why doesn't my child like to eat?
December 12, 2011 9:26 AM Subscribe
First child questions -- why doesn't my one year old like to eat? What to do about it?
My boy just turned a year old. He is healthy, talkative, walking like a champ and the nanny calls him her "little tornado."
He is skinny. Not malnourished skinny, but bottom 5% on the chart skinny. He is 30% on height and head is in the same range.
At his yearly check up the doctor said to try giving him fries and ice cream --- he has a caloric problem. He weight didn't increase nearly enough and he height dropped a bit too. The nanny makes him fresh food and he drinks whole milk. We didn't want to be the type of parents that feeds him nuggets and fries, but he needs to fatten up. He just doesn't like to eat too much, regardless of food. Pop tarts, ice cream, nuggets, veggies, fries, yogurt (...) He just tolerates us, he never devours food.
He is the love of our lives and we haven't had anything to worry about until now. The 'book' says to trust out kid's appetite, but I am beginning to not trust it. He pushes food away, turns his head, etc. Last night I held him down and forced food in his gullet like a goose.
My inclination has been that he is healthy and active and will just grow out of it. My wife is a doctor and worries a lot and it is starting to wear on me.
Hive: what will get my boy to devour food and gain weight? I think I have tried everything...
My boy just turned a year old. He is healthy, talkative, walking like a champ and the nanny calls him her "little tornado."
He is skinny. Not malnourished skinny, but bottom 5% on the chart skinny. He is 30% on height and head is in the same range.
At his yearly check up the doctor said to try giving him fries and ice cream --- he has a caloric problem. He weight didn't increase nearly enough and he height dropped a bit too. The nanny makes him fresh food and he drinks whole milk. We didn't want to be the type of parents that feeds him nuggets and fries, but he needs to fatten up. He just doesn't like to eat too much, regardless of food. Pop tarts, ice cream, nuggets, veggies, fries, yogurt (...) He just tolerates us, he never devours food.
He is the love of our lives and we haven't had anything to worry about until now. The 'book' says to trust out kid's appetite, but I am beginning to not trust it. He pushes food away, turns his head, etc. Last night I held him down and forced food in his gullet like a goose.
My inclination has been that he is healthy and active and will just grow out of it. My wife is a doctor and worries a lot and it is starting to wear on me.
Hive: what will get my boy to devour food and gain weight? I think I have tried everything...
Last night I held him down and forced food in his gullet like a goose.
I'm not a doctor, nor any kind of expert on eating disorders, but this sounds like a spectacularly bad idea. In fact it sounds like a great way to get your child to refuse food: he'll now associate it with some very unpleasant experiences.
Not only that he now knows that refusing food is a fantastic way to get attention if that's what he wants to do.
posted by pharm at 9:32 AM on December 12, 2011 [29 favorites]
I'm not a doctor, nor any kind of expert on eating disorders, but this sounds like a spectacularly bad idea. In fact it sounds like a great way to get your child to refuse food: he'll now associate it with some very unpleasant experiences.
Not only that he now knows that refusing food is a fantastic way to get attention if that's what he wants to do.
posted by pharm at 9:32 AM on December 12, 2011 [29 favorites]
Hey, sounds like me. I was like that at 1 and I'm like that now. My parents were only successful in getting me to eat when I was younger by treating it like medicine I had to take rather than trying to convince me it was something to be enjoyed, but I'm not sure if 1 is old enough for that to work. They had me drink ensure-type stuff with crackers, as much as I could, with the attitude that they knew I didn't like to do this but the doctor said I had to, because there wasn't any way to get me to really want to eat. Eventually I got more or less steady-state at slightly but not unhealthily underweight, and I've been like that ever since.
I never did learn to enjoy eating or food, though, and being underweight is still something I struggle with (I'm not now nor have I ever been in any way anorexic or concerned about body image or dieting on purpose, I just don't really enjoy eating and don't really mind the feeling of mild hunger, so, shrug). Anything I was forced to eat (milk is the biggest example) I absolutely can't stand now, so keep that in mind.
posted by brainmouse at 9:32 AM on December 12, 2011
I never did learn to enjoy eating or food, though, and being underweight is still something I struggle with (I'm not now nor have I ever been in any way anorexic or concerned about body image or dieting on purpose, I just don't really enjoy eating and don't really mind the feeling of mild hunger, so, shrug). Anything I was forced to eat (milk is the biggest example) I absolutely can't stand now, so keep that in mind.
posted by brainmouse at 9:32 AM on December 12, 2011
NB. Have you had him checked for Coeliac disease?
posted by pharm at 9:33 AM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by pharm at 9:33 AM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
Disclaimer: I don't have kids and am not a nutritionist or doctor.
Personally, I would not want to feed fries and ice cream to a kid who might not be eating anything aside from those fries and ice cream. There are lots of healthier foods that are high in calories (nuts, pasta, potatoes, peanut butter, anything with a good glug of olive oil in it).
My brother was a really picky eater growing up (and also a naturally skinny kid), and I think a decent part of it had to do with the lack of variety in the things we ate at home. My mom always cooked (a relatively healthy) dinner for us, but her menu was pretty limited. Always try new things and new ways of cooking them to see what your little guy likes.
posted by phunniemee at 9:34 AM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Personally, I would not want to feed fries and ice cream to a kid who might not be eating anything aside from those fries and ice cream. There are lots of healthier foods that are high in calories (nuts, pasta, potatoes, peanut butter, anything with a good glug of olive oil in it).
My brother was a really picky eater growing up (and also a naturally skinny kid), and I think a decent part of it had to do with the lack of variety in the things we ate at home. My mom always cooked (a relatively healthy) dinner for us, but her menu was pretty limited. Always try new things and new ways of cooking them to see what your little guy likes.
posted by phunniemee at 9:34 AM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Hi. I struggled with this for my son, who eventually ended up with a Failure to Thrive diagnosis. The problem was that he just ran/wriggled around like a tornado and burned a ton of calories. He's totally fine now, but he had us feeling a lot of stress till he was about 3.
Even though the pediatrician said to fatten him up with unhealthy foods, I decided not to do this. So I instead created nutrient and calorie-dense foods. Think avocado smoothies, homemade yam fries, bean dips, etc. This helped him gain weight but without loading up his arteries.
I would not recommend force feeding your child. I can tell you don't want to be doing that. It can cause food and feeding issues, not to mention stress and even trauma.
I would suggest getting in touch with a nutritionist who can help you work this out in a safe, family friendly way. A nutritionist was some help to us and was also willing to support our beliefs about health eating and healthy food attitudes and practices.
Do note that children can have more fat than adults.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 9:36 AM on December 12, 2011 [13 favorites]
Even though the pediatrician said to fatten him up with unhealthy foods, I decided not to do this. So I instead created nutrient and calorie-dense foods. Think avocado smoothies, homemade yam fries, bean dips, etc. This helped him gain weight but without loading up his arteries.
I would not recommend force feeding your child. I can tell you don't want to be doing that. It can cause food and feeding issues, not to mention stress and even trauma.
I would suggest getting in touch with a nutritionist who can help you work this out in a safe, family friendly way. A nutritionist was some help to us and was also willing to support our beliefs about health eating and healthy food attitudes and practices.
Do note that children can have more fat than adults.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 9:36 AM on December 12, 2011 [13 favorites]
At his yearly check up the doctor said to try giving him fries and ice cream.
Find a new doctor if possible - this is irresponsible advice. So knuckleheaded, in fact, that I'd strongly consider getting a second opinion about whether his current weight is really a problem.
In the meantime, seconding k8t's advice RE: bulking up the food that he will eat w/pureed or powdered healthy supplementals. We've had good luck getting iron, additional protein, etc. into our 10 month old this way.
posted by ryanshepard at 9:36 AM on December 12, 2011 [4 favorites]
Find a new doctor if possible - this is irresponsible advice. So knuckleheaded, in fact, that I'd strongly consider getting a second opinion about whether his current weight is really a problem.
In the meantime, seconding k8t's advice RE: bulking up the food that he will eat w/pureed or powdered healthy supplementals. We've had good luck getting iron, additional protein, etc. into our 10 month old this way.
posted by ryanshepard at 9:36 AM on December 12, 2011 [4 favorites]
Oh, and we put nut butter, olive oil and avocados in everything we could think of.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 9:37 AM on December 12, 2011
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 9:37 AM on December 12, 2011
Sorry to ride the thread, but if your wife is very worried (and you are also), you can ask them to run all the screening tests...ttg (celiac), CF sweat test, etc. If not now, in 6 months. We did that and everything was fine. But if you are worried, that is the next step if he isn't gaining.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 9:38 AM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 9:38 AM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Since you have a documented change on his growth chart and your doctor's first recommendation--to increase calorie dense foods--has not been successful, why not ask for a referral to a specialist? In your son's case that may be an endocrinologist or pediatric RD.
I make this suggestion only because developmentally, he's too young to really work on eating behaviors, which means you'll find yourself where you have already visited--daily compulsory feedings--AND because your wife is worrying enough that it is disrupting her enjoyment and well-being.
A specialist work-up that will rule-out the kinds of scary issues your wife is worried about--errors of metabolism, syndromes, disease/allergy--is straightforward enough and will either end or focus your concerns. You could spend more time in the general ped's office, or playing around with diet/behavior suggestions from the internet, or you could get either reassurance or a diagnosis once and for all.
FWIW, my kid has an as-of-yet idiopathic neuromuscular issue--we could have watched and waited and worried our way through various rounds of PT and general advice, but opted to do the MRI/screens/specialist appointments to rule out the big bads. It was worth every single minute in the waiting room to know what WASN'T going on--especially given that I AM in pediatrics and know what we could have been dealing with. I get it. Feel free to memail me friend, I'll be thinking of you.
posted by rumposinc at 9:43 AM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
I make this suggestion only because developmentally, he's too young to really work on eating behaviors, which means you'll find yourself where you have already visited--daily compulsory feedings--AND because your wife is worrying enough that it is disrupting her enjoyment and well-being.
A specialist work-up that will rule-out the kinds of scary issues your wife is worried about--errors of metabolism, syndromes, disease/allergy--is straightforward enough and will either end or focus your concerns. You could spend more time in the general ped's office, or playing around with diet/behavior suggestions from the internet, or you could get either reassurance or a diagnosis once and for all.
FWIW, my kid has an as-of-yet idiopathic neuromuscular issue--we could have watched and waited and worried our way through various rounds of PT and general advice, but opted to do the MRI/screens/specialist appointments to rule out the big bads. It was worth every single minute in the waiting room to know what WASN'T going on--especially given that I AM in pediatrics and know what we could have been dealing with. I get it. Feel free to memail me friend, I'll be thinking of you.
posted by rumposinc at 9:43 AM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
Uh, please don't force feed him just because it is probably a bad idea to associate eating with trauma. Y'know?
Now that that's out of the way!
What about shakes with flax seed oil added in. Does he take any vitamins? There is kid-friendly lemon flavored fish oil supplements.
You could whip avocados into the shakes, too. Those are super high in calories.
What about peanut butter? Maybe blend peanut butter into his milk to make a high calorie yummy drink in a form (milk/liquid) he is familiar with?
-----
My thought is there must be something going on (discomfort) with his taste buds, teeth, or tummy. For example, taste buds are SUPER sensitive when we are young. The way food tastes to you right now could be nothing like what it tastes like to him.
Do some gentle investigating. See if your son might indicate where the trouble might lie.
In the meantime I think you should accommodate his preferences while sneaking in HEALTHY high-calorie fats into his milk.
And you might want to look for another pediatrician. I'm willing to bet your kid will grow out of this even if you can't find the cause, and there are PLENTY of healthy ways you can sneak calories into your kid's diet without resorting to fries and ice cream. That was a fucking lazy medical suggestion. Geez! So sorry you that ever came out of your pediatrician's mouth.
(and upon preview I approve of getting your son tested for gluten sensitivity and all that other digestion related stuff, GREAT suggestion there!)
posted by jbenben at 9:48 AM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Now that that's out of the way!
What about shakes with flax seed oil added in. Does he take any vitamins? There is kid-friendly lemon flavored fish oil supplements.
You could whip avocados into the shakes, too. Those are super high in calories.
What about peanut butter? Maybe blend peanut butter into his milk to make a high calorie yummy drink in a form (milk/liquid) he is familiar with?
-----
My thought is there must be something going on (discomfort) with his taste buds, teeth, or tummy. For example, taste buds are SUPER sensitive when we are young. The way food tastes to you right now could be nothing like what it tastes like to him.
Do some gentle investigating. See if your son might indicate where the trouble might lie.
In the meantime I think you should accommodate his preferences while sneaking in HEALTHY high-calorie fats into his milk.
And you might want to look for another pediatrician. I'm willing to bet your kid will grow out of this even if you can't find the cause, and there are PLENTY of healthy ways you can sneak calories into your kid's diet without resorting to fries and ice cream. That was a fucking lazy medical suggestion. Geez! So sorry you that ever came out of your pediatrician's mouth.
(and upon preview I approve of getting your son tested for gluten sensitivity and all that other digestion related stuff, GREAT suggestion there!)
posted by jbenben at 9:48 AM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
My nephew is like this, except he is three now. He still doesn't like to eat. I recently spent four solid days with him and the kid literally just is not interested in eating at all. My sister had tons of tests run and tried all sorts of different things when he was smaller and there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with him; he just doesn't really like food and doesn't seem to get hungry. His father is an extremely picky eater who doesn't care much about food, either, so there may be some genetic component there. Anyway, he is on the small side but is healthy and my sister has just sort of stopped worrying about it for now. She does give him Pediasure a couple of times a day to get some extra calories in him.
posted by something something at 9:56 AM on December 12, 2011
posted by something something at 9:56 AM on December 12, 2011
I have a 1 year old who is not into eating very much. Since I haven't been through it yet I just wanted to chime in and say you're not alone. One thing that seems clear is that she really wants to do it herself. She doesn't like being spoon fed. Maybe your son is similar. We are also following the advice of many to keep trying rejected foods. Two weeks ago, she refused, quite adamantly, black beans which someone suggested as a food she might like. However, last week when we showed her how to spear one on a baby fork she was suddenly very interested. She couldn't do it herself exactly but would hand her fork to daddy who would spear a bean and hand it back to her and she'd eat it! We were so delighted we loaded her up on beans and bedtime was not so great -- those caused a little digestion issues... as beans are wont to do.
Also, she likes pretty crazy flavored foods. These beans had been cooked up with a little chili powder and squeeze of orange juice. Not too-too spicy but with more flavor than you might think a baby can handle. Maybe that made the difference? She doesn't like rice or pasta but will eat pickled ginger and pickles. She loves the cucumber salad that is pickled in rice wine vinegar at the sushi restaurant.
And, I am not a doctor but really don't think force-feeding is necessary. I know it's frustrating. I know, I know, I know. The mess of foods that she drops over the side of her high chair. The rejection of something she liked yesterday. So frustrating. But my attitude is: I have a long way to go with this kid and food is a known kid issue -- do I really want to start the battle of wills now? No. I do not.
Other foods that she likes: multi-grain eggo waffle, toasted. If I tear this up for her she is not interested. She wants to do it herself! Same with pancakes. Organic puffs -- not the most un-junk-like food for her to eat but I get the "greens" and they have added vitamins. Her Dad got her a bunch of these smoothie pouches which are blends of fruit and veggies. She likes to suck on these herself. You really have to watch because they are like a Capri-sun type package -- easy for her to squirt things everywhere but even us holding it while she sucks on it seems to entertain her. Cheerios, of course. Sometimes I put a little blob of whole milk plain yogurt on her tray and stud it with Cheerios and she will eat them. I got one of those snack-catcher cups and she likes fishing cheerios and puffs out of that. I also leave Cheerios that she dumps off her high chair down on the floor for awhile. Go ahead and judge me but she likes foraging and the floor under her chair tends to be the cleanest place in our house. Often she eats more under her chair than in it.
Embrace the mess as much as possible (this is hard for me). Incorporate your baby's foods into your meal plans so that it's not getting "wasted" and your kid will feel like part of dinner. Try to get them to "do it themselves" as much as possible. The other day, she thefted a whole apple out of the fruit bowl and ran around like a giggling little thief, clutching it like a raccoon. She managed to take bites of the apple! I didn't know her little teeths could do that. I kept an eye on things and eventually took it away after too many drops on the floor (and rolling and gathering cat hair) but it was clear that doing things herself is the game right now.
I think the advice to seek other opinions is a good one. You can, I suppose, force feed your child but I think the return on investment there is not good. Good luck! I'm so right there with you.
posted by amanda at 10:00 AM on December 12, 2011 [9 favorites]
Also, she likes pretty crazy flavored foods. These beans had been cooked up with a little chili powder and squeeze of orange juice. Not too-too spicy but with more flavor than you might think a baby can handle. Maybe that made the difference? She doesn't like rice or pasta but will eat pickled ginger and pickles. She loves the cucumber salad that is pickled in rice wine vinegar at the sushi restaurant.
And, I am not a doctor but really don't think force-feeding is necessary. I know it's frustrating. I know, I know, I know. The mess of foods that she drops over the side of her high chair. The rejection of something she liked yesterday. So frustrating. But my attitude is: I have a long way to go with this kid and food is a known kid issue -- do I really want to start the battle of wills now? No. I do not.
Other foods that she likes: multi-grain eggo waffle, toasted. If I tear this up for her she is not interested. She wants to do it herself! Same with pancakes. Organic puffs -- not the most un-junk-like food for her to eat but I get the "greens" and they have added vitamins. Her Dad got her a bunch of these smoothie pouches which are blends of fruit and veggies. She likes to suck on these herself. You really have to watch because they are like a Capri-sun type package -- easy for her to squirt things everywhere but even us holding it while she sucks on it seems to entertain her. Cheerios, of course. Sometimes I put a little blob of whole milk plain yogurt on her tray and stud it with Cheerios and she will eat them. I got one of those snack-catcher cups and she likes fishing cheerios and puffs out of that. I also leave Cheerios that she dumps off her high chair down on the floor for awhile. Go ahead and judge me but she likes foraging and the floor under her chair tends to be the cleanest place in our house. Often she eats more under her chair than in it.
Embrace the mess as much as possible (this is hard for me). Incorporate your baby's foods into your meal plans so that it's not getting "wasted" and your kid will feel like part of dinner. Try to get them to "do it themselves" as much as possible. The other day, she thefted a whole apple out of the fruit bowl and ran around like a giggling little thief, clutching it like a raccoon. She managed to take bites of the apple! I didn't know her little teeths could do that. I kept an eye on things and eventually took it away after too many drops on the floor (and rolling and gathering cat hair) but it was clear that doing things herself is the game right now.
I think the advice to seek other opinions is a good one. You can, I suppose, force feed your child but I think the return on investment there is not good. Good luck! I'm so right there with you.
posted by amanda at 10:00 AM on December 12, 2011 [9 favorites]
I'm not a parent, but I was a nanny for ten years and have lots of child development courses under my belt.
1. Force feeding him is a terrible (terrible!) idea. It is, as pharm noted, a spectacularly bad idea). He will, indeed, associate eating with bad sensations and will have yet another reason to not eat.
2. Related: lots of kids refuse to eat because of the attention (again) they receive and/or because they can sense the anxiety the parents have around food. This is going to create emotional connections to food that will be an issue later (or now, really).
Does he have a problem eating for the nanny? Other people (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.)? If not, this may point to causes related to either the attention he receives from the parents or the anxiety you are putting on eating.
Has he been checked for other issues (nthing the other posters -- celiac will interfere with the absorption of nutrients)?
Have you tried making feeding about him and not you? Letting him make simple choices (do you want chicken or hamburger tonight?), letting him feed himself, letting him sit with you two during dinners while you eat normally and show good eating behavior? Lots of parents think that children should be feed separately (because of strict schedules) or that they should be fed "kid's food" instead of adult food and that children shouldn't get any choices. All these things will create an emotional space around eating that makes it isolating and a forced activity. Let him sit with you guys. Talk to each other and him. Eat your own food. Let him have some (at one year, he should be able to eat almost everything you eat). Let him choose if he wants meat off your plate, but not green beans. At the end of dinner, if he hasn't eaten, then simply put him down.
Honestly, kids eat when they are hungry. I wouldn't worry so much (and I know moms worry a lot). Give him high-calorie foods when possible, but give him some agency in choosing what he wants and make eating a normal activity instead of an anxiety-ridden thing to get through.
posted by mrfuga0 at 10:00 AM on December 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
1. Force feeding him is a terrible (terrible!) idea. It is, as pharm noted, a spectacularly bad idea). He will, indeed, associate eating with bad sensations and will have yet another reason to not eat.
2. Related: lots of kids refuse to eat because of the attention (again) they receive and/or because they can sense the anxiety the parents have around food. This is going to create emotional connections to food that will be an issue later (or now, really).
Does he have a problem eating for the nanny? Other people (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.)? If not, this may point to causes related to either the attention he receives from the parents or the anxiety you are putting on eating.
Has he been checked for other issues (nthing the other posters -- celiac will interfere with the absorption of nutrients)?
Have you tried making feeding about him and not you? Letting him make simple choices (do you want chicken or hamburger tonight?), letting him feed himself, letting him sit with you two during dinners while you eat normally and show good eating behavior? Lots of parents think that children should be feed separately (because of strict schedules) or that they should be fed "kid's food" instead of adult food and that children shouldn't get any choices. All these things will create an emotional space around eating that makes it isolating and a forced activity. Let him sit with you guys. Talk to each other and him. Eat your own food. Let him have some (at one year, he should be able to eat almost everything you eat). Let him choose if he wants meat off your plate, but not green beans. At the end of dinner, if he hasn't eaten, then simply put him down.
Honestly, kids eat when they are hungry. I wouldn't worry so much (and I know moms worry a lot). Give him high-calorie foods when possible, but give him some agency in choosing what he wants and make eating a normal activity instead of an anxiety-ridden thing to get through.
posted by mrfuga0 at 10:00 AM on December 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
Our family practitioner always said the development/changes in the child's body were more important than where they were on the chart. So, if he's always been 5% for weight, I wouldn't sweat it too much. If he is moving down the chart, then I think there is more concern.
Don't worry about being any "type" of parent. Fries aren't fantastic, but honestly, a little high fat ice cream isn't a terrible idea. I would focus on fats, though, not sugars.
My daughter dropped some weight off her already skinny frame last fall. She just wasn't getting through her lunch and snacks at school (she's a chatterbox). So I upped the fat content of everything. Switched from 1% fat yogurt to 10% fat. Actually, what I did was mix the 1% yogurt she liked 1:1 with the 10% fat, so that it didn't taste remarkably different. I got 3.25% milk instead of 1%.
I added avocado to every sandwich, and on the days she had something else, sent guacamole and pita chips or carrots. She had avocado salad (avocado, drizzled with olive oil and a squeeze of lime) with most suppers. For breakfast, I gave her peanut butter, frozen banana, cocoa smoothies (like a chocolate milkshake) and multigrain toast with cream cheese. Cheese on everything it could be melted on! Tons of edamame, also drizzled with olive oil.
So, basically, what I did was sub in higher fat versions of things she already ate. And let her have a bowl of rich fatty ice cream a few times a week instead of rarely. That way, when her weight was back up and she learned how to talk and eat at the same time, I just phased out the 10% fat yogurt and melted cheese without much of a fuss. She does still pine for ice cream, though.
For a one year old, I would also just introduce new foods all the time to see if there is something that piques his interest. Maybe he'll latch onto some new favourite foods and be inspired to eat more.
posted by looli at 10:01 AM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
Don't worry about being any "type" of parent. Fries aren't fantastic, but honestly, a little high fat ice cream isn't a terrible idea. I would focus on fats, though, not sugars.
My daughter dropped some weight off her already skinny frame last fall. She just wasn't getting through her lunch and snacks at school (she's a chatterbox). So I upped the fat content of everything. Switched from 1% fat yogurt to 10% fat. Actually, what I did was mix the 1% yogurt she liked 1:1 with the 10% fat, so that it didn't taste remarkably different. I got 3.25% milk instead of 1%.
I added avocado to every sandwich, and on the days she had something else, sent guacamole and pita chips or carrots. She had avocado salad (avocado, drizzled with olive oil and a squeeze of lime) with most suppers. For breakfast, I gave her peanut butter, frozen banana, cocoa smoothies (like a chocolate milkshake) and multigrain toast with cream cheese. Cheese on everything it could be melted on! Tons of edamame, also drizzled with olive oil.
So, basically, what I did was sub in higher fat versions of things she already ate. And let her have a bowl of rich fatty ice cream a few times a week instead of rarely. That way, when her weight was back up and she learned how to talk and eat at the same time, I just phased out the 10% fat yogurt and melted cheese without much of a fuss. She does still pine for ice cream, though.
For a one year old, I would also just introduce new foods all the time to see if there is something that piques his interest. Maybe he'll latch onto some new favourite foods and be inspired to eat more.
posted by looli at 10:01 AM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
Experiment with different textures and letting him pick things, My nephew is picky but he loves apples, blueberries, buttered bread, craisins
I'm going to go against the grain here and side with your doctor, if he'll eat french fries and ice cream, then let him eat that. It's better than force feeding. Just keep trying to get him eat other things as well, chocolate pudding, mashed sweet potatoes, spaghetti, mac & cheese, cheese pizza - these are things that kids like and where possible sneak in veggies. Try peanut butter, on just a spoon, on a cracker, on bread - see if there is a way that he'll eat it.
posted by shoesietart at 10:02 AM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm going to go against the grain here and side with your doctor, if he'll eat french fries and ice cream, then let him eat that. It's better than force feeding. Just keep trying to get him eat other things as well, chocolate pudding, mashed sweet potatoes, spaghetti, mac & cheese, cheese pizza - these are things that kids like and where possible sneak in veggies. Try peanut butter, on just a spoon, on a cracker, on bread - see if there is a way that he'll eat it.
posted by shoesietart at 10:02 AM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
It is absolutely true that kids start to self regulate their diet around one. *Start* to self regulate. If he's already at 5%ile, I would say it probably warrants a consultation with a pediatric dietician, just to assess what his nutritional needs are, go over his current diet and see where his specific deficiencies lie. Certainly he should be taking a multiple vitamin and probably get an iron level if it hasn't been done.
The more important issues to consider are whether his growth has changed (has he always been 5%ile?), what are his parents height and weight, and is he meeting his developmental milestones. My medical practice is about 50% children. If a kid comes in, has always been at 5-10%, he's walking, talking, drinking from a cup, that's actually a fairly reassuring situation. (NOTE: if your kid is not doing some of these things, I'm NOT saying it's a problem, IANYD). But weight by itself is just one piece of the puzzle, and we don't typically go on fishing expeditions for things like celiac disease or thyroid disorders unless there are other specific symptoms that point you in that direction.
I am the parent of a child that won't eat. I share your frustration. Baby Bartfast has gone days with literally no caloric intake. He would rather play than sit at the table, plain and simple, and this behavior started around 1 year of age. He's skinny, but his height is good and continues to grow, and more importantly he's smart, physically agile, and in every other respect developmentally ahead. So his mom and I try to treat this as a behavioral problem -- we give him healthy choices, we eat as a family and make it clear we expect him to sit with us and reward him for doing so, we try a wide variety of foods and always make sure we have some of the things that he usually accepts (yogurt, avocado, Spaghetti-Os) if he refuses what we're having. If he absolutely refuses after reasonable attempts, that's it. We are more concerned about setting him up for future healthy eating patterns -- it seems to me that force-feeding a child, or creating battles at meal time, or *gasp* feeding him excessive junk food is a sure way to create an obese adult.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:02 AM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
The more important issues to consider are whether his growth has changed (has he always been 5%ile?), what are his parents height and weight, and is he meeting his developmental milestones. My medical practice is about 50% children. If a kid comes in, has always been at 5-10%, he's walking, talking, drinking from a cup, that's actually a fairly reassuring situation. (NOTE: if your kid is not doing some of these things, I'm NOT saying it's a problem, IANYD). But weight by itself is just one piece of the puzzle, and we don't typically go on fishing expeditions for things like celiac disease or thyroid disorders unless there are other specific symptoms that point you in that direction.
I am the parent of a child that won't eat. I share your frustration. Baby Bartfast has gone days with literally no caloric intake. He would rather play than sit at the table, plain and simple, and this behavior started around 1 year of age. He's skinny, but his height is good and continues to grow, and more importantly he's smart, physically agile, and in every other respect developmentally ahead. So his mom and I try to treat this as a behavioral problem -- we give him healthy choices, we eat as a family and make it clear we expect him to sit with us and reward him for doing so, we try a wide variety of foods and always make sure we have some of the things that he usually accepts (yogurt, avocado, Spaghetti-Os) if he refuses what we're having. If he absolutely refuses after reasonable attempts, that's it. We are more concerned about setting him up for future healthy eating patterns -- it seems to me that force-feeding a child, or creating battles at meal time, or *gasp* feeding him excessive junk food is a sure way to create an obese adult.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:02 AM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
My nephew has a similar problem with not wanting to eat in his case it turned out to be more about the circumstances around sitting down to eat a meal and less about the food. He used to be just dumped at a table alone to eat while his parents were busy working and so would say he was full or not hungry just so he could get up to go and see what they were doing.
He was also a phenomenally slow eater and could take up to an hour to eat his dinner, but he would eat it all if given the time and other people sitting at the table with him. They didn't have to nag him just be sitting there eating themselves, which my SIL finds hard as they have a very busy lifestyle.
He was really fussy on the texture of food too and she found great ways to hide things he didn't like the texture of by blending and mixing healthy foods with things he'd eat. Her fall backs where eggs (served pretty much anyway), smoothies, peanut butter and soups (he hated vegetables but loved her soups. He finally sort of grew out of it around the age of 7 though is still a slow eater.
posted by wwax at 10:04 AM on December 12, 2011
He was also a phenomenally slow eater and could take up to an hour to eat his dinner, but he would eat it all if given the time and other people sitting at the table with him. They didn't have to nag him just be sitting there eating themselves, which my SIL finds hard as they have a very busy lifestyle.
He was really fussy on the texture of food too and she found great ways to hide things he didn't like the texture of by blending and mixing healthy foods with things he'd eat. Her fall backs where eggs (served pretty much anyway), smoothies, peanut butter and soups (he hated vegetables but loved her soups. He finally sort of grew out of it around the age of 7 though is still a slow eater.
posted by wwax at 10:04 AM on December 12, 2011
Very close friends have a child who sounds much like your child. (They were also told, FYI, to give him ice cream - specifically milkshakes - to increase his calories.) Their child (I'll call him D.) is now 11. Still very skinny. Still very, very picky about what he eats.
For him, it's a sensory issue. He's (probably) a supertaster, and has a lot of trouble with foods that are a) squishy, b) strongly flavored, or c) at exactly the right temperature - he won't eat things that are too "hot" (ie: the way you or I would eat hot food) or too cold. He likes room temperature food.
So they question really is: is there anything he DOES like to eat? Cheerios? Ice Cream? Potato chips? Anything? The goal here is not to feed him more food exactly like that food, but rather to see if you can get him to eat more foods that have the same sensory profile as the foods he likes.
FYI: "fries and nuggets" don't have to be awful. We eat sweet potato and rutabega fries, and home-made baked nuggets (ie: I cut the meat into shapes, bread it, bake it).
Another tip is to simply leave food out for him - cheerios in a dish at grabbing height, for example. (Yes, of course you're supervising him.) So probably a bunch land on the floor - a bunch more may end up in his mouth.
Above all, don't make it a struggle. He will not, I promise you, starve himself completely. Don't force him. Don't make him eat at the table with you if he isn't into that. Give him lots of opportunity to self feed and keep a close eye on the sensory profile of foods that he's drawn to.
posted by anastasiav at 10:09 AM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
For him, it's a sensory issue. He's (probably) a supertaster, and has a lot of trouble with foods that are a) squishy, b) strongly flavored, or c) at exactly the right temperature - he won't eat things that are too "hot" (ie: the way you or I would eat hot food) or too cold. He likes room temperature food.
So they question really is: is there anything he DOES like to eat? Cheerios? Ice Cream? Potato chips? Anything? The goal here is not to feed him more food exactly like that food, but rather to see if you can get him to eat more foods that have the same sensory profile as the foods he likes.
FYI: "fries and nuggets" don't have to be awful. We eat sweet potato and rutabega fries, and home-made baked nuggets (ie: I cut the meat into shapes, bread it, bake it).
Another tip is to simply leave food out for him - cheerios in a dish at grabbing height, for example. (Yes, of course you're supervising him.) So probably a bunch land on the floor - a bunch more may end up in his mouth.
Above all, don't make it a struggle. He will not, I promise you, starve himself completely. Don't force him. Don't make him eat at the table with you if he isn't into that. Give him lots of opportunity to self feed and keep a close eye on the sensory profile of foods that he's drawn to.
posted by anastasiav at 10:09 AM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
My kid didn't eat. Still barely eats -- she's five, and her 1-year-old brother eats more than she does. She was at the first percentile on the charts for ages and ages; now she's clawed her way back up to about the 20th.
Don't force it, don't freak out. Get How to Get Your Kid to Eat But Not Too Much. Just keep offering a diverse selection of nutritious food, and try not to worry about it too much. We tried boosting the caloric content of my daughter's food, and she just ate less to compensate. It turns out that she can just regulate what she eats really well; we can leave her Halloween candy out on the coffee table because she just eats a couple pieces a day, for example. If the doc is worried about malnutrition as opposed to just undereating, then maybe try a Pediasure a day, but otherwise. . . let it go unless his weight is causing health problems.
Remember, the charts are for healthy children! Someone has to be at the fifth percentile! Fifth percentile is no more (or less) abnormal than 95th percentile!
posted by KathrynT at 10:17 AM on December 12, 2011
Don't force it, don't freak out. Get How to Get Your Kid to Eat But Not Too Much. Just keep offering a diverse selection of nutritious food, and try not to worry about it too much. We tried boosting the caloric content of my daughter's food, and she just ate less to compensate. It turns out that she can just regulate what she eats really well; we can leave her Halloween candy out on the coffee table because she just eats a couple pieces a day, for example. If the doc is worried about malnutrition as opposed to just undereating, then maybe try a Pediasure a day, but otherwise. . . let it go unless his weight is causing health problems.
Remember, the charts are for healthy children! Someone has to be at the fifth percentile! Fifth percentile is no more (or less) abnormal than 95th percentile!
posted by KathrynT at 10:17 AM on December 12, 2011
Hi, I have a 1-year old who is a good eater so I don't have any advice to add to what people are saying about getting food into him, but I just wanted to mention that even our good eater only gained 12 oz. between his 9-month checkup and his 1-year checkup and fell on the percentile charts for weight. He's also a good walker like your son, and he is constantly in motion. So I wouldn't worry too much about him not gaining a lot of weight right now, that's pretty normal.
I was wondering if he was breastfed? And if so is he still nursing at all? Some days my 1-year-old doesn't eat much, but I don't worry about it because he gets some breastmilk at night and I figure that makes up for a lot.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 10:18 AM on December 12, 2011
I was wondering if he was breastfed? And if so is he still nursing at all? Some days my 1-year-old doesn't eat much, but I don't worry about it because he gets some breastmilk at night and I figure that makes up for a lot.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 10:18 AM on December 12, 2011
Response by poster: OP here:
I should have clarified, I am not looking for diagnosis on medical condition, he is well looked after medically. My wife is a doctor and just naturally worries about anything health related, since she is a walking WebMD diagnosis in her brain space. As for me, please do not read in my use of the word 'force fed' and lead it into thinking that it is a traumatic or abusive. I agree 105.52% about getting a healthy attitude about the good foods is important and that is what we have been doing.
Our best friend is a pediatrician and we talked to her about it and she pretty much said exactly what our doctor said -- you need to get him to eat fatty foods. He likes squash and soups, but those are lacking in calories and require quantity (which he isn't good at).
He did within that past few weeks pop out the top two teeth and he did slow down his eating while they were growing out -- so maybe he is just used to it hurting in his mouth and needs to get more comfortable with eating again.
I am looking for feeding practices, which foods did your kids love, anecdotes, etc.
posted by LeanGreen at 10:21 AM on December 12, 2011
I should have clarified, I am not looking for diagnosis on medical condition, he is well looked after medically. My wife is a doctor and just naturally worries about anything health related, since she is a walking WebMD diagnosis in her brain space. As for me, please do not read in my use of the word 'force fed' and lead it into thinking that it is a traumatic or abusive. I agree 105.52% about getting a healthy attitude about the good foods is important and that is what we have been doing.
Our best friend is a pediatrician and we talked to her about it and she pretty much said exactly what our doctor said -- you need to get him to eat fatty foods. He likes squash and soups, but those are lacking in calories and require quantity (which he isn't good at).
He did within that past few weeks pop out the top two teeth and he did slow down his eating while they were growing out -- so maybe he is just used to it hurting in his mouth and needs to get more comfortable with eating again.
I am looking for feeding practices, which foods did your kids love, anecdotes, etc.
posted by LeanGreen at 10:21 AM on December 12, 2011
He likes squash and soups, but those are lacking in calories
Squash soup can be made higher in fat with butter and cream in the base. Does your child like cheese? Have you tried cutting foods like cheese into shapes with a cookie cutter?
posted by DarlingBri at 10:26 AM on December 12, 2011
Squash soup can be made higher in fat with butter and cream in the base. Does your child like cheese? Have you tried cutting foods like cheese into shapes with a cookie cutter?
posted by DarlingBri at 10:26 AM on December 12, 2011
Best answer: My daughter was very similar. And still, at 7, is not a great eater. You have my sympathy -- I don't know that I was ever more frustrated as a parent than when watching my toddler slide down the growth charts while not being able to get her to eat a darn thing.
Our solution: bacon.
Cooked crisp, it was salty and crunchy (snack-like) and something she could eat herself with her fingers (not stringy or greasy).
Yes, there are a lot of (ahem) nutritional shortcomings, but when we desperate, getting some protein and fat in her felt like at least a small victory. Meanwhile, we model good eating ourselves, encourage her to have at least a "no thank you bite" of other stuff and makes sure she gets a big glass of milk and a multivitamin every day.
We're still working on the veggies, but I'm pretty sure I didn't eat a green bean voluntarily myself until I was 21.
posted by pantarei70 at 10:30 AM on December 12, 2011
Our solution: bacon.
Cooked crisp, it was salty and crunchy (snack-like) and something she could eat herself with her fingers (not stringy or greasy).
Yes, there are a lot of (ahem) nutritional shortcomings, but when we desperate, getting some protein and fat in her felt like at least a small victory. Meanwhile, we model good eating ourselves, encourage her to have at least a "no thank you bite" of other stuff and makes sure she gets a big glass of milk and a multivitamin every day.
We're still working on the veggies, but I'm pretty sure I didn't eat a green bean voluntarily myself until I was 21.
posted by pantarei70 at 10:30 AM on December 12, 2011
Cooked, fatty, ground beef blends nicely in a processor into a high-calorie puree. It's easy to adjust texture with cooked vegetables (like squash or potatoes) or dairy. Over-processing will gum it up.
posted by GPF at 10:30 AM on December 12, 2011
posted by GPF at 10:30 AM on December 12, 2011
Avocados. That's what we feed my 95-year-old grandmother to help keep her weight up. They're fatty and nutritious, and they're nice and soft. If your kid is OK with nuts, almond or cashew butter on soft bread are high in fat and protein, and less intense than peanut butter.
I was a really, really picky eater as a kid (and underweight until I was about 6), and now I'll eat almost anything. This might not be what you want to hear, but for me, the turning point was when I was 10, and my parents stopped freaking out over it and just let me eat my rice and noodles for a couple of years, and didn't turn every dinner into a giant battle of wills.
Also, if this persists, when your kid is a little older, make sure they get to help you cook. Kids usually want to eat something they helped make, or helped pick out the produce for. Learning to actually make the food was huge for me.
posted by Nibbly Fang at 10:36 AM on December 12, 2011
I was a really, really picky eater as a kid (and underweight until I was about 6), and now I'll eat almost anything. This might not be what you want to hear, but for me, the turning point was when I was 10, and my parents stopped freaking out over it and just let me eat my rice and noodles for a couple of years, and didn't turn every dinner into a giant battle of wills.
Also, if this persists, when your kid is a little older, make sure they get to help you cook. Kids usually want to eat something they helped make, or helped pick out the produce for. Learning to actually make the food was huge for me.
posted by Nibbly Fang at 10:36 AM on December 12, 2011
A nutritionist also suggested having meals at regular times and not letting the kid graze all day. We weren't into grazing, but some families try to feed their kids all day to get the calories up and then the kids have no way to listen to their body, which is the very signal they need to get them to eat. Likewise, you don't want your kid to get used to feeling like they are starving. But you may well already be managing this part.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 10:40 AM on December 12, 2011
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 10:40 AM on December 12, 2011
Blend oils and avocados into the squash and soup he likes. Or use butter and cream. But I think avocado has a denser nutrition profile.
posted by jbenben at 10:43 AM on December 12, 2011
posted by jbenben at 10:43 AM on December 12, 2011
LeanGreen: As for me, please do not read in my use of the word 'force fed' and lead it into thinking that it is a traumatic or abusive.
I'm just going to quote what you originally wrote again:
posted by pharm at 10:53 AM on December 12, 2011
I'm just going to quote what you originally wrote again:
Last night I held him down and forced food in his gullet like a goose.I'm really struggling to see how this could not be traumatic or abusive frankly.
posted by pharm at 10:53 AM on December 12, 2011
I've had some success with distraction. I'll put something on TV that is really engrossing and then sit next to him and feed him. He's so wrapped up in the movie or cartoon that he isn't even paying attention to me. The chewing and swallowing is just kind of a reflex.
posted by TooFewShoes at 10:57 AM on December 12, 2011
posted by TooFewShoes at 10:57 AM on December 12, 2011
Pediatricians (most doctors, really) are not nutritionists. They get very little training in nutrition. You can tell this easily when someone recommends feeding a kid sugar versus one of the many nutrient-dense high calorie foods that are often appealing to babies. So I guess you're kind of lucky your pediatrician didn't try to sneak any ideas past you that sounded like something you should actually consider doing, like the crazy lady who insisted on testing my kids' cholesterol when I told her we don't use any low-fat or fat-free processed foods in our household.
I would recommend getting yourself a copy of Ellyn Satter's "Child Of Mine: Feeding With Love And Good Sense". It's an amazing book that takes you from birth through the teen years, discussing nutritional needs, ways to deal with various developmental and behavioral issues that arrive at certain ages, and she is a nutritionist with decades of experience in the field, focusing on pediatrics.
One of my daughters is both tiny and picky (and has been for nine years now), and I have found that I re-read this book every year or so, just to remind myself that it's perfectly okay and that I don't necessarily need to worry about her.
posted by padraigin at 10:58 AM on December 12, 2011
I would recommend getting yourself a copy of Ellyn Satter's "Child Of Mine: Feeding With Love And Good Sense". It's an amazing book that takes you from birth through the teen years, discussing nutritional needs, ways to deal with various developmental and behavioral issues that arrive at certain ages, and she is a nutritionist with decades of experience in the field, focusing on pediatrics.
One of my daughters is both tiny and picky (and has been for nine years now), and I have found that I re-read this book every year or so, just to remind myself that it's perfectly okay and that I don't necessarily need to worry about her.
posted by padraigin at 10:58 AM on December 12, 2011
Response by poster: Frankly, pharm, you lack a sarcasm meter and the ability to read the comical intentions of writing. There is nothing abusive about laying out a cartoonish visualization of a loving dad trying to herd his cyclone son into the feed lot.
Ground beef! Great idea, one that didn't even cross my mind. We aren't much of meat eaters and when we do it is fowl. Bacon, I will give that a whirl too.
He is hit or miss on avocados. He sometimes like guacamole.
Thanks!
posted by LeanGreen at 10:59 AM on December 12, 2011
Ground beef! Great idea, one that didn't even cross my mind. We aren't much of meat eaters and when we do it is fowl. Bacon, I will give that a whirl too.
He is hit or miss on avocados. He sometimes like guacamole.
Thanks!
posted by LeanGreen at 10:59 AM on December 12, 2011
When my guy was about 8 months old he was diagnosed with failure to thrive which we sort of traced to a battle with C-Diff. My guy was off the charts with low weight. He created his own chart. Doctor told us to feed him fatty foods - sort of along the same lines that yours did. We're pretty healthy eaters around here and having him eat fries and other processed foods just wasn't something I was comfortable doing.
But I am all for lots of olive oil, avocados, and other good fat type foods.
During this time he ate massive amounts of roast beef hash - found in cans. He loved it and it's super super high in fat. Although it's not as healthy as other items, it was a good quick high fat food that he enjoyed.
We also slipped him Carnation Instant Breakfast whenever we could (again, kinda high in sugar, but ok).
He's 8 years old now. And he's still super skinny. But he eats massive amounts of food - sometimes 4 or 5 eggs for breakfast. The doctor still comments on his low weight, but since everything else is normal - height, head size, normal development and he's pretty smart to boot, we take the doctor's worry with a grain of salt and have kind of determined he's going to be a lean kid.
Here are some foods that my kids liked around that age: bacon, roast beef hash, cottage cheese, avocado, artichokes, eggs, cheese, whole milk, instant breakfast, steamed veggies, crackers with butter on them
posted by Sassyfras at 11:07 AM on December 12, 2011
But I am all for lots of olive oil, avocados, and other good fat type foods.
During this time he ate massive amounts of roast beef hash - found in cans. He loved it and it's super super high in fat. Although it's not as healthy as other items, it was a good quick high fat food that he enjoyed.
We also slipped him Carnation Instant Breakfast whenever we could (again, kinda high in sugar, but ok).
He's 8 years old now. And he's still super skinny. But he eats massive amounts of food - sometimes 4 or 5 eggs for breakfast. The doctor still comments on his low weight, but since everything else is normal - height, head size, normal development and he's pretty smart to boot, we take the doctor's worry with a grain of salt and have kind of determined he's going to be a lean kid.
Here are some foods that my kids liked around that age: bacon, roast beef hash, cottage cheese, avocado, artichokes, eggs, cheese, whole milk, instant breakfast, steamed veggies, crackers with butter on them
posted by Sassyfras at 11:07 AM on December 12, 2011
My now 19 year old was like that as a baby - she would literally not eat until she was utterly limp. For her it was a mix of being very picky, very stubborn and wanting to control what she could. The more we worked to avoid making meals a big deal or a source of stress (hard to do when you're worried about your kid eating enough!) the better she did at eating. Food that she could feed herself and nothing slimey or goopy in texture was key - she was not a fan of pureed anything once she got past baby food. No baked or mashed potatoes, etc. I think kids in general are far more picky about texture than we tend to expect - at least my three all were.
My son does have Celiac disease - wasn't diagnosed until he was 13 but he never liked bread and would avoid it whenever possible, had really bad colic and sleep issues. He didn't have the symptoms we were told to watch for as a baby (Celiac runs in our family) and when he developed it there was no question about him being SICK - quite different than when he was little. That said he has never been over the 10% and is currently in the 5% at 16 but eats an astonishing amount. Point being that kids with Celiac generally look sick not just skinny - most of the (many!) people we know with kids who had it young had big bellies and everything else thin. I would provide healthy food and watch - if he's avoiding certain things he might indeed have a food sensitivity -otherwise might just have a fast metabolism and not be tremendously food driven. Were either of you very think as young kids?
posted by leslies at 11:14 AM on December 12, 2011
My son does have Celiac disease - wasn't diagnosed until he was 13 but he never liked bread and would avoid it whenever possible, had really bad colic and sleep issues. He didn't have the symptoms we were told to watch for as a baby (Celiac runs in our family) and when he developed it there was no question about him being SICK - quite different than when he was little. That said he has never been over the 10% and is currently in the 5% at 16 but eats an astonishing amount. Point being that kids with Celiac generally look sick not just skinny - most of the (many!) people we know with kids who had it young had big bellies and everything else thin. I would provide healthy food and watch - if he's avoiding certain things he might indeed have a food sensitivity -otherwise might just have a fast metabolism and not be tremendously food driven. Were either of you very think as young kids?
posted by leslies at 11:14 AM on December 12, 2011
Have you and your wife read Ellyn Satter? Her books and website on childhood eating competence and the division of responsibility are brilliant, and they've helped many children (and parents) I know immensely. Basically, the gist is this: the parents have sole responsibility for deciding what foods (a variety of healthy options) are available and when. The child has sole responsibility for deciding, from those foods at those times, whether, what, and how much to eat. It can be really, really hard for parents to trust their children (and sometimes for children to trust their parents if there have been struggles over eating in the past), but if you follow it, it really works.
Your child's body will not let him starve (absent a physical or mental disorder, which it sounds as though you've been appropriately attentive to and had him medically screened for). You have to trust him and let him trust you, and this will all work itself out in time. Best of luck to you!
posted by decathecting at 11:24 AM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Your child's body will not let him starve (absent a physical or mental disorder, which it sounds as though you've been appropriately attentive to and had him medically screened for). You have to trust him and let him trust you, and this will all work itself out in time. Best of luck to you!
posted by decathecting at 11:24 AM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
If he likes soups, can you make them with coconut milk? Mmm fatty.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:30 AM on December 12, 2011
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:30 AM on December 12, 2011
I have three children who have all gone through phases when they seemed to eat nothing. They all would eat edamame or plain tofu by the handful. I also used to leave their food on the coffee table after mealtimes. We have set mealtimes, but it took them what seemed like hours to actually bother to eat anything. My three year old doesn't really start eating until after everyone else is already done. They've all been near the bottom or off of the growth charts at one point or another, but they have two short parents who were skinny when younger so the pediatrician was never very concerned.
All of them will eat any amount of bacon I give them. Or anything with sausage. I can make soup with lentils, split peas, tons of tomato and carrot and my vegetable hating son will eat it if there's sausage. Also, try food in a different form. My youngest won't usually eat cheese but she will eat shredded cheddar. Also, she has decided that poached eggs are great and all others are horrible. She used to eat scrambled eggs, so I made that every day for a long time. She'll eat meatballs but not meat sauce. She likes plain meatballs dipped in ranch. Ew. I don't know how we figured out that she'd eat that. They like things that you might think are awful. (The youngest stopped eating baby food when she got RSV at 6 mo and pretty much just breastfed until 16 months. By the time she weaned at 25 months -and she wanted to nurse All the time up until about 22 months- ranch meatballs seemed like a swell idea.). Even now, if I let her drink too much milk, she won't really eat any food. I think I am just saying to try a lot of different things. They all do get skinnier when they start really running around.
posted by artychoke at 11:34 AM on December 12, 2011
All of them will eat any amount of bacon I give them. Or anything with sausage. I can make soup with lentils, split peas, tons of tomato and carrot and my vegetable hating son will eat it if there's sausage. Also, try food in a different form. My youngest won't usually eat cheese but she will eat shredded cheddar. Also, she has decided that poached eggs are great and all others are horrible. She used to eat scrambled eggs, so I made that every day for a long time. She'll eat meatballs but not meat sauce. She likes plain meatballs dipped in ranch. Ew. I don't know how we figured out that she'd eat that. They like things that you might think are awful. (The youngest stopped eating baby food when she got RSV at 6 mo and pretty much just breastfed until 16 months. By the time she weaned at 25 months -and she wanted to nurse All the time up until about 22 months- ranch meatballs seemed like a swell idea.). Even now, if I let her drink too much milk, she won't really eat any food. I think I am just saying to try a lot of different things. They all do get skinnier when they start really running around.
posted by artychoke at 11:34 AM on December 12, 2011
macadamia nut oil, coconut oil, coconut butter might be good additions to increase fat intake.
posted by vespabelle at 11:35 AM on December 12, 2011
posted by vespabelle at 11:35 AM on December 12, 2011
The rule of thumb for picky eaters is that they'll eat little amounts, but they'll eat 10 different foods of every food group. But, we count mashed potatoes and fries as two in the starch group. The texture and the sensory input of eating these foods are very different and actually require different skills to safely ingest.
Problem feeders are those who don't have that many types of foods in their diet and won't try new foods. Problem feeders will only eat foods prepared in a certain way.
If your child falls in that latter category, I would consult a dietician and a feeding therapist. Speech-therapists can help your child overcome the sensory aspect of eating foods and hopefully through positive interactions with food, they can help your child learn to add new foods into their diet.
Also, if it is a mastication (chewing) issue, the speech therapist can teach your child healthy ways to chew and eat all different varieties of food.
I'd specifically look into the SOS (Sequential Oral Sensory) feeding approach. It's all about positive reinforcement. You can find a therapist (if needed) in your area that's trained in this approach.
If he's not considered a problem feeder, then these other ideas are great.
Good luck!
posted by jadegenie at 11:38 AM on December 12, 2011
Problem feeders are those who don't have that many types of foods in their diet and won't try new foods. Problem feeders will only eat foods prepared in a certain way.
If your child falls in that latter category, I would consult a dietician and a feeding therapist. Speech-therapists can help your child overcome the sensory aspect of eating foods and hopefully through positive interactions with food, they can help your child learn to add new foods into their diet.
Also, if it is a mastication (chewing) issue, the speech therapist can teach your child healthy ways to chew and eat all different varieties of food.
I'd specifically look into the SOS (Sequential Oral Sensory) feeding approach. It's all about positive reinforcement. You can find a therapist (if needed) in your area that's trained in this approach.
If he's not considered a problem feeder, then these other ideas are great.
Good luck!
posted by jadegenie at 11:38 AM on December 12, 2011
My daughter is the same way, now eight and still 5th percentile. She'll come home claiming to be starving, begging for a snack, and will choose raw carrots which she'll eat while bouncing on a yoga ball, thereby using more calories than taking in. She makes things a touch more difficult by being an absolute vegetarian (dad and I are not, so this is a bit of a surprise for us).
I keep a lot of food out where she can reach it so that if she passes by when she's in the mood, she'll eat it. I realize that for a one-year-old this is impractical, but keep it in mind if this keeps up. I give her several nuts (6-10) in every lunch. I add peanut butter to her oatmeal while it's cooking. She gets cheese in everything that'll take it. She does eat butter by the spoonful so I give her that once in a while. I absolutely don't agree that junk food is the solution -- particularly if the child isn't eating much volume, the quality needs to be especially high.
My daughter likes cream cheese spread on tortillas with raisins rolled up in there. She liked pure cream in a bottle, and I've added cream to her yogurt. I give her a lot of freedom, though, because I generally do believe that letting her appetite lead her will work out in the end. The only time I worry is when she is sick and has lost as much as 10% of her body weight, just from having a cold and losing her already-small appetite. But she is healthy, active, and bright, so I just assume that her body works itself out. And so far it has: no injuries, no illnesses, no problems.
Best of luck, and just love that little guy to bits and keep an eye on him. (It's funny, my husband is a doctor and I don't think he'd worry unless she lost 50% of her body weight. But he's an anesthesiologist, and pretty much nothing phases him.)
posted by Capri at 11:39 AM on December 12, 2011
I keep a lot of food out where she can reach it so that if she passes by when she's in the mood, she'll eat it. I realize that for a one-year-old this is impractical, but keep it in mind if this keeps up. I give her several nuts (6-10) in every lunch. I add peanut butter to her oatmeal while it's cooking. She gets cheese in everything that'll take it. She does eat butter by the spoonful so I give her that once in a while. I absolutely don't agree that junk food is the solution -- particularly if the child isn't eating much volume, the quality needs to be especially high.
My daughter likes cream cheese spread on tortillas with raisins rolled up in there. She liked pure cream in a bottle, and I've added cream to her yogurt. I give her a lot of freedom, though, because I generally do believe that letting her appetite lead her will work out in the end. The only time I worry is when she is sick and has lost as much as 10% of her body weight, just from having a cold and losing her already-small appetite. But she is healthy, active, and bright, so I just assume that her body works itself out. And so far it has: no injuries, no illnesses, no problems.
Best of luck, and just love that little guy to bits and keep an eye on him. (It's funny, my husband is a doctor and I don't think he'd worry unless she lost 50% of her body weight. But he's an anesthesiologist, and pretty much nothing phases him.)
posted by Capri at 11:39 AM on December 12, 2011
My daughter hated pureed food as a baby and having anyone else feed her. It seemed like she didn't like food (other than nursing, which she loved) for awhile. Then she started snatching things from my plate, and I discovered she loved injera (her first bread, snatched at an Ethiopian restaurant), raspberries (fresh off the vine), peas, and bananas (if she could take bites out of a whole one herself). She also always thought things on my plate were better than things on her own, even if they had the exact same thing on them. So see if there is more stuff he can eat on his own, and keep trying new foods to see what else he may like. (And seconding people who say to have more full-fat things, that can help.)
Though just as a data point, my daughter went from 90th percentile in weight to 30th around the time she learned to crawl. She stayed at 90th for height. That is consistent with my and my husband's body types, so we weren't very worried (and neither was the doctor, after seeing us). If your son being small is consistent with your family, then maybe you don't have much to worry about. As you said, sometimes he just isn't eating because he has other things that are too distracting, like new teeth, or learning to walk.
posted by Margalo Epps at 12:08 PM on December 12, 2011
Though just as a data point, my daughter went from 90th percentile in weight to 30th around the time she learned to crawl. She stayed at 90th for height. That is consistent with my and my husband's body types, so we weren't very worried (and neither was the doctor, after seeing us). If your son being small is consistent with your family, then maybe you don't have much to worry about. As you said, sometimes he just isn't eating because he has other things that are too distracting, like new teeth, or learning to walk.
posted by Margalo Epps at 12:08 PM on December 12, 2011
Building on amanda's comment, try some different methods and also locations. You feeding, him feeding himself finger foods, or with a spoon or fork; bottles or sippy cups with higher-calorie drinks (especially real milkshakes), etc. But we also found with our toddler a different location can make a big difference -- we sometimes eat in the living room, sometimes in the kitchen, sometimes in the dining room (depends on the constellation of adults available and what the infant is up to -- even outside on the patio or a picnic blanket if the weather's good). He often gets too distracted in the living room to eat enough; if he's in the kitchen it's fine unless the baby is crying in which case he gets restless to go see what's in the other room. For a while when sitting in his high chair was frustrating him, we let him eat standing up at a coffee table. He just went through a phase where eating at the dining room table was the coolest thing ever but now he keeps trying to tip his chair over and throw is food. So in addition to many different foods, try some different feeding situations -- you may be able to get more interest from him.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:42 PM on December 12, 2011
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:42 PM on December 12, 2011
I was like this when I was a toddler. I didn't grow at all or gain any weight between the ages of two and three because I never wanted to eat. I was so small that I was off the chart. The doctor told my parents to feed me anything I would eat. I would only eat grapes, cheerios, hot dogs cut up into tiny little circles, and macaroni and cheese one noodle at a time. (I seemed to have only wanted round food). So they did. I eventually grew, but I was by far the smallest kid in my class until maybe 3rd grade, when I was just the smallest but not by that far.
What got me to eat was just time, patience, and giving me the foods that I wouldn't refuse, even if they weren't especially healthy.
I grew up to be no longer a picky eater (and still very much on the wee side of the spectrum), but still kind of a not-eater. I WILL eat anything offered to me, but if I don't pay attention, I can go an entire day and a half without eating anything, and I won't even notice. I wonder if some people just don't have that high of a threshold for noticing hunger.
posted by millipede at 12:45 PM on December 12, 2011
What got me to eat was just time, patience, and giving me the foods that I wouldn't refuse, even if they weren't especially healthy.
I grew up to be no longer a picky eater (and still very much on the wee side of the spectrum), but still kind of a not-eater. I WILL eat anything offered to me, but if I don't pay attention, I can go an entire day and a half without eating anything, and I won't even notice. I wonder if some people just don't have that high of a threshold for noticing hunger.
posted by millipede at 12:45 PM on December 12, 2011
My kid is similar in that she's 20 months and around 20 pounds. She eats just fine and active and healthy and advanced in speech, but she's very small. One day she'll eat a ton (or what we think is a ton) and then the next she doesn't want to eat what she inhaled the day before - this is tough for us as we eat a lot of leftovers. She's always been this way in that she has eating days and non-eating days. She loves fruit but we struggle with protein - my wife makes her yogurt smoothies and she seems to like those, and occasionally she eats meat chunks and eggs but it's inconsistent. I personally let her go nuts with ice cream a few nights a week - my wife is a little more hesitant.
My brother and his wife are both physicians and they're not concerned at all - as long as there's progression in the weight gain it's fine. You can't expect a kid born under 5% (like ours was) to be 50% within a few years. If nothing is wrong with the child physically, it probably won't happen. I find that with these matters people don't necessarily think like professionals - when your child is at stake it's hard to look at things on a clinical level.
If you want some assurances and if it's possible, speak with your parents. I was very small as a kid, and developed into a picky eater. My parents say that I was exactly how my daughter is now - and I'm now 5'10" and 175ish (I'm male). I was 138-140 when competing as a distance runner in university, and that is probably closer to my ideal weight than now. I'm just small and my wife is the same; I wouldn't worry too much. My nieces on my wife's side are telethon-thin and totally healthy.
As for eating habits - I find that my kid is rather stubborn and likes to do things herself. She likes to feed herself, and sometimes this is slooooooow. So, don't be in a rush. We sit down and eat with our daughter, but she often takes much longer than us to start eating, and to get into it. Often just leaving something in front of her will prompt her to try it later on. Also, we try to leave food out as if she's a dog - a dish with some cheerios or crackers or vegetables and a cup of milk and a cup of juice all lined up. Quite often she'll dance around and return to it every 10 minutes or so and graze.
I tend to try to maintain a discipline around mealtimes though - I won't just give her what she's asking for. Fruit and yogurt and ice cream comes after trying some of her proper meal, which is often similar to what my wife and I are eating. I tend to operate under the assumption that if she's hungry enough, there's at least something she'll eat. Some days of learning that I won't just pander to her wants immediately will hopefully encourage some eating of the main course. But, we don't force the issue. If she doesn't want to eat and wants to get down from her chair, we will give her a break and let her return to the chair after running around a bit.
posted by jimmythefish at 12:47 PM on December 12, 2011
My brother and his wife are both physicians and they're not concerned at all - as long as there's progression in the weight gain it's fine. You can't expect a kid born under 5% (like ours was) to be 50% within a few years. If nothing is wrong with the child physically, it probably won't happen. I find that with these matters people don't necessarily think like professionals - when your child is at stake it's hard to look at things on a clinical level.
If you want some assurances and if it's possible, speak with your parents. I was very small as a kid, and developed into a picky eater. My parents say that I was exactly how my daughter is now - and I'm now 5'10" and 175ish (I'm male). I was 138-140 when competing as a distance runner in university, and that is probably closer to my ideal weight than now. I'm just small and my wife is the same; I wouldn't worry too much. My nieces on my wife's side are telethon-thin and totally healthy.
As for eating habits - I find that my kid is rather stubborn and likes to do things herself. She likes to feed herself, and sometimes this is slooooooow. So, don't be in a rush. We sit down and eat with our daughter, but she often takes much longer than us to start eating, and to get into it. Often just leaving something in front of her will prompt her to try it later on. Also, we try to leave food out as if she's a dog - a dish with some cheerios or crackers or vegetables and a cup of milk and a cup of juice all lined up. Quite often she'll dance around and return to it every 10 minutes or so and graze.
I tend to try to maintain a discipline around mealtimes though - I won't just give her what she's asking for. Fruit and yogurt and ice cream comes after trying some of her proper meal, which is often similar to what my wife and I are eating. I tend to operate under the assumption that if she's hungry enough, there's at least something she'll eat. Some days of learning that I won't just pander to her wants immediately will hopefully encourage some eating of the main course. But, we don't force the issue. If she doesn't want to eat and wants to get down from her chair, we will give her a break and let her return to the chair after running around a bit.
posted by jimmythefish at 12:47 PM on December 12, 2011
I SO feel your pain. Our two-year-old will eat rice, bananas, fries, cheerios, crackers of any sort, yogurt, pureed fruit and milk. Some days he'll eat salmon or turkey burgers (homemade), frequently he'll eat california rolls (rice, crab meat, avocado, cucumber and seaweed) but currently he's on an all-white food kick.
We do a smoothie with green stuff and enough fruit and yogurt to keep it sweet, and put it in a coloured sippy cup so he can't actually see that it's not white. I have also had some success at pureeing beef stew (beef, carrots, onions, sweet potatoes, etc.), diluting it and putting that in a cup with a straw. He will also occasionally drink miso soup, so I puree up the soft tofu.
My son has tons of energy and is gaining weight in a slow and steady manner. He's Mr. Average as far as height and weight charts go, so I try not to worry about it too much (although I still do, because that's how I'm built, and I'll bring it up with the doctor when he gets his next shot). Dentist says his teeth are fine. Honestly, I don't know what more we can do, and I'm hoping as hard as I can that he'll grow out of it.
posted by sillymama at 1:36 PM on December 12, 2011
We do a smoothie with green stuff and enough fruit and yogurt to keep it sweet, and put it in a coloured sippy cup so he can't actually see that it's not white. I have also had some success at pureeing beef stew (beef, carrots, onions, sweet potatoes, etc.), diluting it and putting that in a cup with a straw. He will also occasionally drink miso soup, so I puree up the soft tofu.
My son has tons of energy and is gaining weight in a slow and steady manner. He's Mr. Average as far as height and weight charts go, so I try not to worry about it too much (although I still do, because that's how I'm built, and I'll bring it up with the doctor when he gets his next shot). Dentist says his teeth are fine. Honestly, I don't know what more we can do, and I'm hoping as hard as I can that he'll grow out of it.
posted by sillymama at 1:36 PM on December 12, 2011
I was, like your son, in the 5th percentile for weight, starting at about age 1 and continuing through my entire childhood. I wasn't a big eater, I was very picky, my appetite was unpredictable, I was a scrawny little thing. I got dragged to a lot of pediatricians.
I was variously ordered, bribed, coerced, and compelled to eat. I got the "not allowed to leave the table" treatment, the "we'll serve your dinner for breakfast" treatment, the "look what you're doing to your mother" treatment. I got watched, weighed, worried-over, and there was always a judgmental eye monitoring any progress on my dinner plate.
Seriously, dial this stuff back. Oh, my overprotective parents meant well, but the scrutiny and worry and hand-wringing and lectures by the doctor and the trying of "tactics" and all of this was exhausting for me too, and it turned eating into a chore. I wasn't trying to make it a control issue, but at some point, it subconsciously became one. Ever tried to make yourself eat when you didn't have an appetite because of illness? You know how it makes food kind of gross? It felt a little bit like that, emotionally. I wasn't physically repulsed by food, but my own feelings and opinions about it were subsumed by the anxiety of the grownups.
(I was cured as soon as I went away to college -- I befriended another picky eater, and without anyone around to make a BIG DEAL, started tentatively trying new-to-me ingredients, and my weight rose to a less-borderline number. I'm now 37 and a very, very adventurous eater.)
posted by desuetude at 2:07 PM on December 12, 2011
I was variously ordered, bribed, coerced, and compelled to eat. I got the "not allowed to leave the table" treatment, the "we'll serve your dinner for breakfast" treatment, the "look what you're doing to your mother" treatment. I got watched, weighed, worried-over, and there was always a judgmental eye monitoring any progress on my dinner plate.
Seriously, dial this stuff back. Oh, my overprotective parents meant well, but the scrutiny and worry and hand-wringing and lectures by the doctor and the trying of "tactics" and all of this was exhausting for me too, and it turned eating into a chore. I wasn't trying to make it a control issue, but at some point, it subconsciously became one. Ever tried to make yourself eat when you didn't have an appetite because of illness? You know how it makes food kind of gross? It felt a little bit like that, emotionally. I wasn't physically repulsed by food, but my own feelings and opinions about it were subsumed by the anxiety of the grownups.
(I was cured as soon as I went away to college -- I befriended another picky eater, and without anyone around to make a BIG DEAL, started tentatively trying new-to-me ingredients, and my weight rose to a less-borderline number. I'm now 37 and a very, very adventurous eater.)
posted by desuetude at 2:07 PM on December 12, 2011
Oh, and I realize I left out the positive stuff. Seconding jimmythefish's willingness to let his daughter graze. My mom kept the cookie jar full of chocolate chip cookies that she'd bulked up with oats, and she always had fruit that I liked in the fridge, and I looooved that.
posted by desuetude at 2:12 PM on December 12, 2011
posted by desuetude at 2:12 PM on December 12, 2011
I am a small person. I was the shortest kid in the class from K-12. I am a very slow eater and was always last at the dinner table, picking at the remainders because I had to clean my plate (There are starving children in Africa, you know). It frustrated my parents to no end that I just wouldn't eat like my ravenous siblings. Barring any medical problems, which you seem to have covered in spades, maybe your kid is just not going to be a big eater. I'm still not a big eater, even though I enjoy lots of different types of food. I just tend to get bored of eating.
Please try to not make this a big issue in front of your child. My parents (bless their hearts) pushed me to eat until I was uncomfortably full. That combined with my Mom's constant dieting and obsessing about weight set me up for some food/weight/body image issues later.
Oh, and my Mom also did the chocolate chip cookies with ground oats and our favorite fruits. Also, graham crackers and peanut butter were a go-to snack for me.
We are the 5%! And that's okay!
posted by kamikazegopher at 2:34 PM on December 12, 2011
Please try to not make this a big issue in front of your child. My parents (bless their hearts) pushed me to eat until I was uncomfortably full. That combined with my Mom's constant dieting and obsessing about weight set me up for some food/weight/body image issues later.
Oh, and my Mom also did the chocolate chip cookies with ground oats and our favorite fruits. Also, graham crackers and peanut butter were a go-to snack for me.
We are the 5%! And that's okay!
posted by kamikazegopher at 2:34 PM on December 12, 2011
Give lots of options. Also, make this not a battle. Like seriously, convince the kid that you don't care whether he eats or not, but make it clear that when he's ready to nom, there is a variety available.
Fighting, cajoling, encouraging, harping, despairing, reminding, asking, begging, pleading, bargaining, actually just about any very around food other than "providing and demonstrating" is going to risk your kid running the other way and not eating.
The second, and worse, in my opinion, risk is that the kid will eat on demand without regard to how he feels. And what he learns from that is nearly impossible to unlearn. Inability to feel and respond to cues of satiety is a huge huge concern for children and adults. Relying on external cues to determine when a meal is over is incredibly detrimental to children. This is how we create adults who eat an entire bag of potato chips - the external cue in that case is that the bag is empty.
So long as your son does not have any (diagnosed) digestive or metabolic disorders, and is able to maintain a level of activity appropriate for his age, he's eating just fine for him. Nobody lives in Lake Wobegon, and so not every child can be "above average" or even average. Some are big eaters, and some are not. There is not necessarily (as people have repeatedly pointed out) pathology at play here.
As a personal bit of anecdata, I am very sensitive to food stuff. Temperature is my big thing, but I also have worked really hard to be able to "handle" getting caught off guard by taste. I take tiny tiny bites of ice cream and wait for my soup to cool to practically room temperature. I generally avoid spicy things. However, I love stinky cheeses and other "weird" foods. I eat often, but not much in one sitting. I like a variety of foods, rather than just one huge plate of something. Except cheese. Sit me down with a block of cheese and it will be gone. Do not leave me alone with your fancy cheeses, I will not even be sheepishly contrite about it. With time, your son will find the foods he loves best, and you are absolutely right in your instinct to not load him up on nuggets and ice cream. I'm 5'7", 117#, this is pretty far below the "optimal weight" for a 30 year old woman. When my very first ever cholesterol numbers came in below the normal range, I asked the NP what that meant. And her response was that I don't eat a lot of "bacon or other crap." I had to laugh at her, because bacon is probably (and here's my exaggeration) 2/3 of my diet. The other 1/3 is potatoes and sour cream. I'm just...below average.
As an aside, please stop joking about forcing your kids to do anything. Whether it's funny or not has nothing to do with the matter, but your kids pick up on the attitude that this projects. Allow kids to make decisions about things that they think are important is so so so important, and it boils down to way more than food. Relationships and self esteem come into play here, and you're teaching him how to expect everybody else to treat him, and that he should or shouldn't trust his "gut" about whether he wants to do something. You train your brain that your "gut" is dumb or unreliable well enough, and...well. The results are not so good. In fact, if you and your wife were raised here in the states, I'd be willing to bet that this plays a huge part in your concern about him not eating "enough." You've been trained that there is a quantity that he needs to eat, and that quantity is what you give him (that's grammatically ambiguous on purpose!). When he doesn't eat it all, you fret because you fear that you are failing. It's not true! You are not Failing! And the fact that you bring this question to us tells me that you are listening to that voice in your gut that tells you that bad advice has been given. And you are right! So, good for you both for being awesome parents.
posted by bilabial at 3:08 PM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
Fighting, cajoling, encouraging, harping, despairing, reminding, asking, begging, pleading, bargaining, actually just about any very around food other than "providing and demonstrating" is going to risk your kid running the other way and not eating.
The second, and worse, in my opinion, risk is that the kid will eat on demand without regard to how he feels. And what he learns from that is nearly impossible to unlearn. Inability to feel and respond to cues of satiety is a huge huge concern for children and adults. Relying on external cues to determine when a meal is over is incredibly detrimental to children. This is how we create adults who eat an entire bag of potato chips - the external cue in that case is that the bag is empty.
So long as your son does not have any (diagnosed) digestive or metabolic disorders, and is able to maintain a level of activity appropriate for his age, he's eating just fine for him. Nobody lives in Lake Wobegon, and so not every child can be "above average" or even average. Some are big eaters, and some are not. There is not necessarily (as people have repeatedly pointed out) pathology at play here.
As a personal bit of anecdata, I am very sensitive to food stuff. Temperature is my big thing, but I also have worked really hard to be able to "handle" getting caught off guard by taste. I take tiny tiny bites of ice cream and wait for my soup to cool to practically room temperature. I generally avoid spicy things. However, I love stinky cheeses and other "weird" foods. I eat often, but not much in one sitting. I like a variety of foods, rather than just one huge plate of something. Except cheese. Sit me down with a block of cheese and it will be gone. Do not leave me alone with your fancy cheeses, I will not even be sheepishly contrite about it. With time, your son will find the foods he loves best, and you are absolutely right in your instinct to not load him up on nuggets and ice cream. I'm 5'7", 117#, this is pretty far below the "optimal weight" for a 30 year old woman. When my very first ever cholesterol numbers came in below the normal range, I asked the NP what that meant. And her response was that I don't eat a lot of "bacon or other crap." I had to laugh at her, because bacon is probably (and here's my exaggeration) 2/3 of my diet. The other 1/3 is potatoes and sour cream. I'm just...below average.
As an aside, please stop joking about forcing your kids to do anything. Whether it's funny or not has nothing to do with the matter, but your kids pick up on the attitude that this projects. Allow kids to make decisions about things that they think are important is so so so important, and it boils down to way more than food. Relationships and self esteem come into play here, and you're teaching him how to expect everybody else to treat him, and that he should or shouldn't trust his "gut" about whether he wants to do something. You train your brain that your "gut" is dumb or unreliable well enough, and...well. The results are not so good. In fact, if you and your wife were raised here in the states, I'd be willing to bet that this plays a huge part in your concern about him not eating "enough." You've been trained that there is a quantity that he needs to eat, and that quantity is what you give him (that's grammatically ambiguous on purpose!). When he doesn't eat it all, you fret because you fear that you are failing. It's not true! You are not Failing! And the fact that you bring this question to us tells me that you are listening to that voice in your gut that tells you that bad advice has been given. And you are right! So, good for you both for being awesome parents.
posted by bilabial at 3:08 PM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
Sometimes I hide the fruit from my nephew. He's a normal kid, but if he grabs an apple in the afternoon, he thinks he is not hungry for dinner.
Other family members got into a battle of wills with him about food. I didn't, and didn't have that problem.
If there was a choice, I'd ask him which vegetables he wanted with his dinner. People told me not to give him a choice, but he actually chose *more* vegetables and ate them, than if they were just put on his plate.
I'd always start off with the high-caloric/nutrient food first. So, sometimes I'd break it up into little servings, and the next one wouldn't be revealed until he'd eaten what he could of what he had. Otherwise, he'd kind of get 'distracted' about what to eat.
He often liked having a meat pie, which I would slice into 8 tiny pieces. After he'd eaten everything, I'd pull out a yogurt for desert, and we got into a routine where he would always eat a full yogurt. We had a staple dinner one night a week of peas, a meat pie, and a yoghurt, and because he'd eaten it all before, he knew that he *could* eat all of that.
I know that doesn't sound much, but his mother would go through days where he just wouldn't eat, and was surprised when he'd happily eat it all of that dinner.
It helps that I was a super-taster (I'm finally killing off enough taste buds to enjoy 'acquired tastes' in my late twenties!), so I can make a pretty good guess at what will and won't taste good to a 5 year old. Certain tastes - bitter, mouldy, alcoholic, chemical, are much much stronger.
On the other hand, salt doesn't taste saltier (apparently supertasters are likely to salt their food more, to compensate for the other flavours).
Food for small children is often entirely salt-free.
Put a knob of salted butter on top of peas, or a small sprinkle on top of vegetables.
And seriously, if you have a little kid on a good diet, and lots of liquids, they're not going to have massive salt intake. It's the salt that's already added to foods (like chippies, processed food) that is the problem, not a sprinkle on top of home cooked food.
Peas - add butter, or a bit of salt.
Carrots - fresh new carrots, or, and this is cheating, add a tiny amount of brown sugar to boiled carrots before you serve. You can actually use this to 'wean' kids onto a few different vegetables, until they are nice and familiar.
I'd re-prioritise his food, and only give him the high caloric/nutrient dense food for awhile.
Given his age, I'd even give him ensure as a drink. Good eating begets good eating, and you are less aware of hunger when you haven't been eating well.
posted by Elysum at 7:30 PM on December 12, 2011
Other family members got into a battle of wills with him about food. I didn't, and didn't have that problem.
If there was a choice, I'd ask him which vegetables he wanted with his dinner. People told me not to give him a choice, but he actually chose *more* vegetables and ate them, than if they were just put on his plate.
I'd always start off with the high-caloric/nutrient food first. So, sometimes I'd break it up into little servings, and the next one wouldn't be revealed until he'd eaten what he could of what he had. Otherwise, he'd kind of get 'distracted' about what to eat.
He often liked having a meat pie, which I would slice into 8 tiny pieces. After he'd eaten everything, I'd pull out a yogurt for desert, and we got into a routine where he would always eat a full yogurt. We had a staple dinner one night a week of peas, a meat pie, and a yoghurt, and because he'd eaten it all before, he knew that he *could* eat all of that.
I know that doesn't sound much, but his mother would go through days where he just wouldn't eat, and was surprised when he'd happily eat it all of that dinner.
It helps that I was a super-taster (I'm finally killing off enough taste buds to enjoy 'acquired tastes' in my late twenties!), so I can make a pretty good guess at what will and won't taste good to a 5 year old. Certain tastes - bitter, mouldy, alcoholic, chemical, are much much stronger.
On the other hand, salt doesn't taste saltier (apparently supertasters are likely to salt their food more, to compensate for the other flavours).
Food for small children is often entirely salt-free.
Put a knob of salted butter on top of peas, or a small sprinkle on top of vegetables.
And seriously, if you have a little kid on a good diet, and lots of liquids, they're not going to have massive salt intake. It's the salt that's already added to foods (like chippies, processed food) that is the problem, not a sprinkle on top of home cooked food.
Peas - add butter, or a bit of salt.
Carrots - fresh new carrots, or, and this is cheating, add a tiny amount of brown sugar to boiled carrots before you serve. You can actually use this to 'wean' kids onto a few different vegetables, until they are nice and familiar.
I'd re-prioritise his food, and only give him the high caloric/nutrient dense food for awhile.
Given his age, I'd even give him ensure as a drink. Good eating begets good eating, and you are less aware of hunger when you haven't been eating well.
posted by Elysum at 7:30 PM on December 12, 2011
High protein kid hit: Mince, peas and baked beans. All together even.
posted by Elysum at 7:31 PM on December 12, 2011
posted by Elysum at 7:31 PM on December 12, 2011
Things I did to encourage hesitant eaters:
Tiny portion sizes, in tiny pieces. Half a sandwich cut into eight weeny triangles! One fish finger, three slices of carrot, one floret of broccoli.
Miso soup. Surprisingly acceptable.
Milk drinks like smoothies, with yoghurt, banana, Milo (or other "food drink" powders), an egg, icecream.
Something to dip stuff into. My picky boys would eat a lot more things if they had some kind of dip or sauce to dunk stuff into.
Really thin flatbread, like mountain bread, with peanut butter.
Straws to drink through.
Breakfast at dinner time, dinner at breakfast time.
Brightly coloured sprinkle things.
Sliced up fruit, offered with a fork, especially if you have a "special" fork.
Good luck! They never do starve themselves, just keep offering and making available a good selection of things. Is your boy still breastfeeding or having formula once or more a day? I never worried about my guys if they were having at least one breastfeed a day (and maybe some fruit too).
posted by thylacinthine at 9:11 PM on December 12, 2011
Tiny portion sizes, in tiny pieces. Half a sandwich cut into eight weeny triangles! One fish finger, three slices of carrot, one floret of broccoli.
Miso soup. Surprisingly acceptable.
Milk drinks like smoothies, with yoghurt, banana, Milo (or other "food drink" powders), an egg, icecream.
Something to dip stuff into. My picky boys would eat a lot more things if they had some kind of dip or sauce to dunk stuff into.
Really thin flatbread, like mountain bread, with peanut butter.
Straws to drink through.
Breakfast at dinner time, dinner at breakfast time.
Brightly coloured sprinkle things.
Sliced up fruit, offered with a fork, especially if you have a "special" fork.
Good luck! They never do starve themselves, just keep offering and making available a good selection of things. Is your boy still breastfeeding or having formula once or more a day? I never worried about my guys if they were having at least one breastfeed a day (and maybe some fruit too).
posted by thylacinthine at 9:11 PM on December 12, 2011
Fighting, cajoling, encouraging, harping, despairing, reminding, asking, begging, pleading, bargaining, actually just about any very around food other than "providing and demonstrating" is going to risk your kid running the other way and not eating. The second, and worse, in my opinion, risk is that the kid will eat on demand without regard to how he feels. And what he learns from that is nearly impossible to unlearn.
Oh, yes, case in point, my companion in reformed adventurousness and I? She stays heavy, I stay scrawny. There is absolutely positively general genetic what-we-have-to-work-with influencing this, this isn't just satiety clues skewed in childhood, but that is definitely a factor for both of us.
posted by desuetude at 11:31 PM on December 12, 2011
Oh, yes, case in point, my companion in reformed adventurousness and I? She stays heavy, I stay scrawny. There is absolutely positively general genetic what-we-have-to-work-with influencing this, this isn't just satiety clues skewed in childhood, but that is definitely a factor for both of us.
posted by desuetude at 11:31 PM on December 12, 2011
« Older Any ideas on my kid's red cheek problem? | What musical keyboard should I get my 6 year old? Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by k8t at 9:31 AM on December 12, 2011