Makin' a Move on a Younger Guy
March 5, 2012 7:59 AM   Subscribe

How do I make a move on a guy?

A guy I really like should be coming over to my place tonight to return something he borrowed.

I'm pretty sure he is attracted to me too.

He's significantly younger than me. (I'm in my early 30's, he's in his mid-20's). He's from an Asian culture, I am from a Western culture.

So, if possible, if the timing is right, I'd like to let him know I like him...with actions, not words. (no, not looking for sexual intercourse tonight).

I would love to kiss him. But I don't want to make things awkward or uncomfortable.

Any suggestions for setting a mood, making a move...hopefully naturally?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (11 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Ask if he'd like to stay for a drink/snack/dinner. If he says he has to leave/run, don't make a move. If he stays, flirt.
posted by the young rope-rider at 8:03 AM on March 5, 2012 [3 favorites]

Well, the first thing you need to do is communicate to him that you want to spend a longer time with him than is needed to return the item he borrowed. Ask him to stay for tea (or coffee) and, if he declines, express mild disappointment. "Are you sure? Well, please tell me we can hang out soon. Are you free tomorrow?"

But honestly, beyond that there's no way for me to tell you what a natural move would be that is also preplanned. The two aren't really connected. If he likes you, a hug and a kiss on the cheek wouldn't be out of place. Then if he reciprocates, you can escalate it to whatever you want to do. But part of it has to be verbal so he knows that it's not just you being friendly, it's you being "friendly".
posted by inturnaround at 8:05 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

Tonight may not be the time to kiss him, but if you're clear about your own feelings and intentions then it's time to get him started thinking about kissing you. So you need to flirt. Not necessarily shamelessly, but get out of your comfort zone a little.
posted by gauche at 8:06 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

If he agrees to stay, perhaps create a situation where you're physically close (like sitting on the couch watching the latest viral cat videos on youtube...) and move a bit closer than you would as if you were sitting beside a friend. If it's still feeling natural and not uncomfortable, perhaps a light touch on the back when you laugh or something or that nature. He should start to get the picture.
posted by beau jackson at 8:07 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

the young rope-rider has got it. flirting is eye contact, smiling, compliments.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:17 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

He's from an Asian culture, I am from a Western culture.

What is he, this particular man, this guy like? Shy? Nerdy? Music geek? If you don't want to make things awkward or uncomfortable, you need to have a grasp of what he's like.

Also, don't discount using words. It might make things easier and/or more sexy, but that depends on what you're both like.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:23 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

Give him an out, in case he's not comfortable. Think sandwich rather than 3 course meal, if you offer him food.
posted by Solomon at 8:56 AM on March 5, 2012

Definitely offer him a drink or something...basically what the first two responses said. Gauge if he wants to spend time with you. And sad but true, a couple of drinks makes the transition from friends to more than friends easier!
posted by bquarters at 9:12 AM on March 5, 2012

Tea is a good drink for something like this, because it doesn't have "I'm trying to make you drunk" connotations, it's easier on caffine than coffee is, and you can make a full pot of it.

This means that you can drink it leisurely for about 45 minutes or so if things go one way, or he can leave after the first cup if they go another way. You can provide shortbread or cookies with it or not, as you choose. Basically it can be as involved as you need it to be.
posted by gauche at 9:35 AM on March 5, 2012

It may be important that you make it clear that your intentions are romantic, not sexual. American women are mythologized as being very loose in many foreign cultures, and your advance could be overinterpreted.

Perhaps explicit dialog is called for, as Brandon Blatcher notes.
posted by IAmBroom at 9:38 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

"I feel really nervous saying this, but I really like you, and would like to kiss you." Works wonders.
posted by Pwoink at 10:46 AM on March 5, 2012 [3 favorites]

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