Grumpy architect insults?
April 1, 2012 5:04 PM   Subscribe

If you were a grumpy architect slinging insults at sandcastles, what would you say?

I'm making a video game where a grumpy retired architect (now: fisherman) is stomping on SandCastles out of rage for their poor architectural design.

These sandcastles happen to be the houses of crabs.

I know, very obvious and straight-forward!

As the architect stomps on the sandcastles, he shouts out phrases. I want to make sure these phrases accurately match proper castle architectural terminology!

Some (poor) examples I have so far:

- "A gothic arch with circadean parapets? I never!"
- "Flags on battlements? Preposterous!"
- "I stormed that castle's postern gate!"
- "Next time, reinforce those battlements!"
- "I plum levelled that one!"
- "I kicked its flying buttress!"

Hit me!
posted by weasel to Education (12 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
"I just cast the moat and the beam out of this dump... aye"
That's admittedly a bit of a stretch, but what's wrong with kicking its flying buttress? that's pretty good.
equally bad ones then:
"Where's your goth now, huh?"
"You're parape-thetic."
"No you barbican't... can you?!"
posted by Cold Lurkey at 5:21 PM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Curtain wall? It's curtains for you, wall!
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:26 PM on April 1, 2012 [9 favorites]

Pathetic! It's like you're made of sand!
I've stomped ant hills more impressive than this!
Your moat is moot!
My kingdom for a properly wide plinth!
posted by Glinn at 6:01 PM on April 1, 2012 [3 favorites]

More like Frank Lloyd Wrong!
posted by mmmbacon at 6:11 PM on April 1, 2012 [22 favorites]

"Pedestrian!" is always a good one.
posted by bleep at 6:46 PM on April 1, 2012 [5 favorites]

I'll ram part of you!
Keep this!
posted by LionIndex at 6:59 PM on April 1, 2012

"How dare you remain standing without benefit of my genius?!?"

"I've torn down better buildings than this!"

(And of course, Billy Crystal would say in the background, "Have fun storming the castle!")
posted by gjc at 7:06 PM on April 1, 2012

Very Mies ... Mies van der Ruh-Rohe!
posted by scruss at 7:33 PM on April 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

How castle-like are these sand castles?

'You'll have to keep trying!'

Something involving slighting, which I am not clever enough to come up with.

'These salients are irrelevant!'

see also: star fort, or trace italienne
posted by the man of twists and turns at 7:36 PM on April 1, 2012

See ya later, crenelator!
posted by thejoshu at 9:10 PM on April 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

Less is more!
posted by mightshould at 4:54 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

Your dungeon is done, John.

I've seen better fortified wine than this castle!

What an utter gothic horrorshow.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:14 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

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