Creepy wind chime guy or good dad?
October 21, 2011 12:23 PM   Subscribe

Help us settle this debate: Is it socially acceptable for me to go up to a neighbor's porch and jingle the wind chime? More evidence inside.

I go on walks around the neighborhood with my 18 month old. One of our neighbors (who we don't know) has a wind chime on their porch. When we walk by, sometimes i go up and jingle it a little bit so that it makes noise - Clara seems to like it quite a bit.

My wife seems to think this is weird and that I should stop doing it. I don't think it's a big deal.

Further details that may or may not be important:
- I only do this when I walk with Clara
- Distance from sidewalk to wind chime: 8 feet. (small driveway)
- Clara is sometimes in my arms when i do it, and sometimes she's down on the sidewalk watching.
posted by escher to Human Relations (70 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
If you knew the neighbors, it would be okay. Right now, it's not.

So, go make some new friends. I bet they'll think your daughter's adorable.
posted by punchtothehead at 12:26 PM on October 21, 2011 [19 favorites]


I think it's fine...but I'm speaking as a mother of a 22 month old and a 4 year old. So I understand that you are doing this for the amusement of your child and not to be creepy. Personally, I would not have a problem with this at all.
posted by netsirk at 12:26 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Even though this isn't the hugest deal, I think "don't touch strangers' things without permission" is a really good guideline and one that should be followed unless absolutely necessary. Is there any way you can take your stroll by at a time when the neighbor is around and ask if this is okay? Some people would be really, really touchy over this.
posted by cairdeas at 12:26 PM on October 21, 2011 [13 favorites]


I agree with your wife. It's a wind chime, not a neighbor chime. And you shoudn't teach your kid they can walk up to someone's house and play with whatever they see.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:27 PM on October 21, 2011 [62 favorites]


Creepy Wind Chime Guy. If you're on my porch and you aren't there to see me and you don't know me, it would weird me out.
posted by cecic at 12:27 PM on October 21, 2011 [8 favorites]


No. Do not do this. Especially if you don't know the neighbors.
posted by kimdog at 12:27 PM on October 21, 2011 [3 favorites]


It would freak me out if strangers were walking onto my porch and touching my things, yes, even though it's obviously harmless. I wouldn't ask you to stop, but it wouldn't really be OK with me either.
posted by brainmouse at 12:27 PM on October 21, 2011 [4 favorites]


Yea, if you don't know them it's creepy. You could ring the bell and introduce yourself and make it less creepy.
posted by cabingirl at 12:27 PM on October 21, 2011 [3 favorites]


You can also get your own wind chime in the meantime.
posted by cairdeas at 12:27 PM on October 21, 2011 [8 favorites]


what? No!
posted by Lucinda at 12:27 PM on October 21, 2011 [12 favorites]


I'd vote for no, not ok.... and follow with, depending on your jurisdiction, you may technically be trespassing.
posted by missmagenta at 12:28 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Good time to go buy a wind chime.
posted by sandmanwv at 12:28 PM on October 21, 2011 [11 favorites]


My first reaction is no don't do this.
posted by marimeko at 12:28 PM on October 21, 2011


Yeah, I don't know that I would be totally cool with this if I were your neighbor.

Um, this may be obvious, but have you considered buying a wind chime of your own?
posted by emilycardigan at 12:28 PM on October 21, 2011


If I were your neighbor it would certainly creep me out.
posted by pie ninja at 12:29 PM on October 21, 2011


One vote for weird. It's not cut-out-letters-from-headlines-and-mail-them-to-Jodie-Foster-weird, but your neighbour would probably be a bit thrown by it. On preview, I just noticed you don't actually know the neighbour. I'd definitely avoid doing this, simply because if they ever stepped out of my front door I'd suddenly find myself grasping desperately for something other than 'My daughter likes the noise your thingy makes KTHXBAI'.

You could get your own, though, and push (tinkle? chimify? something) it when you set off on your walk and when you return. That way, there are no awkward conversations, and you get to choose something shiny that she'll have a direct attachment to.
posted by jaffacakerhubarb at 12:30 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


It is weird. It might make people uncomfortable.

You should not stop.
posted by General Tonic at 12:31 PM on October 21, 2011 [7 favorites]


If it was reachable from the sidewalk, and you could lift your kid up and she could touch the windchime - passable, maybe, depending on your neighborhood vibe. Repeatedly walking eight feet onto a stranger's property to do something to amuse a kid? No.
posted by mikepop at 12:31 PM on October 21, 2011 [5 favorites]


Might be a good idea to find out if your neighbor has a shotgun for trespassers.
posted by Cranberry at 12:32 PM on October 21, 2011


Legally, it's trespassing. You're breaking the law when you cross from the public sidewalk onto your neighbor's property. The chances of getting in trouble are slim to none, but do you really want to teach your daughter that it's okay to break the law and mess with other people's property as long as you think you won't get caught?
posted by decathecting at 12:32 PM on October 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


Best answer: I'm one of those never lock my door hippie types who has an open door policy for hobos and even I think this is a little odd. A porch seems to be in the category of private space [as opposed to, say, looking at a maibox which is right out there on the sidewalk] and if I was home and saw you, I'd spend the eight feet you were walking towards my house wondering if you were coming to sell me something or otherwise be some sort of trouble.

So not like "OMG I can't beleive you ever did that?!" but "Now that you know a lot of people have different boundaries about this stuff than you do, I'd really suggest not doing that anymore"
posted by jessamyn at 12:33 PM on October 21, 2011 [8 favorites]


I don't have kids, I don't even really like kids, but I think, given that you're only walking about 8 feet from the sidewalk to the windchime and you're doing it for the amusement of the baby, that it wouldn't bother me if it were my house.

Now if you were trekking the 50 feet up my own driveway I'd think you were pretty weird.

You should still probably go introduce yourself to the neighbor and ask their permission though.
posted by elsietheeel at 12:34 PM on October 21, 2011 [5 favorites]


Wow. In my 'hood it would be totally fine. Encouraged even. But it looks like i'm in the minority on this one.
posted by headnsouth at 12:34 PM on October 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


I wouldn't care, if I were the property owner, but other people probably would.
posted by Sticherbeast at 12:34 PM on October 21, 2011


You're teaching your daughter that it's ok to trespass without permission. Is that the kind of dad you really want to be? Is that the example you really want to set for Clara? Two solutions come to mind: 1) meet the neighbor and ask permission. 2) buy your own windchimes.
posted by Lynsey at 12:35 PM on October 21, 2011


It's weird but not completely terrible when you have your child with you. It's creepy when youa re leaving your child on the sidewalk to go and ring the windchimes.
posted by jeather at 12:35 PM on October 21, 2011


Best answer: I doubt that at this point your kid is picking up lasting lessons from this, legal or social.

It definitely helps that you're carrying a small child, but other than that you're basically a stranger causing a wind chime to suddenly make noise on a windless day. I'm a pretty friendly and laid back guy but when I hear unusual noises around my house I get nervous. Think about it in those terms -- if that neighbor is present, you're indicating that some sort of disturbance is taking place on their porch.

That's why it's not "not a big deal" -- not because it's weird or socially inappropriate, but because it might be disturbing to the neighbor.
posted by Deathalicious at 12:37 PM on October 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


If I knew you and knew why you were all up on my wind chime, this would not bother me. Context-free, this is weird.
posted by pemberkins at 12:40 PM on October 21, 2011


No, sorry, its weird. And I agree that you are teaching your daughter the wrong lesson about how to interact with other people's houses. If your neighbor had a playset in their front yard, would it be OK to walk in and start using it? Its not bad behaviour, but it is a bit creepy and weird.
posted by Joh at 12:41 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


My wife occasionally does stuff like this with our kids and it makes me super uncomfortable. I'm with your wife. Stay off other people's property unless you're invited or have a reason to be there.
posted by pjaust at 12:42 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Yeah, it's really weird (although maybe understandable in a way that only appeals to 'aw, but it makes the baby smile' types). I would not appreciate this one bit - it is there for the wind to chime, not as an excuse for some guy to come up onto my porch.

So the only recourse you have if you want to continue this is to talk to the neighbours and ask if they mind. They will, quite likely, find it endearing and be TOTALLY ok with it. Because asking to use someone else's property in a harmless manner entertain your child is not that weird to other people. Messing with other people's stuff IS weird.

Although, I'd still rather you kept off my porch, but I'm a miserable old bastard.
posted by Brockles at 12:43 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


First, I do not want strangers on my porch.

Second, I would not want my kid getting the impression that it's okay to go up on other people's porches. Some people have things on their porches like plant fertilizer, herbi-/pesticides, snail bait, maybe sharp gardening tools.

Also, it's just a little weird to poke at other peoples' things and kids have to be taught etiquette about how to use someone's front door just like they have to be taught about using the phone and eating with utensils.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:45 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Another vote for don't do this anymore. I'm a mom of a 2 year old who understands the need to keep them stimulated, but just no. It would creep me out if you were on my porch in general, but if your trespassing also got my dogs barking when Toddler Murrey was napping, I might have to kill you.
posted by murrey at 12:46 PM on October 21, 2011


Yes, even though your daughter is probably too young right now to be learning anything larger from this, it's so valuable for her to learn how to interact with adults/other people in a way that will get her the positive outcome she's hoping for.

So, if we'd like to play with someone else's things, we need to ask them permission. And for better odds of getting a "yes," we need to be considerate and trustworthy. If people see you as being considerate of them and their things and trustworthy, then they are more likely to trust you with theire things.

If your daughter doesn't learn these lessons properly, her interactions with others will just be that more difficult.
posted by cairdeas at 12:48 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


I would prefer you not teach your adorable daughter that trespassing is fun and more importantly, that social boundaries are OK to ignore. Many, many people will try to teach her this throughout her life. Don't help them.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:49 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


It's only a little weird, but it is weird, and if you were doing it I'd ask you to stop. Then again, I'm sensitive due to occasional intrusions on my property by actual criminals.

Mainly, I think it is a breach of etiquette. Once or twice, I suppose. But every time? Buy your own windchimes, fella.
posted by dhartung at 12:49 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm a pretty laid-back neighbor and this would bother the hell out of me. It's crossing an invisible barrier. Stop now if you care what they think.
posted by theredpen at 12:49 PM on October 21, 2011


I'm voting for creepy.
posted by downing street memo at 12:54 PM on October 21, 2011


It'd probably creep me out a little bit, too, but not so much that I'd confront you about it.

Knock on the door and ask. If they come to the door, they'll think it's cute, and give permission. If they're home and don't come to the door, they're probably already creeped the hell out by you and you should stop.
posted by small_ruminant at 12:55 PM on October 21, 2011


It always astounds me when people think stuff like this is ok. Like a toddler is a free pass on doing whatever you want. (I am a mother.) It would irk the hell out of me when people would let their kids run up on my property and start picking apart my plants and running off with my stuff. That's lazy parenting- not wanting to chase after the kid and properly supervise them. And here you are repeatedely going out of your way and teaching your daughter to do this?! No, this is not ok.
posted by Eicats at 12:55 PM on October 21, 2011 [11 favorites]


Creepy wind chime guy, even with baby in tow. Just buy your own wind chime, dude.
posted by easy, lucky, free at 12:55 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm pretty mellow but it would bother me if someone came up to my house and messed with my stuff. I don't care if you have a cute kid with you. A cute puppy...well, maybe that'd be okay.
posted by Elly Vortex at 12:56 PM on October 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


Another vote for Creepy Wind Chime Guy. If you really want to keep doing it, strike up a friendship with Wind Chime Owners, and then ask them if it's okay to entertain your daughter with their private property. (Though, if it were me, even if you were my friend it would be irritating to have someone walk up to my door and jingle my chimes, but that may have something to do with my being a well-known misanthrope.)

Besides, if someone's in the house and hears their chimes ringing on a windless day? That's a little creepy, even in full daylight. You could be disturbing someone in the house without even realising it.
posted by the luke parker fiasco at 12:57 PM on October 21, 2011


Since moving to my neighborhood, I've had to deal with an apartment building next door that has (a) people that put their garbage in my wheelie bin because it's closer than theirs; (b) people that leave cans of salmon juice out for my cat, on my porch; (c) people that I don't really know, but feel that being my neighbour entitles them to walk into my house without knocking; (d) people that think it's jake to park in my driveway when somebody takes their place in the apartment lot.

I'm a naturally retiring person, and generally pretty friendly and sharing, but in each case I've dealt with either the building supers or the people themselves to say that this is weird and to please knock it off, or generally pass the word that it is to be knocked off.

And the people involved are usually super nice! Awesome folks! But I've learned along the road that the things I assume to be generally accepted human boundaries -- things like do not feed other people's cats -- are not. Sometimes, people have almost unfathomably different ideas of what entails appropriate behaviour or not.

I would have a hard time fathoming you. You're walking onto my porch and touching my stuff without even asking me first? I come to realize you're the greatest person ever, but right now, you're the creepy dude that's wandering around my house touching things. Knock it off.
posted by Shepherd at 12:59 PM on October 21, 2011


Response by poster: The people have spoken, and it sounds pretty conclusive that i'm in the wrong here. My wife (and neighbors it seems) will be happy.

I will take the hive mind's advice under counsel.

Thank you all!
posted by escher at 12:59 PM on October 21, 2011


I'd just ask the neighbors. Walk over with Clara and introduce yourself. Tell them how much she admires their wind chimes and ask if it's okay for you to jingle them while you're on your walks.
posted by TooFewShoes at 1:02 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Yeah, my rule of thumb for entertaining my child with neighbors things (plants, plastic swan planters, etc) is that if we have to get off the sidewalk to do it, it's not a good idea because it's weird in all the ways people above have said. Unless of course you know the neighbor and they think it's ok. But, for example, my son used to love petting the plastic swan planters a woman had on her wall right at the sidewalk, but she moved them up her driveway (I don't think it had anything to do with us, because she will chat with us when she sees us and loves the little girl down the street), and it's about 8ft from the sidewalk, but we don't want up to pet them, we just look and talk about them. So maybe you can point out the wind chimes to your daughter and if they aren't making noise, make the noise yourself, or have her make the noise. Similar enjoyment factor, much less creepy.
posted by katers890 at 1:03 PM on October 21, 2011


sigh, we don't WALK up and pet them.
posted by katers890 at 1:05 PM on October 21, 2011


Upthread, decathecting at 12:32 says: "Legally, it's trespassing. You're breaking the law when you cross from the public sidewalk onto your neighbor's property." No, not really.

It's perfectly legal to walk up someone's sidewalk to their front door if you have a lawful purpose for doing so. It only becomes illegal if you have an unlawful purpose, like stealing something or harassing someone, or if someone in charge of the property has asked you to leave, and you don't. Or if they ask you not to come back, but you do. So you're not doing anything illegal here.

Depending on who's behind that door, your tinkling could be charming, puzzling, annoying, scary, or rude. The only person who can determine the correct answer is the owner of the chimes--there isn't one single other person can the planet who can say. That's what property ownership means.
posted by Corvid at 1:09 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


If you're 95% sure those neighbors are away at work all day and you're coming by when nobody's home, don't feel bad about it. But have a ditzy "oh really? I had no idea someone might mind!" kind of story planned just in case.

If you go by there on a Saturday and there's a car in the drive, go up and ring the bell. Have something prepared other than "babby like pretty chimy thing!!1!". Like "hi, my daughter's been admiring your windchime. We live just down the street. She really loves it, and I keep thinking maybe we should get one... does it make enough noise to bother you? Have any of the neighbors complained? Where's yours from? Is it steel? Does it rust?" Just innocuous questions that give you a reason to be at their door. (side-story: Neighbor A's hatred of the noise from neighbor B's windchime is a source of constant gossip on my street, so yes, you can find things to talk about.) And you're holding young Clara in your arms, and ask if she can reach up and chime it, you kind of see how they feel about neighbors, and personal property, and kids.

Now you kind of know them. The drawback here is, maybe you will now know that this person is kind of a high-strung grump who didn't like that you were ringing their doorbell for no reason, and you will know for sure that you should really stop messing with their windchime. Ever. No matter what Clara says when you walk by their house. That's what you have to be prepared for.
posted by aimedwander at 1:13 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


It's perfectly legal to walk up someone's sidewalk to their front door if you have a lawful purpose for doing so.

Wanting to make use of someone else's windchime isn't a 'lawful purpose'.
posted by missmagenta at 1:19 PM on October 21, 2011


I doubt that at this point your kid is picking up lasting lessons from this, legal or social.

How do you know? I'll bet the kid is picking up lessons from the OP's behavior every day.

Anyway, if jessamyn says this is too much of an intrusion on someone's home, it is.
posted by John Cohen at 1:19 PM on October 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


Windchimes are cheap. You should get one for your porch. I have a child of my own who loves windchimes, but I wouldn't dream of walking up into someone else's yard to fiddle with theirs and I'd be really uncomfortable if someone I didn't know wandered onto my porch for this reason.
posted by chiababe at 1:24 PM on October 21, 2011


If these were our wind chimes, my partner would figure out when you typically came by so she could peek out and see the expression on your little girl's face and exclaim something like 'isn't she adorable!' and then force me to come over and look no matter what I was doing.

Our next door neighbors have three kids and a tiny yard. Their kids play in our yard all the time, and leave their toys there, mainly tricycles and little cars you ride in. The other day there was a particularly high concentration, and I said as my partner was leaving for her morning swim that I'd always wanted to own a parking lot, but I'd thought it would be more lucrative.

Ask them if it bothers them; you could end up taking away a big pleasure from someone other than your little girl if you don't.
posted by jamjam at 1:24 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


I would be totally alright with it and encourage it if I were they were my wind chimes.

(Daughter Shmoobles has also been allowed to play her harmonica as loud as she damn well wants while we shop in the grocery store. I am also considered a bombastic and outgoing person.)

I say screw it and let the kid keep doing it unless you get scolded.
posted by No Shmoobles at 1:32 PM on October 21, 2011


This reminds me of a family story about me. When I was 2 or 3 years old and we went to the beach, I'd plop down on any random family's beach blanket and eat their food. It's a funny story, because I was too small to understand the difference between "my stuff" and "other people's stuff".

This is not a funny story.
posted by tchemgrrl at 1:35 PM on October 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


Based on my own experience, I'd stop doing it because the neighbors might be crazy. If you haven't met them yet, it would be unfortunate to have to meet them by way of confrontation.
posted by Cheesoning at 1:36 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


The only person whose opinion really matters here is the neighbours. They are the ones you should be asking if it's OK to do this.

Personally, I'd be bothered. My stuff is not for you to touch. You want to touch stuff, but your own. If I saw someone doing this, I might wonder if they were checking on what kind of security I have.
posted by Solomon at 1:45 PM on October 21, 2011


I would be totally alright with it and encourage it if I were they were my wind chimes.
That would be great. But:
I say screw it and let the kid keep doing it unless you get scolded.
You're encouraging it even though they're not your wind chimes. That's different.
posted by Flunkie at 2:37 PM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


I am picturing myself lying on the sofa, reading a book, when all of a sudden my wind chime goes jangle jangle jangle! Now I'm all WTF? and get up to look out the window and see some strange guy walking away from my porch. And his little girl in a stroller out on the sidewalk. And I have NO idea what just happened, or why. And now when I lie back down to read my book, I'm all agitated and wondering what the hell that was and if I'm going to have a problem with some weirdo messing with my porch from now on.

So, no. Don't do this.
posted by HotToddy at 2:42 PM on October 21, 2011 [6 favorites]


I was just about to post exactly what HotToddy said. Except I would probably have been writing rather than reading, and do you have any idea how long it takes me to recover when someone breaks my concentration?

The net result is that I end up on AskMeFi for hours replying to questions like this instead of doing what I should be doing.

Do you see why this is a bad idea now? I think you do. Another vote for 'don't go there'. Literally.
posted by Chairboy at 3:35 PM on October 21, 2011


Why are you taking the advice of strangers on the Internet, and not from your wife? If your wife says "that's kind of weird, in a non-harmful-but breaks social boundaries" way, listen to her. Even if she tuned out to be not entirely correct about social /cultural issues, listen to her. Find out why. As much as possible, respect your partner in ways that are as easy as this is.
posted by theora55 at 3:36 PM on October 21, 2011 [6 favorites]


Strikes me as insensitive and presumptuous, sorry. Boundaries matter to some more than others, of course, but it's their porch, not yours. Listen to your wife.
posted by fivesavagepalms at 3:41 PM on October 21, 2011


Well, a lot of people have already chimed in* on this, but I'll add to the chorus that says it's not OK. I'm at home alone quite often (I'm a full-time student and have an odd class schedule), and this would make me nervous. Hearing someone jangle the chimes on my porch, followed by the realization that there was a person out on my porch, would be very unnerving.


*Yeah, I know. I crack myself up.
posted by pecanpies at 3:49 PM on October 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


Is your name Zephyrus? No?

Then it's not okay. It's a wind chime on someone else's property.
posted by jingzuo at 4:01 PM on October 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


I'm apparently REALLY in the minority here, but it wouldn't be weird to me at all if I saw the kid was with you. Then again, I've never had a porch of my own.
posted by hishtafel at 6:03 PM on October 21, 2011


I People don't yell 'hey you kids, get off my lawn!' for nothing! Though, I understand you mean well.

(However, nthing the '...but if you knew the neighbor' sentiment)
posted by Mael Oui at 9:28 PM on October 21, 2011


Nope, not ok, as a woman who spends large amounts of time at home alone. Having a kid with you doesn't rule you out from potential weirdo classification.
posted by shazzam! at 12:37 AM on October 22, 2011 [3 favorites]


Ever heard of Yoshihiro Hattori? The Japanese exchange student who was shot when he went up to the wrong person's house on his way to a Halloween party? If not, I would suggest you take a look. Not to be all paranoid, but you really just never know. For the safety of your little girl, if nothing else, I think that you should meet these people before doing this again.
posted by littlecatfeet at 8:27 AM on October 22, 2011 [2 favorites]


When my son was younger, there were many things that happened in our daily adventures together that amused or intrigued him. Many of those things were outside of our control. If those things weren't happening at the right time, I'd use that as a 'lesson' (albeit a very informal one) that there are some things in our world that are just magical when they happen. It was about being patient and about accepting that things aren't always exactly the way we'd like them to be - valuable things for kids to learn. We'd cheer, and be giddy, when things went our way - and when they didn't, we'd "boo" and say, "Awwww!! Oh well, maybe next time."
posted by VioletU at 2:23 PM on October 22, 2011


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