Hippies smell bad and don't have jobs, LOL.
November 23, 2011 11:41 AM Subscribe
How do I deal with jokes that are not funny (particularly pertaining to OWS) that I see on social network sites without getting too heavily involved?
I'm not one to get dragged into these online comment wars and one thing I love about metafilter is that when someone says something out of line, they are immediately rebutted with smart, snide, sarcastic, or mean responses. I enjoy it, strangely, a lot.
On Facebook, I normally don't friend people who I know are on the extreme opposite end of political beliefs (example, old high school classmate who had a crude picture of Obama and a watermelon as a profile pic...). I don't care to see that or keep up with someone I barely know and would probably be offended by. And through experience, I know eventually our 'friendship' is more stressful than beneficial.
It's the friends of other friends who I see comment on something in my feed, and it's either: offensive, a very sad attempt to be funny, or just plain irrelevant... all involving political references. I feel like I cannot let these things go... I feel I should response (or SOMEONE should point out the person is being an dumbass) but then also feel rude to outright attack or made a snide comment to my friends' friends.
Examples:
In response to a simple Pepperspray Cop Meme photo
"If they were sprayed by deodorant they'd scatter like roaches, lol..."
In response to a movie clip from American Hippie In Isreal parody
"Wasn't this from OCCUPY Israel?"
(what?!)
I could go on... and on.
Please tell me how you response or cope with mentally to the stupidity (that I can usually censor out) out there, particularly on facebook.
I'm not one to get dragged into these online comment wars and one thing I love about metafilter is that when someone says something out of line, they are immediately rebutted with smart, snide, sarcastic, or mean responses. I enjoy it, strangely, a lot.
On Facebook, I normally don't friend people who I know are on the extreme opposite end of political beliefs (example, old high school classmate who had a crude picture of Obama and a watermelon as a profile pic...). I don't care to see that or keep up with someone I barely know and would probably be offended by. And through experience, I know eventually our 'friendship' is more stressful than beneficial.
It's the friends of other friends who I see comment on something in my feed, and it's either: offensive, a very sad attempt to be funny, or just plain irrelevant... all involving political references. I feel like I cannot let these things go... I feel I should response (or SOMEONE should point out the person is being an dumbass) but then also feel rude to outright attack or made a snide comment to my friends' friends.
Examples:
In response to a simple Pepperspray Cop Meme photo
"If they were sprayed by deodorant they'd scatter like roaches, lol..."
In response to a movie clip from American Hippie In Isreal parody
"Wasn't this from OCCUPY Israel?"
(what?!)
I could go on... and on.
Please tell me how you response or cope with mentally to the stupidity (that I can usually censor out) out there, particularly on facebook.
If MetaFilter has taught me anything it's FIAMO. Flag it and move on.
Obviously I can't flag Facebook, but I can hide people and comments.
Remember the old saying "You can't fight a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent."
posted by TooFewShoes at 11:44 AM on November 23, 2011 [6 favorites]
Obviously I can't flag Facebook, but I can hide people and comments.
Remember the old saying "You can't fight a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent."
posted by TooFewShoes at 11:44 AM on November 23, 2011 [6 favorites]
Three(ish) [more] words that will make your Facebook experience more pleasant:
Don't Give A Crap
Don't feel like you should respond, you're not changing anyone's mind or the world with a facebook comment!
posted by Blake at 11:46 AM on November 23, 2011
Don't Give A Crap
Don't feel like you should respond, you're not changing anyone's mind or the world with a facebook comment!
posted by Blake at 11:46 AM on November 23, 2011
Some people are conservatives. Some people aren't funny. Some people are both.
You're unlikely to change their political views by FB debate, though who knows. You're very unlikely to teach someone to be funny. I tend to just remove people from my timeline. I get that you can't do that with friends of friends so... don't read the comments on those posts? Sometimes it's better to just walk away.
posted by drjimmy11 at 11:46 AM on November 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
You're unlikely to change their political views by FB debate, though who knows. You're very unlikely to teach someone to be funny. I tend to just remove people from my timeline. I get that you can't do that with friends of friends so... don't read the comments on those posts? Sometimes it's better to just walk away.
posted by drjimmy11 at 11:46 AM on November 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
I have removed a lot of people from my feed because their statuses just made me angry. Now they don't make me angry :o)
I did have one person ask why I hadn't responded to an entirely different post (about her getting engaged). I told her the truth, "All your political statuses were driving me crazy so I had to unsubscribe from your feed. Congratulations on the engagement!"
posted by magnetsphere at 11:46 AM on November 23, 2011 [5 favorites]
I did have one person ask why I hadn't responded to an entirely different post (about her getting engaged). I told her the truth, "All your political statuses were driving me crazy so I had to unsubscribe from your feed. Congratulations on the engagement!"
posted by magnetsphere at 11:46 AM on November 23, 2011 [5 favorites]
Hide their updates from your feed.
posted by John Cohen at 11:47 AM on November 23, 2011
posted by John Cohen at 11:47 AM on November 23, 2011
It sounds like you have some fairly open privacy settings. I would change my defaults so that only friends could see my posts and/or limit who could see stuff on a per-post basis. Friends of friends shouldn't be causing you grief.
posted by restless_nomad at 11:47 AM on November 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by restless_nomad at 11:47 AM on November 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
Also, know that like "fo shizzle" and "winning!" before it, "Occupy ______" is the white-person-thinks-they're-funny catch phrase du jour. This too shall pass.
posted by drjimmy11 at 11:47 AM on November 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by drjimmy11 at 11:47 AM on November 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
To me, my friend's status comments are theirs to police as they see fit. I, too, really hate when my friend posts something critical (though intelligent) about Obama or OWS or whatever and then a friend of his/her says something stupid ("HE SHOULD STOP SENDING MONEY TO HIS OWN PEOPLE IN MUSLIN COUNTRYS!!!!" - quoted verbatim.) but I know any amount of reasonable arguing isn't going to change that person's mind or make them any brighter.
In extreme cases I just block that person, so I can pretend someone so stupid doesn't really exist on this planet, but it's not for me to tell my friend's friends they are stupid.
Mostly I treat them like YouTube comments. I roll my eyes and silently weep for humanity. They're not worth arguing with.
As for my own friends, depending on our level of friendship I either give them a pass or defriend them.
posted by bondcliff at 11:49 AM on November 23, 2011 [5 favorites]
In extreme cases I just block that person, so I can pretend someone so stupid doesn't really exist on this planet, but it's not for me to tell my friend's friends they are stupid.
Mostly I treat them like YouTube comments. I roll my eyes and silently weep for humanity. They're not worth arguing with.
As for my own friends, depending on our level of friendship I either give them a pass or defriend them.
posted by bondcliff at 11:49 AM on November 23, 2011 [5 favorites]
Best answer: Following up on restless_nomad, I have very few personal friends who are conservative, but I have an uncle who is (though he surprises me sometimes). In general I think he is a good person and fairly open-minded and he is family, but I know we aren't going to see eye-to-eye on everything.
So I use custom post settings on a case-by-case basis to hide my more inflammatory left-wing postings from him. I feel like I'm doing both of us a favor, honestly.
posted by drjimmy11 at 11:51 AM on November 23, 2011 [4 favorites]
So I use custom post settings on a case-by-case basis to hide my more inflammatory left-wing postings from him. I feel like I'm doing both of us a favor, honestly.
posted by drjimmy11 at 11:51 AM on November 23, 2011 [4 favorites]
Well, if you're concerned about what your friends will think of your response, maybe you should check in with them about it? I bet that for a lot of them you'll find that 1) they secretly agree with you and are relieved to hear that someone else is bothered and maybe that will alleviate some of your frustration. I know one of my strategies in dealing with clueless comments is to talk with someone I know will be on the same page with me who also heard it and then I can vent steam.
Or 2) you will find that your friends agree with their obnoxious friends and then maybe you can reconsider whether you want to subscribe to their feeds.
The thing about pointing out that people are wrong on the Internet is that they will usually respond in ways that are (or at least seem to you to be) even more wrong, and so you can get caught in this escalating conflict and that vindication that you're looking for will never come.
posted by overglow at 11:51 AM on November 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
Or 2) you will find that your friends agree with their obnoxious friends and then maybe you can reconsider whether you want to subscribe to their feeds.
The thing about pointing out that people are wrong on the Internet is that they will usually respond in ways that are (or at least seem to you to be) even more wrong, and so you can get caught in this escalating conflict and that vindication that you're looking for will never come.
posted by overglow at 11:51 AM on November 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
In extreme cases I just block that person...
The alternate side to that is the zero-tolerance policy I have set up. The person I have friended might not be terrible, but if their friends are, I don't need that two-degrees-of-separation grief when I go to check who posted pictures of their pets/interesting articles/etc. My feed is as carefully and frequently pruned as a damn bansai plant.
posted by griphus at 11:52 AM on November 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
The alternate side to that is the zero-tolerance policy I have set up. The person I have friended might not be terrible, but if their friends are, I don't need that two-degrees-of-separation grief when I go to check who posted pictures of their pets/interesting articles/etc. My feed is as carefully and frequently pruned as a damn bansai plant.
posted by griphus at 11:52 AM on November 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
How do I deal with jokes that are not funny (particularly pertaining to OWS) that I see on social network sites without getting too heavily involved?
Political discussions are not a great way to make or keep friends or acquaintances that you don't meet at political events. This being Metafilter, you're probably going to get some advice that focuses on how OWS is right and these people are ignorant and here's a clever way to correct them, but that's not the point. Facebook gives you control over what you see by default - if this isn't sufficient for your needs, unfriend people you don't agree with politically. I promise you that getting into an argument on Facebook just makes the participants look thin-skinned and inspires others who come across it while browsing to wonder why these people don't have something better to do with their time. The other problem is that there's someone out there who disagrees with you vehemently and feels an identical sense of misplaced righteous indignation about THESE ARE MY BELIEFS DAMNIT AND THEY ARE IMPORTANT and you're going to get into more pissing matches than you resolve approaching things like that.
TL;DR: Limit your interaction. The only way to win is not to play.
On preview: "The thing about pointing out that people are wrong on the Internet is that they will usually respond in ways that are (or at least seem to you to be) even more wrong, and so you can get caught in this escalating conflict and that vindication that you're looking for will never come" is eloquent and correct.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 11:52 AM on November 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
Political discussions are not a great way to make or keep friends or acquaintances that you don't meet at political events. This being Metafilter, you're probably going to get some advice that focuses on how OWS is right and these people are ignorant and here's a clever way to correct them, but that's not the point. Facebook gives you control over what you see by default - if this isn't sufficient for your needs, unfriend people you don't agree with politically. I promise you that getting into an argument on Facebook just makes the participants look thin-skinned and inspires others who come across it while browsing to wonder why these people don't have something better to do with their time. The other problem is that there's someone out there who disagrees with you vehemently and feels an identical sense of misplaced righteous indignation about THESE ARE MY BELIEFS DAMNIT AND THEY ARE IMPORTANT and you're going to get into more pissing matches than you resolve approaching things like that.
TL;DR: Limit your interaction. The only way to win is not to play.
On preview: "The thing about pointing out that people are wrong on the Internet is that they will usually respond in ways that are (or at least seem to you to be) even more wrong, and so you can get caught in this escalating conflict and that vindication that you're looking for will never come" is eloquent and correct.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 11:52 AM on November 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
No matter how right you are, there is nothing you can say on facebook that's going to change an asshole's mind.
posted by auto-correct at 11:52 AM on November 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by auto-correct at 11:52 AM on November 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
I decided my time and mental energy would be better spent on other things and deleted my FB account. If this doesn't work for you, then yeah, hide their posts. People who want to get in contact with you will find a way.
posted by desjardins at 11:53 AM on November 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by desjardins at 11:53 AM on November 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
You won't change this person's belief, and you won't change Facebook at large into something with a set of community values that's even approaching the very loose amount of (never 100% unanimous) consensus on MeFi. So given that, if you still feel compelled to respond to this person instead of just blocking them and removing them from your FB experience, try to figure out why. Why is the public performance of your political beliefs important to you?
posted by The Master and Margarita Mix at 11:54 AM on November 23, 2011
posted by The Master and Margarita Mix at 11:54 AM on November 23, 2011
Best answer: In these situations, I pretend like we're all physically in the same room. If you were at a dinner party, invited by a friend who was the host, and a guest you didn't know said something sort of dumb or rude, would you start an argument with them at the table? I'd hope not - most likely all you'd achieve would be to embarrass or hurt your host. Just because it's a website doesn't mean that you're not dealing with people, and rules about politeness still apply.
Facebook isn't exactly the public discourse, but it isn't elevated by jumping in on someone's dumb joke and starting an argument. If someone really upsets you or says something you can't abide, I'd address it directly by blocking them, unfriending them, or messaging them privately. If it's a friend of a friend, I'd just move on.
I see this from time to time myself. It's usually a friend of a friend and I'll get upset or angry, but then I'll remember - being respectful of my friend's relationship with this person, and remembering that I don't know the whole story, that this person is a lot more than the sum of the idiotic things they say on facebook, reminds me that being a polite and classy person online and in real life is far more likely to get me somewhere than pointing out when someone is being a total buffoon. In other news - I remember that it's a social conversation, and while a part of me might think "I MUST CORRECT THIS DUMBASSERY!" the real thing I must remember is "BUT FIRST I MUST BE A POLITE AND COURTEOUS ADULT!"
posted by pazazygeek at 11:59 AM on November 23, 2011 [7 favorites]
Facebook isn't exactly the public discourse, but it isn't elevated by jumping in on someone's dumb joke and starting an argument. If someone really upsets you or says something you can't abide, I'd address it directly by blocking them, unfriending them, or messaging them privately. If it's a friend of a friend, I'd just move on.
I see this from time to time myself. It's usually a friend of a friend and I'll get upset or angry, but then I'll remember - being respectful of my friend's relationship with this person, and remembering that I don't know the whole story, that this person is a lot more than the sum of the idiotic things they say on facebook, reminds me that being a polite and classy person online and in real life is far more likely to get me somewhere than pointing out when someone is being a total buffoon. In other news - I remember that it's a social conversation, and while a part of me might think "I MUST CORRECT THIS DUMBASSERY!" the real thing I must remember is "BUT FIRST I MUST BE A POLITE AND COURTEOUS ADULT!"
posted by pazazygeek at 11:59 AM on November 23, 2011 [7 favorites]
Block. If the offenders are friends of friends, you can block them and not even have to hide your friends' posts.
posted by pointystick at 12:05 PM on November 23, 2011
posted by pointystick at 12:05 PM on November 23, 2011
Two things:
1) People talk in slogans because they don't have the capacity to deal in original and critically derived ideas, for whatever reason. As such, it's as pointless to argue with them as it is to tell a toddler to stop crying, we'll be home in an hour. A todder can't grasp the concept, and a slogan-repeater generally can't or won't engage in critical thought. (I mean, they are adults and as such educable assuming they want to be, but even then it's difficult to accomplish education via Facebook.) So shrug it off and save your energy for real-life confrontations.
2) Block their feed and you won't have to worry about them. Eventually their attention will be distracted by some other catchy phrase. Notice that nobody's asking "where's the birth certificate" any more?
posted by La Cieca at 12:07 PM on November 23, 2011
1) People talk in slogans because they don't have the capacity to deal in original and critically derived ideas, for whatever reason. As such, it's as pointless to argue with them as it is to tell a toddler to stop crying, we'll be home in an hour. A todder can't grasp the concept, and a slogan-repeater generally can't or won't engage in critical thought. (I mean, they are adults and as such educable assuming they want to be, but even then it's difficult to accomplish education via Facebook.) So shrug it off and save your energy for real-life confrontations.
2) Block their feed and you won't have to worry about them. Eventually their attention will be distracted by some other catchy phrase. Notice that nobody's asking "where's the birth certificate" any more?
posted by La Cieca at 12:07 PM on November 23, 2011
I cope with stupid things I see on Facebook by either ignoring the remark or removing someone from my newsfeed.
Anything you see on Facebook, regarding politics or religion, should be taken with the tiniest grain of salt. Failing that, simply remove the offending post/person from your news feed.
posted by PsuDab93 at 12:13 PM on November 23, 2011
Anything you see on Facebook, regarding politics or religion, should be taken with the tiniest grain of salt. Failing that, simply remove the offending post/person from your news feed.
posted by PsuDab93 at 12:13 PM on November 23, 2011
Because of my background I have friends ranging from more or less as far left as you can possibly be (in the United States, while still owning property, and I have deceased relatives that refused to bend that far) to as far right as you can possibly be, plus a dozen or so fervent libertarians and several people who just like to push buttons. It's really delightful when we manage to have things going on that simultaneously get both sides behaving badly at once, especially now that some of them have, for reasons that are as yet a mystery to me, friended each other after seeing they both know me. The upcoming presidential election might make me camp out on KittenWar.com for a year or so rather than deal with it. I've counted six "so and so should die, be horrifically maimed, etc." posts from various people in this month alone, and there are at least five major public political figures (including Obama and Palin) that no one's really paying attention to right now, so it's bound to get worse soon. I'm just glad ballot initiatives are done for now.
Anyway, it's all about selective privacy settings on a post-by-post basis. My dad and uncle and (Young Democrats member) baby sister don't ever get to see the things they will perceive as being horrifically conservative or see as an opportunity to pontificate, while my mom and stepdad don't get to see the things that they will perceive as being horrifically liberal or see as an opportunity to rail and moan. None of them get to see much of anything that they might fight about, such as union issues or property rights; my religion-hating dad is excluded from Mormon posts, my mom misses out on educational policy controversies. And I have about twenty friends who have friends I've completely blocked, and nine or ten people whose posts no longer appear on my newsfeed (including my brother, before he gave up on FB for reasons I kind of suspect have to do with making people mad.) Most of the time, when I make a post that's about anything even remotely controversial, I spend between thirty and ninety seconds creating the list of specific individuals who get to see it. This pays off rich dividends everyday.
And heck yes, hide post. I've hidden almost every single thing related to OWS for the last month, from all sides, and gosh darn it if I don't like the world better now. It's also useful when a certain friend live-blogs car races using his FB feed.
I'd be very pleased with a FB setting that let me automatically hide anything with the word "NASCAR" in it, by the way.
posted by SMPA at 12:25 PM on November 23, 2011
Anyway, it's all about selective privacy settings on a post-by-post basis. My dad and uncle and (Young Democrats member) baby sister don't ever get to see the things they will perceive as being horrifically conservative or see as an opportunity to pontificate, while my mom and stepdad don't get to see the things that they will perceive as being horrifically liberal or see as an opportunity to rail and moan. None of them get to see much of anything that they might fight about, such as union issues or property rights; my religion-hating dad is excluded from Mormon posts, my mom misses out on educational policy controversies. And I have about twenty friends who have friends I've completely blocked, and nine or ten people whose posts no longer appear on my newsfeed (including my brother, before he gave up on FB for reasons I kind of suspect have to do with making people mad.) Most of the time, when I make a post that's about anything even remotely controversial, I spend between thirty and ninety seconds creating the list of specific individuals who get to see it. This pays off rich dividends everyday.
And heck yes, hide post. I've hidden almost every single thing related to OWS for the last month, from all sides, and gosh darn it if I don't like the world better now. It's also useful when a certain friend live-blogs car races using his FB feed.
I'd be very pleased with a FB setting that let me automatically hide anything with the word "NASCAR" in it, by the way.
posted by SMPA at 12:25 PM on November 23, 2011
"Hide Post" is my new internet best friend. I imagine we'll be spending lots of time together this election season.
posted by Space Kitty at 1:38 PM on November 23, 2011
posted by Space Kitty at 1:38 PM on November 23, 2011
(er, hide story)
posted by Space Kitty at 1:38 PM on November 23, 2011
posted by Space Kitty at 1:38 PM on November 23, 2011
Two friends getting in an argument in the comments to a status update of mine is the worst. I think less of both of them... it's not the right place.
posted by smackfu at 1:38 PM on November 23, 2011
posted by smackfu at 1:38 PM on November 23, 2011
Remove from feed, focus on what really matters. If you want to get angry or take action over something, put it into OWS or the macing incident itself, don't chase assholes around on facebook. It's counter productive and will just make you feel helpless, ie - winning a facebook fight is a bit of a waste of energy.
posted by nozendo at 1:51 PM on November 23, 2011
posted by nozendo at 1:51 PM on November 23, 2011
I had a related problem: my brother-in-law was posting literally 15-25 LONG OWS posts every. single. day.
Look, I don't really give a damn WHICH side of the issue (or any other political issue) someone is on, but I DO deeply dislike BIL's over-the-top holier-than-thou attitude: if you dare to disagree with him about this or anything else, YOU ARE WRONG, automatically. Plus his torrent of posts was totally drowning out everybody ELSE's postings, and that too was irritating. I tried to ask BIL to cool it a little; maybe cut down to 8-10 OWS posts a day, which I still think would be way too many: but hey, I was trying to compromise.
That didn't work, so...... I've de-friended him. Not merely blocked, defriended completely. Result: Peace.
posted by easily confused at 2:23 PM on November 23, 2011
Look, I don't really give a damn WHICH side of the issue (or any other political issue) someone is on, but I DO deeply dislike BIL's over-the-top holier-than-thou attitude: if you dare to disagree with him about this or anything else, YOU ARE WRONG, automatically. Plus his torrent of posts was totally drowning out everybody ELSE's postings, and that too was irritating. I tried to ask BIL to cool it a little; maybe cut down to 8-10 OWS posts a day, which I still think would be way too many: but hey, I was trying to compromise.
That didn't work, so...... I've de-friended him. Not merely blocked, defriended completely. Result: Peace.
posted by easily confused at 2:23 PM on November 23, 2011
On issues that I really care about, I will make sincere comments on fb. Lee, have you seen this link that shows the diversity of participants in OWS? Terry, were you aware that pepper spray may only be used in Cali. for self-defense? Here's an article. Then move on.
posted by theora55 at 2:34 PM on November 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 2:34 PM on November 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
Well mostly I ignore too. But my best friend from high school posted a ridiculous video so I watched and then took it apart line by line using the fallacies page from wikipedia. Then I wrote about how hard it was to actually discuss political ideas and we wound up having a brief dialog about it. I didn't change his mind but he hasn't posted anything stupid in over a week.
posted by mearls at 4:49 PM on November 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by mearls at 4:49 PM on November 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
Must all your friends, on FB and irl, parrot each other? Do people really get distressed about bad jokes? I'd ignore the bad, and not worry about this so much.
posted by Ideefixe at 5:35 PM on November 23, 2011
posted by Ideefixe at 5:35 PM on November 23, 2011
The "Hide Feed" and "Unsubscribe" buttons have been a god-send to me. I have a friend who constantly posts stuff that riles her Tea Party and uber-conservative friends up. Every. Goddamn. Day. I actually chimed in once, thinking that would be the end of that. Next time I logged in, I find that one of them had called me out specifically to argue with. That was the last straw for me. Either I spend my day chasing the retards on Facebook or I live my life. Guess which I picked?
posted by arishaun at 5:41 PM on November 23, 2011
posted by arishaun at 5:41 PM on November 23, 2011
Good advice above on the wisdom of ignoring and hiding it; that said, I like a simple "Yikes." in situations where I feel compelled to register alarm but not start a fight. This is also my default response if, say, someone drops an N-bomb in conversation with me at work. It registers that I feel a line of common decency was crossed, and it feels better than just tacitly accepting it by saying nothing, but at the same time isn't attacking anyone, calling names, or getting too serious.
posted by kprincehouse at 5:51 PM on November 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by kprincehouse at 5:51 PM on November 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
For Firefox and Chrome, F.B. Purity can autohide posts containing certain words.
posted by GenericUser at 1:03 AM on November 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by GenericUser at 1:03 AM on November 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
Remove. From. Feed.
posted by griphus at 11:42 AM on November 23, 2011 [9 favorites]