Travel planning help.
December 3, 2011 2:46 PM Subscribe
Travel planning dilemma. Plans, friends, itinerary.. help!
In a bit of a travel plan dilemma.
Living in China and I have roughly 4 weeks off Jan-Feb. My travel plans are not set in stone, but were along the idea of backpacking through SE Asia (Thailand, Cambodia, Thailand).
A friend had been in touch asking when I would have time off. I was never sure though and only had a rough idea. I still only know when I am able to leave, but still no exact return date.
My plan to backpack was going to seem feasible though-- I'm on a tight budget $1,500 and my return back to China can be made by train.
Turns out though now my friend will be flying into Beijing and there for about 2 weeks, but now with knowing the exact date I am able to leave China it seems his time in the country is smack in the middle of when I'd be doing my trip.
Prior to all of this, I did mention to them I wasn't sure what my plans were.. I had all sorts of ideas going on. First I was thinking about going to New Zealand, going to India.. the list goes on. I was and still just very unsure of what I'm doing and my school does help the situation much either with an unpredictable schedule. I emphasized this to them, but it didn't seem to sway a decision or spark up questions. They asked me for suggestions on where to go I answered them with some advice. They told me if prices were where they wanted it they would go for it.
So now they are going to be in Beijing and I'm still trying to figure out my travel plans. They mentioned to me on the phone that it was important for them to go to China for other reasons, but also to meet up with me for a few days as well.
Not sure how to handle this. Overall I want to enjoy my break the way I intended to. Afterall, I came to China to travel and explore countries. I gave up a lot, my job, apartment, car, etc because it was something I felt really drawn into and compelled to do. This was a year for me and I was vowing to myself to not compromise what other people wanted. I feel as though if I change up my plans or not do what I want. I'll have some resentment especially if something goes wrong or isn't much of what I might be interested in.
I'm not trying to sound selfish, but this was almost dropping a bomb on me with travel plans. While I knew before they were thinking of coming (and maybe I should have mentioned my uncertainty more clear and upfront), now I'm not sure how to handle this. I'm not sure if dropping by Beijing will really fit into my schedule or budget. It's completely out of my way provided I go that route.
Part of me is happy they are coming, but also I don't feel like I'm going to really enjoy myself and do what I want. Maybe I'm thinking about this too concrete though. Maybe I can change up my travel plans to include the stop. If so, what recommendations do you have? Any suggestions or ideas on how to move forward?
In a bit of a travel plan dilemma.
Living in China and I have roughly 4 weeks off Jan-Feb. My travel plans are not set in stone, but were along the idea of backpacking through SE Asia (Thailand, Cambodia, Thailand).
A friend had been in touch asking when I would have time off. I was never sure though and only had a rough idea. I still only know when I am able to leave, but still no exact return date.
My plan to backpack was going to seem feasible though-- I'm on a tight budget $1,500 and my return back to China can be made by train.
Turns out though now my friend will be flying into Beijing and there for about 2 weeks, but now with knowing the exact date I am able to leave China it seems his time in the country is smack in the middle of when I'd be doing my trip.
Prior to all of this, I did mention to them I wasn't sure what my plans were.. I had all sorts of ideas going on. First I was thinking about going to New Zealand, going to India.. the list goes on. I was and still just very unsure of what I'm doing and my school does help the situation much either with an unpredictable schedule. I emphasized this to them, but it didn't seem to sway a decision or spark up questions. They asked me for suggestions on where to go I answered them with some advice. They told me if prices were where they wanted it they would go for it.
So now they are going to be in Beijing and I'm still trying to figure out my travel plans. They mentioned to me on the phone that it was important for them to go to China for other reasons, but also to meet up with me for a few days as well.
Not sure how to handle this. Overall I want to enjoy my break the way I intended to. Afterall, I came to China to travel and explore countries. I gave up a lot, my job, apartment, car, etc because it was something I felt really drawn into and compelled to do. This was a year for me and I was vowing to myself to not compromise what other people wanted. I feel as though if I change up my plans or not do what I want. I'll have some resentment especially if something goes wrong or isn't much of what I might be interested in.
I'm not trying to sound selfish, but this was almost dropping a bomb on me with travel plans. While I knew before they were thinking of coming (and maybe I should have mentioned my uncertainty more clear and upfront), now I'm not sure how to handle this. I'm not sure if dropping by Beijing will really fit into my schedule or budget. It's completely out of my way provided I go that route.
Part of me is happy they are coming, but also I don't feel like I'm going to really enjoy myself and do what I want. Maybe I'm thinking about this too concrete though. Maybe I can change up my travel plans to include the stop. If so, what recommendations do you have? Any suggestions or ideas on how to move forward?
How important is this friend to you? If they'll be part of your life for decades to some, then some adventures with them (even if not in the region you'd originally intended) will probably be better in the long run than a wander through Cambodia, nice though it is.
If, however, this is a friend who isn't all that close to you, and the feeling of obligation would cloud the time with them as you think about where you could be instead, then don't change your plans to placate someone who isn't that important to you. Tell them that when they arrive you'll already be in Laos, but you'd love to meet up if they're going to be in S.E. Asia at all.
posted by twirlypen at 2:53 PM on December 3, 2011
If, however, this is a friend who isn't all that close to you, and the feeling of obligation would cloud the time with them as you think about where you could be instead, then don't change your plans to placate someone who isn't that important to you. Tell them that when they arrive you'll already be in Laos, but you'd love to meet up if they're going to be in S.E. Asia at all.
posted by twirlypen at 2:53 PM on December 3, 2011
It doesn't sound like (no offense) seeing you was the focus of your friend's trip. I could be wrong, but saying that it was important for them to go to China to see you for a couple of days seems like a bit of polite exaggeration. I'm sure they'll find lots of things to distract them in China even if your paths don't cross.
Maybe you can put together a really thoughtful travel list of places they should see, local tips, great restaurants. I would tell them the truth, which is that the timing just didn't work out and while you would love to see them, stopping in Beijing just isn't in the budget. Make a date to party like it's 1999 when you see each other next.
posted by defreckled at 3:00 PM on December 3, 2011
Maybe you can put together a really thoughtful travel list of places they should see, local tips, great restaurants. I would tell them the truth, which is that the timing just didn't work out and while you would love to see them, stopping in Beijing just isn't in the budget. Make a date to party like it's 1999 when you see each other next.
posted by defreckled at 3:00 PM on December 3, 2011
i've been in this situation before -- i chose to go on my trip as i had planned. it was a once in a life time opportunity and i took it. i did learn that i don't like to travel by myself, but i know if i had compromised where i wanted to go, i would have regretted it forever.
sounds like your friend has someone else with him, so you won't be ditching him completely by himself. and, if he's a really good friend, he most likely won't be angry at you forever. i am still very good friends with everyone involved in my situation.
posted by nanhey at 6:38 PM on December 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
sounds like your friend has someone else with him, so you won't be ditching him completely by himself. and, if he's a really good friend, he most likely won't be angry at you forever. i am still very good friends with everyone involved in my situation.
posted by nanhey at 6:38 PM on December 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
Overall I want to enjoy my break the way I intended to... I feel as though if I change up my plans or not do what I want. I'll have some resentment especially if something goes wrong or isn't much of what I might be interested in.
There's nothing wrong with you doing what you want - it is your holiday after all.
It's far worse changing your plans because you feel obliged and then being all resentful about it. That's not fair to your friends and definitely not fair to you.
Honestly, it's not a big deal. Plans change all the time and a friend should be able to get that. It's not as if you promised them you'd be there to show them round for when they came to visit and it seems they've got other plans too. If they try to make you feel guilty about that then that's their problem. If you feel guilty then this is a great opportunity to learn to be respectful to yourself and do what you want without feeling bad about it and taking it out on others (or yourself).
posted by mkdirusername at 2:38 AM on December 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
There's nothing wrong with you doing what you want - it is your holiday after all.
It's far worse changing your plans because you feel obliged and then being all resentful about it. That's not fair to your friends and definitely not fair to you.
Honestly, it's not a big deal. Plans change all the time and a friend should be able to get that. It's not as if you promised them you'd be there to show them round for when they came to visit and it seems they've got other plans too. If they try to make you feel guilty about that then that's their problem. If you feel guilty then this is a great opportunity to learn to be respectful to yourself and do what you want without feeling bad about it and taking it out on others (or yourself).
posted by mkdirusername at 2:38 AM on December 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Just do what you want to do. Sort them out with tips and recommendations etc and be on your way. If you've made it clear you may or may not be there and your friends book a trip to your location knowing this it's up to them to be happy and content with the trip they booked, irrespective of whether they can meet up with you or not.
posted by koahiatamadl at 9:02 AM on December 4, 2011
posted by koahiatamadl at 9:02 AM on December 4, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by bquarters at 2:52 PM on December 3, 2011