Is "roommate" really the only word for this?
January 6, 2012 8:18 AM Subscribe
There are three adults in my household -- my husband, myself, and our very close male friend. We think of ourselves as a family and it feels weird and a little cold to introduce each other as "roommates." So what word should we use?
Recently we've been trying to use "housemate" instead, as it sounds moderately less casual, but I keep feeling like there must be a better word.
Ideally, we'd like to settle on something that we don't feel weird saying, and which communicates to other people that we aren't just casual pals helping each other save rent. I suppose that we could just pick an arbitrary blood relationship and use that, but that seems dishonest and likely to backfire.
(Note: We're all giant nerds, so we'd be happy to entertain any arcane, specialized, or otherwise obscure terms that you can think of!)
Recently we've been trying to use "housemate" instead, as it sounds moderately less casual, but I keep feeling like there must be a better word.
Ideally, we'd like to settle on something that we don't feel weird saying, and which communicates to other people that we aren't just casual pals helping each other save rent. I suppose that we could just pick an arbitrary blood relationship and use that, but that seems dishonest and likely to backfire.
(Note: We're all giant nerds, so we'd be happy to entertain any arcane, specialized, or otherwise obscure terms that you can think of!)
Do you have to communicate roommate and friend with the same word, or even the same sentence? Why not introduce each other as friends, and if it happens to come up, mention that you also live together.
posted by grog at 8:24 AM on January 6, 2012
posted by grog at 8:24 AM on January 6, 2012
"Hi -- I'm Narrative, this is my husband Mr. Narrative, and this is Sid."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:27 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:27 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
"Dear friend" works for me, and I suppose you could add in "and housemate."
posted by bluedaisy at 8:27 AM on January 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by bluedaisy at 8:27 AM on January 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
Yeah, I would just say "close friend" and specify later. If that's not specific enough, "chosen family" also works, although it also doesn't imply living together.
posted by sea change at 8:28 AM on January 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by sea change at 8:28 AM on January 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
Our other significant other? House partner? Life brother? House brother?
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 8:28 AM on January 6, 2012
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 8:28 AM on January 6, 2012
Do you want to limit it to one word?
If not, I rather like HuronBob's suggestion. I could also see myself saying something like, "This is James--he's like a brother to John and me." (You could add "he lives with us" if you feel it's necessary at the time; sometimes it may not be.)
posted by dlugoczaj at 8:29 AM on January 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
If not, I rather like HuronBob's suggestion. I could also see myself saying something like, "This is James--he's like a brother to John and me." (You could add "he lives with us" if you feel it's necessary at the time; sometimes it may not be.)
posted by dlugoczaj at 8:29 AM on January 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
I'm Narrative, this is Mr. Narritive, and this is our ward, Sid.
posted by moviehawk at 8:30 AM on January 6, 2012 [30 favorites]
posted by moviehawk at 8:30 AM on January 6, 2012 [30 favorites]
"Housemate, and dear friend"
"Longtime housemate and companion"
posted by tyllwin at 8:31 AM on January 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
"Longtime housemate and companion"
posted by tyllwin at 8:31 AM on January 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
clansman, tribesman, confrère
For an arcane nerdy one, "water brother" from Stranger in a Strange Land
posted by XMLicious at 8:32 AM on January 6, 2012 [6 favorites]
For an arcane nerdy one, "water brother" from Stranger in a Strange Land
posted by XMLicious at 8:32 AM on January 6, 2012 [6 favorites]
On the nerd tip:
From Heinlein's Stranger In A Strange Land:
"Nestmate"
posted by empath at 8:33 AM on January 6, 2012 [5 favorites]
From Heinlein's Stranger In A Strange Land:
"Nestmate"
posted by empath at 8:33 AM on January 6, 2012 [5 favorites]
We used to be you! And even now that our friend has moved away to be with his lover, we think of him (and he feels like) the third adult member of our family. Sometimes I want people to understand that when "our friend S" visits, it's not quite like another friend visiting--it's someone who is intimately connected with our family (both my partner and me, and now, our children) in a way that no one else is. It's hard to convey, and sometimes I don't bother trying. We did use "housemate," but then we've also had housemates who were people we didn't know especially well who were staying with us temporarily, so that's not especially useful.
But here are some assorted things I've said to try to get it across:
"blah blah blah our friend S--who is basically the third adult member of our family--"
"blah blah blah our friend S--who is the closest thing the kids have to a third parent--"
"our beloved friend S"
"our best friend S"
Mostly people don't need to understand the relationship at that level of detail, but I have tried things like this when I really want people to understand the impact of something--like, no, I'm not going to have dinner with you next week because S is in town and that trumps everything, or no, the kids are not going to want to have a sleepover because S--who is the closest thing they have to a third parent--will be visiting.
posted by not that girl at 8:34 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
But here are some assorted things I've said to try to get it across:
"blah blah blah our friend S--who is basically the third adult member of our family--"
"blah blah blah our friend S--who is the closest thing the kids have to a third parent--"
"our beloved friend S"
"our best friend S"
Mostly people don't need to understand the relationship at that level of detail, but I have tried things like this when I really want people to understand the impact of something--like, no, I'm not going to have dinner with you next week because S is in town and that trumps everything, or no, the kids are not going to want to have a sleepover because S--who is the closest thing they have to a third parent--will be visiting.
posted by not that girl at 8:34 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
(although, i think both 'nestmate' and 'water brother' implies polyamory)
posted by empath at 8:34 AM on January 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by empath at 8:34 AM on January 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
If it were me I'd have fun with it and call dear friend our platonic husband, but I'm weird like that.
posted by TooFewShoes at 8:34 AM on January 6, 2012 [20 favorites]
posted by TooFewShoes at 8:34 AM on January 6, 2012 [20 favorites]
It sounds like you are ka-tet: one from many.
posted by RolandOfEld at 8:38 AM on January 6, 2012 [7 favorites]
posted by RolandOfEld at 8:38 AM on January 6, 2012 [7 favorites]
Brother from another mother? Is that offensive? It actually seems accurate.
posted by Polyhymnia at 8:39 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Polyhymnia at 8:39 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
Along the same line: A blood-brother.
posted by empath at 8:41 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by empath at 8:41 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
I think this depends on whether your friend is a romantic partner (sounds like no?) and/or you mind people thinking he is. The following from the suggestions above would make me personally think of romantic involvement:
'dear friend', companion (in my family, these are the names given to sweeties of people in my grandparents' generation), other significant other, beloved friend
These seem less specific/emphasis on 'family' rather than romantic connection:
House partner, like a brother to us, confrère, notthatgirl's 'third adult' & variations
...and on preview, 'platonic husband' is fantastic and would get my vote :)
posted by heyforfour at 8:41 AM on January 6, 2012
'dear friend', companion (in my family, these are the names given to sweeties of people in my grandparents' generation), other significant other, beloved friend
These seem less specific/emphasis on 'family' rather than romantic connection:
House partner, like a brother to us, confrère, notthatgirl's 'third adult' & variations
...and on preview, 'platonic husband' is fantastic and would get my vote :)
posted by heyforfour at 8:41 AM on January 6, 2012
'evil twin' - it is how my closest friend (whom I lived with for two years) introduced each other.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:45 AM on January 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:45 AM on January 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
closest friend AND I introduced each other
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:46 AM on January 6, 2012
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:46 AM on January 6, 2012
Another nerdy option would be karassi, derived from karass in Cat's Cradle:
posted by alms at 8:48 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by alms at 8:48 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
I live on a shared property with some of my dearest friends - we each have our own unit, but share a garden and a garage and some expenses. We use "house family" when talking about this relationship.
posted by judith at 8:57 AM on January 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by judith at 8:57 AM on January 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
In days gone by he would have been introduced as "my great friend."It doesn't cover the housemate part, but does convey (at least to literary types) a lifelong, family-like friendship.
posted by HotToddy at 9:02 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by HotToddy at 9:02 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
My boyfriend has a friend where they call each other brothers in front of other people, even though they are of different races and pretty much obviously not related by blood. When they met they got on so well that they decided they were meant to be brothers. Neither has close ties to their blood family though, so there's not really anyone to get upset about this. So yea, my vote is to call him your brother and dare anyone to call you on it.
posted by cabingirl at 9:07 AM on January 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by cabingirl at 9:07 AM on January 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
bloodrider
posted by elizardbits at 9:09 AM on January 6, 2012
posted by elizardbits at 9:09 AM on January 6, 2012
"Housemate" is what British people call 'room-mates' - for years I thought all Americans sharing living space actually shared rooms, which seemed a really weird way to live. (We don't share dorm rooms in college, so somehow it made sense in my head.)
How about 'raven'? They can't leave the tower.
posted by mippy at 9:11 AM on January 6, 2012
How about 'raven'? They can't leave the tower.
posted by mippy at 9:11 AM on January 6, 2012
the man of twists and turns: "'evil twin' - it is how my closest friend (whom I lived with for two years) introduced each other"
Wait...are you one of *my* evil twins? Cause, if so, Hey! But seriously, I've used that terminology as well, as have my evil twins...there are many of us. I even introduced a bunch of them to my mother that way. She said she was so grateful that other people did the hard work of giving birth and sending them to college.
posted by dejah420 at 9:11 AM on January 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
Wait...are you one of *my* evil twins? Cause, if so, Hey! But seriously, I've used that terminology as well, as have my evil twins...there are many of us. I even introduced a bunch of them to my mother that way. She said she was so grateful that other people did the hard work of giving birth and sending them to college.
posted by dejah420 at 9:11 AM on January 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
What about "our adoptive brother"? Then you're saying he's both of your brother, which alerts people to the fact that he's part of your (plural you) family, not just one of your families. Actually, even "our brother" does this - people know that he's not literally both your and your husband's brother.
You're never going to get out of explaining the relationship entirely, because it's not the kind of relationship that people have a handy mental slot for already.
posted by mskyle at 9:12 AM on January 6, 2012
You're never going to get out of explaining the relationship entirely, because it's not the kind of relationship that people have a handy mental slot for already.
posted by mskyle at 9:12 AM on January 6, 2012
I use "housemate" just for folk I share a house with (after all, I don't share a room with them, so we aren't roommates, as mippy says). Some of these I have been close with, some much less so.
You should note that "housemate" can be very easily misunderstood as "husband". Happens to me all the time.
posted by nat at 9:18 AM on January 6, 2012
You should note that "housemate" can be very easily misunderstood as "husband". Happens to me all the time.
posted by nat at 9:18 AM on January 6, 2012
Boon companion (as in Oh Brother, Where art Thou)
posted by evilmomlady at 9:19 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by evilmomlady at 9:19 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
"sietch mate" from Dune
I'm Narrative, this is Mr. Narritive; and this is Sid, leader of our Fedaykin.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:22 AM on January 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
I'm Narrative, this is Mr. Narritive; and this is Sid, leader of our Fedaykin.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:22 AM on January 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
I have friends in this situation, and the married couple refer to the other person in their household as "housemate/adopted sister". There's also an anthropological concept called fictive kin which might provide fruitful mining for your purposes.
posted by KathrynT at 9:22 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by KathrynT at 9:22 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
I think that the key to accepting one of the many fine suggestions given above is realizing that people who know you will grow to understand your relationship over time regardless of what word you choose. Similarly, some people will misunderstand or perhaps even judge your word choice no matter how well they know you and no matter which word you choose, but you don't want to let them control how you refer to your closest friends.
I'm surprised that no one has suggested cousin. I have friends whose kids call me uncle. I've heard this used in other similar situations. Presumably, your ages make it more appropriate to use the term cousin. I've heard that this is done in the US and I believe it's done in many other cultures.
You lose the nuance that this guy is a person that you've specifically chosen to categorize as family. But, I really don't think there is a single, simple, accepted word or phrase that simultaneously describes someone as being as close as family but who is not actually family as commonly understood. I think that is something you're going to have to explain on as as-need basis. (Unless you're interested in eliciting frequent requests for clarification, which is fine. Then many of the suggestions above would fit the bill: karassi, water brother, sietch mate...)
I think that cousin captures the most important parts of what you're trying to communicate: this person is as close to you as family. What better way to do that than to actually describe them as family?
on preview: Drat! I had to retype this all from memory when I accidentally erased it. I think "fictive kin" is exactly what I'm suggesting.
posted by stuart_s at 9:29 AM on January 6, 2012
I'm surprised that no one has suggested cousin. I have friends whose kids call me uncle. I've heard this used in other similar situations. Presumably, your ages make it more appropriate to use the term cousin. I've heard that this is done in the US and I believe it's done in many other cultures.
You lose the nuance that this guy is a person that you've specifically chosen to categorize as family. But, I really don't think there is a single, simple, accepted word or phrase that simultaneously describes someone as being as close as family but who is not actually family as commonly understood. I think that is something you're going to have to explain on as as-need basis. (Unless you're interested in eliciting frequent requests for clarification, which is fine. Then many of the suggestions above would fit the bill: karassi, water brother, sietch mate...)
I think that cousin captures the most important parts of what you're trying to communicate: this person is as close to you as family. What better way to do that than to actually describe them as family?
on preview: Drat! I had to retype this all from memory when I accidentally erased it. I think "fictive kin" is exactly what I'm suggesting.
posted by stuart_s at 9:29 AM on January 6, 2012
Why overthink this? Unless you're in a polyamorous relationship, why bother to elaborate? People who are close to you will understand your warm feelings for each other and everyone else doesn't need to know. And if you are poly--same thing--no need to announce to casual strangers the details of your relationships.
Calling him an adopted cousin or whatever might be cute, but it muddies the waters for most everyday interactions.
posted by Ideefixe at 9:32 AM on January 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
Calling him an adopted cousin or whatever might be cute, but it muddies the waters for most everyday interactions.
posted by Ideefixe at 9:32 AM on January 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
I'm surprised that no one has suggested cousin.
This! It would be just like Downton Abbey. In fact, I'd specifically go with "Cousin Matthew," even if that's not his name, just to signify all the overwhelming feelings you three hide behind those stiff upper lips.
posted by roger ackroyd at 9:36 AM on January 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
This! It would be just like Downton Abbey. In fact, I'd specifically go with "Cousin Matthew," even if that's not his name, just to signify all the overwhelming feelings you three hide behind those stiff upper lips.
posted by roger ackroyd at 9:36 AM on January 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
"Hetrosexual lifemate," a la Jay & Silent Bob?
The use of "hetrosexual," which is pretty clear implication in Jay & Silent Bob's case, would probably mess with people's heads. :)
posted by BrashTech at 9:43 AM on January 6, 2012
The use of "hetrosexual," which is pretty clear implication in Jay & Silent Bob's case, would probably mess with people's heads. :)
posted by BrashTech at 9:43 AM on January 6, 2012
I'd call him my/our Homey.
posted by honey-barbara at 9:49 AM on January 6, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by honey-barbara at 9:49 AM on January 6, 2012 [6 favorites]
platonic life partner
posted by Nattie at 9:56 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Nattie at 9:56 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
uncle joey.
posted by changeling at 10:11 AM on January 6, 2012 [7 favorites]
posted by changeling at 10:11 AM on January 6, 2012 [7 favorites]
I know some people with this situation, they say "dear friend" and then they usually explain that she started as their tenant, and the two women (in that case) got to be as close as sisters so when they sold the apartment building and moved, the tenant actually came with them and they bought a house with a "mother-in-law apartment" so they could keep up the happy arrangement. They're all in their 70s now and the friendship of the two women is more important the older they get.
Anyway, everyone I've ever heard them explain it to thought it was charming and a lovely arrangement. So I'd just explain.
Or I'd say "Mr. Narrative's heterosexual life partner."
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:32 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
Anyway, everyone I've ever heard them explain it to thought it was charming and a lovely arrangement. So I'd just explain.
Or I'd say "Mr. Narrative's heterosexual life partner."
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:32 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
"Hetrosexual lifemate," a la Jay & Silent Bob?
That was the first thing I thought of as well, except changing the "heterosexual" to "platonic". Kevin Smith nerds would probably get a kick out of the reference.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 10:53 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
That was the first thing I thought of as well, except changing the "heterosexual" to "platonic". Kevin Smith nerds would probably get a kick out of the reference.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 10:53 AM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
Houseboy.
posted by Pallas Athena at 11:13 AM on January 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Pallas Athena at 11:13 AM on January 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
also "our particular friend" would be nicely Patrick O'Brien-y.
posted by runincircles at 11:34 AM on January 6, 2012
posted by runincircles at 11:34 AM on January 6, 2012
You might as well have fun with it.
"Hello, I'm the Queen of Chaos, this is the King of Disorder and this is our Head of Security"
"Hi, I'm Narrative, this is Mr. Narrative and this is Jed, the bouncer."
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:46 AM on January 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
"Hello, I'm the Queen of Chaos, this is the King of Disorder and this is our Head of Security"
"Hi, I'm Narrative, this is Mr. Narrative and this is Jed, the bouncer."
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:46 AM on January 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
buddy.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 11:49 AM on January 6, 2012
posted by ethnomethodologist at 11:49 AM on January 6, 2012
In New Zealand, Maori culture has this word whanau (fah-no) which means family, but includes extended family and can (and often does) extend to chosen family. Of course, it requires further explanation but it's a term that's perfect for your situation.
posted by tracicle at 12:06 PM on January 6, 2012
posted by tracicle at 12:06 PM on January 6, 2012
cousin
posted by kamikazegopher at 12:11 PM on January 6, 2012
posted by kamikazegopher at 12:11 PM on January 6, 2012
Most of us know that people have family that they aren't close to and friends that are very close. So looking for a way to say "this person we count as family" is not going to be all that necessary or enlightening to other people. If anything suggesting that they are a family member is going to bring confusion to people who don't know the details of your relationship rather than underline your closeness.
For what it's worth, I personally would assume that people who are housemates are most likely close friends too. If you feel you must underline the closeness of the bond then something like "this is my old friend and housemate X" would do it for me.
Or if you really feel you must indicate family-ness somehow, you could say it much the way you've said here. e.g. "This is our housemate X, he's like family to us."
posted by philipy at 12:16 PM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
For what it's worth, I personally would assume that people who are housemates are most likely close friends too. If you feel you must underline the closeness of the bond then something like "this is my old friend and housemate X" would do it for me.
Or if you really feel you must indicate family-ness somehow, you could say it much the way you've said here. e.g. "This is our housemate X, he's like family to us."
posted by philipy at 12:16 PM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
Consigliere?
posted by davismbagpiper at 1:26 PM on January 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by davismbagpiper at 1:26 PM on January 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
I like 'our brother,' since the person's like family anyway, and if you don't want to insinuate romantic intentions.
posted by sweetkid at 1:34 PM on January 6, 2012
posted by sweetkid at 1:34 PM on January 6, 2012
In our household, we freely use the term "Domestic Associate". I like it a lot, and it could include any number of housemates. It's clearly descriptive, but doesn't imply any mysterious depth. In fact, my partner and I use it because we think partner is boring. In reference to each other, we also sometimes use "Huckleberry Friend."
posted by RedEmma at 2:02 PM on January 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by RedEmma at 2:02 PM on January 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
We have a few people like this with my family.
If "Narrative" were your last name and you refer to yourselves as "the Narrative family", I would introduce him as "Sid - he's an honorary Narrative."
this may not work as well if you and Mr. Narrative do not share a last name.
(I also use the "Sid, he's like a brother to me." formulation depending on ths circumstances)
posted by treehorn+bunny at 2:35 PM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
If "Narrative" were your last name and you refer to yourselves as "the Narrative family", I would introduce him as "Sid - he's an honorary Narrative."
this may not work as well if you and Mr. Narrative do not share a last name.
(I also use the "Sid, he's like a brother to me." formulation depending on ths circumstances)
posted by treehorn+bunny at 2:35 PM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
In this context, I think that you're right about "housemate" conveying more closeness than "roommate," as it more strongly implies that he's fully part of your household, rather than just renting a room.
Adding "he's like a brother to us" is a succinct way of getting across that both you and your husband consider him part of your family and that it's platonic.
More jokey terms can backfire if people don't understand your dynamic -- it just leaves them wondering what you meant by that, without leaving them a polite way to ask.
I think that calling him some sort of "friend" sounds like a euphemism for personal circumstances that you'd prefer to not disclose. Romantic partner is one possibility. Another is needing to get away from abuse or bad financial situation, etc. (Because, y'know, we've close friends/family friends etc that don't live with us.)
posted by desuetude at 2:44 PM on January 6, 2012
Adding "he's like a brother to us" is a succinct way of getting across that both you and your husband consider him part of your family and that it's platonic.
More jokey terms can backfire if people don't understand your dynamic -- it just leaves them wondering what you meant by that, without leaving them a polite way to ask.
I think that calling him some sort of "friend" sounds like a euphemism for personal circumstances that you'd prefer to not disclose. Romantic partner is one possibility. Another is needing to get away from abuse or bad financial situation, etc. (Because, y'know, we've close friends/family friends etc that don't live with us.)
posted by desuetude at 2:44 PM on January 6, 2012
Housemate to me indicates roommate, as mentioned above--not necessarily a close and valued friend. What about homemate?
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 4:56 PM on January 6, 2012
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 4:56 PM on January 6, 2012
"Flatmate" would be the formal New Zealand option.
"Cuzzie-bro" would be the more appropriate one, if you don't mind being impenetrable to non-New Zealanders. A "cuzzie-bro" in colloquial New Zealand English is someone who is basically family, or treated as such, but the actual blood relationship is too distant to specify, or possibly evennon-existent. It's closer than "bro", which can, as in the USA, just mean "good friend" or "someone I am currently trying to affiliate myself with".
(In Australian Aboriginal English, on the other hand, the term "cousin brother" is far more specific. It is actually used for the relationship that is denoted by anthropologists as parallel-cousin, i.e. your parents' same-sex siblings' children.)
\end{kinship researcher trivia}
posted by lollusc at 5:49 PM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
"Cuzzie-bro" would be the more appropriate one, if you don't mind being impenetrable to non-New Zealanders. A "cuzzie-bro" in colloquial New Zealand English is someone who is basically family, or treated as such, but the actual blood relationship is too distant to specify, or possibly evennon-existent. It's closer than "bro", which can, as in the USA, just mean "good friend" or "someone I am currently trying to affiliate myself with".
(In Australian Aboriginal English, on the other hand, the term "cousin brother" is far more specific. It is actually used for the relationship that is denoted by anthropologists as parallel-cousin, i.e. your parents' same-sex siblings' children.)
\end{kinship researcher trivia}
posted by lollusc at 5:49 PM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
Honestly, anything other than "our housemate and dear friend", especially a weird new term that you have to explain, especially if it's sci-fi derived, is going to make people think you're all sleeping together. The word "friend" already encompasses an impossibly vast array of relationships, so if you aren't a threesome there's no reason to reinvent the wheel.
posted by moxiedoll at 5:50 PM on January 6, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by moxiedoll at 5:50 PM on January 6, 2012 [5 favorites]
If this were the mid-90's, you could refer to him as your Kato but maybe the OJ trial is not big enough news any more for folks to get that reference.
posted by CathyG at 7:22 PM on January 6, 2012
posted by CathyG at 7:22 PM on January 6, 2012
Alternatively, you could compare yourselves to famous friendship pairs. "He is the Patroclus to my Achilles" or "he's my Dr Watson" or "he's the David to my Jonathan" or something. Unfortunately each of these has other associations that you might not want, plus sometimes a "sidekick" vibe, and most legendary male-pair friendships have some associations with homosexuality for at least some people, which is something you may or may not want to tap into.
Best would be if you can find a well known historical or mythological trio of couple plus best friend that you can reference, but I can't think of any off-hand.
posted by lollusc at 8:24 PM on January 6, 2012
Best would be if you can find a well known historical or mythological trio of couple plus best friend that you can reference, but I can't think of any off-hand.
posted by lollusc at 8:24 PM on January 6, 2012
How about "This is X, our adopted brother" (makes sure people don't miss the point of the "our brother" trying to clue them in that this is not a blood relative. Also avoids suggestions of romantic/sexual overtones. He can then introduce you as his adopted brother and sister.
posted by metahawk at 10:28 PM on January 6, 2012
posted by metahawk at 10:28 PM on January 6, 2012
The Third Musketeer.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 12:22 PM on January 7, 2012
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 12:22 PM on January 7, 2012
These are my minions.
posted by eleslie at 4:41 PM on January 7, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by eleslie at 4:41 PM on January 7, 2012 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
Unless there's more to the relationships that you're not telling us, "Dear friend that lives with us" is about as clear as you're going to get. It communicates a depth to the relationship and that he lives with you.
posted by HuronBob at 8:21 AM on January 6, 2012 [5 favorites]