Should I stay or should I go.
December 9, 2011 1:20 AM   Subscribe

Should I stay in the city unhappy, or take a big risk and move to the mountains with a wonderful but very new boyfriend? Lots of background inside.

Apologies for the long post. This is kind of complicated and requires lots of background and a lot of things to consider in order to understand my dilemma.

Relationship background: This is the first serious relationship for both me (female, 23) and my boyfriend (23). I recently moved back home from living abroad and am temporarily living with my parents where I grew up in Very Large City. Boyfriend just finished school and has been temporarily living with his parents in the countryside where he grew up.

It started out as a casual romance when we met on a job in the country (near where he lives) this summer and crossed the "more than friends" line towards the end of the season, in the beginning of September. It all escalated, even after we had gone back to our respective homes, and we quickly found ourselves feeling really strongly for each other and decided to take the chance, follow our instincts, and enter into a long distance relationship--something that we're hugely thankful we did. Fortunately, due to our employment schedules for the last few months, we were able to see each other pretty often and have spent a lot of time together. We're continuously amazed at how close we've become and how much we've grown to mean to each other in such a short amount of time, and are both aware that things seemed to be moving on the fast end of the spectrum rather than the slow.

Much of this is about to change, however, as now he is moving even farther north to work on a ski resort for the winter. He is living in a cabin up there with two of his friends, who also work at the resort. I visited the cabin briefly last month and loved it. I got along extremely well with his friends/housemates (one male, one female) and can see myself being friends with them in our own right. The area was beautiful, the cabin awesome, etc., and left me quite jealous and distasteful of my city life. Which leads me to...

Career background: I have my training/degree in acting and theatre, but have recently come to dislike the idea of living the rest of my life working in retail or another boring job in Very Large City while I wait for an acting job and something meaningful to do. I am also, in general, rethinking my previous desire to live in cities. I'm not sure where I want to to go with my life at this point, but children's theatre is an option I'm looking into.

I'm very unhappy living at home with my parents. It makes me depressed, bored and sick of the city, and lonely (I've had housemates of my own age for years now.) I just finally scored two jobs (one in catering, one in fundraising) which, while they make good money and would keep me active and busy, aren't exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life. However, I was planning to use them for money/activity for a few months while I tried to figure out what to do.

Boyfriend just told me that his friend, who works in childcare at the resort, told him that they're hiring more people for childcare starting in January. He says it's pretty likely I'd get the job if I applied, especially with his friend's referral. This is incredibly tempting, and now I'm trying to sort out what to do.


Pros of moving to the resort for the winter:
-Could be a good career move: I'd be working with kids and seeing if that was something I enjoyed, and it would grant me more experience for any possible future opportunities.
-It would also give me a taste of rural living so I could see if it was something I could see myself enjoying for a long time.
-I'm sick of Very Large City, have lived away from home for years (and didn't want to come back; I had no choice) and am ready to leave again. This really is a beautiful place and so different from what I'm used to, and I LOVE trying out different things.
-It would be a much happier environment for me to figure everything out.
-I wouldn't be lonely and bored anymore! Boyfriend, of course, and his cool housemates and friends, who I'm sure would become my friends as well, if I were to move there.

Cons:
Well, really only one, and that's the mild concern I have regarding that this might be too much, too fast regarding Boyfriend. I would be moving into his room. We've been talking about this, and we agree that it would very much change our relationship to go from long distance to being together all the time, except during work. We very seriously care about each other, have no major issues so far, and are both optimistic and happy with the future progression of our relationship. But we also know that living together is a completely different story, and neither of us have experience with being a live in couple. We both need alone and quiet time, how we can we do that if we're not only sharing a smallish room but a bed (i.e. can't just go off into our separate corners to be quiet for a while)? Would we drive each other crazy? No doubt we would, everyone who lives together does at some point, but to the detriment of our relationship? Our feelings are very strong, but we HAVE only been together three months.

Maybe you're all beginning to see the issue here. This arrangement could very easily be wonderful--I could love it, make new friends, make a good career move, experience a new life, and Boyfriend and I could be extremely happy and really decide we want a future together. But I still have this niggling worry about what living together would do and whether it would jeopardize our relationship by doing so too soon, which is of course something neither of us want. Any advice on how to approach this situation and what to do? And any tips for adjusting to living with a romantic partner for the first time, finding space and time to be alone in a snug cabin and not driving each other nuts, etc.? Help! A huge part of me really wants to do this, and he thinks it could be equally wonderful, but we both have a tendency to be dreamy and are trying to keep our heads on straight.

(On top of it all, I have to figure out how to handle the two jobs that I JUST GOT and the possibility that I might be needing to leave them in a month or less, but that's a whole other issue.)
posted by Emms to Human Relations (50 answers total)
 
So you've been together for just over 2 months, and you're considering moving in with him, in a small rural town? I feel like that's too fast and risky. It might be a bit different if you guys had been friends for years, first, but you hardly know this guy. There's a possibility that this wont work out, and you'll kind of be stuck up the creek.

I'm all for jumping into adventures and taking chances, but it might be a little wiser to keep working your 2 new jobs, save up some money to go visit him over the holidays, and see where you're at relationship-wise after the sky season is over.
posted by hasna at 1:33 AM on December 9, 2011 [4 favorites]


Would you be able to consider moving to the ski resort, but getting your own place? In a ski resort "your own place" may be a bunk bed in a cupboard. But it would be someone else's cupboard; and it would let you grab this opportunity with both hands and still have your own space, move less fast, and not be completely screwed if your relationship does happen to go south.
posted by emilyw at 1:41 AM on December 9, 2011 [12 favorites]


Who know where it will all lead - either way. Go with what seems to make you the most happy and know that nothing will ever be perfect, no matter what you do.
posted by mleigh at 1:42 AM on December 9, 2011 [2 favorites]


I say go for it! You're only young once and this sounds like an adventure. Getting some experience in childcare and seeing if you like it could be great for your career. And if it doesn't work out you can always move right back in with your parents, right? If you don't try it I think you'll always be asking yourself "what if".
posted by hazyjane at 1:48 AM on December 9, 2011 [28 favorites]


Go for it. Life is short and you'll have a grand adventure. Or at least a good story out of it. Try to save some money up as you work, in the event that things fall apart with your boyfriend, so you aren't reliant on someone else if you need to find a new place to stay quickly. And have fun!
posted by 6550 at 1:49 AM on December 9, 2011 [7 favorites]


Seconding the "nothing will be perfect, no matter what you choose" sentiment. Give it your best shot, as far as figuring out what would make you the happiest, and then do it. Embrace it. And don't be scared.
posted by eleyna at 1:51 AM on December 9, 2011


Are his housemates 100% on board with you moving into his room? There's a big difference between getting on well with a housemate's cool new girlfriend who is visiting briefly and living with an extra person who is making the shared spaces that bit more crowded than they were.

As for the worry that this is too fast, I agree with emilyw that it would be great for you to have a way to back up a bit if things don't work out perfectly. You don't want your only options to be staying in his room when you're both upset with each other or going back to your parents. He may well know of someone with a tiny room or even a sofa.

Learning to live together will be a big test, but if you're open with each other it can also be a challenge to face as a team, which is a great bonding opportunity. You're going to have to schedule your alone time and have rules, such as not getting upset if the other person asks for an hour without you. If it's really hard to even go to a bar to give the other person that space, perhaps you could agree on a 'leave me alone for a bit' signal, such as a particular hat or scarf. Wearing it indicates that you just want to read or browse and you are not to be spoken to - or seduced!

Having said all that, my general inclination is 'go for it', given your age, your unhappiness in your current situation and the lack of red flags so far. Ask yourself which decision you would regret more if it turned out to be the wrong one.
posted by Busy Old Fool at 2:00 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


You should go for it

This is the age to try lots of things,
posted by zia at 2:18 AM on December 9, 2011 [14 favorites]


you're 23! do crazy things because this is the best time to do it! If it doesn't work out, you can go back to your parents. Sure, it may put strain on your awesome new relationship, but so will being far apart and you being depressed because you're stuck at your parent's place. You have a really good point about the two of you being suddenly in really close quarters - so it would be a good idea to try to arrange your lives so that you get time apart on a regular basis. That could be as simple as going out to read in a coffeshop for a few hours, though. So, you move in with him, and maybe you'll be happy, maybe you won't, but you know that you're not happy now, so it's not like you'll be losing anything.

When I was 23 my just-had-been-dating-for-a-few-months boyfriend moved in with me and it was awesome! we had so much fun. We stayed together for 7 years, and to this day he's one of my best friends, so it can work.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 2:18 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


you are only young once and you can always move back in with your parents before you plot your next move. Its totally exciting - this may open up new frontiers for you!
posted by zia at 2:19 AM on December 9, 2011


Go for it - sounds like a great opportunity! I moved to a ski town to instruct skiing for a year and had the time of my life - never regretted it at all. Hopefully things will work out with your boyfriend, go and see what happens, but make sure you have a back up plan just in case things don't work out (staff accommodation, funds for other housing options, etc.). Good luck and have fun!
posted by snowysoul at 2:23 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


Go for it. You do have a safety net - if it all blows up disasterously (and I'm not saying it will and I hope it won't!) you can always come back home and live with your parents again. I think you're very lucky in this regard.

You are framing your choices as a) go with newish boyfriend to interesting adventure with huge potential or b) stay somewhere you already know you are unhappy with and also miss your newish boyfriend even more than you do now. Errr seems like an obvious choice to me! :)

As you have already built your relationship on long distance I'm going to make the assumption that you guys have pretty good communication skills. Remember that, rely on that, keep using that. If you are feeling cabin fever, don't be scared to tell him so. Have him go take a walk to the local shop for an errand just to give you 20 minutes peace in your room. And likewise, be aware that you are aware of his own needs for alone time and make an effort to build up your own interests and activities so that he can have those moments to himself guilt-free. In a nutshell - Talk to one another honestly and build a life of your own.

Gosh, as a happily married girl living in a huge city can I tell you that I am super jealous of this opportunity for you!
posted by like_neon at 3:10 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


You're young! Go for it. I have recently moved to the otherside of the planet with a freshly minted boyfriend, and it's been a blast. If it doesn't work - change it.
posted by teststrip at 3:15 AM on December 9, 2011


This is not a rehearsal, there are no encores. Do it!
posted by hardcode at 3:21 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm going to go against the flow here and suggest a third way: whether you take this job at the ski resort or not, move out from your parents' place. Either get your own place at the ski resort, or find a group house in Very Big City where you could keep those jobs you just got.

I'm certainly not saying you should drop awesome new boyfriend; just that moving to a remote area with someone you barely know (and sharing that residence with two other people you don't know), all for a seasonal minimum-wage job, well, yeah: a little too far too fast. On the other hand, it sounds like living with your parents is stressful, and you probably would be happier out of there. So, consider finding a group house in the city.
posted by easily confused at 3:40 AM on December 9, 2011 [3 favorites]


Childcare is NOT a good career move. I love it but it is one of the lowest-paid, lowest-prestige, and most dead-end things you can do for a job. If you got two jobs in fields you might like, I highly suggest giving them a serious try, like 6 months serious. You might find that you love catering or fundraising.

Childcare will always be there for you. Seriously, you will always be able to get a job in childcare at almost any time. Turnover is usually high, for the above reasons. I can almost guarantee that there will be another job at your boyfriend's work 6 months from now.

Everyone keeps saying "you're young" but the reality is that it's a lot harder to recover from mistakes now than it was 5 years ago, or 10 years ago, and if you don't want to be in childcare long-term, this is a mistake that could severely limit your earning potential and your ability to have a career that is interesting and challenging.

Don't limit your future for a guy you can see "frequently" anyway.

The loneliness and boredom will probably go away when you start working more.
posted by the young rope-rider at 3:54 AM on December 9, 2011 [7 favorites]


If you do it, do it as an adventure. Dont try to convince yourself that giving up well-paying professional work for seasonal childcare (followed by ...?) Is a good career move. Thousands of people your age work winters at resorts and there's nothing wrong with it, but be realistic.
posted by headnsouth at 4:19 AM on December 9, 2011 [6 favorites]


I'm going to vote "Don't Go". It sounds like everything is set up for your boyfriend and his housemates/friends to have the "time of their lives", doing work they enjoy in an environment of their choosing, while you tag along doing a job you might intensely dislike in a place that isn't your own.

If you go--and I understand the pull--please heed advice upthread and try to find your own living accommodations. You may end up sleeping at your boyfriend's 6 out of 7 nights, but it is very much worth the money just to have the freedom to go "home" if things get tense or claustrophobic (highly likely if you won't even have your own room!).

Plus, have you ever done childcare before? Don't kid yourself about it. It's really difficult and draining, and the negatives are magnified if you discover early on that you don't like trying to entertain and corral a gaggle of small children for hours everyday. Your boyfriend said that they are still seeking childcare workers for January--this is a sign that you may not have a lot of support. Do you know how easy it will be to get a different job if you hate it (admittedly probably easier once you're there).

It sounds like it could be fun, but your cons list needs to be more realistic and include solutions to worst-case scenarios. Alternately, save up your money and take as long a vacation as you can to go visit him.
posted by swingbraid at 4:25 AM on December 9, 2011 [3 favorites]


If you are unhappy in the city - what do you have to lose.
If it does not work out, then you remain unhappy and you move again.

The only thing you are risking is having to move back to the city.
You can survive moving.

Your potential gain is happiness.
It seems like a no-brainer to me - seize the day!
posted by Flood at 4:36 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


I vote to go. It sounds like an adventure to me. It sounds like you are a positive and flexible person who can make it work.

You always have options. You can move back if you hate it. You can take walks, ski, go to the cafeteria or other shops to get some alone time. If the childcare at the ski resort means taking care of kids who are on vacation for a week or two, it won't be as stressful as taking care of the same kids yearlong. Someone mentioned that childcare has low prestige. You are 23, this is when you work low prestige jobs. Even if the childcare was traditional daycare, I would say to give it a shot. I think it would be good experience. You said you are going to work at the catering and fundraising jobs for a couple months before you left. If you end up loving catering you can stay.
posted by Fairchild at 4:47 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


I have been in this exact situation and decided to move to a ski resort town to follow a new boyfriend. I guarantee that anyone who calls this a "no-brainer" has never done this before. You have a lot to consider.

Have you ever lived in a rural area? You might love it. It might drive you crazy. Do you like skiing? If you do, that's a big plus. Do you have another plan if you don't end up getting the childcare job? Do you know how much the childcare job pays?

If you decide to go, my best advice would be to get your own place with your own housemates, to have a backup fund in case a job doesn't work out or you decide this isn't for you, and to make a serious effort to build your own life separate from your boyfriend's. Building your own life is a good idea for a lot of reasons, one of which is that it will make your relationship stronger. Oh, and I also wouldn't move until you've got a job lined up and the paperwork signed.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do. I'm glad that I went, even if my stay in the mountains was relatively short and the relationship ultimately didn't work out (you will learn a lot about each other when it's snowing and you are both stuck inside, a good thing.) Memail me if you want more info.
posted by corey flood at 5:02 AM on December 9, 2011 [2 favorites]


"Grab a chance and you'll never be sorry for a might-have-been"
Commander John Walker
posted by lungtaworld at 5:33 AM on December 9, 2011


Go for it. The suggestions to have a corner of your own are good and sensible. You're young, go have fun and enjoy it. If it doesn't work, you can always move back with your parents. Good luck.
posted by arcticseal at 5:38 AM on December 9, 2011


Do you ski? If so, go, especially if the potential job gives you reduced rate or free access to the slopes. If you don't ski, do you want to learn? You may find that bf and pals spend an awful lot of time skiing or talking about skiing and you'll get bored.

Be forewarned: a ski resort is not a normal rural area. Living there won't give you a real sense of what it's like to live in the country.
posted by mareli at 5:43 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


I always say "choose adventure" because even though things might not work out perfectly, I've never regretted the overall experience. If you would be interested in doing it even if your boyfriend wasn't in the picture, would you go? Then go.
posted by lizbunny at 5:55 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


If you decide to go, my best advice would be to get your own place with your own housemates, to have a backup fund in case a job doesn't work out or you decide this isn't for you, and to make a serious effort to build your own life separate from your boyfriend's.

Seconding this. I think moving to THE TOWN in question is an adventure, as is taking the job; people are nay-saying childcare, but it sounds like that'd be a step towards where your interests are lying (you're studying theater, are leaning towards children's theater -- maybe childcare could nudge you in the direction of combining the two, and you become this awesome child therapist that uses drama therapy or you develop a children's theater class or something).

The ONLY strike against it -- living with a new boyfriend all of a sudden -- is kind of a big one, but there's a way around that (living somewhere else IN the town). If it's a ski resort, there are probably a ton of other people who live there seasonally, and may need a roommate themselves, so finding a different place to live would be an extra hurdle, but not impossible.

And if you do it that way -- you get out of your parents' house, you try a new career option, and you're closer to Boyfriend without risking the "too much too fast" thing. I think it'd be great.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:05 AM on December 9, 2011 [2 favorites]


You are overthinking this. Go, and if it is fun and good, stay. If not, get back in your car and head back to town. You aren't signing some contract or going somewhere so remote that you will be stuck for the winter; think of it as an adventure and an experiment, and enjoy the experience.
posted by Forktine at 6:07 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


Maybe I can give a better picture of living in a ski resort. I only know about European ones, so Y Ski Resort MV, but I don't know how different it can be...

A ski resort is like a Mecca for young people with no ties and responsibilities. Spending a winter there is fantastic fun _if_ you like snow sports and preferably partying with other people your age. Usually the resort population mainly consists of tourists having a good time, with a side order of seasonal workers your age, and a very small proportion of locals. At the end of the ski season almost everybody disappears completely and unless the area has a good line in summer tourism, the only jobs to be found are in construction (of ski resort infrastructure).

For this reason, wages in ski resorts are usually abysmal. Employers of unskilled labour can get away with paying just about enough for a bunk bed in a cupboard, a lift pass, and a season's worth of rice and beans. Many of these seasonal workers are subsidised by their parents or their savings.

So: IF you like snow sports, this will be the most fun you have ever had. It is not a career and it will not make you money.

On the plus side, the end of the season will give you a great natural point at which to re-evaluate the boyfriend situation and decide what to do next; you will have to move anyway, so if you want to move out and live separately again that should involve less drama than if you had moved into something more permanent.
posted by emilyw at 6:11 AM on December 9, 2011 [3 favorites]


You are 23. This is not an irreversible situation and you seem to have your head on straight. Go for it!

Anecdata: I moved in with my partner very soon after we started dating and almost four years later, I believe it was the best decision I ever made.
posted by Lieber Frau at 6:29 AM on December 9, 2011


Do it!!! You may mess it all up, but that's what being 23 is for. And the mountains are calling you just as much as your boyfriend is - that's an important call to follow.
posted by yarly at 6:37 AM on December 9, 2011


The greatest regrets in my life have been for those things that I might have done, but did not.

Pass this up, and you may look back in twenty years and wonder what might have been. If you take the chance and it goes badly, you'll hurt, learn, move on, and can look back later without regret. On the other hand, if you take the chance and it goes well...you'll have the satisfaction of thinking about the other self you would have been, and what you gained from boldness and the courage to follow your heart.
posted by EKStickland at 6:45 AM on December 9, 2011


Check out the job properly first.
posted by Segundus at 6:48 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


Do it.
posted by kestrel251 at 6:50 AM on December 9, 2011


I would try it. You don't have to stay if it doesn't work out, but you're unhappy where you are, so why not try it? I'm your age, and in June I moved from North Carolina to NYC with no job, $1000 in my pocket and a couch to sleep on. Now I have an apartment, a career-track job and a ton of good new friends. Could it have all blown up in my face? Yeah, and then I would have gone back to NC and tried something else.

I think that even if it wasn't for this guy- if you just had some friends who were doing this and invited you to go- that you would still want to do it. That, I think, makes it a better idea.
posted by showbiz_liz at 6:53 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


Gosh, why not? Don't feel like you have to take the childcare job, though - there are tons of seasonal jobs in ski resorts. Look for catering or waitressing jobs there. Because ski towns attract that young partier demographic, there's a lot of turnover and reliable people are in high demand. If you can show up for your shift on time and not obviously drunk/stoned/hungover the ski resort is your oyster!

And you can always come home if it doesn't work out.
posted by mskyle at 8:14 AM on December 9, 2011


Go for it!!
posted by whalebreath at 8:39 AM on December 9, 2011


I don't really feel like I can tell you what you should do, but I'll say this: it's clear from your question that you really want to go. Look at the way you have it phrased: Should I stay in the city unhappy, or take a big risk and move to the mountains with a wonderful but very new boyfriend? It's all very "cake or death?"
posted by Ragged Richard at 8:46 AM on December 9, 2011


Nthing everyone who says to go for it. You'll never know until you try and if you don't, you always wonder what could have been. You're young and in love and able to move wherever you want - what a great position to be in!

I worked in a ski resort town from 18-23 and had the time of my life. Have fun!
posted by futureisunwritten at 9:14 AM on December 9, 2011


If someone said to me, "You know you Emms? She picked up, moved out of her parents house, and quit her job to move to a ski town in Colorado where she's working at a child care job!" my reaction would be, "awesome!"

If someone said, "Yeah, Emms just met this guy a couple months ago and moved in with him in this small town in Colorado," my reaction would be. "Oy, yeah, that's going to turn into a big mess."
posted by deanc at 9:16 AM on December 9, 2011


This is a longshot since you just got there, but, any chance you could do your fundraising job remotely from the ski resort?

nth-ing that you should get your own place, both at the ski place and in your current city, wherever you decide to stay.
posted by chickenmagazine at 9:53 AM on December 9, 2011


i just want to add: if you go, figure out what your exist strategy is *before* going. let's say the boy friend dumps you: what do you do? could you live with your parents again? what about money?

... if you think you could recover from that kind of scenario, i say do it.
posted by cupcake1337 at 9:55 AM on December 9, 2011 [2 favorites]


Someone reminded me that my priorities should always be:

1) Where am I going?

and only THEN

2) Who am I going with?


Would you want to do this even without the guy? Then do it!

Just realize you might have to move out in short order. If you would want to live that life even without him, then finding another living situation won't be a big deal. In other words, see it as a roommate-with-benefits situation until you know it's more.

If you go into this thinking it's the start of a beautiful life together, and you're putting aside your dreams for his, then it's too soon.

Look out for your own dreams first. You will be both happier and more attractive to any guy who's worth having.
posted by small_ruminant at 10:22 AM on December 9, 2011


If I were you, I would totally go. BUT I would not have any huge expectations for the job or the relationship for that matter. Its likely to not work out with either one, but it'd be a fun story to tell later on. "Remember that winter I spent with cool people in the mountains..." Its not going to make or break you, but it will most likely to be a good time.
posted by allnamesaretaken at 10:47 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


While I agree that it potentially sounds like a fun adventure (of the sort that I generally, I do have one concern. It sounds like you have an awful lot bound up in this guy. You're unhappy, you don't know what you want to do next, you want a change, and he seems like the answer to all your problems. But the thing is, your still very much in the rainbows and butterflies, limerence is awesome, early stages of a relationship. Because you've been long distance, you don't even know what it would be like to see him every day, let alone be in his living space in a isolated location without your own friends and support system around.

What would you be doing right now if you'd never met him? Where do you want to be a year from now? What kind of plans can you be making now to build the foundation for a fulfilling life on your own terms?

I really don't know whether you should or shouldn't go. It's obvious that you want to. But before you do anything, I strongly urge you to take a step back and focus on your own goals outside of life of utter happiness with this guy. Another person should never be the end all and be all of your life. You sound so swept up, so enamored, and that's an awesome feeling, but I worry you're binding up all of you happiness in this person.

If you decide to go, really check out the job. Get your own place. Make a plan for what you'll do after the winter is over and make sure you have a way out if it doesn't work. Take care of yourself.
posted by mostlymartha at 10:54 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


I would do it. Just be open to new experiences and enjoy where you are: geographically, mentally, socially, and relationship-wise. How long are you going to do this for? Just a few months, right? Then choose to have a blast in those few months. Have fun with the kids in the daycare, marvel at their cuteness, hold your nose when changing diapers, take up ski lessons and become a great skiier (don't injure yourself!), meet lots of new people, have fun with your friends and bf and work out any conflicts… I see this as a great opportunity for a time of learning and growth. Just have the right attitude about it, don't worry about it too much, don't look for reasons to not do this and just be open to what happens. If it all goes to shit (job sucks, the resort sucks, you hate skiing, the friends turn against you, the bf doesn't turn out so great), just pick up and come back home. It'll be a great learning experience and that for me, would be the biggest reason I'd do it. But that's me.
posted by foxjacket at 11:11 AM on December 9, 2011


I think it depends on whether getting out of your parent's home is a short term plan or a long term plan.

If it's a short term plan, by all means go and make the best of it.

If you want to be out of their home long term, stick to the jobs you have, save money, move out, and build a career.

Walking away from not one but two jobs in this economy only makes sense if you have a safety net. Which it sounds like you do, in the form of your parents' home. In which you're unhappy.

As others have said, ski resorts are seasonal work, and childcare isn't super lucrative. The odds that you'll end the ski season with great memories but no money and no job are higher than not. If you're cool with going back to your parents' home and starting again, the experience is probably worth it.

Moving sounds like a temporary solution to your problem - unhappiness at home and in the city. If you think you that that break would give you the spirit and energy to start over again in six months, back where you are, then great. Otherwise, it may make sense to work towards a more permanent solution.
posted by Salamandrous at 11:38 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


I did this exact thing at your age. One of the best decisions I ever made. You'll have so much fun and if it doesn't work out with the boyfriend don't worry, you'll find another one in about five minutes! Go, have fun, wear cute hats.
posted by fshgrl at 11:55 AM on December 9, 2011 [2 favorites]


Response by poster: Wow, thanks, a lot of interesting viewpoints here. Just to clarify a few things:

We've known each other for four months and have been in a romantic relationship for three. For the first month of our live on site summer job, we were friends, and "together" for the last two weeks (where we were basically around each other all the time.) We also have spent a lot of time visiting each other, and at one point he stayed with me (and we were constantly in each other's presence) for a week. I know that's not the same as living together for a few months, but still, it's not like we've just been going on dates and occasional sleepovers. Haven't driven each other nuts yet! (However, I am very aware that we're in the early honeymoon stage and all.)

Getting my own place in the town is an interesting option, but unfortunately I'm a bit limited in that I don't have a car--city living, you know. If I actually move into this cabin, there would be three cars for four people and I would help pay for gas and stuff, but I'm pretty sure that would limit my options as far as finding another place with strangers.

I'm normally very "Do it! You'll regret it otherwise!" adventure-try new things-take chances type of gal, and if this was a friend and not a boyfriend I'd take it, no doubt. It's really the relationship issue I'm a little worried about. One solution to the space issue I'm considering is buying a bean bag or a cushion or something so I could have my "own corner" to go to when we don't feel like lying on the bed together. My gut says that would help a lot. I also really like 5_13_23_42_69_666 's point that living together would be a strain, but so would the distance.

This relationship means a lot to me and I don't want to lose it by moving too fast, but I also feel that I'd regret not moving out there if given the opportunity and would be unhappy if I stayed. Also, money/prestige is not a huge issue. I would rather be low paid and happy, and care nothing for prestige. This could, however, help me see if I actually like working with children enough to go into children's theatre. And to point out, this wouldn't be the first time I've worked with children before, I've actually done it quite a bit and it is something I've enjoyed in the past. I'd much rather work with kids for a few months in the mountains than catering in the city. Even if the latter makes more money, I feel like I'd have more fun in the former. I'm not putting aside my dreams, on the contrary I think this might lead me to pursuing them.

I've never skied before, but I am very willing and excited to learn and try.

Boyfriend and I have pretty good communication so far, and since we both have a history of bottling things up, we're making the conscious effort of trying to be open and honest with each other. Any minor disputes we've had so far have been dealt with and talked through. We're also both low maintenance and easy going, are on the same page, and are willing to approach things maturely and work them out.

I'm leaning towards doing this, if I get the job. Though we've already had a couple of open, candid conversations about this, I think we need to continue to have them to lay everything out on the table. Though by all means, keep the advice coming! I have lots to think about.
posted by Emms at 1:08 PM on December 9, 2011


If you pull the trigger on this and it all goes to hell, you won't die.

DO IT.
posted by Chutzler at 11:27 PM on December 9, 2011


Oh dear. The car situation sounds stressful as well.

Well, you seem quite set on going, so I would gently suggest keeping enough money for an emergency taxi to an emergency bus/train back home. Enjoy yourself, and may you never have to worry about money/prestige.
posted by the young rope-rider at 6:55 PM on December 11, 2011


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