How to move out from your ex?
November 24, 2011 9:33 AM   Subscribe

My friend wants to end a relationship with his girlfriend who he shares an apartment with. He is looking for some advice about how to deal with the apartment itself, since his name is on the lease. Should he pay her the money for the remaining months of rent in one lump sum? Or Should he suggest that they both move out, and then they split the cost of breaking the lease? And, if she wants to stay she can stay and pay full rent? He would love some ideas- its so hard to bring logistics into a very emotional situation. Thank you!
posted by Equiprimordial to Human Relations (10 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
How many months are left on the lease?

"Should he suggest that they both move out, and then they split the cost of breaking the lease? "

He's the one that wants to break up, right? Why should she have to bear part of the cost for breaking the lease?

"Should he pay her the money for the remaining months of rent in one lump sum?"

No, he should pay it directly to the landlord.

"She wants to stay she can stay and pay full rent"

She could, but if she decides to break the lease later on, before it's up, he's still on the hook. Not a great idea.

Could he just stay there and find a different roommate?
posted by HopperFan at 9:47 AM on November 24, 2011 [5 favorites]

The penalty for breaking a lease is usually a few months, not the remaing full term. Your friend needs to speak to his landlord.

Yes your friend bears the most financial responsibility since (a) he's the one that wants out, and (b) lease is in his name. Plus, it's good policy to be as generous as possible on the way out the door.

HopperFan is correct, this is involves the landlord, too.

If your friend moves and she stays, the landlord should execute a whole new lease with ex-girlfriend. If the landlord won't do that, then she 100% should not not not stay in that apartment under your friend's lease.
posted by jbenben at 10:09 AM on November 24, 2011

your friend can't control the breakup and make it not messy. he's already deciding to end the relationship, he should be prepared to stay or leave, but he should talk with her before he makes any moves. i agree with jbenben, whoever stays in the apartment needs to be on the lease and your friend should pick up the costs for most of the change over (what ever the change over ends up being).
posted by nadawi at 10:20 AM on November 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm with nadawi, speak to her first and find out if she wants to stay in the apartment. If she does want to stay, does she plan to get a roommate or live there by herself. He can offer to pay half the rent (up to 30-45 days) until she finds someone and then they should have the lease put in their names. In any case, he needs to let the landlord know that he's leaving/has left. If she wants to stay there by herself, he should still pay his portion of next month's rent so she's not blindsided financially.

If she wants to move, does he want to stay? If he stays, he can get a roommate or live there alone, giving her 30 days to find a place and paying half her moving costs (not housing but actual movers) and returning any deposit she paid.

If they both want to move out, they should give 30 days notice and see what the landlord comes back with. Any costs the landlord demands should be on him, which shouldn't be more than a month's extra rent. He should make sure the place is easy to show so the landlord can get another tenant. Tenants are only responsible for the time the apartment is empty and the landlord must make every reasonable effort to find another tenant.
posted by shoesietart at 10:51 AM on November 24, 2011

Is her name also on the lease? You don't actually make that clear.
posted by wreckingball at 12:21 PM on November 24, 2011

Her name is on the lease too. And he was never thinking of actually leaving her with the financial burden, he was just wondering what the best way to do it is. Also, you can't judge how he is ' treating her' because ending a relationship can sometimes be best for both parties. But when you live together it's just more complex.
posted by Equiprimordial at 1:52 PM on November 24, 2011

If she is also on the lease, the most painless solution seems to be he bounces, she finds a new roommate (a friend, preferably) and they finish out the lease. Related expenses are his responsibility (morally if not legally) because leaving is his call.
posted by EatTheWeak at 3:25 PM on November 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

From Ms. Vegetable:
Sublet? Both of them move out, sublet the apartment. That was in our cohab contract.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 3:32 PM on November 24, 2011

He should sit down with her, and decide together what's fair. Maybe she wants to keep the apt., and can get a roommate. Maybe she wants to leave the apt. He won't know til he talks to her.
posted by theora55 at 10:57 AM on November 25, 2011

If he's doing the breaking up, he should volunteer to leave. Stay somewhere else and give her a few days to figure out what she wants to do.
posted by snickerdoodle at 5:15 PM on November 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

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