Help me give my first lap dance!
November 30, 2011 11:48 PM   Subscribe

I am a nerdy fun girl next door type who wants to give my guy a lap dance this weekend but I've never given, received, or even really seen one before. Please help me find good resources for technique and song selection. I found this video and this article on Google, and both seem to be a good start, but results for "how to give a lap dance" kind of fall apart after that. Can anyone point me to sites/videos that give similar instruction? I also need help with picking a song. I'm looking for a slower song with a seductive groove/beat rather than something fast. Ideas?
posted by scarnato to Human Relations (26 answers total) 29 users marked this as a favorite
slow by kylie minogue.
posted by sexyrobot at 12:16 AM on December 1, 2011

Carmen electra has a video for this.

I am a dude, and i know this. That should tell you if its going to work.
posted by hal_c_on at 12:17 AM on December 1, 2011 [2 favorites]

Carmen electra lapdance

Apparently its all on youtube and guys dont have to figure out whos girlfriend has it so they can ask to borrow it.

Information should always be free.
posted by hal_c_on at 12:21 AM on December 1, 2011

As for songs...

She poppin she rollin she rollin
She climbin that pole and
I'm N Luv with a stripper

Ok. Im out. This is getting creepy.
posted by hal_c_on at 12:26 AM on December 1, 2011

If you need a slow lapdance song, I'm pretty sure it has to be this song: Anya Marina - Whatever You Like

Trust me.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 12:32 AM on December 1, 2011

Don't worry about specific moves. What matters more is the connection between you two. Make him feel like he's the only person in the world, that all the sexual energy ever existed is between you two. Imagine it. Feel it in yourself. If you can create that mood for yourself it'll be contagious.

Go slow. Like seriously slow. Take the time to feel yourself, love yourself - yup, imagine you're masturbating. Give yourself foreplay. Where do you like to be touched? How? Do that to yourself as a buildup, whether on lap or off. Slow it dooooooooooooooooooown - draw out every last move.

Who do you think is sexy? Imagine you're them. Feel them in your body - the way they move, the way they walk, the way their hips sway. Embody that person. Embody a few people, if you need to. Sometimes it helps to create an alterego so that our sense of awkward doesn't kick in.

Are there any costume pieces you could use to help you get in the mood? A hat, a necklace, a pair of gloves? That can also help delienate between you and LapDance!You, and you can incorporate it in the dance.

Get real close, but only just. Breath works wonders, as do just hovering fingers above their skin. Tease them, but leave them hanging. You can restrain your partner's hands to the chair or each other for the extra effect.

Rock and roll your hips, waist, body. Just roll with it. It'll feel stupid at first but just imagine you're fluid, your body is made of honey and you're just flowing. Feel the music and move to it. Enjoy the music and channel it to your partner.

Lapdancing is largely stylized dryhumping. Think about which parts of your bodies feel good together, and make use of that. Play with distance, with tempo, with speed. Allow one deep touch - then move away.

As for songs: what's your partner's favourite style of music? There's bound to be something there that'll work. Don't underestimate the sex appeal of rock songs: I've always wanted to do a striptease/lapdance to Muse's version of Feeling Good. Try something from seXmusic.

Look up burlesque videos for inspiration - a lot of them are really like lapdancing but standing up. Some even *have* lapdancing in them!

Above all, have fun. Switch off your brain and let your body tell you what to do. Your partner will be flattered any which way. Good luck!
posted by divabat at 12:43 AM on December 1, 2011 [12 favorites]

Oh and if you like, visit a strip club and buy a dance. One time I did this and the stripper taught me how to give a lapdance, before getting me to perform it on her. Fun times!
posted by divabat at 12:44 AM on December 1, 2011 [3 favorites]

When you need her, Rihanna is here for you. If that's a bit too forward, how about something more Ginuwine...
posted by nickrussell at 1:48 AM on December 1, 2011

Oh and if you like, visit a strip club and buy a dance.

Seems like you got your money's worth divabat.

Only suggestion I might add is that are you sure your partner is into this? For me personally, as appealing as divabat's description is, I wouldn't dig this sort of play-acting and it would be a turn-off no matter how well done and regardless of musical accompaniment. Going to strip clubs and paying strange women to dry hump me just ain't my scene - in reality or in fantasy. Don't be surprised or take it personally if he demurs and says "Don't do that. I love you just the way you are."
posted by three blind mice at 2:46 AM on December 1, 2011 [4 favorites]

Me So Horny by 2 Live Crew
posted by leigh1 at 3:22 AM on December 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

I have done a number if these for husband...suggestions I have....

First, dont try to take your clothes off while dancing. Strippers will do like two or three songs, taking off a layer between each. I like this approach because I would give myself a concussion trying to multi task. So I do a panties and stockings layer, then a see thru nightie, then a short, easy to unbutton and remove dress on top and three songs, so that I start mostly dressed and move down.

Also, lap dances arent just in his lap so dont feel limited by that.

Songs.... I like rihanna stuff, also toni braxton, makin me high and mouth by bush. You want slower but with a strong beat.

My husband loves this because it is nothing like a stripclub where they are after money... it is like the guy fantasy where the dancer really likes him.
posted by supercapitalist at 3:53 AM on December 1, 2011 [2 favorites]

Madrugada have slow seductive songs imo.
I find step into this room and dance for me very seductive.
posted by mkdirusername at 4:10 AM on December 1, 2011

Specifically, you want "Skin" by Rihanna.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:10 AM on December 1, 2011

You might surprised to learn that people like you are the main customers of many (most?) pole dance studios, and so they cater to exactly what you're after - lessons or classes intended to empower, be fun, be comfortable and not intimidating, while at the same time introduce you and hone your superpowers which you can then use for Good... or use for Evil... :-)
posted by -harlequin- at 5:27 AM on December 1, 2011

"Giving Him Something He Can Feel" by En Vogue is a personal favorite for lapdance music.
Yes, I'm old, shut up.
En Vogue is awesome!

posted by DWRoelands at 6:22 AM on December 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

The most sexual, most seductive song I know is Stroker Ace by Lovage.
posted by gregoryg at 7:00 AM on December 1, 2011

Seconding checking out a strip club, and chat up one of the strippers. She'll have lots of good advice. Be sure to tip her. Also - don't go alone. If you go, go with a male friend. He'll keep the creeps away.
posted by thatguyjeff at 7:09 AM on December 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

Pole dance studios often have lap dance workshops as well that will teach a specific dance, so if you want a full lesson, you could go that route.
posted by Kurichina at 7:43 AM on December 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

Mrs. got a 'lapdance 101' lesson from a stripper at a club a few years back. It was a slow night and I guess she was bored, so she spent a couple of songs tutoring my wife how to do it. She was really super-cool about it.
posted by Gilbert at 7:50 AM on December 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

Amor Porteno by the Gotan Project popped into my head when I read your question. Sensual, slow, strong beat, sexy-sounding foreign vocals.
posted by bunderful at 9:44 AM on December 1, 2011

My song vote would be for Zep's When the Levee Breaks. Plus it's a 7 minute song.
posted by cmoj at 9:46 AM on December 1, 2011

If you want some pointers, google 'ele supertangas' for an extraordinarily sexy (and surprisingly worksafe) slow striptease.

For music, try Funki Porcini or Bonobo.
posted by Sebmojo at 12:27 PM on December 1, 2011

Marisa Tomei's striptease dance in "The Wrestler" to the Scorpions "Animal Magnetism" reminded me how hot that song is! it really kicks in at 1:02.
posted by foxhat10 at 4:56 PM on December 1, 2011

Slower song with a seductive groove? Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On
posted by jabes at 4:58 PM on December 1, 2011

Hi all-

Thank you so much for the tips, links, and suggestions! For what it's worth, I went with "Loving Days" by Kylie Minogue, and I did have a costume/outfit. Hey, when you were a real-life Catholic school girl, I figure you get to work that.

Main lesson learned: it is one thing to play around and practice on your own, and then it is an entirely different thing to have a man sitting there in the chair in front of you grinning from ear to ear. I had trouble with the "let go and go with the music" thing, but he appreciated the attempt and is very willing to let me practice on him in the future. :)

I'm not aware of any places around here that give lessons-- no pole dancing studios that I'm aware of-- but I'll check into general dance studios to see if anyone offers something along those lines.
posted by scarnato at 2:44 PM on December 4, 2011

Yay! The first few ones are often awkward, but they can be addictive ;)
posted by divabat at 5:44 PM on December 4, 2011

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