Picking a side
April 2, 2012 11:53 AM Subscribe
Interstate custody battle. Should we get involved?
My sister-in-law and her husband split up over three years ago. Now that their daughter is about to enter school, there was a custody battle brewing. However, she has decided not to fight.
There is thought in my wife's family that leaving our niece with her father is possibly dangerous. They still sleep in the same bed, and he has a history of abusing his ADD meds. We don't know what the truth is. My sister-in-law regards inquiries as intrusions and shuts down discussion.
A further complication is that my sister-in-law, her ex-husband, and we all live in different states.
So, thinking primarily of my niece's welfare, is it worth getting into this fight and having her live with us? This is almost certainly going to be ugly, just as the divorce was. Do we get a lawyer, and where? The divorce and the custody hearings were handled in the father's state of residence.
My sister-in-law and her husband split up over three years ago. Now that their daughter is about to enter school, there was a custody battle brewing. However, she has decided not to fight.
There is thought in my wife's family that leaving our niece with her father is possibly dangerous. They still sleep in the same bed, and he has a history of abusing his ADD meds. We don't know what the truth is. My sister-in-law regards inquiries as intrusions and shuts down discussion.
A further complication is that my sister-in-law, her ex-husband, and we all live in different states.
So, thinking primarily of my niece's welfare, is it worth getting into this fight and having her live with us? This is almost certainly going to be ugly, just as the divorce was. Do we get a lawyer, and where? The divorce and the custody hearings were handled in the father's state of residence.
Unless you could prove abuse, it seems unlikely that you could win custody when the niece has both an apparently loving father and mother. And it sounds like you will have to fight her mother and father for custody. Unless her mother wants you to step in this seems like a bad idea for family relations and a little girl who, if you won, would be states away from her parents.
posted by ldthomps at 12:05 PM on April 2, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by ldthomps at 12:05 PM on April 2, 2012 [2 favorites]
If you are getting involved in an interstate custody battle, then you absolutely need a lawyer. Interstate custody issues get very messy and very expensive, very quickly.
What is the reasoning behind your sister-in-law's decision not to press for custody? And, like OsoMeaty, I'd be curious to know how old the daughter is.
Also, do you have substantive evidence that the father is dangerous? Does the daughter complain that sleeping in his bed makes her uncomfortable? Did he receive treatment for abusing his ADD meds? Etc. I ask this not because I doubt your instincts, but because you will need substantive evidence that the child is in immanent danger in order for the court to grant you even temporary custody.
posted by hypotheticole at 12:08 PM on April 2, 2012
What is the reasoning behind your sister-in-law's decision not to press for custody? And, like OsoMeaty, I'd be curious to know how old the daughter is.
Also, do you have substantive evidence that the father is dangerous? Does the daughter complain that sleeping in his bed makes her uncomfortable? Did he receive treatment for abusing his ADD meds? Etc. I ask this not because I doubt your instincts, but because you will need substantive evidence that the child is in immanent danger in order for the court to grant you even temporary custody.
posted by hypotheticole at 12:08 PM on April 2, 2012
"My sister-in-law regards inquiries as intrusions and shuts down discussion."
Unless there is more you haven't told us, this is really your answer here.
You might get your wife to mention to her sister that you guys have space in your family for another child if that ever becomes something that your sister-in-law feels might improve things. However, unless you have evidence of abuse that your sister-in-law is being somehow negligent in addressing, there really isn't much you can do other than make sure everyone involved knows that you would love to be an active part of your niece's life.
posted by Blasdelb at 12:13 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
Unless there is more you haven't told us, this is really your answer here.
You might get your wife to mention to her sister that you guys have space in your family for another child if that ever becomes something that your sister-in-law feels might improve things. However, unless you have evidence of abuse that your sister-in-law is being somehow negligent in addressing, there really isn't much you can do other than make sure everyone involved knows that you would love to be an active part of your niece's life.
posted by Blasdelb at 12:13 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
Mod note: From the OP:
I have two responses for the thread:posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:33 PM on April 2, 2012
1.) My niece is five.
2.) The state we live in is between the mother's state and the father's state. In fact, sometimes they did swaps at our house since it's about the midway point.
Yeah, unless you have something to show a court that would indicate that this child is in danger with her dad, then there's nothing to get involved with; and no reason to. There's nothing wrong with sleeping in bed with her dad unless there's abuse going on, which your sister in law would have pointed to during the custody battles if there were any, right?
posted by fingersandtoes at 12:35 PM on April 2, 2012
posted by fingersandtoes at 12:35 PM on April 2, 2012
I think that the best way you can be there for your niece is to listen to your niece and be clear with her that she can come to you if there's ever anything upsetting that she wants to talk about with you.
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:37 PM on April 2, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:37 PM on April 2, 2012 [4 favorites]
Honestly, it sounds to me like you just don't like the dad. Which it's possible he deserves. But it's not justification to take his daughter away without some sort of actual reason.
posted by Justinian at 12:37 PM on April 2, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by Justinian at 12:37 PM on April 2, 2012 [5 favorites]
I wonder if your sister-in-law is keeping things from her family. Is it possible that she has realized that she does not want primary custody for reasons that she does not want to discuss? Regardless of his substance abuse problems (and are you basing them on hearsay or have you actually witnessed him abusing drugs?) he may be the better parent.
Unless you have evidence that both parents are totally and dangerously incompetent you don't have any chance of getting custody. Maintain contact with your niece, call her once a week, send her letters with stickers, paperback books, whatever. Be supportive of your sister-in-law, whatever she decides to do.
posted by mareli at 12:54 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
Unless you have evidence that both parents are totally and dangerously incompetent you don't have any chance of getting custody. Maintain contact with your niece, call her once a week, send her letters with stickers, paperback books, whatever. Be supportive of your sister-in-law, whatever she decides to do.
posted by mareli at 12:54 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
As someone who has been through an interstate custody battle for my own kid, some thoughts:
1) She may not want to fight for fiscal reasons. My own divorce cost over 20,000 dollars. What is her financial status? Can she afford to fight for custody? More importantly, can you? What is the financial status of the father? Is this likely to drag out?
2) Is she mentally and emotionally prepared to raise her daughter solo at this time?
3) Does she know you would welcome raising your niece?
It is possible that she might consent to some sort of joint fight where she wouldn't commit to a solo one- but by no means a given. This will be a very hard uphill battle.
I would personally be EXTREMELY uncomfortable with a father routinely sleeping in the same bed with his young daughter, even at the age of 5. Same room is one thing, same bed is another. The rule for low-income single fathers I've known is: "if there's only one bed, kid gets the bed, you get the couch/cot/floor." Really, why is this even happening at all? The ADD meds stuff could be anything, but this is creepy.
posted by corb at 1:53 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
1) She may not want to fight for fiscal reasons. My own divorce cost over 20,000 dollars. What is her financial status? Can she afford to fight for custody? More importantly, can you? What is the financial status of the father? Is this likely to drag out?
2) Is she mentally and emotionally prepared to raise her daughter solo at this time?
3) Does she know you would welcome raising your niece?
It is possible that she might consent to some sort of joint fight where she wouldn't commit to a solo one- but by no means a given. This will be a very hard uphill battle.
I would personally be EXTREMELY uncomfortable with a father routinely sleeping in the same bed with his young daughter, even at the age of 5. Same room is one thing, same bed is another. The rule for low-income single fathers I've known is: "if there's only one bed, kid gets the bed, you get the couch/cot/floor." Really, why is this even happening at all? The ADD meds stuff could be anything, but this is creepy.
posted by corb at 1:53 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
I would personally be EXTREMELY uncomfortable with a father routinely sleeping in the same bed with his young daughter, even at the age of 5.
I agree, but I don't think that it's the kind of thing an uncle or aunt or grandparent can raise in a custody case as a third party, and I don't know from the question whether there's any communication between the uncle or aunt and the niece's dad in which the former could raise the issue informally.
If it's at all a financial issue, perhaps offering to buy a bed/cot/airbed for the niece might be possible if the lines of communication are open to that level.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:24 PM on April 2, 2012
I agree, but I don't think that it's the kind of thing an uncle or aunt or grandparent can raise in a custody case as a third party, and I don't know from the question whether there's any communication between the uncle or aunt and the niece's dad in which the former could raise the issue informally.
If it's at all a financial issue, perhaps offering to buy a bed/cot/airbed for the niece might be possible if the lines of communication are open to that level.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:24 PM on April 2, 2012
Should have written "the kind of thing an uncle or aunt or grandparent can usefully raise in a custody case as a third party" there.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:24 PM on April 2, 2012
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:24 PM on April 2, 2012
I would personally be EXTREMELY uncomfortable with a father routinely sleeping in the same bed with his young daughter, even at the age of 5.
There is some space between weird and harmful. And that is assuming your information is accurate and complete.
If the OP has concerns about the child's safety, those concerns are likely immediate.
If they feel the niece is in danger, call Child Protection Services, or whatever it is called in the state she lives in should be the first step.
If he's dangerous to her, then he's dangerous now, not in three months or whenever the first hearing is scheduled.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 3:04 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
There is some space between weird and harmful. And that is assuming your information is accurate and complete.
If the OP has concerns about the child's safety, those concerns are likely immediate.
If they feel the niece is in danger, call Child Protection Services, or whatever it is called in the state she lives in should be the first step.
If he's dangerous to her, then he's dangerous now, not in three months or whenever the first hearing is scheduled.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 3:04 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
I would personally be EXTREMELY uncomfortable with a father routinely sleeping in the same bed with his young daughter, even at the age of 5.
There is some space between weird and harmful. And that is assuming your information is accurate and complete.
I just want to point out that I routinely sleep in the same bed with my five year old son (I'm his mom) and that it's interesting to me that there is such condemnation of this parent co-sleeping with his child. I wonder if you have the same feelings of "it's weird" that I co-sleep with my son, or if your opinion is based on the respective genders of the people involved?
Parents sleep in the same bed with their kids for all kinds of reasons, most of them not weird. Truthfully, for some kids who are fearful at night and/or have separation anxiety it can be very comforting to know that your parent is right there no matter the time of night or how scared you are when you wake up.
Other than the fact that they co-sleep, and that you think he's abusing meds that it sounds like he's been prescribed, you admit that "you don't know what the truth is". That, right there, is your answer. If you have sound reasons to think she's in danger, then the first step would be talking to your local version of Child Protective Services. If you just think he's a jerk and you don't like him, that's not a good enough reason to fight for custody. Could you do this? Sure. But unless he's found by the courts to be an actually unfit parent, your odds of getting custody, as family-but-not-parents, are very, very slim.
My best advice is to do whatever you have to do to remain close to the child. As I said above, if you have concrete reasons to believe she's in danger, report him and let the law do it's thing. Respect your SIL's (I'm sure difficult) decision that her father's home is the best place for this child right now. Support her as best you can, and keep lines of communication open between both parents. I know you love your niece, but as hard as it is, this isn't really your fight.
posted by anastasiav at 3:29 PM on April 2, 2012 [9 favorites]
There is some space between weird and harmful. And that is assuming your information is accurate and complete.
I just want to point out that I routinely sleep in the same bed with my five year old son (I'm his mom) and that it's interesting to me that there is such condemnation of this parent co-sleeping with his child. I wonder if you have the same feelings of "it's weird" that I co-sleep with my son, or if your opinion is based on the respective genders of the people involved?
Parents sleep in the same bed with their kids for all kinds of reasons, most of them not weird. Truthfully, for some kids who are fearful at night and/or have separation anxiety it can be very comforting to know that your parent is right there no matter the time of night or how scared you are when you wake up.
Other than the fact that they co-sleep, and that you think he's abusing meds that it sounds like he's been prescribed, you admit that "you don't know what the truth is". That, right there, is your answer. If you have sound reasons to think she's in danger, then the first step would be talking to your local version of Child Protective Services. If you just think he's a jerk and you don't like him, that's not a good enough reason to fight for custody. Could you do this? Sure. But unless he's found by the courts to be an actually unfit parent, your odds of getting custody, as family-but-not-parents, are very, very slim.
My best advice is to do whatever you have to do to remain close to the child. As I said above, if you have concrete reasons to believe she's in danger, report him and let the law do it's thing. Respect your SIL's (I'm sure difficult) decision that her father's home is the best place for this child right now. Support her as best you can, and keep lines of communication open between both parents. I know you love your niece, but as hard as it is, this isn't really your fight.
posted by anastasiav at 3:29 PM on April 2, 2012 [9 favorites]
I had horrible nightmares and anxiety at age 5 and would routinely crawl into bed with parents or grandparents or whatever adult wouldn't kick me out. My parents started insisting I sleep on my own and looking back that wasn't the right answer, it just meant I was a exhausted mess in the mornings.
If you don't really know what's going on, you don't know why she's co-sleeping, it would be an expensive battle that I doubt would succeed (unless your worst fears are somehow confirmed). I can't imagine a court giving custody to a non-parent because of a 5 year old being in Dad's bed, unless you have more information you aren't sharing.
Kid's who have adults in their lives that are interested in their welfare and involved with them on a regular basis do better then those who don't, and if you try to take her away from her Dad and fail I can guarantee you will never have regular contact with her.
posted by Dynex at 4:55 PM on April 2, 2012 [2 favorites]
If you don't really know what's going on, you don't know why she's co-sleeping, it would be an expensive battle that I doubt would succeed (unless your worst fears are somehow confirmed). I can't imagine a court giving custody to a non-parent because of a 5 year old being in Dad's bed, unless you have more information you aren't sharing.
Kid's who have adults in their lives that are interested in their welfare and involved with them on a regular basis do better then those who don't, and if you try to take her away from her Dad and fail I can guarantee you will never have regular contact with her.
posted by Dynex at 4:55 PM on April 2, 2012 [2 favorites]
If he's dangerous to her, then he's dangerous now, not in three months or whenever the first hearing is scheduled.
Yes. It sounds like you just don’t like the guy, and maybe he’s never given you a good reason to like him. However, if you in your heart of hearts really believe that he may be molesting her or otherwise endangering her immediate safety then YOU MUST ACT NOW.
Anecdata: Until around the age of seven, whenever my mom was on business trip I slept with my dad in the same bed. He is a fantastic father, and we continue to have a wonderful father-daughter relationship.
posted by OsoMeaty at 4:56 PM on April 2, 2012
Yes. It sounds like you just don’t like the guy, and maybe he’s never given you a good reason to like him. However, if you in your heart of hearts really believe that he may be molesting her or otherwise endangering her immediate safety then YOU MUST ACT NOW.
Anecdata: Until around the age of seven, whenever my mom was on business trip I slept with my dad in the same bed. He is a fantastic father, and we continue to have a wonderful father-daughter relationship.
posted by OsoMeaty at 4:56 PM on April 2, 2012
Also, from my limited understanding it is not your job to "prove" that abuse is happening. That's the job of whatever agency tends to child welfare in the state where dad and daughter in question live. So if you're really concerned for her safety get in touch with the appropriate authorites in-state and let them launch an investigation.
posted by OsoMeaty at 4:59 PM on April 2, 2012
posted by OsoMeaty at 4:59 PM on April 2, 2012
I didn't read anything alarming, so I'm going to vote against involving yourself in the custody battle. You were right when you said that you didn't know what the truth was; you don't know what the mothers' reasons are for not pursuing primary custody or why the daughter and father are sharing a bed. I think that unless you see some clearer sign of your niece being in physical or emotional danger or distress while in her father's care, you should not pursue action which will undoubtedly alienate both parents into not allowing you to be a part of the girls' life should your assumptions prove to be baseless or otherwise unprovable.
posted by sm1tten at 5:28 PM on April 2, 2012
posted by sm1tten at 5:28 PM on April 2, 2012
I should clarify: as I stated, routine cross-gender co-sleeping is a far different thing than a kid coming to bed once or twice when they're scared. It is really a good idea to ask why that is going on. Giving them a daybed is also not a terrible idea, if finances are the cause. (Also, it might reassure you that the reasons are benign if the gift is accepted and used.)
Also, CPS does not require you to have your name publicly available in giving the complaint, if you feel it is necessary to go that route. I wouldn't go there on co-sleeping alone, but if there are other causes for concern, it's good to know.
posted by corb at 6:27 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
Also, CPS does not require you to have your name publicly available in giving the complaint, if you feel it is necessary to go that route. I wouldn't go there on co-sleeping alone, but if there are other causes for concern, it's good to know.
posted by corb at 6:27 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
The suggestion that there is something unsavoury about a five year old sharing a bed with a parent are...strange. I think that added security is one of the better things that could be going on for a child of that age dealing with problems like these.
There is a difference between lawyering up, and presenting yourselves to Dad and saying, with different words, "We're annoyed about Mom dropping the ball here and would like to involve ourselves in your lives as much as is reasonably possible. Why not give us the kid for the summer so at least she'll have some respite from your drug use then. Also, here's a bribe or two." Just because the parents were looking at fighting does not mean that you have to.
It seems bizarre that you are considering trying to yank this kid, already in an unfortunate spot, from her remaining f/t parent, based on some gossip going around. This should have been "What can we do to ensure her ongoing happiness and safety" rather than "Should we re-home this kitten?"
posted by kmennie at 8:29 PM on April 2, 2012 [4 favorites]
There is a difference between lawyering up, and presenting yourselves to Dad and saying, with different words, "We're annoyed about Mom dropping the ball here and would like to involve ourselves in your lives as much as is reasonably possible. Why not give us the kid for the summer so at least she'll have some respite from your drug use then. Also, here's a bribe or two." Just because the parents were looking at fighting does not mean that you have to.
It seems bizarre that you are considering trying to yank this kid, already in an unfortunate spot, from her remaining f/t parent, based on some gossip going around. This should have been "What can we do to ensure her ongoing happiness and safety" rather than "Should we re-home this kitten?"
posted by kmennie at 8:29 PM on April 2, 2012 [4 favorites]
I should clarify: as I stated, routine cross-gender co-sleeping is a far different thing than a kid coming to bed once or twice when they're scared.
corb, I hate to tell you this, but "routine cross-gender co-sleeping" is the absolute norm in hundreds of thousands of families in this nation, not to mention around the world. Especially with a preschool age child. Is it possible that there is something weird going on? Sure. It's possible in every family. But truthfully, I'd be a lot more concerned if they were trying to hide it than if they're open about it.
posted by anastasiav at 8:47 PM on April 2, 2012 [5 favorites]
corb, I hate to tell you this, but "routine cross-gender co-sleeping" is the absolute norm in hundreds of thousands of families in this nation, not to mention around the world. Especially with a preschool age child. Is it possible that there is something weird going on? Sure. It's possible in every family. But truthfully, I'd be a lot more concerned if they were trying to hide it than if they're open about it.
posted by anastasiav at 8:47 PM on April 2, 2012 [5 favorites]
Anastasiav, what study are you pulling that data from? (Hundreds of thousands of families across the nation, with solitary parent routinely cross-gender sleeping?)
Child Protective Services, and many state laws, require that children, not even adults, of differing genders not share a room after specific ages. (1 in some states, 5 in other states.) That's a room, not even a bed. It goes off the age of the oldest child, not the youngest. When Child Protective Services is called to a place, one of the first things they will check is the bedroom situation of the child. The child is not preschool age but school-age. It it is not only my preference that marks this as inappropriate, but best practices and often state laws. I understand that some people have strong and often evangelical beliefs about co-sleeping, but CPS, many laws, and societal norms hold differing opinions.
I would suggest the OP also check the laws in the specific state the father is in.
posted by corb at 2:19 AM on April 3, 2012
Child Protective Services, and many state laws, require that children, not even adults, of differing genders not share a room after specific ages. (1 in some states, 5 in other states.) That's a room, not even a bed. It goes off the age of the oldest child, not the youngest. When Child Protective Services is called to a place, one of the first things they will check is the bedroom situation of the child. The child is not preschool age but school-age. It it is not only my preference that marks this as inappropriate, but best practices and often state laws. I understand that some people have strong and often evangelical beliefs about co-sleeping, but CPS, many laws, and societal norms hold differing opinions.
I would suggest the OP also check the laws in the specific state the father is in.
posted by corb at 2:19 AM on April 3, 2012
Clearly you care for your niece but a custody battle seems like a final step, not the first step. I suggest you move to the same town as her, living within walking distance of her home. Make yourself available at any time to the father to provide him with support to be the best father he can be. Is he overwhelmed at times with caring for her? Maybe you need to hire a weekly maid to clean his house and free him to spend quality time with his daughter; have a CSA box delivered weekly to provide variety in their food. Is their sleeping arrangements due to their living situation? Offer to pay the difference in rent/mortgage between what they have now and a two bedroom place. Ask him what you can do to make their bond stronger and ensure the best possible outcome for all three of them. The only "side" you should be on is your niece's, she is a person, not a prize.
posted by saucysault at 3:36 AM on April 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by saucysault at 3:36 AM on April 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Cosleeping Around The World "Japanese parents (or grandparents) often sleep in proximity with their children until they are teenagers..." Author is a noted researcher in the field. Info on long-term effects, Western references; the 'strong and often evangelical beliefs about co-sleeping' are not backed by research -- rather the opposite.
Have we any references for the claims about social workers having managed to slip civil rights intrusions in under the radar, particularly for families who are not under investigation for other issues? (I suspect {?} corb may be confusing rules for US public housing about sufficient rooms for the # of people in a family?) State laws about toddlers sleeping with Mummy! Come on.
There have been some assumptions that Dad is poverty-stricken but there is nothing at all in the OP's Q to suggest that, and I have to think we would've heard about any worrying level of "Dad can't afford good housing/furniture" given that we were presented with the bad stuff (prescription drug abuses) and no good stuff (though apparently Dad has the financial resources for a custody "battle," and has not prioritized bedsharing with a new adult partner over the kid; there is a lot left out in the OP's P).
posted by kmennie at 3:53 AM on April 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Have we any references for the claims about social workers having managed to slip civil rights intrusions in under the radar, particularly for families who are not under investigation for other issues? (I suspect {?} corb may be confusing rules for US public housing about sufficient rooms for the # of people in a family?) State laws about toddlers sleeping with Mummy! Come on.
There have been some assumptions that Dad is poverty-stricken but there is nothing at all in the OP's Q to suggest that, and I have to think we would've heard about any worrying level of "Dad can't afford good housing/furniture" given that we were presented with the bad stuff (prescription drug abuses) and no good stuff (though apparently Dad has the financial resources for a custody "battle," and has not prioritized bedsharing with a new adult partner over the kid; there is a lot left out in the OP's P).
posted by kmennie at 3:53 AM on April 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Abusing his ADD meds? Like... meds he was prescribed? How is he "abusing" them? This seems like just kind of a weird thing to me. If he was taking ADD meds despite not having ADD, that would be a thing, but I don't know--if he has a prescription and isn't obtaining more elsewhere, it's a pretty self-limiting problem. I've known a number of people who sometimes took an extra pill when they needed to stay up late or something, but it's not really a drug that would cause someone with ADD to do something irresponsible if they took extra, unless they were also bipolar. So, basically, not a threat to adequate parenting. Weird sleeping arrangement aside, do you have some reason to really suspect abuse?
I mean, by all means, contact CPS; they can always check in. But they're generally not going to take a kid out of a home without evidence of things being seriously wrong; their usual tactic is to suggest changes if there's something that's a bit off-kilter and give time for things to be remedied. Even if the child was removed, the mother would have to also be unfit for them to start looking at non-parental custody, I'm pretty sure. I don't see any reason here to believe that the mother's unfit, there are lots of legit reasons to avoid complicating this on her part.
Someone else may know better, but absent both parents being found to be actually unfit, I've never heard of a court just deciding that it would be better for the child to live with someone else. Not that you can't look into a lawyer, but I wouldn't personally go into this with very high hopes, if it were me. Would seem to be better to report to CPS if you feel it's warranted, but otherwise focus on just building a good relationship with your niece through frequent contact & visits.
posted by gracedissolved at 3:57 AM on April 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
I mean, by all means, contact CPS; they can always check in. But they're generally not going to take a kid out of a home without evidence of things being seriously wrong; their usual tactic is to suggest changes if there's something that's a bit off-kilter and give time for things to be remedied. Even if the child was removed, the mother would have to also be unfit for them to start looking at non-parental custody, I'm pretty sure. I don't see any reason here to believe that the mother's unfit, there are lots of legit reasons to avoid complicating this on her part.
Someone else may know better, but absent both parents being found to be actually unfit, I've never heard of a court just deciding that it would be better for the child to live with someone else. Not that you can't look into a lawyer, but I wouldn't personally go into this with very high hopes, if it were me. Would seem to be better to report to CPS if you feel it's warranted, but otherwise focus on just building a good relationship with your niece through frequent contact & visits.
posted by gracedissolved at 3:57 AM on April 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Mod note: This pretty much needs to wrap up the co-sleeping derail. Please direct answers towards the OP and take side conversations to MeMail or ask the OP for a throwaway email address. Be respectful of other commenters or keep walking. Thanks.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:45 AM on April 3, 2012
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:45 AM on April 3, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by OsoMeaty at 12:03 PM on April 2, 2012 [2 favorites]