As a student and throughout my life I have had periods of very high engagement and social activity and was an on-campus “do-er," but I have had only short-term friendships-- and I have never had a romantic relationship. These periods have typically been followed by self-destructive behavior and debilitating depression.
About 14 months ago, I began to emerge with antidepressants, and more recently, the addition of therapist. I have not had a steady job in almost two years. A previous down period preceded a harsh crash-and-burn, I was able to temporarily reinvent myself at graduate school, but fell into the same cycle. Only now do I feel that I might be on more positive path.
I am compelled to go to both reunions, My one friend from undergrad has strongly urged me to go, and I really want to re-engage with the world and hope this might help jump-start that. To top it off, I went to Ivy League schools and I will be confronted by incredible successes, successful spouses and even brilliant successful children. In my up periods, I did have some accomplishments at “name” places, but not always with a happy long-term result.
My therapist is on maternity leave, and I am starting to feel a little stress, but I still think I should go. How best to cope?
In the coming weeks I have reunions for undergraduate and graduate schools. As a student and throughout my life I have had periods of very high engagement and social activity and was an on-campus “do-er," but I have had only short-term friendships-- and I have never had a romantic relationship. These periods have typically been followed by self-destructive behavior and debilitating depression.
About 14 months ago, I began to emerge with antidepressants, and more recently, the addition of therapist. I have not had a steady job in almost two years. A previous down period preceded a harsh crash-and-burn, I was able to temporarily reinvent myself at graduate school, but fell into the same cycle. Only now do I feel that I might be on more positive path.
I am compelled to go to both reunions, My one friend from undergrad has strongly urged me to go, and I really want to re-engage with the world and hope this might help jump-start that. To top it off, I went to Ivy League schools and I will be confronted by incredible successes, successful spouses and even brilliant successful children. In my up periods, I did have some accomplishments at “name” places, but not always with a happy long-term result.
My therapist is on maternity leave, and I am starting to feel a little stress, but I still think I should go. How best to cope?
Or change the subject by talking about the zany stuff that happened back when you were in school ("Oh, man, remember when someone secretly stuck beef boullion cubes in all the showerheads? Did anyone ever find out who did that?").
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:58 AM on April 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:58 AM on April 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
To the extent that you had a lot of casual friendships, but not too many deep ones in undergraduate or graduate school, I would err on the side of ambiguous answers and no over sharing.
Don't be intimidated by the seeming fabulous lives of your counterparts. You have no idea what they may have been through and they may be just as disinclined as you to discuss the particulars.
Go and have fun without the pretense of having a persona or having to explain yourself. Most people will be more interested in rehashing the old days, I suspect.
posted by Leezie at 10:00 AM on April 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
Don't be intimidated by the seeming fabulous lives of your counterparts. You have no idea what they may have been through and they may be just as disinclined as you to discuss the particulars.
Go and have fun without the pretense of having a persona or having to explain yourself. Most people will be more interested in rehashing the old days, I suspect.
posted by Leezie at 10:00 AM on April 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
Be excited and pleased to see those other people and hear about what they're up to. (They will be very willing to talk about it!)
You can reveal as much or as little as you want about your own path.
"I've had some ups and downs, you know - right now I'm doing x" where x = anything plausible. Maybe you're starting a writing project, or you're thinking about switching fields or something. The key is to mention something that can serve as a conversational hook for people to ask friendly questions about. Most people just want to make pleasant catch-up conversation, they don't want to accidentally dredge up sad times for you, so as long as you come in with a prepared line of conversation that can be reliably pleasant, you're golden. Maybe it can be a hobby ("I've been really into knitting/gardening/photography/cooking"), a volunteer gig ("I've been spending a lot of time working with this local literacy program") etc.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:00 AM on April 18, 2012 [4 favorites]
You can reveal as much or as little as you want about your own path.
"I've had some ups and downs, you know - right now I'm doing x" where x = anything plausible. Maybe you're starting a writing project, or you're thinking about switching fields or something. The key is to mention something that can serve as a conversational hook for people to ask friendly questions about. Most people just want to make pleasant catch-up conversation, they don't want to accidentally dredge up sad times for you, so as long as you come in with a prepared line of conversation that can be reliably pleasant, you're golden. Maybe it can be a hobby ("I've been really into knitting/gardening/photography/cooking"), a volunteer gig ("I've been spending a lot of time working with this local literacy program") etc.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:00 AM on April 18, 2012 [4 favorites]
"It's been a whirlwind, hasn't it? I cannot BELIEVE how quickly time goes. I was working at [blank] and [blank], then took some time off for a while, which was much needed!" "I'm starting to think about what's next now, actually. I'm currently thinking about doing [blank] for [blank]-type organizations. I'm mostly looking in [blank] area where I live now, but I've heard great things about [blank] city too. You grew up near there, right?" Et cetera.
Also, engage your friends' spouses/partners/kids! They're even less interested in your resume (or medical history), and would welcome the chance to engage in meaningful conversations about what they do and are interested in, where they've traveled, and what they think of this season of "Mad Men."
Have a great time, and best of luck on your positive path.
posted by argonauta at 10:08 AM on April 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
Also, engage your friends' spouses/partners/kids! They're even less interested in your resume (or medical history), and would welcome the chance to engage in meaningful conversations about what they do and are interested in, where they've traveled, and what they think of this season of "Mad Men."
Have a great time, and best of luck on your positive path.
posted by argonauta at 10:08 AM on April 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
You have permission not to go, if that's what you want to do. Your friend will understand, if he or she is a real friend.
If you want to go, remember that the people you see are not the same people you knew, any more than you are the same person. Remember, too, that most of the time people are thinking about themselves, are focused on their own issues and drama.
It sounds like you have internalized some shame about yourself and you feel like these reunions will bring that shame to the surface. It may be worth thinking about where these feelings come from. What are you ashamed of?
Maybe you're ashamed because you still feel like, at some level, you are not living up to someone's expectations of you. You're not the super-involved busy little bee that you were back then, and maybe you feel like you should be. Maybe a part of you is disappointed that you're on a different track now. But it sounds like you know where that part of you comes from, and it sounds like you think that part of you does not have your best interests in mind.
Being on your right path is an accomplishment. There's no medal for it. There's no headline, no feature article, no mention in "30 under 30" or whatever. There reward is that you're on your right path, that you're the you you want to be. That you're a better you.
It's your secret, and you can treasure it. You can walk through the room overhearing how these people from college are crushing it on Wall Street and these other people are crushing it in Silicon Valley and these others are saving the rainforest and know that you have a treasure that is just as good as crushing it: you are comfortable being who you are. That's your secret. Let it warm you and uplift you, let it illuminate the private little smile that you share with yourself as you leave the conversations of stockbrokers and assistant vice-presidents and wander over to the little table with the desserts. You are yourself and that is enough.
Anyone who says that you need to be something more or other than what you are is trying to make you into something you're not. That is a form of hostility and should be met with resistance, if it must be acknowledged at all.
posted by gauche at 10:09 AM on April 18, 2012 [14 favorites]
If you want to go, remember that the people you see are not the same people you knew, any more than you are the same person. Remember, too, that most of the time people are thinking about themselves, are focused on their own issues and drama.
It sounds like you have internalized some shame about yourself and you feel like these reunions will bring that shame to the surface. It may be worth thinking about where these feelings come from. What are you ashamed of?
Maybe you're ashamed because you still feel like, at some level, you are not living up to someone's expectations of you. You're not the super-involved busy little bee that you were back then, and maybe you feel like you should be. Maybe a part of you is disappointed that you're on a different track now. But it sounds like you know where that part of you comes from, and it sounds like you think that part of you does not have your best interests in mind.
Being on your right path is an accomplishment. There's no medal for it. There's no headline, no feature article, no mention in "30 under 30" or whatever. There reward is that you're on your right path, that you're the you you want to be. That you're a better you.
It's your secret, and you can treasure it. You can walk through the room overhearing how these people from college are crushing it on Wall Street and these other people are crushing it in Silicon Valley and these others are saving the rainforest and know that you have a treasure that is just as good as crushing it: you are comfortable being who you are. That's your secret. Let it warm you and uplift you, let it illuminate the private little smile that you share with yourself as you leave the conversations of stockbrokers and assistant vice-presidents and wander over to the little table with the desserts. You are yourself and that is enough.
Anyone who says that you need to be something more or other than what you are is trying to make you into something you're not. That is a form of hostility and should be met with resistance, if it must be acknowledged at all.
posted by gauche at 10:09 AM on April 18, 2012 [14 favorites]
Lots of other people have been out of work for two years in the current economy. Lots of other people have had medical issues, both mental health issues and other health issues. I went to my 25th reunion from my fancy college and had fun chatting with my classmates, even though my stories of, say, caring for my dad in his last illness were certainly objectively less interesting than their stories of being a Cabinet secretary or a headlining rock star or starring on a television show or winning a Pulitzer Prize for reporting.
Most people just want to make pleasant catch-up conversation, they don't want to accidentally dredge up sad times for you, so as long as you come in with a prepared line of conversation that can be reliably pleasant, you're golden.
This is so true. "I love being an aunt, tell me about your kids!" is a great conversation hook for me with old acquaintances whom I know are parents. "I went to Tahiti a few years ago and loved it; have you been there?" to fancy world traveler acquaintances.
As for the relationships thing, I think the best social answer is generally "Well, you know how it is--it's hard to meet the right person. Tell me about how you and your spouse met!"
And then you may have surprising conversations with other classmates who have had similar experiences. I had a long talk with someone I knew only slightly in school about our mutual experiences of chronic illness, and it was really lovely to make that connection in the midst of a fairly superficial social gathering.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:12 AM on April 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
Most people just want to make pleasant catch-up conversation, they don't want to accidentally dredge up sad times for you, so as long as you come in with a prepared line of conversation that can be reliably pleasant, you're golden.
This is so true. "I love being an aunt, tell me about your kids!" is a great conversation hook for me with old acquaintances whom I know are parents. "I went to Tahiti a few years ago and loved it; have you been there?" to fancy world traveler acquaintances.
As for the relationships thing, I think the best social answer is generally "Well, you know how it is--it's hard to meet the right person. Tell me about how you and your spouse met!"
And then you may have surprising conversations with other classmates who have had similar experiences. I had a long talk with someone I knew only slightly in school about our mutual experiences of chronic illness, and it was really lovely to make that connection in the midst of a fairly superficial social gathering.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:12 AM on April 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
The depression is not something I'd expect to mention at a reunion -- certainly not as a matter of course. I don't think mentioning depression is taboo in all social situations, but at a reunion, I'd only mention it if you've made a particularly strong connection with someone and have been talking for a while.
I see no reason to mention that you haven't been in a long-term relationship. You're unlikely to be asked, "Have you ever been in a relationship?" Someone might ask if you're seeing someone now. If the answer is no, they'll probably move right on to another topic. People like to talk about stuff that has happened, not stuff that hasn't happened.
The unemployment is tougher, since you can assume people will ask questions that bring this up. The best you can do is practice some kind of frank but upbeat answer to "What have you been up to?" If you want to discuss what kinds of work you've been looking for, that would be fine, but it would also be fine to signal that you'd rather not dwell on it and move onto another conversation topic.
posted by John Cohen at 10:22 AM on April 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
I see no reason to mention that you haven't been in a long-term relationship. You're unlikely to be asked, "Have you ever been in a relationship?" Someone might ask if you're seeing someone now. If the answer is no, they'll probably move right on to another topic. People like to talk about stuff that has happened, not stuff that hasn't happened.
The unemployment is tougher, since you can assume people will ask questions that bring this up. The best you can do is practice some kind of frank but upbeat answer to "What have you been up to?" If you want to discuss what kinds of work you've been looking for, that would be fine, but it would also be fine to signal that you'd rather not dwell on it and move onto another conversation topic.
posted by John Cohen at 10:22 AM on April 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
I am compelled to go to both reunions, My one friend from undergrad has strongly urged me to go, and I really want to re-engage with the world and hope this might help jump-start that.
I think a hugely stressful event that has you comparing yourself unfavorably to everyone else there and measuring your life's value based on what you've done/not done since a promising beginning ... is the wrong thing to jump-start your re-engagement with the world. I would gently suggest that you find something that is interesting to you now but is not connected with the rest of your life to use as a stepping-stone back into the world.
FWIW, I have a significant college reunion this year where we will be digging up a time capsule we buried the year we graduated. I am divorced from someone who will be there, my son is struggling with anxiety and depression so crippling that he is about to drop out of high school with six weeks to go, and I am fat. I am not going to my reunion, but I am doing P90X with my other son and went out with work "friends" last weekend. The world I need to re-engage with is here & now, not there & then. You don't have to go to your reunion either.
posted by headnsouth at 10:30 AM on April 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
I think a hugely stressful event that has you comparing yourself unfavorably to everyone else there and measuring your life's value based on what you've done/not done since a promising beginning ... is the wrong thing to jump-start your re-engagement with the world. I would gently suggest that you find something that is interesting to you now but is not connected with the rest of your life to use as a stepping-stone back into the world.
FWIW, I have a significant college reunion this year where we will be digging up a time capsule we buried the year we graduated. I am divorced from someone who will be there, my son is struggling with anxiety and depression so crippling that he is about to drop out of high school with six weeks to go, and I am fat. I am not going to my reunion, but I am doing P90X with my other son and went out with work "friends" last weekend. The world I need to re-engage with is here & now, not there & then. You don't have to go to your reunion either.
posted by headnsouth at 10:30 AM on April 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
Montesquieu:
"If one only wished to be happy, this could be easily accomplished; but we wish to be happier than other people, and this is always difficult, for we believe others to be happier than they are."
posted by bukvich at 10:31 AM on April 18, 2012 [18 favorites]
"If one only wished to be happy, this could be easily accomplished; but we wish to be happier than other people, and this is always difficult, for we believe others to be happier than they are."
posted by bukvich at 10:31 AM on April 18, 2012 [18 favorites]
Come up with a brief explanation of what you've been up to and/or what your near-term goals are that you will be happy repeating to people over and over. This doesn't have to be, "I've accomplished X, Y, and Z," it could be something like "I was ill for a while, but I'm finally getting better and reconnecting with the outside world." (It does, however, need to be positive, otherwise you will have lots of awkward conversations.)
If it makes you feel any better, a couple of years ago I read a column in the Harvard alumni magazine urging people to go to reunion despite the fact that they feel they don't measure up to their classmates or to the expectations of them. It's not just you. Many of your classmates who you feel are incredibly successful are feeling the same anxiety.
posted by chickenmagazine at 11:04 AM on April 18, 2012
If it makes you feel any better, a couple of years ago I read a column in the Harvard alumni magazine urging people to go to reunion despite the fact that they feel they don't measure up to their classmates or to the expectations of them. It's not just you. Many of your classmates who you feel are incredibly successful are feeling the same anxiety.
posted by chickenmagazine at 11:04 AM on April 18, 2012
Keep in mind the people who go to reunions are a self-selecting bunch: a lot of the people who feel like they don't measure up are just going to skip. And even the ones who go will be making an effort to present themselves as best they can, because most of them are feeling intimidated and inadequate, too. Some of them will have their own demons, and maybe they're either currently in an upswing or they're just "on" for the evening.
As the saying goes, never compare your inside to other people's outsides. Even if you're comparing outsides to outsides, you can choose what outside to present. You do have some good achievements under your belt, and you're looking ahead to the future!
And it will help you to keep in mind that most of these people, if they are your friends or even halfway decent people, want to see you succeed, too. Go into this reunion with that attitude; maybe some of your fellow alumni have networking contacts or are interested in starting or rekindling a friendship with you.
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:11 AM on April 18, 2012 [3 favorites]
As the saying goes, never compare your inside to other people's outsides. Even if you're comparing outsides to outsides, you can choose what outside to present. You do have some good achievements under your belt, and you're looking ahead to the future!
And it will help you to keep in mind that most of these people, if they are your friends or even halfway decent people, want to see you succeed, too. Go into this reunion with that attitude; maybe some of your fellow alumni have networking contacts or are interested in starting or rekindling a friendship with you.
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:11 AM on April 18, 2012 [3 favorites]
I think I'd be uncomfortable if an acquaintance from high school told me about their health issues. To be fair, I've over-disclosed in social situations myself, and while nothing dreadful happens it doesn't really get you anywhere either and later I was a little embarrassed.
What do you want to gain by going to the reunion? To reconnect and have a good time and maybe network, right? Disclosing your health problems doesn't support that goal. If there's anyone there you want to resume a friendship with talk to them for a bit and get their contact info or agree to friend them on facebook. For everyone else, just find out what they've been up to, get their business cards if they work in your field, and listen to the gossip and talk about old times.
Don't start thinking that you owe anyone a full and honest account of what you've done with yourself since high school. You don't. And do you really want that from them? Probably not.
And of course, you really don't have to go if you don't want to.
posted by bunderful at 11:15 AM on April 18, 2012 [3 favorites]
What do you want to gain by going to the reunion? To reconnect and have a good time and maybe network, right? Disclosing your health problems doesn't support that goal. If there's anyone there you want to resume a friendship with talk to them for a bit and get their contact info or agree to friend them on facebook. For everyone else, just find out what they've been up to, get their business cards if they work in your field, and listen to the gossip and talk about old times.
Don't start thinking that you owe anyone a full and honest account of what you've done with yourself since high school. You don't. And do you really want that from them? Probably not.
And of course, you really don't have to go if you don't want to.
posted by bunderful at 11:15 AM on April 18, 2012 [3 favorites]
There is a lot of good advice above should you choose to go, but speaking for myself, this sounds like a setup for depression to me. I'm not sure what reunions are other than compare-a-thons: he's bald, she's fat, wow, that guy made good and why didn't I. Don't go just to please someone else, whatever you do.
If you really want to reconnect or network with college acquaintances, is there an alumni club in the area? Somehow that seems lower-stress and less compare-y to me, although I'll admit that I've never tried it myself. But you might want to feel more even-keel about your life before you try that.
And I think there are other avenues for networking that might yield better fruit and less stress: volunteering, membership in local organizations, etc.
posted by Currer Belfry at 11:31 AM on April 18, 2012
If you really want to reconnect or network with college acquaintances, is there an alumni club in the area? Somehow that seems lower-stress and less compare-y to me, although I'll admit that I've never tried it myself. But you might want to feel more even-keel about your life before you try that.
And I think there are other avenues for networking that might yield better fruit and less stress: volunteering, membership in local organizations, etc.
posted by Currer Belfry at 11:31 AM on April 18, 2012
Your focus on the achievements aspect of this reunion is your own making. It is also common. For some reason reunions force people to hold a mirror to themselves. Really, it is just a night out. I guarantee no one really cares. The people who would relish the telling of your "fall" are not worth the stress. For you, the function of this reunion is to see people, mingle, have a drink, have a good chat, and possibly have fun.
I would much rather talk to someone who has taken the "road less traveled" than hear someone go on about their amazing accomplishments, children, spouse, etc. I would much rather have a good conversation with someone (successful or not) than phony small-talk about what they've Done In Life. Everyone has dark spots in their lives. People who will look down on you for not wearing your guilded epaulets are assholes.
posted by Katine at 12:12 PM on April 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
I would much rather talk to someone who has taken the "road less traveled" than hear someone go on about their amazing accomplishments, children, spouse, etc. I would much rather have a good conversation with someone (successful or not) than phony small-talk about what they've Done In Life. Everyone has dark spots in their lives. People who will look down on you for not wearing your guilded epaulets are assholes.
posted by Katine at 12:12 PM on April 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
Well, you can always not go. That is always an option.
However, if you want to go, then don't go into any details. Just let them know you've been living a pretty good life since leaving high school, that you've had your share of ups and downs but done some great work at [name place one], [name place two] and [name place three], and how have you been? Don't go into any negatives, and if someone pushes hard enough to try uncovering some, just beg off modestly with "oh, the details of my work are painfully difficult to explain, and once explained, desperately boring" and ask about a mutual friend* you're hoping to see there.
*if they don't share a mutual friend with you, you can always brush them off faster, as they're a lot less likely to be aware of your background.
posted by davejay at 12:49 PM on April 18, 2012
However, if you want to go, then don't go into any details. Just let them know you've been living a pretty good life since leaving high school, that you've had your share of ups and downs but done some great work at [name place one], [name place two] and [name place three], and how have you been? Don't go into any negatives, and if someone pushes hard enough to try uncovering some, just beg off modestly with "oh, the details of my work are painfully difficult to explain, and once explained, desperately boring" and ask about a mutual friend* you're hoping to see there.
*if they don't share a mutual friend with you, you can always brush them off faster, as they're a lot less likely to be aware of your background.
posted by davejay at 12:49 PM on April 18, 2012
Oh, and: going to a reunion doesn't reconnect you to the world; it just reminds you of where you're from, and how much time has passed. If you want to reconnect with the world, go meet new people who know you as you are, not by their expectations of you.
And that friend who wants you to go only wants you there because they want moral support. I suspect if you elect not to go, they might not either.
posted by davejay at 12:50 PM on April 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
And that friend who wants you to go only wants you there because they want moral support. I suspect if you elect not to go, they might not either.
posted by davejay at 12:50 PM on April 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
The world I need to re-engage with is here & now, not there & then. You don't have to go to your reunion either.
Good point. I think reunions are a pretty horrible concept, like Facebook but in real time. If there are specific people that you'd like to have a real relationship with in the here and now, why not contact them directly, and say you won't be going to the reunion but that you wanted to reconnect? And if there aren't any specific people that you'd like to have a real relationship with--why put yourself through the stress of the reunion?
posted by HotToddy at 12:52 PM on April 18, 2012
Good point. I think reunions are a pretty horrible concept, like Facebook but in real time. If there are specific people that you'd like to have a real relationship with in the here and now, why not contact them directly, and say you won't be going to the reunion but that you wanted to reconnect? And if there aren't any specific people that you'd like to have a real relationship with--why put yourself through the stress of the reunion?
posted by HotToddy at 12:52 PM on April 18, 2012
Agreed that you don't have to go. Sometimes when choosing between what we think we *should* do and what we want to do, we should just pick the latter and be OK with that.
If you do choose to go, consider writing yourself a half dozen or so flash cards about your positive experiences (not necessarily financial or work accomplishments). These can be outlines rather than a script, but look at it like you're preparing for an interview. You have certain talking points you want to get across and you have a reasonable idea of the questions you'll be asked. Realistically, you're going to talk to most people for less than 5 minutes at a time, and half that time the other person will be speaking. You're going to be asked (generally) the same questions by everyone. Go prepared, and you'll make it a much easier process.
Life is only a contest if you make it one. It sounds like you have a number of things to be proud of, so be proud of them, regardless of what other people say they have done.
posted by cnc at 2:13 PM on April 18, 2012
If you do choose to go, consider writing yourself a half dozen or so flash cards about your positive experiences (not necessarily financial or work accomplishments). These can be outlines rather than a script, but look at it like you're preparing for an interview. You have certain talking points you want to get across and you have a reasonable idea of the questions you'll be asked. Realistically, you're going to talk to most people for less than 5 minutes at a time, and half that time the other person will be speaking. You're going to be asked (generally) the same questions by everyone. Go prepared, and you'll make it a much easier process.
Life is only a contest if you make it one. It sounds like you have a number of things to be proud of, so be proud of them, regardless of what other people say they have done.
posted by cnc at 2:13 PM on April 18, 2012
I had a great time at a reunion, once I realised that for me it wasn't about the 'old days'. I hadn't seen anyone for years, and probably wasn't going to see any of them until the next one. So I got there and was seated with 'the old gang'. Realised quickly I didn't have anything in common with them any more. So what to do? Then I realised this was a great social event with a couple of hundred people who I didn't really know. So off I went and had some great conversations with people who I barely knew 20 years ago (ie were strangers) and generally had a great time.
posted by jjderooy at 3:34 PM on April 18, 2012
posted by jjderooy at 3:34 PM on April 18, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
I can almost guarantee you that the people with "incredible successes" will also have experienced low periods, just like you did. They're just not going to tell you about them.
Play up the accomplishments you had, and be proud of them (as well you should be!), and focus on talking about those. If anyone asks about the longer-term for any of them ("so, you helped design a submarine at Electric Boat 5 years ago! Awesome! Are you still there?") you can gloss that over with a smile and saying nah, you wanted a change or something. If they pry, just say you felt it was time to move on and ask them about themselves. If all else fails, excuse yourself to go get some punch and then find someone else to talk to.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:57 AM on April 18, 2012 [2 favorites]