Is this therapist violating client confidentiality?
March 29, 2012 1:10 PM Subscribe
A friend of mine is in couples therapy, and the couple are also both in individual therapy through the same organization. My friend shared something with his individual therapist and now they are pressuring him to share this with his partner. They actually said if he doesn't they may not allow them to continue couple therapy. Is this therapist violating Virginia client confidentiality laws? What is the best way to respond to this situation?
They are in a program run by a university, where they work with student therapists supervised by faculty. During a session, it was actually the supervisor who came in, stopped the session, and told my friend that he needed to tell his partner what he had told the therapist. That was when the supervisor said that if he didn't they may not allow him to continue in either individual or couples therapy. In this context that statement essentially sounds like a threat. BTW, there are different student therapists for the individual and couples therapy.
I feel really responsible as I encouraged him to be honest with his therapist about things he doesn't feel safe to share with his partner. I actually told him he would be protected by client confidentiality. I am shocked and outraged by what the supervisor did. They have a couples therapy session in a week and the supervisor said she is expecting my friend to divulge what he told his individual therapist.
While my friend and I both agree that the best-of-all-worlds scenario would be for him to be able to be honest with his partner, right now he doesn't feel safe enough to do so. What he told the therapist was not illegal, and was not indicating an intention to perform an illegal or abusive act; what he actually said was that he had some feelings which he has no intention of following up. I've encouraged him to talk with the supervisor privately before their next session, explain to her the way he feels about the situation, and ask her to respect his privacy. He feels that the couples therapy to this point has been really helpful and doesn't want to stop it; however, I can't see how he could feel ok with continuing individual therapy with these people.
What he really wants is to continue couples therapy without having to divulge this secret to his wife until he is ready. Does he have legal recourse to prevent the therapist from telling his wife what he said in the session? How about to keep the therapist from terminating their couples therapy over this issue? How can he demonstrate to the supervisor that she is in the wrong on this issue without forcing the end of the couples therapy sessions?
They are in a program run by a university, where they work with student therapists supervised by faculty. During a session, it was actually the supervisor who came in, stopped the session, and told my friend that he needed to tell his partner what he had told the therapist. That was when the supervisor said that if he didn't they may not allow him to continue in either individual or couples therapy. In this context that statement essentially sounds like a threat. BTW, there are different student therapists for the individual and couples therapy.
I feel really responsible as I encouraged him to be honest with his therapist about things he doesn't feel safe to share with his partner. I actually told him he would be protected by client confidentiality. I am shocked and outraged by what the supervisor did. They have a couples therapy session in a week and the supervisor said she is expecting my friend to divulge what he told his individual therapist.
While my friend and I both agree that the best-of-all-worlds scenario would be for him to be able to be honest with his partner, right now he doesn't feel safe enough to do so. What he told the therapist was not illegal, and was not indicating an intention to perform an illegal or abusive act; what he actually said was that he had some feelings which he has no intention of following up. I've encouraged him to talk with the supervisor privately before their next session, explain to her the way he feels about the situation, and ask her to respect his privacy. He feels that the couples therapy to this point has been really helpful and doesn't want to stop it; however, I can't see how he could feel ok with continuing individual therapy with these people.
What he really wants is to continue couples therapy without having to divulge this secret to his wife until he is ready. Does he have legal recourse to prevent the therapist from telling his wife what he said in the session? How about to keep the therapist from terminating their couples therapy over this issue? How can he demonstrate to the supervisor that she is in the wrong on this issue without forcing the end of the couples therapy sessions?
It doesn't really sound like a violation of confidentiality, because the therapist isn't revealing the thing themselves. If they feel like your friend isn't committed to either the individual or couples therapy process, they aren't obligated to continue treating your friend. They seem like they ARE respecting his privacy, and are just saying that they can't work with your friend under these conditions.
posted by spunweb at 1:15 PM on March 29, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by spunweb at 1:15 PM on March 29, 2012 [2 favorites]
The therapist has not threatened to tell his wife what he side -- that WOULD be a violation of confidentiality -- but from a legal standpoint, the therapist also has the right to terminate his or her relationship with their clients for basically any reason at all -- if the therapist isn't comfortable with a patient who chooses to keep this secret, that's (legally) fine.
posted by brainmouse at 1:16 PM on March 29, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by brainmouse at 1:16 PM on March 29, 2012 [5 favorites]
I would say they are strong arming him into talking about this in the couples' counseling session. The therapist isn't going to say anything, it's just that the therapists think, for whatever reason, that this is a blocker on their couples' therapy, and they won't work with them if they do not take this step. I don't think this violates any disclosure or anything, and depending on the whole picture, it may or may not be the wrong thing to do, over all.
posted by kellyblah at 1:18 PM on March 29, 2012
posted by kellyblah at 1:18 PM on March 29, 2012
The therapists would be violating confidentiality if they divulged this information to his partner. They didn't say they would tell. They said they couldn't continue therapy if this secret wasn't divulged.
The therapist can't really be effective if they're conspiring to collude with one client to keep such a secret from the other person. Imagine if he told the therapist that he was cheating. Then his partner in her session says that she thinks that her partner is cheating. What can that therapist say other than "What makes you think that?" to avoid violating his confidentiality.
What the therapist and their supervisor seem to be saying is that they feel that this secret is important to be disclosed or else they will fire him as a client because they don't feel comfortable offering support to the couple if they won't take their therapeutic opinion to heart.
And honestly, if he disagrees with that opinion, why would he want to continue there?
posted by inturnaround at 1:22 PM on March 29, 2012 [17 favorites]
The therapist can't really be effective if they're conspiring to collude with one client to keep such a secret from the other person. Imagine if he told the therapist that he was cheating. Then his partner in her session says that she thinks that her partner is cheating. What can that therapist say other than "What makes you think that?" to avoid violating his confidentiality.
What the therapist and their supervisor seem to be saying is that they feel that this secret is important to be disclosed or else they will fire him as a client because they don't feel comfortable offering support to the couple if they won't take their therapeutic opinion to heart.
And honestly, if he disagrees with that opinion, why would he want to continue there?
posted by inturnaround at 1:22 PM on March 29, 2012 [17 favorites]
Hold up -- is the supervisor in question the one that personally handles their couples sessions? The only reason I can think of for this kind of extreme reaction is that your friend divulged information that would jeopardize the quality of service this office can provide him and his wife as a couple, and that's why they want him to bring it up with his wife. I don't understand how the supervisor plays into all of this, though.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 1:29 PM on March 29, 2012
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 1:29 PM on March 29, 2012
It sounds like the only 'threat' is that the counseling will be cut off if your friend does not abide by the therapist's rules, which is a normal thing. Just as a doctor can choose to stop treating a patient who refuses to take the doctor's medical advice, a therapist can stop seeing a client if they feel the client refuses to do something the therapist believes to be integral to the therapeutic process. By keeping information from his partner but revealing it to the therapist, your friend may be putting the therapist in a position where they would not be able to offer advice to the partner without compromising their ethics.
Picture it this way: your friend has HIV (god forbid.). His doctor, who is also his partner's doctor, asks if he has told his partner he has HIV. He says that he has not and they're also not using protection. If his partner were to come in for a checkup, the doctor would know that they would be at a high risk for HIV, but unable to tell them because of confidentiality. Any medical advice they gave would have to omit this, but then any advice would technically be life-threatening as the doctor is the person responsible for giving that person health advice. The only way the doctor could keep himself from violating his ethics is by refusing to see both individuals.
posted by griphus at 1:32 PM on March 29, 2012 [2 favorites]
Picture it this way: your friend has HIV (god forbid.). His doctor, who is also his partner's doctor, asks if he has told his partner he has HIV. He says that he has not and they're also not using protection. If his partner were to come in for a checkup, the doctor would know that they would be at a high risk for HIV, but unable to tell them because of confidentiality. Any medical advice they gave would have to omit this, but then any advice would technically be life-threatening as the doctor is the person responsible for giving that person health advice. The only way the doctor could keep himself from violating his ethics is by refusing to see both individuals.
posted by griphus at 1:32 PM on March 29, 2012 [2 favorites]
As others have pointed out, the supervisor isn't saying that they'll divulge the information, so it sounds like he can go to couples therapy this week. Next week in individual therapy, he should lead off with how he doesn't feel safe enough to talk to his partner about this secret, and how the supervisor made him feel even more threatened. If his therapist (and the supervisor) understand that he hopes to tell the partner when he feels a little safer, that's totally different from thinking that he never plans to share this scary thing.
posted by ldthomps at 1:32 PM on March 29, 2012
posted by ldthomps at 1:32 PM on March 29, 2012
My mom was a therapist and also, at times, an academic. She did her dissertation on confidentiality and HIV/AIDS. (This was some time back.) Basically, what prompted her thinking was a client who was prostitute who also had HIV. So, you can imagine how confidentiality might come into play there. So, there's lots of issues about confidentiality that may not be cut and dry.
So, let's say that this person has an issue which is the "elephant in the room" -- the therapist now knows about it and clearly thinks it is very relevant to the two as a couple. It may, in fact, be something which the therapist feels must come to light if the two of them are going to resolve their issues, whatever those issues may be. However, depending on what the issue is, he may not be ready to talk about it with his partner. His therapist should respect that. But, maybe there's something time sensitive happening here... maybe something you don't know about. In that case, the therapist may feel obligated to push the issue or to terminate the relationship. It would be out of bounds and violate common rules of confidentiality for the therapist to share this information with the partner without permission of the guy. And that may be why they would feel compelled to terminate.
posted by amanda at 1:32 PM on March 29, 2012 [1 favorite]
So, let's say that this person has an issue which is the "elephant in the room" -- the therapist now knows about it and clearly thinks it is very relevant to the two as a couple. It may, in fact, be something which the therapist feels must come to light if the two of them are going to resolve their issues, whatever those issues may be. However, depending on what the issue is, he may not be ready to talk about it with his partner. His therapist should respect that. But, maybe there's something time sensitive happening here... maybe something you don't know about. In that case, the therapist may feel obligated to push the issue or to terminate the relationship. It would be out of bounds and violate common rules of confidentiality for the therapist to share this information with the partner without permission of the guy. And that may be why they would feel compelled to terminate.
posted by amanda at 1:32 PM on March 29, 2012 [1 favorite]
Therapists are allowed to have boundaries, and treatment organizations - especially those involved in teaching - do and must have very strong guidelines about the situations into which they will put their students.
I understand the outrage a little as a shock reaction, but your friend has been given a clear decision to make and is free to make it.
Client confidentiality means the therapist will not divulge. It has nothing to do with refusing to participate in a situation they apparently feel strongly cannot be knowingly withheld from another client.
posted by Lyn Never at 1:33 PM on March 29, 2012
I understand the outrage a little as a shock reaction, but your friend has been given a clear decision to make and is free to make it.
Client confidentiality means the therapist will not divulge. It has nothing to do with refusing to participate in a situation they apparently feel strongly cannot be knowingly withheld from another client.
posted by Lyn Never at 1:33 PM on March 29, 2012
Has your friend indicated that they want to get to the point where they can share this secret with their partner? That would be something for the therapist to work with.
Or has your friend refused the idea of sharing the secret at all? That would be an indication that your friend is not taking the therapy to heart.
posted by General Tonic at 1:41 PM on March 29, 2012
Or has your friend refused the idea of sharing the secret at all? That would be an indication that your friend is not taking the therapy to heart.
posted by General Tonic at 1:41 PM on March 29, 2012
Has your friend indicated that they want to get to the point where they can share this secret with their partner?
This is a good point. A therapist would understand that he needed time to tell his partner, but it would also be within their right to refuse to see either individual until that moment. Perhaps your friend can work with the therapist on a deadline of some sort. However, this is entirely at the therapist's discretion.
posted by griphus at 1:45 PM on March 29, 2012
This is a good point. A therapist would understand that he needed time to tell his partner, but it would also be within their right to refuse to see either individual until that moment. Perhaps your friend can work with the therapist on a deadline of some sort. However, this is entirely at the therapist's discretion.
posted by griphus at 1:45 PM on March 29, 2012
I know that you are asking for you friend, anon, and so you don't have all the info and you're upset that your friend seems to be getting blindsided by this. However, there may be something going on with the partner that makes his secret really important to reveal. I can imagine if they are trying to have a family, say, and something is going on that would impact that (he's gay, having an affair, thinking of leaving, has a communicable disease, whatever...) then they may feel there's expediency necessary. Or, if they are also seeing his partner independently (this is starting to sound very sticky) and maybe she has revealed something that needs immediate response as well... well, I guess I urge him to not feel blindsided, to ask for more time to consider or just talk more at length with his therapist about how they should proceed.
I mean, having your therapist suddenly fire both of you out of the blue would seem to tip his hand a bit, no? Maybe that's the fear there.
Anyway, best of luck to your friend. I really think, rather than get angry about a perceived confidentiality issue that he examine this a bit more closely. Maybe there's something that can be done in the near term to work toward openness with his wife with the therapist(s) on his side.
posted by amanda at 1:58 PM on March 29, 2012
I mean, having your therapist suddenly fire both of you out of the blue would seem to tip his hand a bit, no? Maybe that's the fear there.
Anyway, best of luck to your friend. I really think, rather than get angry about a perceived confidentiality issue that he examine this a bit more closely. Maybe there's something that can be done in the near term to work toward openness with his wife with the therapist(s) on his side.
posted by amanda at 1:58 PM on March 29, 2012
From what I understand from my friends who have gone through couples + individual therapy, this is very common.
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 2:27 PM on March 29, 2012
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 2:27 PM on March 29, 2012
From what I understand from my friends who have gone through couples + individual therapy, this is very common.
It is common for therapists to be insistent that a client tell important information to a partner. It is not common, and in fact it is against professional ethics, for the therapist to divulge that information.
Unless it is a Tarasoff situation, in which the danger to another person would trump the patient's right to confidentiality.
The supervisor does have a right (legally and ethically) to refuse to treat someone they feel is non-compliant. The supervisor does not have a right to disclose any of the information given by your friend unless a Tarasoff situation applies.
I don't know what information your friend "would never act on" but if it was in reference to physical violence against his partner or others, that could be construed as something that would be in the Tarasoff ballpark.
posted by Sidhedevil at 3:03 PM on March 29, 2012 [2 favorites]
It is common for therapists to be insistent that a client tell important information to a partner. It is not common, and in fact it is against professional ethics, for the therapist to divulge that information.
Unless it is a Tarasoff situation, in which the danger to another person would trump the patient's right to confidentiality.
The supervisor does have a right (legally and ethically) to refuse to treat someone they feel is non-compliant. The supervisor does not have a right to disclose any of the information given by your friend unless a Tarasoff situation applies.
I don't know what information your friend "would never act on" but if it was in reference to physical violence against his partner or others, that could be construed as something that would be in the Tarasoff ballpark.
posted by Sidhedevil at 3:03 PM on March 29, 2012 [2 favorites]
Based on your wording and the response of the therapists, my guess is your friend might have disclosed having had thoughts of harming their partner. Virginia is a Duty to Warn state, so had they believed there was intent to follow through, legally they would have had to break confidentiality and inform the partner. They haven't done that, though, so there is no breach of confidentiality. But even without rising to the standard, they might be concerned enough about what was said that they feel they must insist that this be addressed in the interest of safety, especially as the partner is also the facility's client. Insisting upon sharing the thoughts with the partner may or may not be the best way to deal with this, but that's the call of the professionals who are directly involved, and if they've been competent so far (and it seems like your friend otherwise thinks they have), then it's probably a good idea to trust their judgment on this. Forced termination is never casually put on the table, so if it was brought up as an option, this is likely an indication of how important they consider the disclosure to be to the therapeutic process.
I suspect your main concern is that because your friend is not ready to tell their partner about their thoughts, even without revealing the details, the therapist's termination of the couples therapy would be a kind of disclosure because it would force a conversation. But the therapy would almost certainly not actually be ended without more discussion, likely involving the supervisor, but if it was decided that it had to be, ethics would dictate that they work with your friend individually to figure out how to handle the situation beforehand. No matter what happens, assuming there continues to be no intent to act on the thoughts, the specifics of what was disclosed in individual therapy would continue to remain confidential.
posted by Sockpuppets the Cat at 3:06 PM on March 29, 2012
I suspect your main concern is that because your friend is not ready to tell their partner about their thoughts, even without revealing the details, the therapist's termination of the couples therapy would be a kind of disclosure because it would force a conversation. But the therapy would almost certainly not actually be ended without more discussion, likely involving the supervisor, but if it was decided that it had to be, ethics would dictate that they work with your friend individually to figure out how to handle the situation beforehand. No matter what happens, assuming there continues to be no intent to act on the thoughts, the specifics of what was disclosed in individual therapy would continue to remain confidential.
posted by Sockpuppets the Cat at 3:06 PM on March 29, 2012
Based on your wording and the response of the therapists, my guess is your friend might have disclosed having had thoughts of harming their partner.
Well, the OP says What he told the therapist was not illegal, and was not indicating an intention to perform an illegal or abusive act; so I don't know that it could be about harming the partner.
posted by rtha at 3:14 PM on March 29, 2012 [1 favorite]
Well, the OP says What he told the therapist was not illegal, and was not indicating an intention to perform an illegal or abusive act; so I don't know that it could be about harming the partner.
posted by rtha at 3:14 PM on March 29, 2012 [1 favorite]
Right, but thoughts of harm aren't illegal, and the friend and the OP likely know that. It's not uncommon for people to experience violent intrusive thoughts that they have no intent of actually acting on. But for clinicians, it can be difficult to puzzle out whether a client sincerely means they would never behave violently or whether that's just being said to avoid consequences. That could be one reason for how seriously the therapists are taking the issue of disclosure to the partner.
Anyway, whether or not my suspicion is correct doesn't change anything about my answer. Clearly, the therapists are concerned enough that they've brought up the possibility of termination, and no matter why this is, the handling of the situation from here should be the same.
posted by Sockpuppets the Cat at 3:33 PM on March 29, 2012
Anyway, whether or not my suspicion is correct doesn't change anything about my answer. Clearly, the therapists are concerned enough that they've brought up the possibility of termination, and no matter why this is, the handling of the situation from here should be the same.
posted by Sockpuppets the Cat at 3:33 PM on March 29, 2012
Maybe I just have a lot of experience with decitful people, but I can think of a whole heck of a lot of things that a therapist might consider unethical to (in effect) help hide from someone's partner. Whether or not your friend feels "safe" telling the truth, telling the truth tends to me, sorry for the bluntness, the right thing to do, and the therapist probably knows this, and your friend (naturally) doesn't want to tel. Maybe he thinks his parter will leave if she knows. Maybe she ought to have the right to make that choice for herself. The therapist may not want to support the reconciliation of a marriage based on deceit, and that is pretty much well within the therapist's rights.
posted by celtalitha at 4:27 PM on March 29, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by celtalitha at 4:27 PM on March 29, 2012 [2 favorites]
(Sorry for the errors, typing on a phone)
posted by celtalitha at 4:28 PM on March 29, 2012
posted by celtalitha at 4:28 PM on March 29, 2012
I for one think this is really weird. If the problem is a threat to the wife's health or safety, then she should be told no matter what the husband says. If it's just that they *want* him to disclose it, I don't think it is appropriate to try to pressure and manipulate him into it. It seems to me that best clinical practice would be to have a complete firewall between the couples and individuals therapists.
posted by yarly at 5:05 PM on March 29, 2012
posted by yarly at 5:05 PM on March 29, 2012
It seems to me that best clinical practice would be to have a complete firewall between the couples and individuals therapists.
My experience is that that is the gold standard of care, but that at university clinics where advanced students and interns providing care under supervision it may not happen.
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:27 PM on March 29, 2012
My experience is that that is the gold standard of care, but that at university clinics where advanced students and interns providing care under supervision it may not happen.
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:27 PM on March 29, 2012
Well, the OP says What he told the therapist was not illegal, and was not indicating an intention to perform an illegal or abusive act; so I don't know that it could be about harming the partner.
There are a bunch of things that an individual client might disclose that wouldn't seem to them like something that would fall under "obligation to disclose," but would to the therapist.
Something that comes to mind off the top of my head (because I just read about it in a novel) would be an HIV-negative person, partnered with an HIV-negative person, wanting to engage in bareback sex with an HIV-positive person. That isn't illegal, and might not be seen by the barebacking person as wrong or abusive in an open or poly relationship, but might be seen very differently by a therapist based on the potential exposure risk for the partner.
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:31 PM on March 29, 2012 [1 favorite]
There are a bunch of things that an individual client might disclose that wouldn't seem to them like something that would fall under "obligation to disclose," but would to the therapist.
Something that comes to mind off the top of my head (because I just read about it in a novel) would be an HIV-negative person, partnered with an HIV-negative person, wanting to engage in bareback sex with an HIV-positive person. That isn't illegal, and might not be seen by the barebacking person as wrong or abusive in an open or poly relationship, but might be seen very differently by a therapist based on the potential exposure risk for the partner.
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:31 PM on March 29, 2012 [1 favorite]
"From what I understand from my friends who have gone through couples + individual therapy, this is very common."
It is common for therapists to be insistent that a client tell important information to a partner. It is not common, and in fact it is against professional ethics, for the therapist to divulge that information.
Right. My understanding is that this is a situation where the therapist is saying "you have to tell them, or I won't continue working with you" not "tell them or I will."
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 6:17 PM on March 29, 2012 [1 favorite]
It is common for therapists to be insistent that a client tell important information to a partner. It is not common, and in fact it is against professional ethics, for the therapist to divulge that information.
Right. My understanding is that this is a situation where the therapist is saying "you have to tell them, or I won't continue working with you" not "tell them or I will."
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 6:17 PM on March 29, 2012 [1 favorite]
Or. Say the reason a couple is in therapy in the first place is because of Husband's infidelity, and the wife wants to find out if the relationship is worth moving forward with and/or whether the husband is honest is saying he no longer has significant feelings for Jane or Mary or whomever. The husband admits to his therapist that he does, and that he has contant thoughts about leaving his wife for Jane; but he isn't going to do it because (blah blah blah kids, don't want to hurt her, confused, etc). Meanwhile in couple's therapy, the wife expresses mistrust about his intentions towards Jane, and the husband regularly responds by gaslighting the wife and making her out to be crazy and obsessive, etc, and in fact blames her for herself sabotaging the relationship.
The therapist here (or in this case, the supervisor) would be in a really tricky situation trying to validate and protect the feelings and intuition of the wife without "outing" the husband, so at some point the therapist tells the husband in private that unless he is honest about his doubts, etc, with the wife, they cannot continue the sessions. As Sidhedevil points out, that is why a lot of therapists won't do individual and couples counseling with the same person; but if they are, there are a million ways for the ethics to get tricky - even short of HIV cases or pedophiliac fantasies.
posted by celtalitha at 6:22 PM on March 29, 2012
The therapist here (or in this case, the supervisor) would be in a really tricky situation trying to validate and protect the feelings and intuition of the wife without "outing" the husband, so at some point the therapist tells the husband in private that unless he is honest about his doubts, etc, with the wife, they cannot continue the sessions. As Sidhedevil points out, that is why a lot of therapists won't do individual and couples counseling with the same person; but if they are, there are a million ways for the ethics to get tricky - even short of HIV cases or pedophiliac fantasies.
posted by celtalitha at 6:22 PM on March 29, 2012
Nthing that this is about the therapist respecting their own boundaries, and suggesting a course of action to their client that they think would be beneficial (though it may not immediately appear that way to your friend).
I hope it's all right if I give a real-life example? Long story short, I broke up with a man I'd been with for 8 years (the break-up was eight years ago now). He'd become increasingly abusive, moving from emotional and psychological abuse into physical threats and actually slapping me, then threatening more, lunging at me and raising his fists and such. I had long encouraged him to see a therapist, since on his better days he claimed he regretted his behavior. Well, after I broke up with him, he went to see a therapist! My ex returned and told me about it (which is how I know).
My ex began by telling me that he had gone to the therapist in order to convince him that I was wrong to leave him and would never find better; that I was throwing away my future (*eyeroll*). Then he said that the therapist had told my ex he had only one thing to say regarding the matter, and it was of utmost importance to tell me that it came directly from him, the therapist: "she's right to leave you." My ex then made some hand-waves and mentioned that since he (ex) had now told me that, I should stay with him. I didn't. I already knew why I was leaving my ex; the fact that the therapist saw it as so important to let me know he saw what was going on even in that single session, helped reassure me that I'd made the right decision. And as you can see, I still remember it eight years later.
This is NOT to say that something like that is happening with your friend. It IS to say that you have no idea what your friend told their therapist, and it IS to say that therapists have a third-party view and years of experience sussing out personalities that allows them to identify when something needs to be shared. You don't know what the reasons are; your friend may be jumping to conclusions as to the therapist's intent. It may even be that it needs to be shared because it's less grave than your friend imagines, and so it could ease his conscience. Not all therapists give great advice, but this is a situation where you have a therapist who is actively being supervised and both the therapist and supervisor agree on the recommended course of action.
Has your friend asked for more information on why they're recommending it to him?
posted by fraula at 12:11 AM on March 30, 2012 [1 favorite]
I hope it's all right if I give a real-life example? Long story short, I broke up with a man I'd been with for 8 years (the break-up was eight years ago now). He'd become increasingly abusive, moving from emotional and psychological abuse into physical threats and actually slapping me, then threatening more, lunging at me and raising his fists and such. I had long encouraged him to see a therapist, since on his better days he claimed he regretted his behavior. Well, after I broke up with him, he went to see a therapist! My ex returned and told me about it (which is how I know).
My ex began by telling me that he had gone to the therapist in order to convince him that I was wrong to leave him and would never find better; that I was throwing away my future (*eyeroll*). Then he said that the therapist had told my ex he had only one thing to say regarding the matter, and it was of utmost importance to tell me that it came directly from him, the therapist: "she's right to leave you." My ex then made some hand-waves and mentioned that since he (ex) had now told me that, I should stay with him. I didn't. I already knew why I was leaving my ex; the fact that the therapist saw it as so important to let me know he saw what was going on even in that single session, helped reassure me that I'd made the right decision. And as you can see, I still remember it eight years later.
This is NOT to say that something like that is happening with your friend. It IS to say that you have no idea what your friend told their therapist, and it IS to say that therapists have a third-party view and years of experience sussing out personalities that allows them to identify when something needs to be shared. You don't know what the reasons are; your friend may be jumping to conclusions as to the therapist's intent. It may even be that it needs to be shared because it's less grave than your friend imagines, and so it could ease his conscience. Not all therapists give great advice, but this is a situation where you have a therapist who is actively being supervised and both the therapist and supervisor agree on the recommended course of action.
Has your friend asked for more information on why they're recommending it to him?
posted by fraula at 12:11 AM on March 30, 2012 [1 favorite]
There is no legal recourse here unless the therapist actually divulges your friend's information. Essentially the position of the therapists in this instance is that the secret obviates the whole point of the couples counseling. Couples counseling requires a certain standard of honesty if it is to be effective, and while really wanting the bedroom to be painted another color may not be a necessary revelation, seriously planning to leave by the 5th of next month may be. If the therapists feel that they would be colluding in duping the other partner, it would make sense to set a hard boundary about this. The awkward way in which this was handled sounds awful, though!
posted by OmieWise at 5:21 AM on March 30, 2012
posted by OmieWise at 5:21 AM on March 30, 2012
I think it could be morally sticky though: how are they planning on announcing this to the wife without breaching confidentiality?
posted by corb at 11:30 PM on March 30, 2012
posted by corb at 11:30 PM on March 30, 2012
« Older How do I track referral credits over a period of... | Yay or nay? Ceviche made with previously frozen... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Specklet at 1:14 PM on March 29, 2012