VDAY COOKIES
January 16, 2012 9:25 AM   Subscribe

if you were a truthful, demanding, or bitter valentines day cookie what would you say?

example:
"Well, thanks"
"Not tonight"
"____ me"

etc
posted by misformiche to Grab Bag (54 answers total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
 
bite me
posted by changeling at 9:27 AM on January 16, 2012 [7 favorites]


Go away
posted by astapasta24 at 9:29 AM on January 16, 2012


"Stop talking!"
posted by BostonTerrier at 9:29 AM on January 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


"Look, I don't care if it is the middle of the day at your office, just close the door, take off everything except the garter and get on the couch next to Natalie."
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:30 AM on January 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


If it's a cookie, "bite me" is pretty necessary. "DTMFA" would also be good.

Several years ago, a friend and I made snarky conversation heart decorations for a VD (hee) party. I don't remember them all, but there were things like "You'll do," "Got crabs," etc. I made one that said "Go Cubs," which isn't really Valentine's Day related, but it cracked me up.
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:30 AM on January 16, 2012 [4 favorites]


LET'S JUST
GET THIS
OVER WITH

posted by griphus at 9:30 AM on January 16, 2012 [10 favorites]


"just friends"
"not my type"
"issues"
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:30 AM on January 16, 2012 [3 favorites]


My favorite quote ever...

'We live alone, we die alone. Nobody knows anyone.'
posted by ian1977 at 9:31 AM on January 16, 2012 [5 favorites]


We both know you're settling for me.
posted by Mchelly at 9:31 AM on January 16, 2012


ooh! another one:

"Your opinion doesn't exist. You don't exist."

I'll stop now.
posted by BostonTerrier at 9:31 AM on January 16, 2012


Tons of great ideas here: Be My Anti-Valentine
posted by danceswithlight at 9:32 AM on January 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh, and Bittersweets (from the makers of Demotivators!) have some gems.
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:32 AM on January 16, 2012 [3 favorites]


"You'll do, for now"

"Hush, it'll be over soon"

"I know who you did last summer."
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:33 AM on January 16, 2012


IS IT
IN YET?

posted by griphus at 9:33 AM on January 16, 2012 [26 favorites]


Great personality
posted by Melismata at 9:33 AM on January 16, 2012


I'M FINE
posted by greenish at 9:34 AM on January 16, 2012


"It's not me, it's you."
posted by jquinby at 9:34 AM on January 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


In the spirit of heart candies...

2 DRUNK 2 CARE
I H8 U
BEE GONE
posted by ian1977 at 9:35 AM on January 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


It's a birthday greeting but it fits. And it is my favorite. Shorten as necessary.
posted by oflinkey at 9:37 AM on January 16, 2012


MEH
posted by hermitosis at 9:46 AM on January 16, 2012 [6 favorites]


The phrase most bitter people seem to sneer around Valentine's Day is, "Stupid Hallmark holiday."
posted by devymetal at 9:48 AM on January 16, 2012 [2 favorites]


Here are some suggestions for you. Please excuse the spelling errors.
posted by sacrifix at 9:51 AM on January 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


U R 2 MUCH DRAMA
GOODBYE
STFU
posted by wocka wocka wocka at 9:52 AM on January 16, 2012


Limp Biscuit
posted by drlith at 9:52 AM on January 16, 2012


"It'll all end in tears"
posted by The River Ivel at 9:57 AM on January 16, 2012


I WANT MY CDS BACK

I THNK
U STNK

NICE PRSNLTY
posted by vitabellosi at 10:00 AM on January 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


WISHING YOU A PLEASANT INVENTED HOLIDAY FOR BENEFIT OF GREETING CARD INDUSTRY, SELLOUT
posted by bleep at 10:06 AM on January 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


Roses are dead. (For 'roses are red.')
posted by SpacemanStix at 10:07 AM on January 16, 2012


"Friend-zone"

Course, if it was possible to fit it on a cookie, I'd say try for Maya Angelou's poem:

"You fit into me
like a hook into an eye

a fish hook
an open eye"
posted by DisreputableDog at 10:08 AM on January 16, 2012 [4 favorites]


let's just b friends w/o benefits

well bless your heart

this cookie will make your ass look fat fo realz
posted by iconomy at 10:10 AM on January 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker (Ogden Nash)
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 10:14 AM on January 16, 2012


Disreputable Dog--that's Margaret Atwood, not Maya Angelou.
posted by dlugoczaj at 10:17 AM on January 16, 2012 [3 favorites]


ARE YOU DONE YET?
I'M HUNGRY.

(actual quote said to a friend of mine by his now-ex-girlfriend. during sex.)
posted by cooker girl at 10:23 AM on January 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm your favorite flour.
posted by bz at 10:33 AM on January 16, 2012


TL;DR
posted by hermitosis at 10:37 AM on January 16, 2012


"Think of England."

"POE
EOP
OPE"

"MINI
LUV"
posted by chrisulonic at 10:40 AM on January 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


I did a project like this and you are welcome to use the words.

"You meet my needs. "

"What if we weren't like this?"

"Don't leave."
posted by fake at 10:45 AM on January 16, 2012 [2 favorites]


I CHEW-CHEW-CHEWSE U
posted by mazola at 11:11 AM on January 16, 2012 [3 favorites]


Best Brains had the answer with Bittersweet Hearts
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 12:00 PM on January 16, 2012


"You're my favourite husband/wife."
posted by peagood at 12:02 PM on January 16, 2012


Shape it like a heart and break it in half.
posted by doctor_negative at 12:33 PM on January 16, 2012


"You should learn to be more pessimistic about these things"
posted by Slackermagee at 12:45 PM on January 16, 2012


"When I look in my future, I don't see you and don't wish to."
posted by easy, lucky, free at 1:06 PM on January 16, 2012


MARRY ME
OR ELSE
posted by Snarl Furillo at 1:07 PM on January 16, 2012


IT'S OVER
ALREADY?
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 1:36 PM on January 16, 2012




[pedant] The fish hook poem is by Margaret Atwood; Maya Angelou tends towards less bitter. [/pedant]

"Chocolates again?"
"How much did you pay for these roses? Don't you know the mortgage payment is coming out tomorrow?"
"That's okay, I didn't really need a gift anyway."
posted by GreenEyed at 3:04 PM on January 16, 2012


If we're getting pedantic:

I CHEW-CHEW-CHEWSE U

It's "I CHOO CHOO CHOOSE YOU" because it had a train on it and oh God I watched too much Simpsons.
posted by emjaybee at 5:08 PM on January 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


MR. RIGHT NOW/MS. RIGHT NOW

4EVER ALONE
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:17 PM on January 16, 2012


"If we're getting pedantic:

I CHEW-CHEW-CHEWSE U

It's 'I CHOO CHOO CHOOSE YOU' because it had a train on it and oh God I watched too much Simpsons."


But you chew cookies, so it works.
posted by easy, lucky, free at 5:22 PM on January 16, 2012


PAIN
SETTLE
posted by huckit at 5:36 PM on January 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


I <3 ME

LET'S ABSTAIN

MY EX IS #1

KIM + KRIS
posted by argonauta at 6:34 PM on January 16, 2012


Still Bitter

So Over You

Happy VD

Safety Date

You'll Do

F Yeah

Hey Baby

C'mon Over

U R SO HAWT

You Don't Deserve Me

If the Sex Wasn't So Good, I'd Be Outta Here

Starter Wife
posted by theora55 at 7:03 PM on January 16, 2012


The first small practice batch was made today,

here are the results.
posted by misformiche at 9:16 PM on January 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


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