yipee ki-yay mister falcon!
November 1, 2011 8:44 PM   Subscribe

On last Thursday's episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Dennis casually calls someone a "mister falcon". A quick search revealed that it was not the first time the writers have alluded to the TBS swear word replacement censoring. Today Andy Baio "redesigned [supercut.org] as a community-driven database" (read more). I have yet to find a complete collection or supercut of said swear replacements — like monday to friday / motherfucker, peas and rice / jesus christ, etc. — but I've begun collecting from some partials.

There's some decent lists on these forum threads and this post. But, none them are the MASTER LIST of words that sound kinda like swear words and are funny (to drop in conversation and just to listen to). So, I'm asking for your help to direct me to or compile a big pile of funny swear replacements in text or youtube form.
posted by rrrico to Media & Arts (20 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
Melon farmer, now and forever.
posted by escabeche at 8:48 PM on November 1, 2011

Best answer: Mother father Chinese dentist, etc
posted by two lights above the sea at 8:54 PM on November 1, 2011 [5 favorites]

(sorry for linking to Urban Dictionary, but) the edited Lebowski line "Do you see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?" was converted to "Do you see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?" and has pretty much become its own thing.
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:31 PM on November 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh, blow it out your kazoo.
posted by tapesonthefloor at 9:45 PM on November 1, 2011

Best answer: Orbit gum commercials are great at these. My favorite is "pickle you, kumquat!" The first link also has the "micky ficky" line The World Famous's friend uses.
posted by lilac girl at 9:45 PM on November 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

It's not censorship-- that's done by a central authority. It's bowdlerization, which is a creator (well, creative-work-owner, invariably the studio)-authorized version of the original work, to make the overall work have better distribution, e.g. on TV during a family hour.

It's named for Thomas Bowdler, an English editor who, in the early 19th century, released a version of the Complete Works of Shakespeare, cleaned up for the Regency age of propriety. That, you may safely assume, was not an version authorized by the creator.
posted by Sunburnt at 10:28 PM on November 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

Best answer: The Uncyclopedia entry on Mr. Falcon has a fake biography for "Mr. Falcon"... but follows it up with a somewhat impressive list of profanity replacements.
posted by micketymoc at 11:41 PM on November 1, 2011

This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 11:50 PM on November 1, 2011

There's a funny Doug Loves Movies with Edgar Wright* where he talks about this, and since I like hearing Edgar Wright talk I just re-listened, and he mentions funk for fuck, prink for prick, clump for cunt, owl/owls for ass. This leads to a funny discussion of Owls of Ga'Hoole and movies titles.

*11/5/10 starting at about 24 minutes.
posted by grapesaresour at 11:51 PM on November 1, 2011

The tv edit of the Michael J. Fox and James Woods (?!) buddy cop/actor learning for a part movie has to deal with the near constant use of the (at the time, edgy) us of 'son of a bitch.' Their genius replacement?

Slug in a ditch.

Also seconding Die Hard 2's tv edit. Not only are the replacement phrases absurd, Willis didn't even do the dubbing, do you've got a completely different voice popping out of McClane every thirty seconds or so.
posted by Ghidorah at 2:47 AM on November 2, 2011

Kiss my knee, muddy funster!
posted by doiheartwentyone at 2:52 AM on November 2, 2011

My buddies and I use "Mickey Fickey" - its from a over the air cut of "Do the Right Thing" AFAIK. A scene between Radio Raheem and the Korean Bodega owner.
posted by JPD at 6:55 AM on November 2, 2011

Monkey Jumper!
posted by troublewithwolves at 9:30 AM on November 2, 2011

Johnny Dangerously is full of fake swearing. Fargin' bastidges, iceholes. It stars Micheal Keaton, and is worth watching. It's hilariously stupid.
posted by theora55 at 9:50 AM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

My favorite is from a Lifetime (!) showing of The Silence of the Lambs. Hannibal Lecter's line to Clarice when discussing her childhood, "Did he sodomize you?", became "Did he sermonize you?"

Analysis of the difference is left as an exercise for the reader.
posted by McCoy Pauley at 11:38 AM on November 2, 2011

Just in case, Mister Falcon is from Die Hard II. Broadcast TV, last two minutes or so.
posted by filmgeek at 2:18 PM on November 2, 2011

Best answer: Ooh great question / rabbit hole.
"Country-music-loving lady" has become part of my household's vernacular/code.
posted by mimi at 2:21 PM on November 2, 2011

The other part of the edited "stranger in the alps" line from Lebowski is equally as absurd: "This is what happens when you FEED a STRANGER SCRAMBLED EGGS!"

I also remember hearing "Son of a beast!" in a Peter O'Toole movie back in the 80's-90's when "bitch" wasn't safe for TV.
posted by anthom at 6:12 AM on November 3, 2011

Oh, and "Winners go home and DATE the prom queen," from...uh....The Rock.
posted by anthom at 7:11 AM on November 3, 2011

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