Can I please work from inside a sheepskin cocoon?
November 23, 2011 8:47 AM Subscribe
After my weekly therapy sessions, I'm beat. I want to have a hug and a long, warm bath, and curl up in bed with the biggest cup of tea known to man. Unfortunately, I have to do full day's work instead. I'm looking for advice on how to get through my Wednesdays for the next year.
I'm very lucky, for a million reasons. I finally got to the top of the waiting list for weekly psychodynamic therapy on the NHS (it's for longstanding recurring depression, which is in abeyance at the moment but everyone agrees needs to be dug out at the roots). My appointments are at 9AM on Wednesday mornings, which is totally doable with my work schedule. Work have been very accepting of the fact that I have a 'regular medical appointment' and are allowing me to make up the hours elsewhere in the week. Moreover, my new therapist is very astute and we're having challenging, productive sessions together.
These sessions, however, are exhausting. I am just completely emotionally worn out by them. I don't feel physically tired so much as raw and vulnerable. It's really difficult to work when I'm feeling like that; I don't trust my own judgement, and everything sort of feels like it hurts.
I've done therapy before, and the aftereffects were more or less the same, but one time it was for only eight weeks, so I put up with it, and the time before that it happened after work so I could go straight home afterwards. NHS therapy happens during the workday, and my slot is essentially non-negotiable.
I've been giving myself an extra half hour to 'decompress' afterwards in a coffee shop, but that doesn't seem to be enough. I have quite a lot of control over my workweek, so I'm going to try unobtrusively rearranging my work so that I'm doing less challenging data-entry type work on Wednesdays if I can. What else can I do to make this doable?
I'm very lucky, for a million reasons. I finally got to the top of the waiting list for weekly psychodynamic therapy on the NHS (it's for longstanding recurring depression, which is in abeyance at the moment but everyone agrees needs to be dug out at the roots). My appointments are at 9AM on Wednesday mornings, which is totally doable with my work schedule. Work have been very accepting of the fact that I have a 'regular medical appointment' and are allowing me to make up the hours elsewhere in the week. Moreover, my new therapist is very astute and we're having challenging, productive sessions together.
These sessions, however, are exhausting. I am just completely emotionally worn out by them. I don't feel physically tired so much as raw and vulnerable. It's really difficult to work when I'm feeling like that; I don't trust my own judgement, and everything sort of feels like it hurts.
I've done therapy before, and the aftereffects were more or less the same, but one time it was for only eight weeks, so I put up with it, and the time before that it happened after work so I could go straight home afterwards. NHS therapy happens during the workday, and my slot is essentially non-negotiable.
I've been giving myself an extra half hour to 'decompress' afterwards in a coffee shop, but that doesn't seem to be enough. I have quite a lot of control over my workweek, so I'm going to try unobtrusively rearranging my work so that I'm doing less challenging data-entry type work on Wednesdays if I can. What else can I do to make this doable?
I have the same problem. There may be little tweaks you can do, but you sound on top of that. Besides, they would only be band-aids.
Spend your extra half hour of time reminding yourself how you are becoming stronger. More powerful over yourself. At a root level. You are becoming less easily shaken, less diverted. More fully you. More in control...your best attributes more closely at hand. You feel vulnerable, but not like yesterday. You are raw. You are not shaking, you are vibrating. Humming. Ready.
posted by nickjadlowe at 9:05 AM on November 23, 2011
Spend your extra half hour of time reminding yourself how you are becoming stronger. More powerful over yourself. At a root level. You are becoming less easily shaken, less diverted. More fully you. More in control...your best attributes more closely at hand. You feel vulnerable, but not like yesterday. You are raw. You are not shaking, you are vibrating. Humming. Ready.
posted by nickjadlowe at 9:05 AM on November 23, 2011
If you guard against this uncomfortable feeling you could negate the purpose of your therapy. Let yourself go to what you're feeling. The only way out is through.
posted by R2WeTwo at 9:13 AM on November 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by R2WeTwo at 9:13 AM on November 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
Do you have something to do in the coffee shop other than playing back the therapy session that just happened in your head? The decompress time and easier tasks sound wise to me, but maybe if you had some puzzles or a light-reading type of book to decompress with, that could help. After my first therapy session I rewarded myself with a solo game of Scrabble in a nearby tea shop and focusing on that helped me sort of shift gears.
Also, do you get some time to move around physically in between? I always found the 20-minute walk home from therapy was helpful for moving out of the intense Therapy Time Feeling and back into normal life.
posted by little cow make small moo at 9:15 AM on November 23, 2011
Also, do you get some time to move around physically in between? I always found the 20-minute walk home from therapy was helpful for moving out of the intense Therapy Time Feeling and back into normal life.
posted by little cow make small moo at 9:15 AM on November 23, 2011
Oh, man, I can't imagine having to go back to work after a session. I do, however, have to pick up my kid and be an attentive and alert parent, which can also be painful. When I've done a particularly challenging session, my therapist and I spend the last ten minutes or so, working me down. Relaxing, tying up loose ends, etc. so that she doesn't just turn me out into the world a raw gaping wound. I would ask your therapist for something like this specifically. She may also have suggested techniques for coping throughout the day after the appointment, and the week between appointments.
When you say your slot is non-negotiable, I assume you also mean the time of day is. Can you get on a waiting list for an end of day appointment if/when one opens up? Even if it were six months from now, it might be a relief to be able to do the session on the way home instead of the way in.
posted by looli at 9:17 AM on November 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
When you say your slot is non-negotiable, I assume you also mean the time of day is. Can you get on a waiting list for an end of day appointment if/when one opens up? Even if it were six months from now, it might be a relief to be able to do the session on the way home instead of the way in.
posted by looli at 9:17 AM on November 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
Would it be possible to engage in some short, but fairly vigorous exercise after the session? Like, 20 minutes of jumping jacks/pushups/a quick run.
There were two techniques I used after my mom died, when sobbing helplessly and loudly in public were just not on: one was the vigorous exercise thing (and not even for 20 minutes - more like five or 10), and the other was deep breathing and telling myself very kindly that I would attend to the feelings later, but not now (and then I would, in fact, attend to them later - even if I had to get myself in the mood again by listening to or watching something sad, the catharsis of releasing the locked-down feelings was welcome), and I would engage in something distracting that took some concentration.
posted by rtha at 9:44 AM on November 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
There were two techniques I used after my mom died, when sobbing helplessly and loudly in public were just not on: one was the vigorous exercise thing (and not even for 20 minutes - more like five or 10), and the other was deep breathing and telling myself very kindly that I would attend to the feelings later, but not now (and then I would, in fact, attend to them later - even if I had to get myself in the mood again by listening to or watching something sad, the catharsis of releasing the locked-down feelings was welcome), and I would engage in something distracting that took some concentration.
posted by rtha at 9:44 AM on November 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
Is it possible to do any of your work at home? Maybe you could arrange with work to have a trial of working from home on wednesdays so you can come home, take a bath and curl up in bed with a cup of tea for an hour or 2 then finish up your work in the afternoon/evening.
posted by missmagenta at 9:46 AM on November 23, 2011
posted by missmagenta at 9:46 AM on November 23, 2011
Is there no way to change the time to late in the day?
posted by Vaike at 9:53 AM on November 23, 2011
posted by Vaike at 9:53 AM on November 23, 2011
You might ask your therapist, at your next session, to teach you some meditation/deep breathing coping techniques. You could spend the last five minutes of your session doing guided deep breathing, which might help you to feel sort of like you've temporarily drawn a line under the time for intense emotion. Some people find the deep breathing and meditation helpful; some don't. But it's definitely worth trying.
If you have/need a little bit more time, you could do some more meditation in the coffee shop, or find a semi-private place where you can do a mini-yoga session for yourself.
It is ideal to be able to feel all the things and sort of suss them out in your head after you've had your therapy session. But it's also important to be able to get on with your day -- that's part of the goal of therapy, too. So I'd just mention this difficulty to your therapist, and see what she says about it. She probably has a bunch of ideas she could share, coping techniques she can teach you and help you try out.
Good luck! And congrats on getting a slot!
posted by brina at 10:08 AM on November 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
If you have/need a little bit more time, you could do some more meditation in the coffee shop, or find a semi-private place where you can do a mini-yoga session for yourself.
It is ideal to be able to feel all the things and sort of suss them out in your head after you've had your therapy session. But it's also important to be able to get on with your day -- that's part of the goal of therapy, too. So I'd just mention this difficulty to your therapist, and see what she says about it. She probably has a bunch of ideas she could share, coping techniques she can teach you and help you try out.
Good luck! And congrats on getting a slot!
posted by brina at 10:08 AM on November 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
I wonder if finding a place to meditate in that half hour might be useful - as of now, I'm sure your mind races with what you've talked about, and it might be hard to put it aside for work. Have you ever done mindfulness practice?
posted by namesarehard at 10:15 AM on November 23, 2011
posted by namesarehard at 10:15 AM on November 23, 2011
I think that planning on Wednesday being for rote tasks is a great one if you can manage it. Plus think of some work-appropriate treats for yourself. Maybe not as comforting as a sheepskin blanket, but could you wear extra-comfy socks, buy a treat at the coffee shop for when you get to the office, cozy up under a professional-looking but soft shawl at your desk? Anything that you can do - only on Wednesdays - that would feel like a comforting treat.
posted by thatone at 10:24 AM on November 23, 2011
posted by thatone at 10:24 AM on November 23, 2011
Can you find somewhere slightly more private than a coffee shop to decompress? Is there a public library near by? A park with benches in private corners? A car that you can hide out in?
I would think that finding a more private place would be helpful because it would allow you to concentrate on folding yourself back into your skin without worrying about how it looks to anyone else. Trying to maintain a public look-at-me-I'm-not-crazy face while you're raw and roiling inside is hard. Easier to sit somewhere private where you can let your emotions roll through you and make faces at your pain or awkwardness and cry and start sentences outloud and finish them inside your head without worrying about startling the man sitting next to you reading the paper.
Also, I've found that writing things down helps me process them better than going around in circles in my head. I've kept a journal for years, so it's partly just habit at this point, but you might try it. If you do decide to keep a journal, I suggest buying a notebook that isn't fancy but that has nice-feeling paper (I like marbled composition notebooks) and a pen that feels nice to write with but also isn't fancy. You want tools that you can work with--not intimidatingly beautiful objects that make you feel dumb for using them to write about the pedestrian details of your life.
posted by colfax at 11:55 AM on November 23, 2011
I would think that finding a more private place would be helpful because it would allow you to concentrate on folding yourself back into your skin without worrying about how it looks to anyone else. Trying to maintain a public look-at-me-I'm-not-crazy face while you're raw and roiling inside is hard. Easier to sit somewhere private where you can let your emotions roll through you and make faces at your pain or awkwardness and cry and start sentences outloud and finish them inside your head without worrying about startling the man sitting next to you reading the paper.
Also, I've found that writing things down helps me process them better than going around in circles in my head. I've kept a journal for years, so it's partly just habit at this point, but you might try it. If you do decide to keep a journal, I suggest buying a notebook that isn't fancy but that has nice-feeling paper (I like marbled composition notebooks) and a pen that feels nice to write with but also isn't fancy. You want tools that you can work with--not intimidatingly beautiful objects that make you feel dumb for using them to write about the pedestrian details of your life.
posted by colfax at 11:55 AM on November 23, 2011
If you're a tactile kind of person, a particular pair of socks or something that translates to "a hug" might be helpful. Most of all, be kind to yourself and try to not feel like you should be able to pull everything together after an exhausting session. If you find the half hour right after your session isn't helping, could you take a half hour later in the day that can be your time to check in with yourself and do some deep breathing? I'm not really big on deep breathing myself, but I notice that if I force myself to do it that eventually I start to ease into it and realize my body needs that kind of quiet.
Also, if there are pictures of things that remind you of being secure, safe and warm, these might be good things to have at your desk when you're working.
posted by Wuggie Norple at 1:28 PM on November 23, 2011
Also, if there are pictures of things that remind you of being secure, safe and warm, these might be good things to have at your desk when you're working.
posted by Wuggie Norple at 1:28 PM on November 23, 2011
Would it be possible for you to work from home on Wednesdays? You're online, and available to your co-workers, but you're in a safe environment?
One thing that works for me is, going to a coffee shop afterwards, and writing everything into a journal. As I write line after line, I feel like I'm purging it from my mind and letting it go, but putting it somewhere that I can read and reflect on it later. Oh, as colfax says! :)
posted by polyester.lumberjack at 9:55 PM on November 23, 2011
One thing that works for me is, going to a coffee shop afterwards, and writing everything into a journal. As I write line after line, I feel like I'm purging it from my mind and letting it go, but putting it somewhere that I can read and reflect on it later. Oh, as colfax says! :)
posted by polyester.lumberjack at 9:55 PM on November 23, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by DoubleLune at 8:52 AM on November 23, 2011