[X group] do it [in Y manner]
April 4, 2012 12:13 PM   Subscribe

Give me your best ______ do it ______ jokes.

Group members do it in a manner stereotypical of their group.

A few examples:
Lawyers do it in front of a jury of their peers.
Swimmers do it wet.
Magicians do it with their hands.

I'm sure the very funny MeFi community can come up with more!
posted by nickhb to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (119 answers total) 36 users marked this as a favorite
 
Environmentalists do it in the dark.
posted by ocherdraco at 12:14 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


(I suppose that's a more literal version of the joke, though. Whatever; we environmentalists like sex.)
posted by ocherdraco at 12:15 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Capitalists do it ruthlessly.
posted by makeitso at 12:17 PM on April 4, 2012


Jugglers do it with their balls in the air.
posted by xchmp at 12:18 PM on April 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


Veterinarians do it with animals.

Maybe not exactly what you were going for.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:19 PM on April 4, 2012 [5 favorites]


Special educators do it with exceptional children.

Slightly different:

Televangelists do more than lay people.
posted by Leezie at 12:19 PM on April 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


Chemical engineers do it in packed beds.
posted by Durin's Bane at 12:19 PM on April 4, 2012


Anthropologists do it in the field.

This t-shirt store has some good ones.

This page has some more science-related ones (scroll down a bit).
posted by jedicus at 12:19 PM on April 4, 2012


FORTH programmers do it from behind.
Computer scientists do it depth first.
Computer scientists do it with objects.
Statisticians probably do it.
Engineers do it until it hertz.
Carpenters do it tongue in groove.
posted by plinth at 12:20 PM on April 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


Ballerinas do it in many positions.
Actors do it between the scenes.
Gardeners do it down and dirty.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 12:21 PM on April 4, 2012


Photographers do it in darkrooms.
posted by Iris Gambol at 12:21 PM on April 4, 2012


As a child, I never understood my dad's two shirts. I do now, sadly...

Raquetball players do it off the wall.
White water rafters do it 'round the rocks.
posted by librarianamy at 12:22 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


MeFites do it previously.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 12:22 PM on April 4, 2012 [11 favorites]


painters do it with longer strokes
posted by Jon_Evil at 12:22 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Theoretical physicists do it spherically in a vacuum.
posted by elizardbits at 12:22 PM on April 4, 2012 [6 favorites]


Divers do it deeper.
posted by KillaSeal at 12:23 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Philosophers think about it.
posted by josher71 at 12:23 PM on April 4, 2012 [7 favorites]


Grant writers do it for the money.
Techies do it in the dark.
Actors do it on stage.
posted by anotheraccount at 12:23 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Archaeologists do it in the dirt.
posted by The Michael The at 12:23 PM on April 4, 2012


This was a popular meme at my college...here are a few that I remember:

Art historians do it in dimly lit rooms.

Biologists do it in petri dishes.

Pilots do it at 30,000 feet.

Linguists do it with tongues.

Physicists do it at the speed of light.

Programmers do it bit by bit.

Anthropologists don't do it. They watch.

Medievalists do it on the round table.

Bakers do it by the dozen.

Debaters do it orally.
posted by brackish.line at 12:25 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Piano players do it with both hands.
posted by emelenjr at 12:25 PM on April 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


Kayakers do it and roll over again.
posted by Liesl at 12:25 PM on April 4, 2012


Physicists do it with models.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 12:26 PM on April 4, 2012


Programmers do IT.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 12:29 PM on April 4, 2012 [3 favorites]


Handbell ringers are real swingers.
posted by Melismata at 12:34 PM on April 4, 2012


I have a list of about 2000 of these somewhere, it was floating around the net maybe 10 years ago. Memail me if you'd like it.
posted by Melismata at 12:36 PM on April 4, 2012


Hipsters did it before you ever heard of it.
posted by dywypi at 12:39 PM on April 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


Geometry teachers do it 22/7.
posted by alphanerd at 12:39 PM on April 4, 2012 [8 favorites]


Lacross players do it with long poles.

Cricketers do it with sticky wickets / maidens / hand action.

Rugby players do it with hookers.

Hurlers do it on the double.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:41 PM on April 4, 2012


Open source programmers do it in the open, and then post it to the Internet.
posted by baggers at 12:46 PM on April 4, 2012


Rhetoricians do it persuasively.
posted by audi alteram partem at 12:46 PM on April 4, 2012


Croquet players do it on the lawn.
posted by pickypicky at 12:53 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Theoretical physicists do it, don't understand how and call it dark as an excuse.
posted by baggers at 12:53 PM on April 4, 2012


Librarians do it in stacks.
posted by marginaliana at 12:54 PM on April 4, 2012


Rogues do it from behind.
posted by fight or flight at 1:04 PM on April 4, 2012 [3 favorites]


Librarians do it by the book.
posted by MsMolly at 1:04 PM on April 4, 2012


Thespians do it on stage.
posted by TooFewShoes at 1:12 PM on April 4, 2012


Thesbians do it on stage
posted by Blasdelb at 1:13 PM on April 4, 2012


Linguists do it antidisestablishmentarianistically.
posted by cog_nate at 1:14 PM on April 4, 2012


Bowlers do it in the gutter!
posted by ladygypsy at 1:18 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Constipated mathematicians work it out with a pencil.
posted by biffa at 1:18 PM on April 4, 2012 [3 favorites]


One does it and thinks of England.
posted by HandfulOfDust at 1:22 PM on April 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


The daughter of the cop character in Halloween 4 wears a "Cops do it by the book" shirt.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:26 PM on April 4, 2012


Economists do it with models.

Or, economists do it efficiently.
posted by MadamM at 1:29 PM on April 4, 2012


Bulgaroktonos: "The daughter of the cop character in Halloween 4 wears a "Cops do it by the book" shirt."

I read the beginning of that comment and I thought, "Wow, that is a really specific joke."
posted by Rock Steady at 1:30 PM on April 4, 2012 [7 favorites]


Operators make better connections
posted by oomny at 1:32 PM on April 4, 2012


Musicians duet better.
posted by skinnydipp at 1:36 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Irish do it twice, to be sure.
posted by MuffinMan at 1:39 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


I read the beginning of that comment and I thought, "Wow, that is a really specific joke."

The daughter of the cop character in Halloween 4 does it while wearing a "Cops do it by the book" shirt.
posted by fight or flight at 1:39 PM on April 4, 2012 [5 favorites]


Curlers do it on the ice with heavy rocks.

(Just made that up, as an indication of how easy it can be)
posted by edgeways at 1:50 PM on April 4, 2012


Audiologists do it in isometric chambers.
posted by shortyJBot at 1:50 PM on April 4, 2012


Trombonists do it in seven positions.
posted by Gilbert at 2:01 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Hipsters did it before it was cool.
posted by jozxyqk at 2:04 PM on April 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


I was looking for Mathematicians do it discretely, etc., and found the linked site, which probably has more than you want...
posted by leahwrenn at 2:10 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Hall and Oates did it in a minute
Hall and Oates no can do that.
Rick Astley is never going to do that
Southerners, insist they are going to do it again.

i'll quit while I'm a head
posted by timsteil at 2:13 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Linguists do it cunningly.
posted by TheRaven at 2:14 PM on April 4, 2012


Always wanted to see a bumper sticker on the Popemobile that says, "Pontiffs do it infallibly".
posted by newmoistness at 2:20 PM on April 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


Real writers do it every day. (True, it so happens.)
posted by charris5005 at 2:31 PM on April 4, 2012


Clue players do it in the library, with a candlestick
Fly fishermen do it with a long pole and a delicate presentation
Golfers do it with the fewest possible strokes
posted by mosk at 2:33 PM on April 4, 2012


Prunemakers do it with aplomb.
(blame that on my Dad please)
posted by GodricVT at 2:34 PM on April 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


German speakers do it with three genders.
posted by naturalog at 2:40 PM on April 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


(Also sociologists do it in groups.)
posted by naturalog at 2:40 PM on April 4, 2012


Speech therapists do it orally.

(The motto of my college Forensics team was also, "We do it orally.")

Debate club members don't have sex. They just get together and have a mass debate. (Say that one aloud)
posted by christinetheslp at 2:41 PM on April 4, 2012


Jugglers do it with three (5 or 6) at a time.
posted by hot_monster at 2:41 PM on April 4, 2012


Editors do it correctly!
posted by fiercecupcake at 2:43 PM on April 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


Preservationists make it last longer.
posted by stefnet at 2:44 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Southerners, insist they are going to do it again.

Southerners do it and then promise to rise again?
posted by elizardbits at 2:55 PM on April 4, 2012


Composers do it as they're constantly scoring.
posted by daisystomper at 2:56 PM on April 4, 2012


Bankers do it with interest, but penalties apply for early withdrawal.
posted by AndrewStephens at 2:56 PM on April 4, 2012 [5 favorites]


Audiologists do it with frequency and intensity.
posted by macrowave at 2:57 PM on April 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


Cowgirls do it with horses. Some do it with ropes. Some do it bending poles. Some do it bareback, and some do it with clowns.

Wait, where was I?
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 3:11 PM on April 4, 2012


Not the exact format but same idea: Archivists make it last longer.
posted by radiomayonnaise at 3:16 PM on April 4, 2012


Editors do it with style.
posted by 23skidoo at 3:25 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Witches do it in circles.

Witches do it in the woods.

Witches do it under a full moon.

Editors do it grammatically.

Editors do it with a red pen.

Students do it all night long.

Honors students do it perfectly.
posted by woodvine at 3:43 PM on April 4, 2012


British Comedians do it dry?
God does it Miraculous?
Skateboarders do it with a grind, a railslide, a backside, a backslide, fakie...
posted by roboton666 at 3:44 PM on April 4, 2012


Chemists do it on a table. Periodically.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 3:44 PM on April 4, 2012 [7 favorites]


Organic chemists do it via backside attack.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 3:45 PM on April 4, 2012


Accountants do it with double-entry.
posted by anagrama at 3:54 PM on April 4, 2012


Zinesters do it on the photocopier.
posted by kuppajava at 4:00 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


French horn players do it with three fingers and one hand in the hole.
posted by Pallas Athena at 4:18 PM on April 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


I have a shirt that says "Librarians do it quietly"
posted by bluesapphires at 4:21 PM on April 4, 2012 [3 favorites]


Lawyers do it for $350 an hour.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:39 PM on April 4, 2012 [3 favorites]


Cyclists do it in lycra.

Soccer players do it for 90 minutes, both ways.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:41 PM on April 4, 2012


Waiters do it for tips.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:43 PM on April 4, 2012


Nurses do it PRN.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 5:00 PM on April 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


Submariners do it under water.

Sailors do it at sea.

Infantry does it on foot.

Cowboys do it on horses.

Pilots do it in the air.

FEMA does it in an emergency.

TV news anchors do it on the air.
posted by easily confused at 5:41 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Actuaries do it with varying rates of interest.
posted by operating thetan at 6:01 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Nurses do it PRN.

Of course, they can also do it PO.
posted by bookish at 6:22 PM on April 4, 2012


Literalists do it by having sexual intercourse.
posted by cmoj at 6:23 PM on April 4, 2012 [5 favorites]


Accountants do it without losing their balance.
posted by Trivia Newton John at 6:24 PM on April 4, 2012


Cross country/Marathon/Distance runners do it longer.
posted by sigmagalator at 6:31 PM on April 4, 2012


Dentists do it in your mouth.
posted by jabes at 6:37 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh a couple more:

Bowlers do it in the alley.
Altar boys do it on their knees.
posted by jabes at 6:41 PM on April 4, 2012


Godwin does it with Hitler?
posted by alphanerd at 6:49 PM on April 4, 2012


Sex workers do it.
posted by 23skidoo at 7:03 PM on April 4, 2012


Playwrights do it with a dramatic climax.
posted by clair-de-lune at 7:18 PM on April 4, 2012


Animators do it 24 times a second.
posted by TangoCharlie at 9:27 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Divers do it deeper *and* with smoother entries.
posted by Napoleonic Terrier at 9:31 PM on April 4, 2012


Nurses do it with care.
Doulas help people out.
posted by easy_being_green at 9:34 PM on April 4, 2012


OCD suffers do it anally.
posted by 5Q7 at 10:07 PM on April 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Retail developers do lots of surface parking. (Especially STRIP MALL developers.)
posted by salvia at 11:34 PM on April 4, 2012


I've seen "Drummers beat it all night long."
posted by Infinite Jest at 12:01 AM on April 5, 2012


Firemen do it with longer hoses.
Teachers do it with class.
posted by JujuB at 2:27 AM on April 5, 2012


Squash plays do it against the wall.
posted by Decani at 4:45 AM on April 5, 2012


PLAYERS, dammit.
posted by Decani at 4:45 AM on April 5, 2012


Candymakers get all sticky when they do it.

Breadmakers do it with a double rise.

Bakers allow time for preheating before they do it.

Chefs taste every step when they do it.

French chefs do it with butter. Italian chefs do it with oil.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 5:38 AM on April 5, 2012


Fluid mechanicists do it in the boundary layer.
posted by oceanjesse at 5:49 AM on April 5, 2012


Mediators do it until everyone is satisfied
posted by fso at 8:06 AM on April 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Vegetarians do it with relish (but wear a condiment)

(disclaimer: this came from a bumper sticker, which I bought for my husband early in our relationship. The veggie on it looks frighteningly like something else--a very specific someone's something else.)
posted by dlugoczaj at 8:06 AM on April 5, 2012


DBAs do it in the back end.
Interface developers do it in the GUI front end.
[pronounced 'gooey', btw. Ick.]
posted by Acheman at 8:21 AM on April 5, 2012


Syntacticians do it in trees.
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:26 AM on April 5, 2012


Scriveners prefer not to do it.
posted by emelenjr at 8:49 AM on April 5, 2012 [3 favorites]


swimmers do it in the lanes!
posted by vespabelle at 10:47 AM on April 5, 2012


Mediators do it until everyone is satisfied

More like, until everyone feels equally screwed, amirite?
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 2:45 PM on April 5, 2012


Gardeners do it with hoes.

(Why, yes. I do have a shirt that says this. That I wear in public. Why am I single again?)
posted by youcancallmeal at 7:20 PM on April 5, 2012


Seen on a refrigerator while I was at a party tonight:

Socialists do it from the bottom up.
posted by ocherdraco at 8:50 PM on April 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Train conductors do it until everyone gets off.

Calvinists do it with irresistible grace.
posted by dephlogisticated at 11:00 PM on April 5, 2012 [3 favorites]


Drummers do it with rhythm.
Pianists do it with 10 fingers.
but
Organists do it with 10 fingers and their feet.

Electricians do it with the lights on.
posted by drlith at 6:05 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Structuralists do it deeply, but they are unable to exercise any agency in the process.
posted by pickypicky at 10:38 PM on April 9, 2012 [2 favorites]


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