Billiard-ball smooth
November 27, 2011 2:24 PM   Subscribe

Keeping the undergrowth in check - male edition.

After years of letting everything down there grow wild and free, my ex requested that I keep it all in trim. Guess what? I kinda liked it. However, it's considerably trickier than I expected, because a wrinkly, stretchy surface doesn't really lend itself to being easily shaven.

I have this because it was cheap, but spheroids have a large surface area, and this thing has a very small trimming attachment. So ladies and gents, what would work better? I'm not angling for billiard-ball smooth, but if I have the option of getting there, that would be great.

Also, butt hair. What the hell is the point of that stuff and how do you deal with it effectively without learning yoga?
posted by anonymous to Grab Bag (16 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
There is this which seems to go into nice detail.
posted by 2manyusernames at 2:30 PM on November 27, 2011

I don't know this from personal experience (really!) but there is such a thin as a "BCS waxing"-- back, crack, and sack. That would keep it in check for longer than shaving or trimming.
posted by supercres at 2:30 PM on November 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

Phillips makes a gadget specifically for this but, honestly, any good beard trimmer will do. I would suggest avoiding the Wahl beard version of the trimmer you already have - the attachments are way too fiddly and eager to snap apart - but I've got the standard Norelco trimmer and, everything is, ah, under control.
posted by Tomorrowful at 2:32 PM on November 27, 2011

Get clippers with multiple comb thingys. Choose depending on your area needs: bigger blades are usually rougher on your skin. There are full-bore clippers like the barber uses, down to the toothbrush thing you have. Generally you're probably looking for a beard trimmer.
posted by rhizome at 2:37 PM on November 27, 2011

For a truly smooth effect, a simple disposable razor, used in the shower, is my recommendation. Obviously you have to stretch the skin so it's taut, but (YMMV) I have always found it's easier to do in that area than on the neck, for example. It will help the first time to trim the hair short using the little gizmo you linked to, which will also help prevent a really big plug of curly hair in the shower drain.

Afterward, apply aftershave of some type (nothing too astringent) and then let the area flap in the breeze until it's quite dry and cool;. Then, before smooshing the apparatusl down into underwear, very very lightly apply Bacitracin type ointment (a very very small amount) over the freshly shaved area.

You'll want to repeat the Bacitracin for a few days after your shower, again making sure the area is cool and dry before applying.

You will get some stubble in a couple of weeks at which time you can shave again, repeat the process.

Butt hair is best done with (by?) an assistant.
posted by La Cieca at 2:40 PM on November 27, 2011

Please don't use a regular razor and shave down to the skin. First of all, horrible itching and painful ingrown hairs! Second, the stubble will feel really scratchy and weird. The upkeep is hell. It's MUCH better to trim it down and just go for a soft/fuzzy thing.
posted by hermitosis at 2:57 PM on November 27, 2011 [2 favorites]

Also, butt hair. What the hell is the point of that stuff

Best of Craigslist will tell you all about it.
posted by wondercow at 3:32 PM on November 27, 2011 [5 favorites]

Advice: Do NOT shave anything that is not balls. Scrota tend to be forgiving enough that you can pretty much go to town without too much hassle, but the rest of the hair down there grows almost parallel to the skin (which, FYI, is why it's curly) and is therefore, like the neck, extremely prone to ingrown hairs. So, shave your balls if you like, but everything else just gets a trim.

Also, trim the thigh a bit too. There's nothing weirder than a neatly trimmed torso atop a couple of scraggly goat legs, unless you're really into that 'Welcome to Narnia' look.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:03 PM on November 27, 2011 [5 favorites]

Disposable razor, in the shower, either every day or not at all.
posted by doop at 4:16 PM on November 27, 2011

Nonsense to Sys Rq's advice. I have no problems with ingrown hairs (fairly straight hair in general, FWIW).

Warm shower water relaxes the sac skin. Moisturizing after is nicest.

Ass hair kept short makes for a cleaner toilet experience. ALWAYS moisturize gently after doing this, or the rest of the day will be insufferably itchy. Day 2 is fine.
posted by IAmBroom at 5:53 PM on November 27, 2011

I haven't shaved manparts, but a friend tells me:

1) hermitosis is right. Trim, don't shave. Stubble = brush burn on your partner.

2) If you shave/trim your ass crack, do this part last and use rubbing alcohol to clean the blade afterwards. This will help prevent pimples on your junk.

3) If you do shave, deodorant after shaving works well for preventing crotchal ingrowns. I suspect this is partly keeping the area dry and partly friction reduction.
posted by momus_window at 7:29 PM on November 27, 2011

Incidentally, putting deodorant on your junk makes your junk taste particularly awful if someone should happen to end up down there.
posted by hermitosis at 8:06 PM on November 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

I gotta say, I've tried lots of ways (for science!) The quickest and easiest (and least amount of having to be REALLY CAREFUL) way for me is the double-edged safety razor. Actually, the straight razor worked best, but takes too long. Surprisingly, it's not as easy as you might think to cut yourself if you aren't being careless.
posted by ctmf at 9:05 PM on November 27, 2011

Beard trimmer. Soft and fuzzy, tidy, not itchy or stubbly. Umm, so I've heard...
posted by dg at 10:03 PM on November 27, 2011

The Philips Bodygroom is light years ahead of a beard trimmer for this. There really is no comparison, the Bodygroom is just a fantastic gadget.
posted by xedrik at 8:17 PM on November 28, 2011

My husband uses Nair For Men [TM].
posted by Because at 3:42 PM on November 29, 2011

« Older Essays on Il Conformista?   |   Is it too late? Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.