How does one get rid of their scat fetish?

December 7, 2011 7:19 PM

Okay, so I'm gay and I have a scat fetish and I really hate it. It's embarrassing, shameful and disgusting when I think about it. How on earth do I get rid of it?

I want it to be so that it doesn't turn me on any more.

Previously, I've taken unflushed turds out of public toilets home, and played with them there. I've even put it in my mouth, but I spat it out again. After I did that I felt especially shameful. When I think about it normally, I hate it and want to stop thinking about it and doing anything about it. But, when I think about it in a sexual manner it turns me on and my thoughts of disgust seem to disappear temporarily.

Please help

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (20 answers total)

You should talk to a psychiatrist.
posted by SMPA at 7:29 PM on December 7, 2011

This has nothing to do with you being gay. And yes you should please see a psychiatrist. Best wishes to you.
posted by librarina at 7:42 PM on December 7, 2011 [6 favorites]

Or, maybe you should embrace it. Have you heard of FetLife? You will find yourself at home among many.
posted by Betty's Table at 7:47 PM on December 7, 2011 [4 favorites]

I don't think this is something to be ashamed of per se, but as far as eating feces, there's a ton of nasty bacteria and other things in it that you don't want to go in your body.

I guess my point is that if there's one reason to be concerned here, it's the health angle.
posted by Fister Roboto at 7:57 PM on December 7, 2011 [6 favorites]

Consider a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist, who'll primarily prescribe drugs. Drugs do not directly influence some types of behavior while leaving others alone; a drug that's likely to stop your unwanted obsessive thoughts/actions on this subject is likely to significantly lower your libido, emotional intensity or attachment in general, and so on. Try a Cognitive Behavioral Psychologist (CBT) before that. The problem seems more related to uncontrollable 'acting out' which may be a sign of issues unrelated to the specific fetish.

For example, it may be that you like it because it bothers you on some level, and there's a split occurring between your conscious ego and unconscious desires, which suggests repression. Further 'suppressing' it through drugs only fixes the issue on the most superficial way, and with no long-term guarantees.

Anyway, the more you berate yourself (ironically), the more likely is it that you'll do it again. I won't flippantly suggest you 'get over it' or 'accept yourself', but do consider that shame is apparently part of a cycle for you, and may even act as a trigger long-term. Reframe your ideal: instead of 'getting rid of it', consider simply gaining control over your behavior as a goal. It is a worthwhile goal regardless. There's nothing overwhelming about a fetish you can choose to indulge in, how to indulge in, and so on. Feeling uncontrolled urges is disquieting, and I suggest that's what you focus on changing through therapy.
posted by reenka at 8:01 PM on December 7, 2011 [11 favorites]

Think of a trusted (very trusted) friend, and confide in that person. Hopefully this friend will not also have a scat fetish. Once you tell someone else, the fetish will no longer exist only in your mind and individual experience, but will be also externalized. The shame you're feeling will also be, in a sense, externalized. With any luck, your friend's reaction will help you re-frame how you perceive your fetish, and you can use that new frame of reference to create distance between your past behavior and your aspirations to "cure" yourself.

If you can't think of anyone you'd be comfortable confessing this to, by all means, see a therapist.

Good luck.
posted by BobbyVan at 8:09 PM on December 7, 2011

I agree that you should talk to a therapist about this, but not be ashamed. I don't think sexual desires, that don't harm anyone, are any reason for shame. However, this could harm YOU, so there is cause for concern. You know this, but this could make you very, very ill. You can work with the therapist to channel this fetish in more sanitary/healthy ways, and then I think maybe you can join in some fetish type stuff. But hygenic stuff.
posted by sweetkid at 8:16 PM on December 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

I think this is one of those things the internet is great for. See if you can find similar-minded fetishists to talk to online about how they deal with it. I guarantee almost every one of them when through the same thing you are going through, and have had varying degrees of success in managing it.

Surely there are some practical health considerations you must address before anything else--pee is sterile, but shit contains all kinds of disease-causing bugs, so before you even address the shame, educate yourself about how to satisfy your urge safely. E. Coli can kill you, and clostridium can ruin your life. You don't want that.

A therapist who specializes in sexual issues is also a good idea. (Or Dan Savage?)

As for getting it out of you? I don't know if you can. I think kinks can wax and wane, though, so maybe take the opportunity of a low-urge period of time to explore some other kind of kink. You might not be able to "turn off" your shit fetish, but you'll have more tools in your tool box if you need some release. (I am not a sex therapist, just throwing an idea out there. Can't hurt, might help.)

Good luck. Be safe first.
posted by elizeh at 8:20 PM on December 7, 2011 [5 favorites]

The problem with talking to an online community of fetishists is that they will - almost by definition - have only a little advice about how to deal with it. Yes, they may have sympathetic perspectives on shame, embarrassment, and wanting to get rid of that trigger, but anyone who found a technique that "got rid of it" for them, if such a thing exists, is very unlikely to be (still) spending time on scat fetish boards.

Still, I can't suggest a good alternative plan. I guess I'm just saying that if the community response is "embrace it!!" that you should keep in mind it's a biased opinion.
posted by aimedwander at 9:03 PM on December 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

Don't confide in any friend. There are a million negative consequences that will almost certainly flow from that.

Do consult a therapist for a recommendation for someone who can handle work on fetish issues. Your neighborhood therapist probably isn't the person, but she should be able to recommend someone.
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:05 PM on December 7, 2011 [12 favorites]

Absolutely do not confide in any of your friends. I say this not because you should be ashamed of your fetish, but because YOU are currently ashamed of your fetish, and a psychologist or therapist will be a much better person to talk to if you are truly determined to stop having this fetish, period.

Seek out someone that's sex-positive -- meaning a therapist that views sex and all things sexual as a positive, healthy thing, and that way their goal can be to help you overcome your feelings of shame so you can live a positive, healthy, sexy life.

BTW, this has nothing to do with you being gay. Absolutely nothing.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 9:36 PM on December 7, 2011 [3 favorites]

In this column, Dan Savage says:

On the Safe Edge: A Manual for SM Play, an exhaustive and, at times, exhausting book, holds out hope for health-conscious poo-eaters everywhere. "There are many foods that have a consistency similar to feces," writes author Trevor Jacques, the Martha Stewart of the SM scene. "A single drop of butyric acid [smells] like a ton of feces, so you could use a combination of butyric acid and food for the right effect." Mashed potatoes that smell and taste like crap: It's a good thing.

The rest of the column is largely about Dan defending his right to think scat-eating is gross, so it might not be something you want to check out right now. However, his general notion regarding fetishes which I think is helpful is this: if it turns your crank it turns your crank, learn to love it and find sensible, safe ways to explore it. Attempting to repress your kink will only lead you towards frustration.

Therapy can help - find a good sex-positive therapist.

Definitely check out fetlife (might be a good place to start your search for a sex-positive therapist).

If you are truly that unhappy with your fetish and cannot find a way to live at peace with it, there are medications that can reduce your libido and therefore your interest in your fetish. I'm not necessarily recommending this but it might give you some peace of mind just to know that's an option.

I read a fantastic book a while back (flower on the cover, I think the writer was an NYT columnist) that explored several case studies of fetishists - ranging from a guy who was into feet and so ashamed he could not admit it to his wife, to a woman who practiced some UNsafe, UNsane sadism unabashedly and openly. If I can remember the title I'll post it, but it might give you some perspective.
posted by bunderful at 9:39 PM on December 7, 2011

Here it is! The Other Side of Desire.
posted by bunderful at 9:47 PM on December 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

I am kinky. A lot of my social circle is kinky. And while your thing is not my thing I feel like I have had similar experiences with shame and a desire to no longer be turned on by what turns me on. In fact, some of those kinky friends are also well versed in that.

Don't fight it. Understand the health risks and do what you can to limit them, but you are turned on by what turns you on. Your desire may change over time as they do for everyone, but this is part of your life.

I would not confide in a friend. I would not bother reading Dan Savage who is so vocal about his revulsion I think he has eaten his weight in feces. Yeah, Dan has good facts about health risks and such, but it is framed in such a way I don't think it would be beneficial for you to read it.

I would talk with people who are into the same thing. I don't think FetLife is quite the place to do that. From my extensive browsing it seems to be a mostly hetero place and I think it would be most beneficial to talk to someone like you that you potentially will want to play with. Recon is a great place to find kinky gay men.

Here is the thing though. A guy who likes to get spanked can get along pretty well with most sexual or romantic partners. But scat is a much higher bar to cross. Keep that in mind that there is a community (scat) within a community (kink) within a community (gay). There will not be many who share your interests around you. But they are out there. In the mean time there is a lot of porn out there made just for you. So much that I stumble upon it when looking for other kink porn.

Think positive. Mitigate risks. And know that you are pretty normal in the grand scheme of things.
posted by munchingzombie at 11:08 PM on December 7, 2011 [3 favorites]

Please don't think of your fetish as shameful. It isn't shameful at all. That said, the way you describe enacting of your fetish so far is likely to cause harm. There is a whole community out there of people who have looked into how to minimize risk.

*"Your gut flora is a vital organ, it is analogous to a collection of domesticated animals you use for a lot of the metabolic heavy lifting as well as defense, food, and target practice. What is important with our alimentary real estate is the same as it is with any other kind; location, location, location. Escherichia coli for example, depending on the strain and concentration, is great to have in your large (lower) intestine (helps keep the it anoxic, sucking out all of the oxygen, so that other good bacteria won't be hurt by it) but not so great to have growing in your small (upper) intestine where it will have access to sugars (it ferments them into really terrible products including stupid amounts of CO2). When you transport large amounts of bacteria from the ass to the mouth end of your digestive system you are likely to cause issues. The excited and sated yet totally guilty look on the face of a great dane who was just let into a chicken coop will tell you everything you need to know about how good and useful pets can also be bad and a pain in the ass."
posted by Blasdelb at 11:15 PM on December 7, 2011

I had a friend (I know, I know) who was a professional dominatrix at a dungeon, and if there was one thing she learned, it was that fetishes can never be entirely shaken off.

You can learn to manage your fetish. You can play it safe, as others have suggested. You can try substitutions and fantasy role play.

But can you get rid of it? No.

You'd better just accept it. Therapy may help, but again, fetishes run deep, and don't tend to go away entirely. Ever, really.

And yes, your fetish is one of the very few that even most kinky people will not tolerate well, so you need to find like-minded people or else keep it to yourself. Please don't tell your friends.
posted by devymetal at 11:17 PM on December 7, 2011

You weren't born a scat fetishist.
It's not a total, give up hope situation.
You can actually, not make your fetish worse. Which is what you want right?
Kinks are reinforced by orgasms. It's a pretty easy and simple positive feedback loop.

Go back to Dan Savage, and re-read all the stuff he says about people having the wrong (decreases sensation, unhealthy, or non-partner play conducive) masturbatory technique. And apply it to your fetish.

Think of it, not so much as getting rid of the scat fetish entirely (but, really, really look into poo-substitutes that are not such a health risk), but widening the sexual range of things that get you off.

Basically, find other things you are into, and focus on those at the point when you are letting yourself come. Read stories about these other fetishes. Watch porn about these other fetishes. You can't stop yourself thinking about scat all the time (unless you're a freakishly good monk), but it's not what you get off on.



The other thing that may give you some insight, is - your body has roughly the same physical response to strong fear, anger, disgust, or lust. They are all, physiologically, states of 'arousal'. So, if something scares you, your heart starts pounding, you might feel flushed or tingly, etc etc. But you know it's because you are scared. What if you are then sexually aroused?
Then, you start interpreting the high heart rate, and odd feelings, as you being *really* aroused.
And lo, people end up with things like zombie fetishes, from masturbating late at night while watching horror movies. Or, your particular kink.

Seriously, I wish this was something that was covered in sex-ed.
Kids! Don't masturbate to something unless you are willing to develop a fetish for it!


So, basically, the fear/disgust/guilt/shame cycle *is* the thing that makes this so compelling for you. It's why people say not to fight a kink, because if you guilt-trip yourself about it, it just sets you up for a state of physiological arousal that makes the kink more compelling, and by now, just thinking about the topic would set you up for sexual arousal, which reinforces the link.

The answer is, to let go of the guilt, accept that it's something that you like, but that it doesn't make you a bad or wrong person, and doesn't stop you from getting off on other things, and then explore getting off on those other things. And the more you associate other things with sexual arousal, the less compelling scat will be.
Easier said than done, perhaps, but it is possible.
posted by Elysum at 1:54 AM on December 8, 2011 [3 favorites]

I imagine you feel you're doing something wrong therefore you do something that you know could hurt yourself then you feel more like you're doing something wrong and that you're a bad person. You're not. Manage your fetish by not punishing yourself via actions that make you feel particularly shameful and guilty - instead, accept your fetish and operate within safe boundaries.
posted by mleigh at 1:59 AM on December 8, 2011

A scat fetish is much the same as any other fetish, and so long as it is practiced safely is nothing to feel guilty about.

I wouldn't exactly go around telling people about it, as frankly most people find the idea of coprophilia and coprophagia repugnant and signs of a dangerous sexual deviant, but in reality it is simply something that turns you on.

If the internet is to be believed, you are not alone in having this fascination with shit. I suggest trying to find a trustworthy online fetish community such as Collarme.com (NSFW) to find other people with this nice fetish.

Hope this helps you.
posted by DuchessProzac at 5:06 AM on December 8, 2011

So, I don't know if this will generate any leads, but I vaaaaaaguely remember at a training I attended regarding HIV+ issues where the question of preventing contraction when certain fetishes were involved that might involve exposure. I think scat play was mentioned; I was more mesmerized by people who do this thing where they file their teeth and bite each other. Anyways, the attitude was completely kink-positive, or neutral, or whatever-floats-your-boat as long as you are safe, virus wise.

I know that there are other issues to be addressed, but safety first, perhaps? And by googling some of the above (not the vampire thing) maybe you'll find the same whatever-floats-your-boat but be safe mentality.

OH I JUST REMEMBERED I heard a blip on NPR sometime this last In some period of long ago, coprophagia was seen as okay, but masturbation was the worst thing ever. Weird, right? I think taking the shame/guilt out of the equation would be good step.
posted by angrycat at 5:40 PM on December 8, 2011