How do you override gut emotional reactions?

July 14, 2005 3:04 PM

How do you override gut emotional reactions? In other words, how can you bring your feelings into agreement with a conflicting conclusion you have reached via rational thinking?
posted by koenie to Grab Bag (18 answers total)

More information would be helpful here! But on a basic level, you cannot make yourself FEEL a certain way. You can exercise control over how you act (thank god) but not how you feel.

Acknowledging that there's a conflict between your feelings and reason-based beliefs is a great first step. Acknowledging that you're probably carrying on a distracting internal dialogue about the conflict (instead of listening) is another good step. It may also help to try to figure out why you feel the way you do--maybe there's an underlying issue going on. I'd recommend venting that undesirable feeling with a trusted friend (after explaining that you wish you didn't feel that way) so that you express it instead of bottling it up. Sometimes just talking it though is enough to process the feeling and it will subside.

The least helpful thing, however, is pretending you don't feel a certain way. Repressed emotions will find some non-constructive way of expressing themselves no matter what.
posted by equipoise at 3:19 PM on July 14, 2005

Time. And within that time you should just continually explain to yourself why the conclusion you've made is the right conclusion- not fall into doubt and arguments again. As soon as the logic cements more, your emotions should come around to agree.
posted by hopeless romantique at 3:20 PM on July 14, 2005

I'm not sure if this is what you're looking for, but I was raised with astrology, magick, tarot cards, etc., etc. Since then I have rejected all such spiritualist stuff. Nonetheless, when I hear someone's birthdate, I automatically calculate their astrological sign, and my ^well-trained^ brain starts figuring out what personality traits I should expect.

I deal with it by chuckling to myself and letting it go. If I judge myself for it, it becomes an issue. If I acknowledge it and move on, I stay aware of my own prejudices, but I can work around them.
posted by frykitty at 3:25 PM on July 14, 2005

I know this book gets mentioned in every thread (not really, ha ha), but Malcolm Gladwell's Blink addresses this issue, among other things.
posted by matildaben at 3:36 PM on July 14, 2005

Well, I try to examine the trigger of the emotional reaction. Generally speaking, I find that there are often pretty good logical reasons for feelings and thoughts that seem to be "gut" reactions. If a person or situation strikes me as being immediately unpleasant on its unexplored surface, the negative reaction might fit a pattern of negative experience associated with certain clues or signals that alert my"gut" before my logic kicks in.
Ultimately, feelings, while initially mysterious, aren't necessarily in any actual conflict with rationality. They feed eachother, really.
posted by Jon-o at 3:49 PM on July 14, 2005

Depending on the situation, the problem may be that you're *not* listening to your gut feelings. Trying to reduce everything to a rational excercise, where emotion has no place in the decision-making, can make relevant/helpful emotions stronger as they try to override your choice.

Sitting through them, listening to them, figuring out where they're coming from (good: self-preservation, joy; bad: fear, anger, hurt) and then using that in your decision-making is probably the best way to listen to both head and heart.
posted by occhiblu at 4:07 PM on July 14, 2005

You might want to look into a type of therapy called Cognitive Behavior Therapy, developed by Aaron Beck at University of Pennsylvania. The basic idea is that negative emotions are generally preceded by what they call "Automatic Thoughts" - quick thoughts that flash through your mind after a stimulus, sometimes so quickly that you're not aware of them. Many of these automatic thoughts are distorted, and then they can cause unwanted negative emotions.

The classic way to treat this is to become aware of your automatic thoughts and then retrain yourself to recognize the distortions and practice more healthy responses. Over time you learn to control those thoughts and avoid the unwanted negative emotions. Much of this therapy is done through discussion with a therapist, although there are also worksheets where you write everything out. Both are effective.

There is a well known book called Feeling Good (I don't remember the author - it has a yellow cover) which explains these concepts thoroughly, geared towards a mainstream audience. I highly recommend it.
posted by kdern at 4:11 PM on July 14, 2005

I just started reading Blink and the author argues sometimes that gut reaction isn't as bad as the rational one. I haven't read much yet, but it is an interesting idea.
posted by birdherder at 4:32 PM on July 14, 2005

I try and find some sort of "mantra" if you will to say every time I have the gut feeling/reaction. Just a simple phrase that enforces the reaction you want.

Ex - I would get in a mind loop about an relationship after someone and I broke up. You know that depressing self talk about the relationship and how much you miss someone.

I realized that I was always going to be pining for the other person until I fell in love again.

So my mantra was - "I am going to have these feelings until I fall in love again. No need to dwell, instead I will focus on making myself a better person."

I would repeat it a few times as needed and then try to think about other things. Worked pretty well. :)
posted by jopreacher at 4:34 PM on July 14, 2005 [1 favorite]

My caveat is that I'm an overly rational being. This causes all kinds of problems in my interpersonal relationships, but it's allowed me to overcome a lot of things that I was taught were bad (i.e. piercings and tattoos) during my upbringing.

I did that by questioning my reactions when I was alone and doing the somewhat meditative thing that I do while I'm driving. When you spend time in your head and really LOOK at how you feel about certain things, examine why you feel that way about them, and how you react when you see them, you'll come to learn a lot about yourself.
posted by SpecialK at 4:37 PM on July 14, 2005

Become a robot.
posted by abbyladybug at 6:23 PM on July 14, 2005

Examine the assumptions upon which your rational thinking is based. Nine times out of ten (especially if rational thinking has taken you somewhere your gut doesn't want you to be) you'll find flawed assumptions.

This is the exact reason why "economic rationalism" is such a pile of donkey shite.
posted by flabdablet at 7:26 PM on July 14, 2005

don't be so sure that your gut isn't right ... it really depends on the situation ... but if you're dealing with a major life decision, remember that you aren't going to be able to logically determine ALL the consequences of your choice ... it may well be that your instinct is trying to warn you about something

if it's a minor decision, it might be best just to tell yourself that it won't matter much in 5 years anyway and follow the reasoning you've arrived at

and certainly - examine your assumptions
posted by pyramid termite at 8:40 PM on July 14, 2005

It's not easy...
posted by inksyndicate at 10:40 PM on July 14, 2005

how can you bring your feelings into agreement with a conflicting conclusion you have reached via rational thinking?

I find that reaching a conclusion via rational thinking automatically brings one's emotions in line. For example, if I have a crush on a woman that I know would be terrible for me, and I think through all the reasons she would be terrible for me, and envision in detail what being in a relationship with her would be like, I am no longer attracted to her. If I have an urge to do something and don't know why, it is usually because I have not thought the issue through properly. Sometimes I think I have, but have not, and doing so usually resolves my irrational urges.

It also helps to think of emotions not as being a part of you, but rather as something that happens to you. If you can withstand them long enough, you (i.e. your rational mind) will almost always prevail against them.
posted by kindall at 10:53 PM on July 14, 2005

how can you bring your feelings into agreement with a conflicting conclusion you have reached via rational thinking?
Try coming about it the other way - see if you can find a rational explanation for your gut feeling. My (completely unscientific) theory is that your gut feeling is probably at least as accurate and valid as the rational thinking at least 50% of the time.
posted by dg at 11:21 PM on July 14, 2005

Maybe your gut isn't as stupid as you thought - there's a HUGE amount of nerve cells and serotonin uptake going on in the gut. So, again, maybe you should figure out why your emotions/gut feeling lay in one direction and your rational self the other.

Then work on duking it out between the two. I find that distraction and time helps. If I find a negative and stupidly fearful thought slip into my awareness, I look out the window and watch a bird or start thinking about weather patterns.
posted by mimi at 5:14 AM on July 15, 2005

I try to think about the issue in a different way. Example: my gut reaction to doing something I would normally consider to be a mistake would be feeling stupid or beating myself up over it. My way to think about it differently would be to think "Okay, x happened, and I can't change it, but what can I learn from it?" Making it into a learning experience always seems to make me feel better. Just try looking at whatever issue it is from different angles.
posted by bibbit at 12:28 PM on July 15, 2005