Belching is taboo. Unless it's not.
April 3, 2012 11:07 AM   Subscribe

The Chinese guy in the office next to me belches loudly, several times a day. How can I get him to stop without anyone losing face?

Okay, I work in a highly international office, so I feel I should be able to navigate cultural matters with some aplomb. But here goes...

There is a group of Chinese scholars who occupy the office next to mine, two men and a woman. One of the men belches loudly and often, and it's grossing me out. I'm not exactly sure which of the men it is, but some sleuthing could probably work that out quickly enough.

Is there anything I can quietly say to him that would let the culprit know that audible belches are not considered appropriate in American society? Is belching just not a big deal in the Sichuan province? I don't want to embarrass the man, I just want the burps to stop being so loud. He's been here for about four months and I just can't stand it anymore.

All of us follow an open-door policy. Closing my door wouldn't help anyway, since the sound would come through the thin walls. (It's that loud.)
posted by Liesl to Human Relations (13 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
Just talk to your manager or to HR. If it's a cultural thing they shrug their shoulders at, they'll let you know. Otherwise you may be setting yourself up to be an outsider, telling the locals how to behave. That may not go over too well.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:10 AM on April 3, 2012




A lot of bodily noises aren't that big a deal in Chinese culture. I'm presuming you're in America, thus the local behavior is not belching loudly in public.

Telling him will be a bit delicate if you don't know him. I'd talk to his manager or a mutual acquaintance who can pass it on discretely. He might be a little embarrassed, but unlikely to take offense.
posted by Mercaptan at 11:14 AM on April 3, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'd deal with the "bothersome noise" aspect of it and ignore the "bodily functions aspect." Also, take the blame for having a problem with it. That way, you avoid any touchy subjects and make the conversation about doing you a favor because he's a nice guy rather than about having transgressed a social boundary.

You could say something like, "Hey, I realize that we all work together in an office with thin walls, but I tend to get really wrapped up in my work, and loud noises that come up all of a sudden really startle me. For example, this morning, when you belched after eating your breakfast, I nearly jumped out of my chair! Would you mind trying to keep things a little quieter, especially with the sudden loud sounds, so that I don't accidentally scare myself into a heart attack? Thanks!"
posted by decathecting at 11:27 AM on April 3, 2012


Decathecting: I like your point, but your example seems patronizing.
posted by Mercaptan at 11:36 AM on April 3, 2012 [6 favorites]


Response by poster: I should clarify that we are all in the US.
posted by Liesl at 11:59 AM on April 3, 2012


Can't you take them out for a few drinks? After a couple of beers, just ask "why are you always burping? It's so gross in America! Please don't burp anymore! Promise?"

At least that would break the ice, and if you can extract a promise out of them, you can bring it up again.

Of course, this could be just a huge pain in the ass (or perhaps you don't drink, or perhaps you're somewhat introverted) so you may have to suck it up.

But if you are afraid of losing face, complaining to HR may not be the most friendly move to make.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:13 PM on April 3, 2012


My attitude is that if he can belch loudly in public assuming that it will not offend you, you should be able to advise him of the social taboo against belching in public without him getting offended.

Maybe I'm not being clear.

You're contemplating whether it would be offensive to advise him about a social taboo against belching publicly.

He's belching publicly.

What he's doing is offensive and taboo in this country. By contrast, pulling someone aside for a quiet chat, and treating him as a rational agent who is interested in conforming to this country's norms and manners, is not taboo. If he's the type of person to get offended by this, you shouldn't care if you offend him.

So yes, confer with him.
posted by jayder at 12:37 PM on April 3, 2012 [1 favorite]


This is America and you do have the right to expect that others will respect the culture here where belching is not exactly welcome. You also have the right to express your discomfort with it. Go ahead and do it but respectfully. Dont make it a YOU statement but an I statement.
posted by pakora1 at 12:39 PM on April 3, 2012 [1 favorite]


Best answer: I was in China for two years and there was a lot of belching and farting, among others.
My Chinese friends told me that people will belch if they need to, and that stopping these bodily functions from taking place harmed the body's proper workings, or something of that sort.
I think that yes, belching is not a big deal in Sichuan.

If you don't know the person very well, then asking a mutual acquaintance like Mercaptan says is a good idea.

But be prepared for some belching anyway even if you do get him to try to stop.
I use a lot of hand gestures and even though I was told by people in China that it was considered over the top I couldn't eliminate them altogether. They did not register as 'inappropriate' to my mind. This man is not being rude to anyone when he belches in his office and even if he's told he's being rude to you, it will be hard for him to learn to register belching as inappropriate behaviour.
It's tough changing what is years of normal behaviour to conform to a different norm.

Headphones are your friends.
posted by mkdirusername at 12:58 PM on April 3, 2012 [2 favorites]


I lived for a while in a country where the culture and language were unfamiliar. For almost 10 months, nobody told me that a common American verbal tick translated to a terribly vulgar word in the local language. It wasn't a huge deal- what's done is done, right?- but I wish they had mentioned it earlier. Perhaps your colleague won't stop if he thinks it is a health issue, as suggested by mkdirusername, but I think mentioning it in a low key way might be the way to go. At least then you know he knows.
posted by Concordia at 1:46 PM on April 3, 2012


Are you sure it's only one of the guys belching? It makes it no less annoying, but is something to consider if you decide to broach it. Maybe both (or even all three!) of them are doing it, but each less frequently than you think.
posted by penguin pie at 3:27 PM on April 3, 2012 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: Boss said no go on talking to them; there's no way to do it without offending, and I should just get over it. Sigh.
posted by Liesl at 6:24 AM on April 4, 2012


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