Are straight men attracted to most of their female friends?
November 11, 2011 5:14 AM   Subscribe

Are straight men attracted to most of their female friends?

I know there will be no one answer to this question, and I don't want to stereotype, but I am curious about the general consensus on this.

For this question, let's define "female friend" as:

-a friend the guy has made on his own and not met through someone

-a friend the guy has not slept with

- a friend the guy seeks to spend one-on-one time with

"attraction" is defined in two main ways:

-sexually attracted, as in would be interested in sex with the friend if both were single and there would be no negative consequences

-romantically attracted, which includes the above but is more of a "crush" feeling
posted by bearette to Human Relations (12 answers total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: Sorry, but this is really pretty much an unanswerable question. The best you can do here is a poll, and that's not what Ask Metafilter is for. -- taz

 
I would think they might be attracted to some of them and not others, like a man would be toward any group of woman. Just like the opposite would be for a woman and men, or gay men and men, or lesbians and women, etc, etc. I'm not sure there's any way to to answer this question, except for a resounding 'sometimes?'.
posted by greta simone at 5:18 AM on November 11, 2011


I don't think this is something that there's a general consensus about.
posted by box at 5:20 AM on November 11, 2011


It's basically impossible to give any sort of answer to this. Are you just looking for anecdotes? I think the answer you're most likely to get is similar to mine: I have had female friends in both categories of "attraction", but never the majority. And given that they're actual friends (not "friends-to-an-end") I would never jeopardize the friendship by acting on either.

I think it depends mostly on what sort of guy the guy in question is.
posted by supercres at 5:21 AM on November 11, 2011


This can't be answered. I have been attracted to some friends and not others. Probably not must, but FWIW I'm probably not attracted to most people. The first qualifier here is bizarre, because it's hard not to meet friends through other people -- why this restriction and what are you getting at?
posted by J. Wilson at 5:21 AM on November 11, 2011


Okay, thought experiment.

I'm bi, does that mean I'm attracted to all of my friends? Even if you further define it as all of my friends that I have met on my own, not slept with, and seek to spend time with, you can obviously realize that it's not a reasonable statement.

Why do you think straight men are any different?
posted by lydhre at 5:22 AM on November 11, 2011


"I don't want to stereotype" -- that's not how I read this question. In fact, I can't imagine any other way to read this question.

People are complicated. That includes men.
posted by .kobayashi. at 5:22 AM on November 11, 2011


In my highly scientific testing (i.e. my personal experience), the answer is about half. I have always had mostly guy friends in my life, and about half of them, it was revealed over time, have wanted to be more than friends. And about half have been tension-free platonic buddies.

So, 50%. Science has spoken.
posted by phunniemee at 5:23 AM on November 11, 2011


-romantically attracted, which includes the above but is more of a "crush" feeling

For me, this part is a resounding no. Sexually attracted, maybe, but I do not have romantic feelings for any of my female friends.
posted by Durin's Bane at 5:25 AM on November 11, 2011


it's hard not to meet friends through other people -- why this restriction and what are you getting at?

the idea that the man chose the friend himself and didn't meet her incidentally.

"I don't want to stereotype" -- that's not how I read this question. In fact, I can't imagine any other way to read this question.


Ok, then maybe I am stereotyping a little. I am looking for a general trend.
posted by bearette at 5:28 AM on November 11, 2011


You don't want to "stereotype," you just want to know what the "consensus" is about what straight men are like? I'm not sure what stereotyping is, if it's not making a broad generalization, based on little data, about what a huge category of people are like.

Some straight men might choose their friends without being at all influenced by attraction or even potential attraction, so for them the answer would be "yes" or "no" depending on whether they're attracted to most women (around their age).

Some straight men might specifically target attractive women as friends, either because they hope to turn friendships into something more or because they simply prefer being around attractive women.

Some straight men might prefer being friends with women they're not attracted to, so that feelings don't get in the way of the friendship.

One might start to be more attracted to someone through the process of becoming friends with them. Or one might become less attracted to someone by getting to know their faults.

So, those are the possibilities. I'm a straight man, but I can't really know what most straight men are like.
posted by John Cohen at 5:29 AM on November 11, 2011


Are straight men attracted to most of their female friends?

No.
posted by valkyryn at 5:30 AM on November 11, 2011


I am, but I'm only weird about it with some of them.
posted by modernserf at 5:30 AM on November 11, 2011 [5 favorites]


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